Welcome to my 10th-annual Super Bowl Live Blog. I’ll be posting comments like this throughout the evening every few minutes. Keep refreshing this page if you want to check out what I think about the game, announcers, commercials, etc. I’ll post my first comment around 5:30ish with live feedback from people watching the game with me.
You can also discuss Super Bowl 50 in the comment board below.
Follow @walterfootball for updates.
5:15: And we’re live! Fifteen minutes before I anticipated, but I don’t have anything else to do. Besides, I just posted my final thoughts on my Super Bowl pick.
5:19: I’m not getting these Turkish Airlines Batman vs. Superman commercials. First of all, is Turkish Airlines even real? If so, why would anyone want to fly it? Might as well buy a ticket for Kenyan Airlines. Second, the movie seems dumb. Someone needs to explain to me why Batman and Superman would be on different sides. Maybe Superman hates Ben Affleck’s bad acting? That’s my best guess.
5:21: The movie should just be Superman vs. Ben Affleck. I would see that. Seriously. Superman beating up on Ben Affleck would be great.
5:25: Cam Newton and James Brown are saying that race shouldn’t be an issue when talking about Cam Newton and his success, yet they’re talking about race. That’s cool.
5:28: What’s up with Gary Kubiak pacing back and forth by himself? He looked like some pathetic dude with no friends. It’s almost like the Broncos talked about hanging out somewhere and refused to tell Kubiak because they didn’t want him around.
5:29: I changed my mind. Batman vs. Toyota Jan. And Superman shouldn’t just kick her a**. He should strap her down and waterboard her. I hate Jan so much that murder isn’t even enough.
5:32: I’m hosting a party this year. No one’s here yet, but I’m expecting 20 people, 10 of whom will be talking about players’ butts. My friend Body Burner is coming, and I’m hoping for some amusing things from him like last year, when this happened:
Funniest thing I’ve ever seen: Body Burner, who came in late, just ran into my house and rushed into my living room. He eagerly wanted to see what the score was, so when our mutual friend Pat extended his hand for Body Burner to shake it, Body Burner pushed him out of the way so he could sit down on the couch.
My sister’s friend Abby won’t be here, unfortunately. That sucks because I always like to get her prediction. A few years ago, she thought that the Pittsburgh Penguins would prevail.
5:34: Shut up, Larry King. Omaha is a better place than Brooklyn. Call me crazy, but getting shot while walking home from a bar doesn’t sound like a great place to live.
5:35: Matthew McConaughey is soooo cooool with these suuuper cooool car commercials. Seriously, I need to do a Jerks of the Week entry purely on how douchey he is.
5:37: My girlfriend just asked me if we can watch the Walking Dead marathon instead of this game. If the Panthers go up 35-0, like many expect, I may have to turn that show on.
5:38: “Yuck, why do we have to watch this?” she asked. “I hate Peyton Manning.”
We agree on that at least.
5:40: Newton gets a ton of flak for being arrogant, but I think Manning is the bigger douche. The Charlie Sly stuff is kind of weird. It’s odd that A) he denied his story hours after Manning’s PI people visited his house, and B) he said they were “nice guys” even though his sister called the cops. I stand by what I said earlier: If a guy named Charlie Williams said what he said, more people would believe him. But the only way someone like Charlie Sly would be less believable would be if his name were Compulsive Liar.
5:42: Body Burner walked in and saw that Manning interview: “Stop crying, you fag.”
5:43: Body Burner: “Brett Favre is a fag.” Not that there’s anything wrong with any of this.
5:44: It’s a little weird that Tony Dungy got elected to the Hall of Fame. One Super Bowl with Peyton Manning, who beat Rex Grossman. Whoop dee doo. And there’s the “great” Marvin Harrison, who killed someone.
5:49: My cousin Megan’s boyfriend: “Unless Peyton Manning has done steroids, I can’t see him winning this game.” He may have actually done that. And… hey, what the hell are Manning’s PI people doing here?”
5:51: The more of these talking heads who are on the Panthers, the better. I’d love some 49-0 predictions.
5:54: Newton wearing gold shoes with “MVP” on them. What a humble fashion statement. Nothing arrogant about that at all!
5:56: I’m drinking beer later, but I’m having a Mr. Pibb right now for the energy. Body Burner shook his head. “It reduces your sperm count and makes you senile earlier.” Well, I’m senile already, so the latter’s not an issue.
5:58: Anyone else think that the Big Bang Theory secret is that Penny’s hair dresser is blind? What was she thinking by getting a Justin Bieber lesbian haircut?
6:00: A half hour until kickoff. Let’s hope that if there’s crazy ending that it goes in my favor this time. Here’s what it went like in my live blog last year:
10:00: Wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow…
10:01: That’s unreal. Lynch running the ball is almost a guaranteed touchdown. I can’t believe it.
10:02: Body Burner with a great point: “There are people in this room who could’ve run in for a touchdown on that play. Why would they throw it?”
10:03: Lots of derp moments by the Seahawks.
10:07: I cracked a smile when Body Burner said the following: “Bill Belichick: ‘Hey f*** face, why’d you throw the ball?’ Pete Carroll: ‘Derr, I don’t know, Bill, derr.'”
6:02: I was just asked, “Who’s playing in the Super Bowl, Walt?” There are some avid football fans here.
6:04: I don’t get why Phil Simms and Jim Nantz are wearing suits. They’re going to rub each other’s nipples while talking about Peyton Manning, so why not just show up shirtless?
6:06: This is why I don’t view the Super Bowl as a real game. Too many stupid special presentations. OK, actually this is a bad example because seeing the former MVPs is kind of cool. I thought Seal was going to sing again or something.
6:09: Body Burner hates this. “They’re just killing 15 minutes because they don’t have anything better to do. Some of these guys aren’t even buttoning their shirts. Who gives f***?”
6:10: Phil Simms is the third person Body Burner has called a fag tonight. I’m going Over on the 9.5 -110.
6:11: It’s amazing to see Levi’s Stadium this full. I don’t think I’ve ever seen more than 50 people in the stands in any game.
6:12: Tom Brady shows up. “LOOK AT THIS FAG! WHAT A DICK!” We’re up to four.
6:15: I hate those KFC commercials. I just don’t get them. Why is Colonel Sanders pretending to be a college student? How is that going to sell fried chicken?
6:18: Call me crazy, but Rush Hour the TV show without Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan sounds like a winner to me.
6:20: I wish Evan Washburn would ask Ron Rivera what he plans on doing to destroy the Cylons.
6:22: “Hey, Commander Rivera, how can you prevent the Cylons from destroying the human race?” “Four words, Evan. So say we all.”
6:27: Gary Kubiak looks super happy that people told him that he can hang out with them again.
6:29: Nothing screams patriotism like Lady Gaga singing the national anthem.
6:30: What the hell is Lady Gaga pointing to? Is she holding a diamond microphone? And how much money does she have on the Over, given that she’s holding every note for five seconds?
6:31: She definitely has the Over. She waited like 20 seconds for “Or the land of the free.” I hope she spends her money well, though I’m sure most of it will go toward removing her horrible eye shadow.
6:35: Now it’s time for the moment that all degenerates have been waiting for: The coin toss!
6:36: Tails. Ugh, I thought it would be heads for sure after all the research I put into it.
6:38: It’s crazy how much money they put into these commercials, and most of them end up sucking like that Kevin Hart one. The penalty for making people watch this should be deportation.
6:39: It’s nice of Simms and Nantz to keep their shirts on for this long, but come on, guys, you don’t need to impress us.
6:40: Manning looks awesome! Eighteen-yard gain to Owen Daniels!
6:42: Andre Caldwell with the dab after the catch. And I still have no idea what the hell a dab is.
6:43: “Looks like the Broncos are playing the Eagles.” – my friend Dale. It was only a matter of time before someone was going to take a shot at them.
6:44: I was just about to say that it was a good sign that the Broncos were using C.J. Anderson over Ronnie Hillman – and now they used Hillman. It’s a wasted down every time Hillman touches the ball. Maybe Hillman’s the only guy who will hang out with Kubiak?
6:45: Robert McClain nearly pick-sixes Manning. My life seriously flashed before my eyes.
6:46: And Hillman ruins yet another drive – but at least Denver gets three.
Broncos 3, Panthers 0
6:48: And the drinking has commenced. I finished my Mr. Pibb, and I don’t want a second because my sperm count needs to be high.
6:49: The first commercial break was a dud. That first beer commercial where people were working out drew countless “That was so stupid” from around the room.
6:52: Newton too high on that pass. Maybe if he didn’t wear gold shoes that weighed like 25 pounds each.
6:53: Nice three-and-out by Denver’s defense.
6:55: Do you think Arnold has ever played Mobile Strike? Does he even know what the game’s about? Probably not, right? All he knows he has to do is show up and say, “Free from dee app staw!”
6:56: It’s almost time for the Super Bowl halftime show! Otherwise known as the time I get up from my couch and take a s*** rather than listen to crappy musicians.
6:58: Second-straight drive that the defense tackled the opposing player inches short of the line to gain.
7:00: Ugh, a 3D Jungle Book. I hate 3D movies because I feel like they spend too many resources on the 3D aspect of it and not enough elsewhere like character development or whatnot. Plus, I can barely handle 3D in real life, so why would I need it when watching a movie?
7:03: Wow, what a crazy catch by Jerricho Cotchery. He never made a great catch in his life, and now he’s doing this just to screw me. He’s the new Ted Ginn.
7:05: Ugh, I hate when foreigners say that “soccer is the real football.” No one cares about soccer. Foreigners are just jealous that they can’t afford pads and footballs because they have no indoor plumbing.
7:06: Mike Carey just said it’s a catch, so it’ll probably be ruled incomplete.
7:07: LOL what!? I was just joking about the Carey bit.
7:08: Jonathan Stewart limps off and th STRIP-SIX! BRONCOS TOUCHDOWN!
Broncos 10, Panthers 0
7:09: Matvei texts: “Blakeman on his A game already.” Seriously. How was that incomplete? There was no explanation either.
7:11: The Panthers are so lucky they recovered that fumble. And Newton air mails another ball. I think all the pressure is getting to him.
7:12: Sack on third down! Carolina looks like crap. The sharps might be right for once.
7:13: Wow! Taunting penalty on the Broncos. Unreal. Aqib Talib needs to take complete blame if this sparks the Panthers and the end up winning.
7:15: Never mind. The Panthers are punting, though Talib still ruined great field position.
7:22: A seven-minute hiatus for me because I was getting food. My plates: three slices of pepperoni pizza, lasagna, buffalo chicken dip and chips, salami and blocks of cheese. If I stop blogging, it’s because I’ve suffered a heart attack. But it will have been worth it!
7:23: Cam Newton finally connects on a deep pass. Guess he’s gotten his gravitational pull under control after taking off those gold shoes.
7:25: How many people on this planet do you think know the entire story of the Bourne series? Five? No, that’s way too many. I doubt Matt Damon even knows what the hell is going on in those movies.
7:26: This dude Kyle on Newton getting up and running: “There should be a penalty for being an a**hole.” I’m completely for that!
7:30: Talib with a touchdown-saving face mask. I feel like if a face mask results in like a 6-inch penalty, the offense should benefit some more. Like, Carolina should get a free down or something.
7:31: Touchdown, Jonathan Stewart, who greets a teammate with a humble handshake. I’m shocked Stewart didn’t hand the ball to some stupid kid.
Broncos 10, Panthers 7
7:33: I haven’t seen one good Super Bowl commercial yet. Looks like a lot of people are going to be deported.
7:37: Commander Adama using his second challenge. I think that’s pretty risky, given that he’s only worrying about seven yards.
7:38: “He ball-tapped him right there!” – Pat
7:40: I see CBS played it safe by not having Mike Carey opine on the call. “Hurr durr looks like a good pass to me, guys.”
7:41: Manning nearly throws an interception, and Demaryius Thomas drops a pointless 1-yard catch. The Broncos look like they’re falling apart. Carolina’s probably going to win 49-10.
7:44: Carolina takes over at the 50. Here comes another touchdown. I should’ve known Manning would be ready for bed by 7:45 Eastern.
7:46: So, players are slipping all over the place? Shocker. I guess Jed York was too busy hanging out with his loser trust-fund baby friends to worry about taking care of the field.
7:47: OK, no touchdown, apparently. And holy crap, Jordan Norwood with no fair catch amid heavy traffic. Super ballsy.
7:48: Body Burner with a great point: The Broncos should just take a knee three times to get a field goal. I’m scared every time Manning throws the ball.
7:49: I was just asked who the MVP is thus far. My answer: Clete Blakeman.
7:50: The Broncos called timeout for that? Going for it!
7:51: C.J. Anderson picks up the first down, but holding negates it. Kind of a questionable call, but whatever. Three points was inevitable anyway.
Broncos 13, Panthers 7
7:54: I’m getting yelled at for not checking on the dog. Don’t they know that I have
7:56: Where the hell is the penalty? What late hit? Blakeman is definitely the MVP.
7:57: Mike Tolbert fumble! Broncos take over!
7:58: I just had Body Burner explain to me what dabbing is. “It’s like the Macarena,” he said. “Just some stupid dance.” Really? And I’ve been wondering if it’s had some deeper meaning all season, and it’s just the 2015-16 version of the Macarena? How disappointing.
8:00: Demaryius Thomas drops a pass. In other news, the sun is hot, water is wet, and Bob Costas is a douche.
8:01: C.J. Anderson going nuts! See what I mean about Hillman wasting downs?
8:03: And Manning throws an interception. He sucks. Denver should just run the Bobby Boucher offense from here on out.
8:04: Holy crap, they’re saying Greg Olsen was in the area. Area code. That was the pure definition of intentional grounding.
8:08: The feed froze so I have no idea what happened, but Denver’s defense has been absolute crap unless Anderson is breaking free for a big gain.
8:09: Is Will Smith not in the new Independence Day movie? If not, what’s the point?
8:11: “I’ve never seen someone as alone at a party as you.” – Body Burner, who walked over to tell me this before leaving. I think I’m one of three people in this house watching the game, and we have about 20-25 people here. Thanks for coming to my Super Bowl party, guys!
8:12: Despite that 3-yard stumble, Newton running the ball is Carolina’s best chance. That, and intercepting Peyton Manning wobblers.
8:16: Newton with all day to throw, connects to Devin Funchess for a huge gain. Carolina has a chance to score prior to halftime.
8:17: I might be drunk right now – OK, maybe not because I haven’t drank that much yet – but what the hell happened to Carolina’s time? They had 45 seconds left when Funchess caught that ball.
8:19: DeMarcus Ware owns Michael Oher to sack Newton! It’s now halftime, with Denver leading 13-7.
8:23: That Cure commercial where the guy was watching that hot chick instead of his dad die might have been the first entertaining commercial of the Super Bowl, which is just sad. Unfortunately, I’m anti-Cure because QB Dog Killer was their spokesman. So they can be deported, too.
8:25: Some interesting halftime stats: Manning has been the better passer despite going 9-of-16 for 76 yards and an inteception. Newton is 8-of-19 for 95 yards, though his completion percentage has been higher since he adapted to Earth’s gravity. Newton also has 46 rushing yards on five scrambles though, so heshould be running more.
8:30: Who are these a**holes they get to jump up and down near the stage? They couldn’t pay me to be down there.
8:32: Case in point about people not watching the game: About six people just left. Why would you leave at halftime during the Super Bowl? If anything, you should come late to watch the more important half.
8:33: The idiots near the stage are all 10-year-old girls and ugly lesbians. It all makes more sense now.
f 8:34: Oh, I get it. Rainbow-colored flowers in San Francisco. It took me a while to get that, though I’m sure Matt Millen picked up on that right away.
8:36: Eww, who is that fat girl singing? People here had a similar reaction: “Eww, what the hell happened to her?” my girlfriend asked.
8:38: “This is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.” – Pat. Well, we are in San Francisco, after all. And not that there’s anything wrong with that.
8:39: “Walt, I called Coldplay a fag! That’s No. 5!”
8:40: The Janet Jackson nip slip has to be in this montage, or it’s not legit at all.
8:45: I’ve decided to give control of the site to BB.
8:48: First step in my new regime is to make the site all about tennis. BodyBurnerTennis.com will launch midnight tonight.
8:49: I’m going to ruin Walt’s whole site hahahahahaha!
8:50: Wait, what the hell? This is Walt again. How the hell did that happen? I get up to grab some five pancakes and just as many strips of bacon, and I have my site commandeered.
8:52: You know what? I’m beginning to realize that I like pancakes more and more without maple syrup. Like, plain. I find this very interesting.
8:53: Second half underway! A half-hour halftime is yet another reason the Super Bowl doesn’t feel like a real game.
8:54: The only other person watching the game is complaining about that non-call on intentional grounding. Sure, he got it to the line of scrimmage, technically, but it really was an intentional-grounding pass. He’s totally right, and I hate that rule. The defense should be awarded a sack.
8:58: Matvei with a timely text: “Just posted at Matvada: Ted Ginn scores the covering TD, runs to Walter’s front door to hand it to him +450.”
8:59: Jerricho Cotchery with an actual drop this time.
9:00: “There is no foul on the play. We forgot that we had to make sure the Broncos would cover. Fourth down.” – Clete Blakeman
9:01: Field goal no good! My kicker betting prop lives!
9:04: Manning completes a forward pass! And another forward pass! It’s a miracle!
9:05: Body Burner is now throwing spitballs at me. What a great Super Bowl party!
9:06: “Peyton Manning’s going to cry,” my girlfriend said. His PI people will be visiting her at work tomorrow.
9:07: Manning completely doesn’t see Demaryius Thomas for a touchdown, but in his defense, Thomas was going to drop the ball anyway.
9:08: Field goal, Broncos. Is Brandon McManus the MVP?
9:09: I just saw that the comment board isn’t working. Dumb error on my part. It’s functional now.
Broncos 16, Panthers 7
9:13: Philly Brown with a great catch in double coverage! How the hell did the Broncos not pick that off?
9:14: The refs missed the most obvious hold ever on that Ginn reverse play.
9:15: My friend Pat with some gems tonight. On watching Jerry Richardson: “He looks like an angry dog.”
9:16: Newton picked! And then a fumble! And then Broncos recover! Holy crap, I think I just squirted diarrhea out of my anus.
9:18: I just counted, and there are 24 people here. Seven are even looking in the direction of the TV. Seven!
9:19: Matvei via text: “Denver has six first downs and is 1-of-9 on third down. but they’re going to win and go over – really puts a bow on my 2015 NFL.”
9:20: Denver goes three-and-out. This game is almost painful to watch. The good news is that with all the people yelling, I can’t really hear Phil Simms.
9:26: How the hell did Newton get away from that sack? Newton now 13-of-30.
9:28: Newton sacked this time! OK, maybe Von Miller deserves the MVP a bit more than McManus.
9:32: That’s the end of the third quarter, with Denver leading, 16-7. It feels like nothing happened in that quarter. In fact, this game has been a blur. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but it just feels like these teams have taken turns screwing up. I think it’s the extra week. The Panthers lost all of their momentum, and they had two weeks hearing about how great they were. They haven’t been in this position, so it’ll be interesting to see if they can respond with a great comeback.
9:35: The one dude who commented on the intentional grounding was forced to leave because the two people who drove him wanted to go home.
9:36: Manning screws up again! He loses a fumble, and the Panthers are taking over at midfield.
9:37: The 24 people who were here earlier are now down to 11. I need some friends who actually like football.
9:41: Some huge-breasted girl I don’t know couldn’t figure out how to get ice to come out of the fridge. “This fridge is smarter than me!”
9:42: And Ted Ginn inadvertently costs me money! Had he caught that pass, the kick would’ve been within 39 yards. Instead, the 39-yarder is good.
Broncos 16, Panthers 10
9:44: Even Christopher Walken commercials are failures. This might be the worst batch of Super Bowl ads ever.
9:47: OK, that Drake commercial was kind of funny, even though Drake is the biggest band-wagon douche of all time.
9:50: My dog is a wuss. He’s scared of all the loud noises, so he ran upstairs to go lie in my bed.
9:51: Manning nearly picked by Josh Norman. “Norman’s a fag,” Body Burner yells, for no apparent reason.
9:53: Body Burner trying to impersonate Wade Phillips: “I’M WADE PHILLIPS AND I USED TO COACH TONY ROMO AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT OFFENSE IS SO WHEN TONY ROMO SUCKED I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!”
9:54: Great Budweiser commercial with some old hag berating half the drunk people watching this game. Good call, Budweiser.
9:55: Pat with another win: “She just called me a horrible human being. That b***h!”
9:58: “You know Manning’s done when they don’t trust him to throw on a third-and-9.” – Body Burner. So true. I forgot to mention that Body Burner also said that Chad Pennington in his later years is better than Manning right now, which is true.
10:01: VON MILLER STRIP-SACK!!! MVP! MVP! MVP!
10:04: Defensive hold. In other news, Cam Newton might be setting the world record for meme moments tonight.
10:05: Touchdown, C.J. Anderson! And that’s game.
Broncos 24, Panthers 10
10:08: Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to be arrogant. Everyone here who is watching the game is laughing and mocking Newton, and he’ll be criticized the entire offseason.
10:10: Eli Manning looked super unhappy when the Broncos scored. He has to be pissed that Prince Peyton matched his two Super Bowls. Don’t worry, Eli, Peyton had absolutely nothing to do with this victory.
10:14: Just updated the draft order. As a heads up, my 2016 NFL Mock Draft will be updated on Wednesday. It’ll be the last Wednesday I do a live update; I’ll be moving back to Tuesday next week.
10:19: Manning finishes 13-of-23 for 141 yards, one interception and a lost fumble, and yet he wins a Super Bowl. What a crazy, weird year.
10:22: And the game is over via some strange 10-second run-off. Congratulations to
10:23: Papa John just ran onto the field and kissed Peyton. “What a fag!” Body Burner should’ve yelled if he wasn’t drunk.
10:25: So, the better team didn’t win this game. I had the Broncos +6 for two units, and this contest would’ve been completely different had the officials not botched Carolina’s first challenge. That said, the Broncos still probably would’ve won because the Panthers were too cocky and scared. They heard they were going to win for two weeks, so it was just way too much pressure. It just goes to show that if everyone thinks something’s going to happen, the opposite usually occurs.
10:26: Nice Budweiser plug by Peyton. What a douche!
10:27: Thanks for reading the live blog. I’ll have a full recap much later tonight when I sober p, and I’ll have a 2016 NFL Mock Draft update on Wednesday and a 2017 NFL Mock Draft update on Friday. Charlie will be updating his mock as well on Monday with a fourth round.
2024 NFL Mock Draft - April 16
NFL Power Rankings - Feb. 22
Fantasy Football Rankings - Feb. 19
NFL Picks - Feb. 12
