Humor

Jerk of the Week: Doctor Cannabis The following passages are entries from a medical journal found in the WalterFootball.com headquarters: Saturday, Nov. 23, 2024: I felt an odd sensation on my forearm when I sat down at my desk. It was a large bump that was agitated every time I rested my arm on the…

Jerk of the Week: The Two Zombie Uncles If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you may not know that I like to troll people with nonsense replies. In fact, some idiots tried to cancel me over a response several months ago where I said that “women probably shouldn’t vote” in response to a cat…

Jerk of the Week: Christian’s Bad Touch Uncle I’m usually not aggravated during a winning betting day, but the way the Week 16 Sunday slate ended was frustrating. I lost all three player prop bets during the 4 p.m. window, thanks to one player being benched and another player having a touchdown removed by penalty….

Jerk of the Week: The Wing Flinger 3000 I can’t believe my son is a week shy of turning three years old. It felt like yesterday that he was born, and yet three years have zoomed by in a flash. Where did all the time go? And will the next three years go even quicker?…

Jerk of the Week: The Pediatrician’s Appointment My dad made a stunning admission recently. I had my kids over my parents’ house, and my daughter went No. 2 in her diaper. I announced that I had to leave the dining room table to change her diaper when my dad said, “I don’t know how you…

Jerk of the Week: Stepping on Jace and/or Ace I learned something interesting when my parents took those ancestory DNA tests. For instance, my mom came up as 12-percent Arabic, or something. This is one of two reasons why I can now identify as a person of color. Of course, the other reason can easily…

Jerk of the Week: Q Any avid fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation might be confused about the title of this Jerks of the Week entry. I imagine I’d be as well if I didn’t know where I’d be going with this. Q, for those of you who don’t know, is an omnipotent being…

Jerk of the Week: Figs My teeth are the worst. The absolute worst. I’ve had so much dental work that my dentist was able to retire early. And no, that’s not a joke. That’s quite literally what happened. The dentist I’ve gone to since I moved into my current home in 2010 was this nice…

Jerk of the Week: Line Picker Man I find that I’m able to go to the gym more often when my wife is mad at me. This didn’t matter three years ago when I didn’t have kids, but it does now, as I’m only able to work out on Fridays when my son spends time…

Jerk of the Week: The First Double Halloween It’s interesting how cyclical Halloween is. When you’re a kid, it’s the greatest holiday of the year. I couldn’t believe it the first time my mom told me about it. “You mean people give me candy for free?” I asked. “And all I have to do is…