2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 8
Week 7 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (5-1) – Previously: #1 – The Giants played terribly on Sunday and still won by 12 despite allowing a blocked field goal for a touchdown to the 49ers. I can’t say I’m surprised they were sloppy, as they play Pittsburgh, Dallas and Philadelphia the next three weeks.
   
   
2. Tennessee Titans (6-0) – Previously: #2 – From my Week 7 NFL Review:
   LenDale White ran for 80 yards without taking a break. That’s right. Jeff Fisher must have promised him a trip to Wendy’s after the game. White finished with 149 yards, three touchdowns and a dozen Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. Johnson, meanwhile, tallied 168 yards and a score.
   
   If you missed any of Sunday’s NFL action, I dissect all the games in detail, so check out the Week 7 NFL Review.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-1) – Previously: #5 – I hope all you Mewelde Moore fantasy owners started him on Sunday. Matthew Berry advised everyone to do so on Sunday NFL Countdown. His cohort, Merril Hoge, liked the advice, stating that Moore was worth a start because of his “lateral quickness.” Hey, don’t laugh; lateral quickness is worth eight points in Hoge’s fantasy league.
   
   
4. Buffalo Bills (5-1) – Previously: #6 – Impressive win by the Bills, as Trent Edwards has emerged as an MVP candidate. Buffalo’s only loss is with Zohan at quarterback.
   
   In my Week 7 NFL Review, I wrote that the person whose balloons hit the power line and shut off the electricity at Ralph Wilson Stadium should be banned for life. Well, I just received an e-mail from e-mailer Greg (won’t say his last name to protect the innocent), who said that he knows the lady who brought those balloons to the stadium. Apparently, she was having an office party at the game and the three balloons got away. Pretty nuts.
   
   
5. Washington Redskins (5-2) – Previously: #3 – Suddenly, Washington’s wins at Dallas and Philadelphia don’t look so impressive… I’m pretty disappointed in the Redskins. How do you lose to the Rams and barely beat the Browns – two teams that have lived in my Bottom 10 for most of the season – in back-to-back games at home? Also, check out the margin of the Redskins’ five victories: 5, 7, 2, 6 and 3. I feel like such a n00b for laying more than a touchdown with Washington last week.
   
   
6. Chicago Bears (4-3) – Previously: #20 – OK, a jump from No. 20 to 6 is borderline outrageous, but I had to admit that I’ve seriously underrated the Bears. They had a fluke loss against the Falcons last week, which they would have won if all of their corners weren’t out. They had another unfortunate defeat to the Buccaneers; a Charles “Peanut” Tillman personal foul nullified a Buccaneers punt out of the end zone in overtime, eventually leading to a Tampa Bay win. In Week 2, Chicago had a sizable lead against Carolina, but relinquished it. This team could be 7-0 right now.
   
   If Kyle Orton can put up 28 or more on a consistent basis – let alone 48 – the Bears will be a dominant force once they get all of their corners back.
   
   
7. Green Bay Packers (4-3) – Previously: #12 – Awesome performance from the Packers against Indianapolis. The Colts are dead. Joseph Addai is out. Peyton Manning has lost it. Marvin Harrison can’t run anymore. Even the homefield advantage is gone. I just felt weird looking at highlights featuring the Colts at home with the sun beaming down on the field. I have no idea why they built that abomination. They should just cut their losses and knock down that hideous building.
   
   
8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-2) – Previously: #13 – Call me crazy, but I don’t trust Jeff Garcia. Every time he dropped back in the pocket, I had the feeling he would throw an interception or fumble the ball, but then I remembered that he’s not Brian Griese. Still, Garcia’s lacking arm strength and offensive play-makers really limits this team.
   
   Scary moment in the Bucs-Hawks game: Ike Hilliard was knocked out on a hit after catching the ball and running down to Seattle’s 4-yard line. Hilliard was down on the ground for a few minutes, but actually got up on his own power to ride the injury cart into the locker room. Mike Holmgren apparently didn’t care about Hilliard’s well-being and threw a challenge flag on the play. Much later in the game, Holmgren went for a touchdown on fourth down despite being down three scores and needing a field goal. Seneca Wallace threw a back-breaking, nauseating, devastating, excruciating backdoor touchdown to John Carlson. Hey Mike, the Jerk Store called and they’re running out of you!
   
   
9. Denver Broncos (4-3) – Previously: #7 – Bet on the Broncos against the Patriots? I feel your pain, and I can’t fault you for grabbing the booze and/or gun. Jay Cutler suffered a hand injury on the FIRST PLAY OF THE GAME. Ugh. And if Cutler didn’t get hurt, the Broncos wouldn’t have had to run as much, which would have kept Andre Hall from fumbling twice in Denver territory.
   
   I actually had a running list of grievances in the Live In-Game Thread in the forum. Here’s the list:
   
   1. Cutler hurt his finger on the first play of the game.
   2. Andre Hall fumbled at New England’s 30.
   3. Andre Hall fumbled at New England’s 45.
   4. Cutler missed a wide-open Marshall streaking downfield.
   5. Shady official no one has ever seen before calls a phantom offensive pass interference on Brandon Marshall.
   6. Broncos commit a face mask on an incomplete pass on 3rd-and-15 deep in the New England end zone.
   7. Champ Bailey got hurt.
   
   
10. Carolina Panthers (5-2) – Previously: #14 – I had trouble deciding between Carolina and Philadelphia here. Then, I thought about it… If the Eagles had to play the Panthers, Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb would just choke. In games decided by four points are less, the Eagles are 1-7 the past couple of seasons. Over-under on David Akers field goal attempts from 50-plus yards in that game: 10.5.
    
    

32. Detroit Lions (0-6) – Previously: #32 – Calvin Johnson is a beast. That’s all I have to say. Let’s move on and use this space for my exclusive interview with Boomer Esiason!

Hey, Boomer. Thanks for joining me.

“Hey, Walt. Your Web site sucks. Your grammar is poor, and you’re not funny at all. Your picks sucked this week, and you’re just using the backdoor and injury BS because you suck. It’s not a pleasure to be here at all, but here I am.”

Umm… OK… uhh… Yeah, I wanted to ask you about your criticism toward Troy Aikman. You trashed him for being biased in the Cowboys-Cardinals game?

“OK, let me explain something. Troy Aikman is the most biased person I know. If he could legally marry Jerry Jones, he would. Aikman is the opposite of my colleague Dan Marino. Marino has no opinion on anything and that’s why he’s never won a Super Bowl.”

His lack of opinion is the reason why he choked in the playoffs?

“Absolutely. Marino has no guts. He’s a loser. Worst person on the planet by far.”

I wouldn’t go that far. He seems like a nice guy to me. Why do you keep trashing people? Do you like anyone?

“I like three people: Me, myself and I. That’s it. And now that you’ve defended Marino, I see that you’re the worst person on this planet as well. Congratulations. Your site sucks, and you suck too.”

Wow… you’re just a mean person.

“I’m done. I’m too important to be here for this long. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find my Dan Marino voodoo doll so I can puncture it with more needles.”

31. Kansas City Chiefs (1-5) – Previously: #30 – I’ll get tons of hate mail and death threats if I don’t preface my following comment with some praise. So, let me just say that Mike Ditka is a football god. He’s the greatest man who’s ever lived, and he knows more about everything than anyone else knows about anything.

However – and I hope that was enough – Ditka made one of the dumbest statements of all time during this week’s Sunday NFL Countdown. In his Dog House segment, Ditka bashed Tony Gonzalez for complaining about not being traded. Ditka said of Gonzalez, “”If you’re a great player, you’ll make Kansas City a contender.”

Uhh… Coach… you do know that football is a team sport, and unlike basketball, one player can’t will a team to victory every single week, right? What’s Gonzalez supposed to do, play quarterback, running back, tight end, offensive line and defense at the same time?

30. Cincinnati Bengals (0-7) – Previously: #29 – Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard, so it’s pretty obvious that he’s really smart. His IQ must be like 140 or something. Or at least it was. Thanks to being sacked 15 times in three games (putting him on pace for an NFL seasonal record 80 sacks), Fitzpatrick’s IQ has dropped to 40. A few more games, and Fitzpatrick can retire and join ESPN, FOX or CBS as an analyst. Hey, with all those sacks and a lowered IQ, he “have been given the rice of passache.”

29. Seattle Seahawks (1-5) – Previously: #27 – I’m still nauseous from watching Seattle inexplicably backdoor the Buccaneers even though they had just seven first downs and Tampa Bay completely dominated the game, out-gaining the Seahawks 266-44 in the first half. I’ll default to something I wrote before that disastrous touchdown:

Hilarious moment in the Bucs-Hawks game: T.J. Duckett achieved a first down deep in his own territory. However, he saw the official grabbing for a flag for a Mike Wahle hold. So, Duckett rammed right into the official, trampling the poor man. That poor man later took his anger out on all Tampa Bay bettors, allowing the Seahawks to score a ridiculous backdoor touchdown. Hey, I need a scapegoat.

28. San Francisco 49ers (2-5) – Previously: #26 – If you haven’t heard yet, Mike Nolan has been fired. Nolan didn’t really have a shot with Alex Smith, J.T. O’Sullivan, Mike Martz and idiot owner Mike York surrounding him.

And besides, Nolan alone deserved to keep his job because he could go down as the best replay challenger of all time. Last week, Nolan challenged a missed field goal, which had no chance of getting overturned per NFL rules. This week, he neglected to challenge an obvious Plaxico Burress fumble that was ruled incomplete in the first quarter. Nolan is a genius whose replay challenging is unparalleled. The NFL should hire him immediately to be in charge of all replay reviews.

27. St. Louis Rams (2-4) – Previously: #31 – Since firing their coaches, the Rams and Raiders are a combined 3-1. This might become a new trend. Soon, the NFL will become like the NHL, and coaches will be fired a couple of weeks before the playoffs.

26. Miami Dolphins (2-4) – Previously: #24 – The Ravens completely debacled the Wildcat offense. How did that happen? Time for oddities!

20:1 – The Ravens are just that good.

9:1 – Puppy Puncher’s post in my forum made the Dolphins realize that a defender can simply whack Chad Pennington when he’s split out wide. Pennington, in turn, cowered in fear.

4:1 – Brett Favre sent a singing telegram to Ray Lewis’ house. Unfortunately, Lewis shot her after she finished her song about how to beat the Dolphins.

EVEN – Ricky Williams, an integral part of the formation, spent too much time “doing stuff” in his smoke-filled van and ordering pizzas during film sessions.

25. Cleveland Browns (2-4) – Previously: #23 – It’s official. Romeo Crennel would rather lose than go to overtime. In Week 2, Crennel kicked a field goal very late in the fourth quarter, down 10-3. The three points didn’t do him any good, as his team never got the ball back and lost 10-6. On Sunday, Crennel was down 11. Instead of kicking a field goal with about six minutes remaining and drawing the lead to within eight, Crennel went for it on a fourth-and-three and failed. The Browns later scored a touchdown and converted the two-point conversion. If Crennel would have kicked the earlier field goal, the contest would have been tied. Instead, the Browns ran out of time and had to settle for a futile, game-tying field goal from 54 yards out that sailed wide right.

One is an accident, two is a trend. It’s quite clear that Crennel doesn’t understand clock management and scoring situations. It’s like he’s just guessing. As Bill Simmons would write, the Browns should seriously consider hiring a 17-year-old Madden geek who actually knows when to kick field goals or go for it on fourth down. Cleveland management should make sure this kid is skinny and has an aversion to food; otherwise, he may be tempted to steal Crennel’s Oreos… and as we all know, that can only lead to trouble.

24. Oakland Raiders (2-4) – Previously: #28 – Something I noticed on Sunday morning: One of Rich Gannon’s eyebrows is about six inches higher than the other. It’s actually pretty weird and kind of scary. Maybe that’s why the Raiders haven’t had a winning season since he left.

23. Houston Texans (2-4) – Previously: #25 – Ugh. Just looking at this Texans’ logo makes me think back to Detroit’s backdoor 54-yard field goal, which in turn reminds me of that disgusting backdoor touchdown that ruined a 4-unit play of mine on Tampa Bay. Let’s wrap up this week’s power rankings before I have an aneurysm and start bleeding through my eyes.


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) – Previously: #10
12. Dallas Cowboys (4-3). Previously: #4
13. San Diego Chargers (3-4). Previously: #11
14. New Orleans Saints (3-4). Previously: #8
15. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3). Previously: #15
16. Arizona Cardinals (4-2). Previously: #16
17. Indianapolis Colts (3-3). Previously: #9
18. Atlanta Falcons (4-2). Previously: #17
19. New England Patriots (4-2). Previously: #21
20. Baltimore Ravens (3-3). Previously: #22
21. Minnesota Vikings (3-4). Previously: #18
22. New York Jets (3-3). Previously: #19

1. Ravens (2.8)
2. Jets (3.0)
3. Steelers (3.1)
4. Vikings (3.1)
5. Cardinals (3.6)
6. Titans (3.6)
7. Eagles (3.7)
8. Giants (3.7)
9. Dolphins (3.7)
10. Buccaneers (3.7)
11. Bills (3.8)
12. Bears (3.8)
13. Seahawks (3.8)
14. 49ers (4.1)
15. Texans (4.1)
16. Panthers (4.2)
17. Saints (4.2)
18. Bengals (4.3)
19. Chargers (4.3)
20. Cowboys (4.3)
21. Redskins (4.3)
22. Raiders (4.4)
23. Jaguars (4.5)
24. Falcons (4.5)
25. Colts (4.5)
26. Patriots (4.5)
27. Packers (4.8)
28. Browns (4.9)
29. Lions (5.0)
30. Rams (5.2)
31. Broncos (5.9)
32. Chiefs (6.1)

1. Steelers (5.6)
2. Panthers (5.8)
3. Titans (5.8)
4. Redskins (5.9)
5. Packers (6.0)
6. Bears (6.1)
7. Bills (6.3)
8. Ravens (6.3)
9. Bengals (6.4)
10. Buccaneers (6.7)
11. Eagles (6.8)
12. Colts (6.8)
13. Saints (6.9)
14. Chargers (6.9)
15. 49ers (6.9)
16. Cowboys (7.0)
17. Falcons (7.0)
18. Giants (7.1)
19. Jets (7.1)
20. Vikings (7.2)
21. Jaguars (7.3)
22. Browns (7.4)
23. Raiders (7.5)
24. Patriots (7.6)
25. Broncos (7.8)
26. Chiefs (7.8)
27. Cardinals (7.9)
28. Seahawks (8.2)
29. Dolphins (8.5)
30. Rams (8.5)
31. Texans (8.7)
32. Lions (9.2)