Debacled Published on 3/19/2026
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pinballer3
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Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. Yeah, right. |
Round:1
Raiders:
Fernando Mendoza, QB, Indiana 
The Raiders need a QB and are fortunate to have the first pick, since Mendoza is the only QB with round one talent. Ergo, to trade down for more picks would be a fool's errand.
Jets:
Arvell Reese, LB, Ohio State 
The Jets need a QB, but in this round, there can be only one. So, to replace Jermaine, they get Arvell, who's already better and has upside to boot.
Cardinals:
David Bailey, DE, Texas Tech 
Beetle (IYKYK) has the production to be drafted ahead of Arvell, but he may have already hit his head on the ceiling. You channeling me? This could have been a right tackle, but we don't like wannabe Guards at pick 3.
Titans:
Jeremiyah Love, RB, Notre Dame 
Sophomore QBs best friend is now in the house. Give the man some new threads and some Grand Ole Opry House tickets.
Giants:
Sonny Styles, LB, Ohio State
Ray Lewis, CJ Mosely, Roquan Smith, __________________. Fill in the blank. Sonny's style at the Combine is worthy of a Harbaugh trophy.
Browns:
Carnell Tate, WR, Ohio State
Jeudy regressed. From bad to worse. As in, can't get open or catch the ball. Sanders will do the same without some NFL-level WR helpers, and Ohio State produces them in droves. Plus, there's the moving cost save.
Commanders:
Rueben Bain Jr., DE, Miami 
Short arms won't matter when he sucker-punches you in the face before you can kick slide your way out of arms way.
Saints:
Makai Lemon, WR, USC 
Tyson would be the pick but for his extensive injury history. Let's not draft a lemon, when we can get a Lemon.
Chiefs:
Francis Mauigoa, OT, Miami
The last time the Chiefs drafted a top 10 player not named Mahomes was 2013, when they picked an Offensive Tackle. History repeats. Francis is no mule.
Bengals:
Caleb Downs, S, Ohio State
Caleb is a top ten talent. Wherever you go, there you are.
Dolphins:
Mansoor Delane, CB, LSU 
When it comes to the secondary, if you have nothing, you gotta start something. This pick could be anything, but if Mansoor falls here, that's something more than nothing, which they now have. Channeling my inner Yogi. Tank for '27!
Cowboys:
Jermod McCoy, CB, Tennessee 
He sat out a year so he's not the first DB off the board. But '24 was grand, which makes him one of Jerry's kids.
Rams:
Jordyn Tyson, WR, Arizona State 
The Rams need a replacement for Davante Adams. They were reportedly interested in AJ Brown. Tyson would be the first receiver off the board based on talent, but he falls here due to his injury history. Will McCoy cover Tyson in '26?
Ravens:
Olaivavega Ioane, G, Penn State 
Let's Guard-up for Jackson so he doesn't over-think things in the 4th quarter of a critical game.
Buccaneers:
Kenyon Sadiq, TE, Oregon 
He's a Mike Evans clone. Only faster. He's like the AI version.
Jets:
Omar Cooper, WR, Indiana
Jets need a running mate for Garrett. And for a QB, but that's a later round/year problem. Tank for '27, part II!
Lions:
Spencer Fano, OT, Utah 
Fano has the playingtude that will endear him to Coach. And the talent to protect his ass…ets.
Vikings:
Dillon Thieneman, S, Oregon
The Harrison show is coming to an end. This is what happens when talent meets opportunity.
Panthers:
Caleb Banks, DT, Florida 
He excelled at the Combine with a broken foot. Give Big Papa a new pair of shoes, and he'll dance.
Cowboys:
Keldric Faulk, DE, Auburn 
Talent and traits equal what? Take your time, we'll wait.
Steelers:
K.C. Concepcion, S, Texas A&M 
The last piece to complete the receiving corps. And help Aaron make one last go route of it.
Chargers:
Peter Woods, DT, Clemson 
Theres just so much one should say about a guy with Peter and Wood in his name.
Eagles:
Monroe Freeling, OT, Georgia 
They need a tackle and Monroe can play on both sides against the middle.
Browns:
Kayden Proctor, OT, Alabama 
Mountain of a man with swag.
Bears:
Kayden McDonald, DT, Ohio State
Best run stuffer on the charcuterie board.
Bills:
Denzel Boston, WR, Washington 
Can we just get somebody who can get open?
49ers:
Caleb Lomu, OT, Utah
Another team who needs a tackle and we haven't run out yet.
Texans:
Blake Miller, OT, Clemson
See comment above.
Chiefs:
Avieon Terrell, CB, Clemson
Chiefs are a bit short on corners, so they won't mind if AT is a bit short. He comes from good corner stock.
Dolphins:
Akheem Mesidor, DE, Miami
He's 25, but the Fins are in win now mode. Drafting for heaven in '27, or '28 if we're running late. That's so wrong. Yep. The 'roid era all over again.
Patriots:
T.J. Parker, DE, Clemson
T.J. Pahker is perfect for the Pats dialect.
Seahawks:
Colton Hood, CB, Tennessee
When you lose your Riq. Get a Colt.
