Humor

Jerks of the Week Special Edition: Lost Finale You Can’t Please All Jerk Readers Two weeks ago, I dedicated my entire Jerks of the Week segment to my awesome Lost theory that Aaron is the Man In Black. I received several angry e-mails, including this one: “You should quit talking about Lost in your Jerks…

Jerk of the Year: Twilight (Why Twilight Sucks) Anyone sick of all the Twilight hype? I am. It seems like everyone’s Facebook status reads, “OMG im going to watch the new Twilightmovie! I luv vampirez tehy are so0o0o0o0o awsum!” Prior to last week, I had never seen any of the Twilight movies before, so my…

Jerks of the Week for Aug. 2, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Comcast As I’ve noted a few times over the past couple of weeks, I’ve moved to a new house outside of the craptastic city of Philadelphia. My reasons for moving? Lower taxes, lower crime and new jerks around my neighborhood that…

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 20, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Little Turds on the Road Barack Obama, if you’re on your 240th vacation this year and happen to be reading this, please, for the love of God, increase the minimum driving age in this country to anywhere between 18 and 21….

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 27, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks I got a haircut last Saturday. On my way home, I wanted to stop at a pharmacy to pick up the following items: 1. Pepsi Throwback: No explanation needed if you’ve read my rants and my…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 4, 2010 My friend Adrienne hosted a party last Saturday. It was a good time, particularly because I found three jerks to make fun of: JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever I love playing beer pong. Aside from hitting on random girls,…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 25, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: No Space Man Five months ago, I discussed a weirdo at my gym named No Space Man. This guy was invited to his best friend’s birthday party, but was later disinvited because his best friend “ran out of space.” Not exactly…

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 6, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad Six weeks ago, I talked about the Swim Lesson Brats – a bunch of kids who take swim lessons at my pool during the evening. I particularly focused on two kids: a weirdo named Melvis, and…

Jerks of the Week for Nov. 15, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Swipe Card Woman Given all the jerks I’ve written about from my gym, you’d think they would pay me to be a member there. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I’ve been paying for a membership for about 13 years now. So,…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 11, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Catina About two weeks ago, I received a text from a number that had a local Philadelphia area code (215). I made the mistake of reading it: How yew gonna look at me but not talk to me Crap. Did I…