What is this? Welcome to my fourth-annual Super Bowl Live Blog. I’ll be posting comments like this throughout the evening about every three minutes. Keep refreshing this page if you want to check out what I think about the game, announcers, commercials, etc. I’ll post my first comment around 5:00ish.
I might have some guest stars, including Emmitt Smith. I’ll also be getting live feedback from people watching the game with me, including my cousin Lev, who drinks vodka straight. Could be interesting.
You can also discuss Super Bowl XLIV in the Live In-Game Thread.
5:40: Forty minutes until kickoff. Hopefully no hackers destroy this Web site during the game. Or after the game. Or ever. Douche bags.
5:44: Oh, boy! The CBS crew is breaking down the game. I’ll put this on mute and predict what they’re saying:
James Brown: What do you think about this game, Shanno!?
Shannon Sharpe: w9g jeifh3 oig;bbo s83fhewlv l 38fh80erovoetbm;trb[wqff.
James Brown: Interesting thoughts, Shanno!
Shannon Sharpe: el;kfj eiew h3fve jfp’ w hew0v8hwrv 9bwibqdwdf
James Brown: And what do you think, Dan?
Dan Marino: This will be a good game. This game will come down to the end. Peyton Manning is great. Drew Brees is great. Expect a great game.
Boomer Esiason: Screw you, Dan Marino. Screw you. May you be swallowed up in a pit of lava!
That’s pretty accurate, right?
5:48: Wouldn’t it be funny if JaMarcus Russell was one of the kids Katie Couric interviewed in the Drew Brees segment?
Couric: What’s your favorite vegetable?
Kid No. 1: Broc-o-li.
Couric: And what’s your favorite vegetable?
Kid No. 2: Rose-mare-ee.
Couric: And what’s your favorite vegetable?
JaMarcus Russell: Uhh… uhh… Skittles. Do you tink so?
5:51: Final Vegas numbers posted. Surprise late action on the Saints moved the spread down to -5. I’m shocked the public isn’t pounding the Colts. I still say this game is close.
5:53: Yay, picks are coming up! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Dan Marino likes both teams. Tie, 31-31. Just kidding.
5:55: Wow, Marino says 31-30. I’m shocked.
Bill Cowher says 27-24 Saints.
I can’t understand what Shannon Sharpe is saying, but the image says 34-28 Colts.
Boomer says 34-30 Colts.
5:57: I usually watch the game with lots of people. But no one is here with me now. My dad will be here soon. My sister is on the phone. My Vodka-drinking cousin had to clean stuff out of his grandfather’s basement. Yep. Not a lie. He couldn’t do this yesterday?
6:02: I’ve had Abby on as a guest the past few years. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make it today because she’s snowed in (we had 27 inches of snow last night in Philly). However, she agreed to text me throughout the game with her thoughts on it.
The good news is, I was able to get her Super Bowl pick via a series of texts earlier in the day. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Whom do you want to win?
Abby: “I don’t even know whose even playing.”
Me: Can you guess?
Abby: “New Orleans and Minniapolis?”
Me: Nice. Of those two whom do you want to win?
Abby: “Minniapolis because aren’t they closer to Philly than New Orleans?”
Abby: “But New Orleans has Mardy Gras and Mardy Gras is awesome.”
We’ll be without this sort of analysis this year if Abby forgets to text me. FML.
6:04: My 20-year-old cousin should be here too. I’m holding out hope that she brings her hot friend Alexa so I can hit on her throughout the evening.
6:06: I also invited my friend Schmidty. However, he’s going to our neighbor’s house because my neighbor ordered food. I’d go over there, but my neighbor apparently lives in the 1970s and doesn’t have any sort of wireless Internet connection.
6:08: I’m convinced Phil Simms is a pod person. Just look at him. If I had to describe what a pod person would look like to a sketch artist, he would draw Simms.
6:11: Remember when the 2001 Patriots were lauded for being the first team to come out as a unit as opposed to being announced individually? Now, everyone does it. I’d like to see one team go, “Screw it. We’re not a team. We’re a bunch of individuals, and we should be announced that way.” 1:50 odds that Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco are on that team.
6:12: There seem to be some boos for the Colts. Peyton Manning thrives on this. Indy covers easily.
6:14: My cousin is here. She didn’t bring her hot friend. She had work. FML.
6:18: I just had the following conversation with my cousin Megan:
Me: Who do you think is going to win?
Megan: I don’t know. I wanted to ask you so I could bet with my friends.
Good to know that degenerate gambling runs in the family.
6:20: Ugh. Queen Latifah? Really? Megan’s thoughts, “Ugh. Why would they do this?”
6:21: And we’ve now reached the portion of the night where my giant sheepdog will be attacking Megan. Megan cowers in fear.
6:22: I think my dog is humping the couch. Maybe this is why no one besides Megan wanted to come over.
6:23: Why did Tony Romo ever break up with Carrie Underwear? I don’t get it.
6:26: I just asked my sister whom she wants to win. Her answer: “The Colts because I like horses.” Megan chimes in, “I want the Colts to win too because I made a straight-up bet for a dinner.” Ah man, lots of pressure on the line.
6:28: Emmitt heaved the coin at the Saints. At least he didn’t have to say anything.
6:30: Let’s get some thoughts from Emmitt on this game:
“I like the Indianapolis Colt to win. The Colt have a guy named Peyton Manning. Manning have a lot of size and a lot of arm power. Drew Brees is a good quarterback because he can throw the ball. But Drew Brees, who name rhymes with the wind, is only a li-bit smaller than Manning. Not a lot-bit, but a li-bit, and that li-bit edge give the Colt a big advantagism in this Pro Bowl.”
6:33: Brees looked jittery in the pocket. I’m not comfortable with my pick now.
6:34: Brees looks super nervous. Colts 41, Saints 0. Megan eats happily.
6:36: Big first down for Manning. He looks like he’s been here before. Oh, wait. He has. Maybe I should have bet on him. Derrrr.
6:39: How the hell did Manning just do that? It looked like a sure sack. There’s no stopping him tonight.
6:40: Assistant coach to Brees: “Hey Drew, do you need me to wipe the crap off your pants from the last drive?”
6:41: Huge third-down stop. Field goal coming up.
Field goal, Colts. 3-0 Indianapolis.
6:43: I wonder if Abby’s watching the game and thinking, “Wait, where are the Vikings?”
6:44: Tim Tebow OMG OMG Tim Tebow OMG Tim Tebow OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
6:48: Brees looks like Kyle Orton early on. Somewhere, Josh McDaniels is reading this and thinking, “Wait, Kyle Orton is like awesome, what are you talking about, bro?”
6:50: Marques Colston just dropped a big pass. Everyone is crapping the bed on the Saints.
6:51: Scott Green, where’s the shady penalty? Help us Saints bettors out!
6:53: Dr. Marvin Candle was in that commercial. I didn’t catch what it was for, but Best Commercial Ever.
6:56: My sister just placed like a billion plates of food on the table. I’m not complaining, but I don’t think she got the memo that everyone is either snowed in or scared of my dog. On the bright side, I get to eat lots of food. NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.
7:00: I don’t think the Saints realize that the Colts have the option of running the ball. It’s like they’re trying too hard to Sweep the Leg.
Touchdown Colts. Peyton Manning to Pierre Garcon. 10-0 Indianapolis.
7:02: You know what sucks about that score? I need Manning to throw a second-quarter touchdown. Had he thrown that a play or two later, I would have won my prop. FML.
7:04: My sister on the Simpsons Coke commercial: “Montgomery Burns caught the football like Obama in that commercial!”
7:05: Oh, no. Scott Green just called the Saints for a shady penalty. Looks like he has the Colts.
7:07: From the NFL.com Gamecenter:
COLTS PLEASE USED CRUSH BUG PLAY ON SAINTS
Unleash CRUSH BUG PLAY!
7:09: My sister just asked, “If Peyton Manning wins, how many rings will he have?” I said, “Two. Three if you count his wedding ring.”
My sister looked at me as if I were an idiot.
“I didn’t mean wedding ring!”
7:14: My sister just realized that there are two black players named Pierre in this game. She’s astonished.
7:16: Now, my sister and Megan are discussing the time I went to my final super drunk and still scored an 84 even though I couldn’t read the bottom half of each page. Great times at Penn State.
Field goal, Saints. 10-3 Indianapolis.
7:19: Megan is upset her dinners are in danger because the Saints scored. But that was a win for the Colts. If Manning scores another touchdown, this game is over.
7:21: I hate when the Super Bowl is on CBS. All we’re seeing are Survivor and Amazing Race commercials.
7:22: Another reason why we need the game on FOX: Rebecca Grant. I’ve reached my “Men in Underwear Commercials” capacity.
7:24: My sister hears Jabari Greer and says, “Jabari? JA-BARI? What did his parents do, Google “Names never used before?”
7:25: Big drop by Pierre Garcon. Just the break the Saints needed.
7:27: That Lost Bud Light commercial worked. Upon seeing that commercial, my dad said, “I need a beer.” Shame on anyone who says advertising doesn’t work.
7:28: Huge dropped interception. The Saints are getting so many lucky breaks – and none from Scott Green yet. Just wait until he does his dirty business!
7:31: Lance Moore? Where has he been all year? Saints in the red zone.
7:33: Saints out of the red zone. Yeah, a reverse is not going to work against a fast defense like the Colts.
7:34: Colston down to the 3!
7:36: GameCenter comments:
COME ON COLTON AND THE SAINTS!
JERAMY SHOCKEY LOOKS LIKE A FEMAIL
IF U LIK DA SAINTS SAY YEA
Stief I hate you
Looks like everyone’s intelligence has dropped today on NFL.com.
7:37: My sister asks, “Do football players have padding on their butts?”
7:40: “Hey, we have Pierre Thomas. He’s a good running back. Let’s give it to Mike Bell, who’s an average backup running back in the NFL at the very best.” Brilliant decision by Sean Payton.
7:42: Saints denied on fourth down! Epic fail! They should have ran with Mike Bell!
7:45: An Abbott and Costello moment between my parents.
Dad: Who’s singing the halftime?
Mom: Who.
Dad: Who?
Mom: Who.
Dad: No, who?
Mom: Who!
Dad: Who, damn it!?
Mom: Who!!!!
You can’t make this stuff up.
7:47: Peyton Manning second-quarter touchdown prop fail. Screw you, Cousin Sal!
7:49: My sister laughs, “Their butts jiggle when they fall.”
7:51: The Hartley House is really clutch. He’s made 46- and 44-yard field goals in this game. Nate Kaeding would have vomited on his holder.
Field goal, Saints. 10-6 Indianapolis. Halftime.
7:53: Old men singing old songs coming up.
My sister’s thoughts: “Oh my God, they’re going to look so ugly. How exciting can geriatric people look on stage?”
7:59: What is Shannon Sharpe saying? I usually have trouble deciphering him, but now I can’t even make out a single word.
8:00: My dad on the Who: “Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs. I remember them when I was in high school.” This was when he and everyone else back then walked uphill in 15 feet of snow to and from school.
8:02: My dad just yelled, “THEY’RE SO OLD AND SO UGLY!”
8:06: Whoa crazy message on the GameCenter:
WALTER UR SO SEXY PLEASE MARRY ME GARLIC I WILL LOVE U ALWAYS PLEASE FORGIVE ME
8:10: GameCenter comments about the Who:
They aren’t even playing, the dead beat pervert
This just in…Players from both team have collapsed due to the halftime show
My ear is being raped!!!!! Make it stop!!!!!!
You all can thank Janet Jackson and her saggy ole boob for this halftime tragedy!!!
8:13: The halftime show is finally over? It feels like we’re about to watch Super Bowl L.
8:16: How in the world did Phil Simms understand what Shannon Sharpe said? I knew Simms was a pod person.
8:20: What is this sport they’re about to play? I’m in a daze right now.
8:21: Holy crap! Onside kick!
8:22: Saints recover!!!! Sean Payton is the man!
8:25: Quickly, Dennis, my co-owner from DraftDebacled.com on the Who:
“I think the guitarist clearly covered the over under on windmills.”
It’s true. Unfortunately, I forgot to get my bet in.
8:27: Pierre Thomas runs into the end zone! What a drive after the onside kick!
Touchdown, Saints. 13-10 New Orleans.
8:30: Colts fans aren’t worried. Via GameCenter:
you wont be running your inbred louisiana mouths at the end
Classy.
8:31: I don’t think Peyton Manning has thrown a pass since the 8-minute mark of the second quarter. And thanks to the halftime show, that was more than an hour ago.
8:33: I guess the time off didn’t hurt Manning. Colts at midfield.
8:34: Megan on Scott Fujita: “That’s the best name any fat a** can have.”
8:37: What a drive by the Colts. That’s why Manning is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Touchdown, Colts. 17-13 Indianapolis.
8:42: Funny e-mail I just received: “Did you see Emmitt steal the coin from the toss? He picked it up. What a clown.”
Hey, you can’t change the stripes of a leopard. Emmitt will always continue to debacle anything he comes across.
8:43: Can we stop it with these stupid baby commercials? I’m going to hang myself if they’re still on next year.
8:45: Can we not go down to Steve Tasker? Where are the hot chick sideline reporters? Why isn’t Rebecca Grant showing off her cleavage tonight?
8:47: I think the words “fat guy” have been used by the people in this room 50,000 times in the past few hours.
8:49: Garrett Hartley is the man. The Under looks like a lock now.
Field goal, Saints. 17-16 Indianapolis.
8:53: The Cowboys and Ravens have to be kicking themselves. Garrett Hartley was a free agent last year after the Saints cut him.
8:55: From the GameCenter:
COLTS REALLY SUCK A** HAHA MY GRANDMOTHER PLAYS BETTER THEN THAT AND SHE AINT GOT NO ARMS OR LEGS LOL F*** THEM COLTS
Your grandmom has no arms or legs? What?
9:00: One quarter left. Let’s see what Emmitt thinks:
“I’m very impressive with the Saints play right now. And not just impressive. Very, very impressive. The way they recover the offside kick really set the temporary in the third half. But in the end, I think Peyton Manning will win this football game. Peyton Manning have more blood line than Drew Bledsoe. Manning have so many blood line like Archie Manning, Albert Manning and Danny Manning. That is three blood line. Drew Bledsoe have no blood line!”
9:02: Manning converts fourth down! Crap.
9:05: Matt Stover no good from 51. Once I announced that Stover is 42 years old, no one in this room thought he would make it. I don’t get that call. They should have gone for it or pooch punted.
9:10: My dad makes a joke: “The Saints have a black Bush. What if the Colts had a white Obama?” Yeah, it’s the fourth quarter and we’re running out of material.
9:12: Saints down to the 5!
9:13: David Thomas makes his first catch of the game. Two more and Cousin Sal is screwed again.
9:14: Touchdown, Saints! Brees to Shockey!
Touchdown, Saints. Two-pointer no good. 22-17 New Orleans.
9:16: Could be reviewed. Looks close.
9:17: Scott Green may call this no good. I don’t think he wants this game to go to overtime.
9:18: Two-pointer is good. Green must have some sort of overtime prop. That explains it.
Touchdown, Saints. Two-pointer good. 24-17 New Orleans.
9:22: Shady false start. My dad complains, “Offense! That was on the defense! Offense!?!? Offense!?!?!?” Hey, I warned my dad that Green was dirty.
9:27: Holy crap, Charles Barkley looks like he’s 600 pounds in HD. He really needs to start exercising. He’s getting out of control.
9:29: PICK-SIX! TOUCHDOWN TRACY PORTER!
Touchdown, Saints. 31-17 New Orleans.
9:30: Megan just lost a few dinners and $30. I feel bad. I think I’m going to have to pay for them.
9:31: Abby on the touchdown via AIM: “aesome he ran the whole thing with no1 chasing him.”
9:32: Scott Green throws the cover-sealing flag! I wonder what Green is going to buy tomorrow. I’m saying a pool, a hot tub, a new mansion and a dozen brides from Russia.
9:34: You can’t throw short junk now, Manning.
9:37: These Go Daddy commercials are all talk and no badge. Stupid Janet Jackson’s saggy boob making everyone uptight!
9:40: Scott Green with a call to balance out the penalties.
9:42: Colts use a timeout. Now they have to go onside after this touchdown.
9:43: My dad jokes, “The Vikings are going to win the Super Bowl!” Abby agrees.
9:44: Fourth down coming up. Game’s on the line.
9:45: “Incomplete! The Saints are going to do it!”
9:46: 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…
9:47:
9:48: A great Super Bowl. Two outstanding teams and a game that went down to the final minutes. It feels good to get a pick right for a change. Unfortunately, no entertaining hate mail this time – though maybe some people bet against me and are now angry. That’s a possibility.
9:54: Great shot of a tearful Drew Brees with his kid. That’s awesome.
9:56: Let’s get some final thoughts from Emmitt:
“I am very proud of the Mindianapolis Vikings even in this lossed. I listen to Abby on WaltersFootballInternet.coms and bet the Viking. They did not win the Pro Bowl, but my bookie said I did not get the pick not right because the Vikings din’t even play. This confusing me. But congratulation to Drew Brees and the New Orleans Hornets. They are a very, very, very good football team and I underestimitized them. Brees name rhyme with the wind, and he rided that wind all the way to a world championship. Next time, I will make sure not to bet against the wind. The wind have unstoppable forced.”
Wow, I think writing that dropped my IQ about 30 points.
9:58: Congratulations to the Saints! Thanks for reading my nonsensical thoughts in this Live Blog. Stay tuned this week, as I will be have a 2010 NFL Mock Draft update. I will also be posting 2010 NFL Offseason Needs. Later on, there will be 2011 NFL Draft Prospect Rankings.
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