Also, Live 2013 NBA Draft Grades will be posted here minutes after each pick. Follow me on Twitter @walterfootball for updates.
7:06: I just walked into my parents’ house. No one else is home, but that didn’t stop the dogs from going nuts. One is trying to knock over a bag of pig ears. The second one is jumping, trying to reach his toy that my parents stashed on the top shelf so the cat won’t pee on it. The third is running around in circles for some strange reason. I don’t know how I survived as a child.
7:08: Oh, by the way, discuss the NBA Draft here in a thread that forum member PSU set up.
7:10: Jay Bilas just defended this draft. “It’s not a bad draft. Are there any great players? No. Are there any good players? No. Are there any OK players? No. Is there a guy with one arm expected to be chosen in the top five? Sure. But that doesn’t make it a bad draft.”
7:16: My dad just called and said he’s going to be here in 45 minutes. Since he won’t be here for a while, here are five of his comments from last year:
1. Blazers Pick:
8:02: My dad thinks the Blazers will pick Andre Drummond. “Portland always does something stupid. Sam Bowie. Greg Oden. This team is always trash.”
With the 6th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Blazers select Damian Lillard, PG, Weber State
8:08: Upon learning that David Kay gave the Kings a C for Damian Lillard, my dad commented, “Of course. The Blazers always do something stupid!”
2. Philly Trash:
7:58: My dad on Dion Waiters: “Speaking EXACTLY like Philadelphia trash. ‘Nah mean? Nah mean? Nah mean?'”
3. POS Coach:
8:34: Monty Williams’ name caught my dad’s attention:
“Great coach Monty Williams? GREAT COACH MONTY WILLIAMS!? He’s a piece of s**t!”
4. Sixers Pick:
8:55: The Sixers are on the clock. Here we go. Terrence Jones better be a Sixer.
8:57: My dad’s super pissed that ESPN cut to a commercial. “They’re always against the Sixers! They hate the Sixers! Always commercials when they draft!”
With the 15th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the 76ers select Moe Harkless, F, St. John’s
8:59: Uh oh…
“Who the f**k is that? WHO THE F**K IS THAT!? SIXERS ALWAYS DO SOMETHING STUPID! ALWAYS!”
9:01: My dogs are freaking out because my sister walked in. My dad, pissed about the pick and all the noise, just freaked out: “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! IDIOTS! SIXERS AND THE DOGS ARE ALL IDIOTS!”
9:02: My dad’s still ranting. “How many shooting forwards do they need? Why not Terrence Jones?”
5. Why Tyler Zeller Sucks:
9:12: My dad doesn’t like Tyler Zeller. “He’s slow, like Shawn Bradley. And he’s ugly. Look at his face.”
7:19: What is Bill Simmons talking about with lots of teams trying to move up to No. 2? This draft class sucks. Who the hell would want to move up?
7:20: Trey Burke is Bilas’ best available? That graphic makes no sense.
7:22: I think Alex Len is a fraud. First of all, Len is not a Ukranian last name. Second, he does not have a Russian accent at all. I think he’s a con artist. He’s probably never even played basketball before.
7:24: Sergey Karasev… now there’s a real Russian. Not this Alex Len farce.
7:25: Just told my dad that Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce could be going to the Nets. “Wow, the Nets will be a good team!” he replied. Good? Sure. In the Over-40 League.
7:27: “Dennis Schrooder?” I thought it was pronounced “Shrowder” like the Peanuts a**hole who ignored the girls and just played his portable piano.
7:33: Here’s a grade for the Cavaliers if they pick Nerlens Noel. It’s in our 2013 NBA Draft Grades.
7:34: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
7:35: I said this last year, but David Stern handles the hecklers so much better than Roger Goodell, who just says “I hear you” over and over again.
7:36: David Stern: “The Cleveland Cavaliers are on the clock.” Maybe I’m in the minority but I’m going to miss Stern.
7:37: How does Nerlens Noel weigh only 216 pounds? Why doesn’t he just go to McDonald’s and eat like five double cheeseburgers? If he did that for a week, he wouldn’t be skinny anymore.
7:38: How is a skinny center with knee problems a safe pick? Derp.
7:40: I don’t know about this Ben McLemore guy. Chad Ford said on Bill Simmons’ podcast that he doesn’t like to play basketball. He also can’t dribble, apparently. I wouldn’t want anyone like that on my team.
With the 1st pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Cavaliers select Anthony Bennett, F, UNLV
7:42: WOOOOOWWWWWW!!! The Cavaliers selected the guy who actually ate five double cheeseburgers every day at McDonald’s!
7:43: Anthony Bennett asking David Stern where the best fast food restaurants are in Cleveland.
7:45: An interview with Anthony Bennett…
Reporter: How do you feel about this pick?
Anthony Bennett: NOM NOM NOM NOM, ME STILL NEED EAT FIFTH CHEESEBURGER NOM NOM NOM NOM!
7:47: My dad just walked in and is appalled. “The father and son who own Cleveland? They are freaks. That’s why they took him.”
7:48: Whoa, Anthony Bennett is Canadian? He doesn’t look Canadian. His head wasn’t moving up and down when he talked.
With the 2nd pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Magic select Victor Oladipo, SG, Indiana
7:50: Yay, David and I each nailed a pick in our mocks. I guess the Orlando owners aren’t freaks.
7:51: I loved Oladipo until the NCAA Tournament. How did Indiana lose so early? I’ll never forgive him for ruining my bracket.
7:52: 2013 NBA Draft Grades has the Victor Oladipo write-up.
7:53: David Stern is having so much fun with this. It’s great.
With the 3rd pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Bullets select Otto Porter, SF, Georgetown
7:55: My dad just heard the name Bruce Bowen. “Bruce Bowen? Who the f*** wants Bruce Bowen?”
7:57: Who is Otto Porter Sr.? He looks like the police chief from Beverly Hills Cop.
7:58: “Alex Len is a Ukranian guy? He doesn’t look like a Ukranian guy. I don’t think he’s a Ukranian guy.” – my dad.
7:59: “Otto Porter Sr. talks nice. Not like trash.” – my dad.
With the 4th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Hornets select Cody Zeller, C, Indiana
8:00: Whoa! Over Nerlens Noel and Alex Len?
8:02: And we have our first F in the 2013 NBA Draft Grades. If I were doing them, it’d be a “Millen Man Sex with Disabled Security Cameras Kielbasa Grade.”
8:03: My dad’s suddenly hopeful that Len will fall to the Sixers. He looked heartbroken when I told him that both David and I had him fifth in our mocks.
8:05: Forum member Binton: “Bobcats are the NBA equivalent of the Browns.” So true.
With the 5th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Suns select Alex Len, C, Maryland
8:08: Alex Len just arrived in the States? How does he speak English so well? I’m telling you, something’s not right with this guy. I think he might be Bruce Willis’ villain in Die Hard 8: Dying Harder Every Day.
8:10: Not sure if there are any skyscrapers in Phoenix, but DO NOT LET THIS MAN IN!
With the 6th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the
8:12: Nerlens Noel and Anthony Davis reunited!
8:14: “Nerlens Noel falling out of the top five is the most shocking thing I’ve ever seen in the NBA Draft.” – Bill Simmons. Really? A skinny center with a torn ACL falling five spots is the most shocking thing ever?
8:15: Aaron Rodgers tweeting that he’s surprised Ben McLemore is still on the board. He can’t dribble, so…
With the 7th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Kings select Ben McLemore, SG, Kansas
8:17: No-brainer.
8:19: My dad with a great point: “When you listen do these idiots, everyone’s good! ‘Excellent this, excellent that.’ Everyone is excellent!”
8:20: Ben McLemore and DeMarcus Cousins hanging out could be disastrous.
8:21: Maria Sharapova slipping down might be the greatest thing to ever happen to women’s tennis from a ratings standpoint.
8:22: My dad’s hoping the Bobcats trade Cody Zeller to the Sixers. I could totally see that, given how stupid the team is.
8:23: Nerlens Noel to the Sixers!
8:24: “Wow, this is good, right!?” – my dad.
8:25: So much for Anthony Davis and Nerlens Noel reuniting.
With the 8th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Pistons select Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, SG, Georgia
8:28: My dad’s trying to figure out what the Sixers gave up for Noel. “Evan Turner and 11th pick, probably? Or maybe just Evan Turner!? He’s trash, he can go.”
8:29: Great question by Shane Battier. “You were clutch in college. Do you think this will translate to the NBA?” What’s Caldwell-Pope supposed to say? “Hmm… probably not. I think I’m going to suck, and the Pistons are dumb for taking me.”
8:31: Sixers dealt Jrue Holiday and a first-round pick in 201? (couldn’t hear it because Bill Simmons and Jalen Rose were yelling.)
With the 9th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Timberwolves select Trey Burke, PG, Michigan
8:32: My dad’s going nuts. “The Sixers are crazy! They are crazy! What are they doing!? Holiday… he’s the best player on the team!”
8:34: “F***ing idiots!” My dad yelled, walking to the bathroom.
8:35: “Keeping Evan Turner and giving up Jrue Holiday!? How can they do this? What a f***ing idiot team!” my dad yelled, walking out of the bathroom.
8:36: Oh God… a 2014 first-rounder? How do you give up a 2014 first-rounder? Bill Simmons likes it, so it’s gotta be the worst trade ever.
With the 10th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Blazers select C.J. McCollum, G, Lehigh
8:39: This has to be Michael Carter-Williams, right? They have no point guard.
8:40: Confused. Simmons is saying that this is New Orleans’ pick, but I don’t think Philly gave it up.
8:42: Nothing wrong with having two of the exact same player.
8:43: Whoa, the Sixers get the 2014 pick? “Now it makes sense!” my dad beams.
With the 11th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the 76ers select Michael Carter-Williams, PG, Syracuse
8:46: My dad’s suddenly thrilled by these events. “We get Nerlens Noel, this kid and a 2014 pick! The Sixers will be great!”
8:47: “No tattoos!”
With the 12th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Thunder select Steven Adams, C, Pittsburgh
8:51: A guy from both Pittsburgh and New Zealand? That’s impressive.
8:54: I don’t like Shane Battier as a sideline reporter. He’s too tall. He makes everyone else look like Tyrion Lannister.
8:55: My dad wants the Sixers to draft Sergey Karasev in the second round. I told him no chance, but he replied, “They got Nerlens Noel, Michael Carter-Williams and a 2014 pick! You never know!”
8:57: Forum member PSU on the Sixers trade: “Damn it Walt’s dad likes it, now it’ll fail.”
8:58: Who wants Dwight Howard? He sucks. He can’t score five feet outside the basket and he can’t hit free throws.
With the 13th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Mavericks select Kelly Olynyk, C, Gonzaga
8:59: Olynyk is going to Boston.
9:00: This is the first time a Hanson brother has been chosen in the NBA Draft. Hopefully it’ll be the last.
9:02: Found this comment by CoryCurren in the Mafia section: “And with the first overall pick, the Cleveland Cavaliers have selected the eighth overall pick. ”
With the 14th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Timberwolves select Shabazz Muhammad, F, UCLA
9:07: I’m not with Bill Simmons about Shabazz Muahmmad being accountable. I’m all for blaming others for my mistakes. That’s the way to go.
9:10: No one cares about the Bucks, let’s stop talking about them.
With the 15th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Bucks select Giannis Antetokounmpo, F, Greece
9:12: Wow, this Giannis guy is black? What’s with all of these Greek, German and French players being black?
9:15: How do people not know which team this pick belongs to? David Stern should just announce all of the trades, and they should be final.
9:17: You know this draft sucks when all of the analysts are talking about next year’s class.
With the 16th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Hawks or Mavericks select Lucas Nogueira, C, Brazil
9:20: I don’t think that Nogueira afro is intentional. That’s what happens when Blanka zaps you every five minutes.
9:21: No comments from my dad in a while. He announced that he had to take a s***.
9:22: Why would anyone watch Wimbledon with Maria Sharapova out?
With the 17th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Hawks select Dennis Schroeder, G, Germany
9:24: David Stern pronounced it “Shrowder.” Stern knows what he’s talking about.
9:25: I don’t know… Alex Len is fake Ukranian. Dennis Schroeder is fake German. That Giannis guy is fake Greek. I think these guys will commit organized crimes in the near future.
9:26: My dad’s out of the bathroom. He just saw the Atlanta graphic. He wants the Sixers to sign Kyle Korver. “He’s a great player.”
9:27: See, Detlef Schrempf was a real German.
With the 18th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Hawks select Shane Larkin, PG, Miami
9:31: Barry Larkin’s younger brother. Nice pick.
9:33: My dad just realized that Shane Battier is the interviewer. “That’s Shane Battier!? What the f*** is he doing there!? Go back to f***ing Miami.”
9:34: See what I mean about Battier though? Barry looked like he wanted to say “I’m the god of wine and tits.”
With the 19th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Cavaliers select Sergey Karasev, SG, Russia
9:37: My dad just yelled “f***!” He really wanted Sergey Karasev even though he never heard of him before tonight.
9:38: “He’s going back to Russia? He’s not playing this year? F*** him.” And there it is.
9:40: Now there’s a real Russian.
9:42: Ugh. I’m glad I don’t live with any animals. One of the dogs is trying to chew the power cord to this laptop.
9:44: My dad’s already plotting for next year. “All the Sixers need to do is injure Anthony Davis, and they’ll have the No. 1 pick.”
9:46: I told my dad the previous two picks ahead of time…
Dad: How’d you know this?
Me: Twitter.
Dad: Who the f*** is Twitter?
9:47: My dad thinks Shabazz Muhammad will be a bust. “Look at how this guy talks. He’ll be a trouble-maker. Watch.” A trouble-maker with the fake Germans, Russians and Greeks, most likely.
With the 20th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Bulls select Tony Snell, F, New Mexico
With the 21st pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Timberwolves select Gorgui Dieng, C, Louisville
9:52: Awesome David Stern moment. I’ll miss him.
9:56: Don’t get how Jason Kidd can be a coach so soon. This would never happen in the NFL. Could you imagine if the Jets fired Rex Ryan and hired Brett Favre?
With the 22nd pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Nets select Mason Plumlee, C, Duke
9:59: Great, can’t wait for Shane Battier and Mason Plumlee to kiss each other’s a** in this upcoming interview.
10:01: I’m not going to listen to this interview. I imagine it went like this:
Battier: You’re the greatest ever because you went to Duke. Except for me because I also went to Duke.
Plumlee: OMG it’s great we’re so great because we went to Duke.
Battier: How great is Coach K? What does he mean to you?
Plumlee: He’s the best coach of all time omg. And omg he means so much to me. Omg Duke is great omg.
10:04: “Indiana’s probably taking a white guy,” my dad just suggested.
With the 23rd pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Pacers select Solomon Hill, F, Arizona
10:05: Guess the Indiana fans won’t be renewing their season tickets.
10:07: My dad on Spike Lee: “I hate this guy. He hates white people. He’s racist.”
With the 24th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Knicks select Tim Hardaway Jr., SG, Michigan
10:11: God, Knick fans are annoying. “OMG WE GOT TIM HARDAWAY JR HE’S LIKE HIS DAD WE’RE GONNA WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP YAYAYAYAYAY!!!”
10:13: Seeing highlights of Tim Hardaway Sr. reminds me of one time I was drunk at the bar. I was trying to remember Chris Mullin’s name, but I was so intoxicated that all I could come up with was “Christian Mullet.” I wrote about this in Jerks of the Week, and a reader named Christian Mullet contacted me on Facebook. Crazy, huh?
10:14: Payback isn’t ironic, moron.
With the 25th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Clippers select Reggie Bullock, F, North Carolina
10:18: The 76ers don’t have a coach. I suggested that they should just go without a coach. Why not? It’s not like they’re going to win any games anyway.
10:21: Why’d the Warriors want into this draft? It sucks. I imagine that their front office was just bored watching ESPN’s telecast and wanted some action.
With the 26th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Warriors select Andre Roberson, F, Colorado
10:23: Who the hell is Andre Roberson?
10:24: The hell kind of a suit is that? I don’t think Andre Roberson expected to be drafted. He probably thought there was a greater chance someone would ask him to serve food.
10:25: Maria Sharapova! How could they let her lose? Unacceptable.
10:27: David Stern should be announcing these trades before ESPN. I hate how ESPN destroyed our draft experience.
With the 27th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Jazz select Rudy Gobert, C, France
10:30: Odds the Spurs pick someone who ends up being a top-five player in this class?
10:32: Ugh, still can’t believe the Spurs lost. I have no interest in watching the NBA as long as Miami is winning. Screw LeBron, he’s a douche.
With the 28th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Spurs select Livio Jean-Charles, F, French Guiana
10:36: No idea who this is, but he’s probably an All-Star in 2017.
10:37: Ugh, there’s a mime in the stands. I hope they arrest him.
10:38: Thank God there are no foreign prospects in the NFL Draft. Can you imagine if your favorite team used a late first-rounder on a guy you wouldn’t see for two or three years? The fans would be super pissed.
10:40: My dad just said that State Farm is racist. I guess Spike Lee is a customer.
10:41: Oh my God, Andy Katz just made my nose bleed. I told you the Warriors were bored.
With the 29th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Suns select Archie Goodwin, G, Kentucky
10:45: David Stern’s final pick. This is quite sad. I wish he wouldn’t retire.
10:47: Lots of optimism here. “You see how skinny Dwight Howard was? Maybe Nerlens Noel can be like Dwight Howard!”
10:48: Let’s see what the bored Warriors are up to.
10:49: Hot chick alert behind Bill Simmons in the black top. Wowwa weewa.
With the 30th pick in the 2013 NBA Draft, the Warriors select Nemanja Nedovic, G, Serbia
10:52: Hakeem! This is awesome.
10:53: Good point by the ESPN anchor. The NBA has mastered marketing. I could never see Roger Goodell ever doing anything like this.
10:55: Now that the first round is over, I’m going to sign off. The picks will be quicker in the second round, so I won’t be able to type much in between posting David’s Live 2013 NBA Draft Grades.
Some thoughts before I conclude this:
1. Like the NFL, the NBA’s dumbest teams make the dumbest picks. Cody Zeller at No. 4? Way to go, Charlotte. Not even moving back to the Hornets will help you.
2. The Sixers will be one of the worst teams in the NBA next year. My dad loves this draft now, but by February, I imagine him saying, “Why is this general manager such a f***ing idiot!?”
3. Speaking of the Sixers, don’t be surprised if their 12th man “sweeps the leg” in the first New Orleans game. You’ve been warned, Anthony Davis.
4. I’ve learned tonight that lots of people are racist.
5. I hope someone tells the hot chick behind Bill Simmons that I want to go out on a date with her.
10:59: I’m not sure I understand what Chris Broussard is saying, but from what I gather, the Nets acquired Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Jason Terry, Larry Bird and Doc Rivers from the Celtics.
11:00: Thanks for reading my nonsensical thoughts in this 2013 NBA Draft Blog. We’ll keep posting the Live 2013 NBA Draft Grades until the draft ends, and we’ll have more 2013 NBA Draft analysis tomorrow, as well as a 2014 NBA Mock Draft update.
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2013 NBA Mock Draft – Walt’s
2013 NBA Mock Draft – David Kay’s
