nflpowerrankings2010preseason2

My final preseason 2010 NFL Power Rankings. I’ll be using these as the order for next week’s update of my 2011 NFL Mock Draft.

I’ve gone from WORST to FIRST, so if you don’t see reverse numbering (via Javascript), don’t worry; the Rams, Chiefs and Bills aren’t my top teams.

Also included in this are my 2010 NFL Projected Win Totals.

Updated: 9/5

Buffalo Bills (6-10) – Previously: 29.
To all Bills fans sending me e-mails like “OMGZ TEH BILLS NEVAR FINSH W/ LESS THAN 5 WINZ THEY WONT BE DRAFTNG 1ST!!!!!” listen up: You want me to be right. You need the Bills to finish 2-14. To avoid endless six- and seven-win seasons, you need to hit rock bottom. You need a top-three pick so you can draft a franchise quarterback. You need Chan Gailey to be fired so that your cheap owner will finally hire a competent head coach.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 2-4
St. Louis Rams (1-15) – Previously: 32.
Facebook friend Nate L. asked me a question about the Rams: “I definitely think that if the St. Louis Rams’ offensive line can give Sam Bradford even a little time in the pocket, they could definitely win some games this year, what do you think?”

My answer: Meh, that’s like saying if Rosie O’Donnell stops eating cupcakes every day, she’ll lose weight and look good. That offensive line isn’t very good yet. I think the Rams will really improve in 2011.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 2-4
Kansas City Chiefs (4-12) – Previously: 30.
Bill Simmons is awesome, but someone needs to bash him with a Subway sandwich so that he can stop using the Chiefs as his 2010 super sleeper. A team that has a bottom-five quarterback, a bottom-five offensive line, a bottom-five defensive line and a bottom-five a-hole head coach isn’t going to make any sort of playoff run. Not even in a CFL division.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 3-5
Seattle Seahawks (5-11) – Previously: 28.
When Matt Hasselbeck eventually retires, ESPN better not hire him as a fantasy football analyst. Hasselbeck has told us repeatedly this offseason that John Carlson will be a sleeper this year, yet he has barely thrown to him at all in the preseason. And last year, Hasselbeck benched HIMSELF against the Jaguars when he threw four touchdowns. Talk about a lack of self-confidence.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 3-5
Jacksonville Jaguars (7-9) – Previously: 27.
I wish I could be like Jack Del Rio and be on summer vacation 359 days a year. His six days of work come when the Jaguars play their divisional opponents. Don’t believe me? Just check out last year’s numbers for yourself:

Divisional Games (6): 3-3 (4-2 against the spread), 24.5 ppg, +1.5 point differential.
Non-Divisional Games (10): 4-6 (1-9 against the spread), 14.3 ppg, -9.9 point differential.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 3-5
Chicago Bears (7-9) – Previously: 22.
Let’s have some fun with Mike Martz numbers! In the Preseason Weeks 2-3, Jay Cutler played about four quarters. In those four quarters, he was sacked nine times. This means that if his sack-per-quarter average holds up, Cutler will take 144 sacks in 2010! Doctors have just decreased Cutler’s life expectancy to 40 years old. Good luck, Jay.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 4-6
Arizona Cardinals (10-6) – Previously: 23.
The best bit of analysis regarding the Cardinals this offseason came from forum member EllijayFalconsFan: “Matt Leinart looks like a snobbish rich kid wondering why he is having to work for something for the first time in his life.”

Leinart is done in Arizona. Can someone remind me why the Cardinals didn’t trade for Donovan McNabb again?

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 5-7
Cleveland Browns (5-11) – Previously: 31.
The kidnappers of Jake Delhomme’s son are either in prison or are pulling off the greatest long con in sports history. Imagine the following scenario…

“Muhahaha, we’ve made so much money off Jake Delhomme throwing these football games to save his son. Let’s make even more! Let’s tell Jake to play well in the preseason to make people believe that he’s bounced back. When the regular season comes around, BAM, we’ll have him lose on purpose again. Imagine how much money we’ll make in 2010!!!”

In all seriousness, the Browns really look like they know what they’re doing for a change. They APPEAR to have some veteran stability at quarterback, and their head coach isn’t using up all of his time trying to figure out whom to invite to his sleepovers. Sorry Eric, it’ll just be Shannon Sharpe and Todd Haley again.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 5-7
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-13) – Previously: 26.
The Buccaneers are very young and are going to be really inconsistent this year. However, I think they’re going to be frisky and pull off a few upsets. Josh Freeman is a million miles ahead of where he was last year; Cadillac Williams is actually healthy for a change; Raheem Morris has finally realized that firing coordinators right before the season is a bad idea; and rookie receiver Mike Williams is a stud. If you haven’t been following my 2010 Fantasy Football Rankings, make sure you get Williams on your roster. He’s awesome.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 5-7
Denver Broncos (8-8) – Previously: 25.
I really don’t understand why Kyle Orton looks so good. It’s like he and Josh McDaniels bought a voodoo doll, sucked the talent out of good quarterbacks, and channeled it into Orton’s body. This is the only reasonable and plausible explanation I could come up with.

Oh, and because Brandon Lloyd inexplicably has become Orton’s go-to receiver, let’s quickly remember how crappy of a player Lloyd has been in this league:

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 6-8
Oakland Raiders (5-11) – Previously: 21.
What is it with my No. 1 fantasy sleeper going down every August? Last year, Knowshon Moreno suffered an injury in his first preseason contest. This year, Michael Bush broke his thumb. Players should start paying me not to make them my fantasy sleepers from now on. Or better yet, fans should pay me to declare their crappy players as fantasy sleepers. Come on Raider fans, pay me a couple hundred bucks, and Darrius Heyward-Bey will be my top must-draft fantasy player.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9
Carolina Panthers (8-8) – Previously: 11.
It’s impossible to get a solid feel for this team. Matt Moore has sucked this preseason, but how could he not when his top receivers are losers named Wallace Wright and Kenneth Moore? The defense, on the other hand, has been awesome, but is it because opposing offenses are being too vanilla? This team could win five or 11 games, and I wouldn’t be surprised with either outcome.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9
San Francisco 49ers (8-8) – Previously: 20.
A funny moment in 49ers practice: Michael Crabtree and Vernon Davis engaged in a heated argument, where each shouted expletives at the other. Suddenly, Mike Singletary approached the two stars and summoned both of them into the locker room. Neither was heard from for a while.

Doesn’t this sound like some strict dad sending two of his kids up to their room so he can beat them with his belt? Mike Singletary is awesome.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
New York Giants (8-8) – Previously: 18.
I’d like to buy into the whole “lots of Giants players were hurt last year, so they’ll bounce back this season” belief, but this team just looks really off this preseason. The Ravens completely manhandled them last week. Had the Ravens not suffered a few unlucky bounces, the score would have been 27-3 at halftime.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9
Philadelphia Eagles (11-5) – Previously: 17.
I’m very concerned about this offensive line. Kevin Kolb has been under pressure nearly every time he has dropped back in the pocket. Perhaps if Jason Peters quit eating Doritos on the sidelines between plays, Kolb’s protection would be better. Blame JaMarcus Russell for giving Peters the idea.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Detroit Lions (2-14) – Previously: 24.
Commit me to a mental hospital now, because I think the Lions can win nine or 10 games this season. Before you start running through their schedule to see whom they can or can’t beat, hear me out. I was looking ahead at Week 2, when the Eagles travel to Detroit. Philly will probably be favored by three there, but why? Consider the following:

The Lions have the more talented and experienced quarterback.

The Lions have the better running back.

Both receiving corps are awesome. Philly has the edge, but not by much (Nate Burleson is playing well as a No. 2 receiver, and the Lions have two quality tight ends).

Both offensive lines aren’t very good.

Both defensive lines can get after the quarterback.

The Eagles have the better linebacking corps.

Each secondary has one stud (Louis Delmas, Quintin Mikell), one young player who might be able to step up (Chris Houston, Nate Allen) and crap elsewhere (Asante Samuel is the most overrated player in the NFL).

People who don’t like the Lions will question Stafford and the secondary. Well, Stafford completed 73 percent of his passes this preseason prior to a meaningless finale, and is currently No. 9 in my fantasy quarterback rankings. As for the defensive backfield, it does stink, but nearly every single team in the NFL has secondary issues.

I will be betting the Lions early and often in the regular season.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
New York Jets (9-7) – Previously: 3.
I made the mistake of being on the Jets Super Bowl bandwagon earlier in the offseason. I have to apologize for this. The Jets have a really good team, but there is no way they’re playing down in Dallas this February with QB Taco/QB Nacho/whatever his name is. He has truly been awful this preseason, and I’m concerned that the additions of Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes will take New York out of its “pound the rock and play tough defense” mentality. QB Nacho Taco is not ready to take the next step yet.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Atlanta Falcons (9-7) – Previously: 12.
The Falcons are everyone’s darling sleeper team. They were mine as well, but something just looks off with Matt Ryan and Roddy White. Ryan suddenly can’t hit Tony Gonzalez for routine intermediate passes, and White can’t seem to hold on to the ball this preseason. Maybe, just maybe they’re not taking preseason seriously, but I’m losing confidence in them.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Washington Redskins (4-12) – Previously: 19.
Dear Mike Shanahan,

You’re an a-hole for not drafting a competent running back. Us fantasy players have been forced to figure out whom you’re going to give all your carries to, only to discover in the preseason that all of your running backs absolutely stink. Thank you for robbing us of a running back in this thin fantasy season.

Sincerely,
Every Fantasy Football Player in the World (except for Bo-Bo, who will happily draft Willie Parker)

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Minnesota Vikings (12-4) – Previously: 6.
Bold prediction: Brett Favre will play football in 2010.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Tennessee Titans (8-8) – Previously: 14.
I’d like to copy-paste what I wrote in my last 2010 NFL Power Rankings update because it’s still a pertinent question:

The Titans had a great draft, but the question remains: Can Vince Young lead this team deep into the playoffs? He came up awfully short in a crucial Christmas game against the Chargers, going 8-of-21 for 89 yards and two interceptions.

In addition to this, Chris Johnson’s health is a huge question mark. Check out the dubious history of running backs who have led the NFL in carries.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Cincinnati Bengals (10-6) – Previously: 15.
I really want to like this team. The defense is awesome; Terrell Owens is still getting it done; Cedric Benson looks great; and Jermaine Gresham is going to have a great rookie campaign. But Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco worry me. Palmer is not the same quarterback he once was, and No. 85 clearly isn’t focused on football after wasting his time on Eating Cereal With the Stars.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Miami Dolphins (7-9) – Previously: 9.
If you’ve been reading this site for at least a year, you’re aware that Ted Ginn cost me $550 against the Saints when he failed to catch a backdoor touchdown wide open in the end zone. I’ve grown to really hate Ginn, even enlisting the help of a witch doctor to make him suffer for the rest of his life.

Having said that, I’ve REALLY underestimated how crappy Ginn is. How crappy is Ginn, you ask? Well, despite the fact that he’s no longer in Miami, Dolphin receivers are still mimicking his pass-dropping skills. Miami wideouts dropped a whopping 11 passes in the first three weeks of the preseason. This stupid witch doctor isn’t working out for me. I’ll have to fire him.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 9-11
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7) – Previously: 16.
Maybe some Steeler fan can explain this to me, but I just don’t understand why all the discussion centered about Byron Sandwich and Dennis Dixon starting during Ben Roethlisberger’s suspension (prior to Sandwich’s injury, of course). What about Charlie Batch? Unlike Dixon, he’s experienced and in command of the offense, and unlike Sandwich, it doesn’t take him 35 minutes to load up a pass. Batch looked pretty good at Denver until Emmanuel “I have no f-ing clue how to run routes” Sanders made a doo-doo and caused a pick-six.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10
Dallas Cowboys (11-5) – Previously: 7.
The Cowboys have the most talent in the NFL. Unfortunately, Tony Romo doesn’t care, Felix Jones has no idea what’s going on, Roy Williams keeps sucking, and Wade Phillips is as confused as ever. Here’s to more high blood pressure for Jerry Jones come January!

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 10-12
New England Patriots (10-6) – Previously: 13.
I’ve been down on the Patriots all offseason until a few weeks ago. Watching Tom Brady and the entire offense impress restored my confidence. I then also remembered that this is the exact type of situation that Brady and Bill Belichick always thrive in. Everyone is talking about the Jets as Super Bowl champs. Most people are writing off the Patriots. Brady is now healthy and will try his hardest to prove everyone wrong.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 9-11
San Diego Chargers (13-3) – Previously: 5.
Vincent Jackson is overrated. His absence won’t affect the Chargers because Malcom Floyd is just as good. As for Marcus McNeill, he really needs to be re-si… Ah, screw it. I’m still way too pissed off about how My Bad Dude stole Ryan Mathews from me in a fantasy draft to talk about the San Diego Chargers.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 10-12
Houston Texans (9-7) – Previously: 10.
I really don’t understand why people continue to believe that the Texans are a soft team that can’t win in crunch time. Sure, they’ve had their problems with this in the past, but why are many ignoring their 4-0 finish in 2009, which included a huge victory over the Patriots that nearly got them into the playoffs? I feel like Houston really grew last December and is ready to make the leap into the NFL’s upper echelon. I still have them going to the AFC Championship.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 9-11
New Orleans Saints (13-3) – Previously: 2.
I mentioned Bill Simmons earlier. Well, I feel like pulling my hair out whenever I hear him say, “No one saw this Saints team coming last year.” Umm… hello? I had them going to the Super Bowl in my season preview! I guess I don’t count though because I’m not an illiterate/clueless former football player tasked with reading off a teleprompter on ESPN. Nevertheless, someone please send Simmons an e-mail before all my hair is gone.

As for this Saints team, I’m concerned about a post-Super Bowl hangover. They’ve looked a little sloppy in the preseason, as the receivers have dropped more passes than usual.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 10-12
Baltimore Ravens (9-7) – Previously: 4.
Can we stop it with all the “Ravens’ secondary sucks” talk? Nearly every secondary in the NFL sucks. No one can stop the pass with these silly illegal contact rules. The Ravens are still my pick to represent the AFC in the Super Bowl.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 11-13
Green Bay Packers (11-5) – Previously: 8.
My dad was out of the country on business for two weeks, so when I had dinner with him this past Wednesday, he asked me to give him a recap of the NFL preseason. When I told him that the Packers beat the Colts by the score of 59-24, he nearly choked on his food. Aaron Rodgers, you almost killed my dad!

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 11-13
Indianapolis Colts (14-2) – Previously: 1.
I’m not one to ever question the Great Bill Polian, but I really have to wonder why he passed up on Rodger Saffold at the end of the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft. The Colts really needed a left tackle to protect Peyton Manning’s blind side, and Saffold is looking great in St. Louis thus far. Ah, well. This Colts team is going to be awesome regardless.

My only real concern with the Colts is that Peyton Manning will undoubtedly suffer an aneurysm after being flagged for 5,000 illegal snap penalties this season.

2010 NFL Projected WIN Total: 12-14