Random Mailbag

These are random/interesting e-mails or Facebook posts I’ve received. The e-mails are italicized and left mostly unedited. My responses follow them.

11/28/09: Fat Coaches, Dumb Coaches, Fantasy Fails

From Jason P.:

You say you are a large man… I don’t have any proof of this except your word, but I am 6’3 270 pounds, so I am a large man.

The Lions have a promotion going where they have $55 “all-you-can-eat” seats. I say that you, Mark Mangino and I go to a game and bankrupt the organization and force them to leave town. Hot Dogs are $6 at the stadium, and I’m sure that Mark could easily eat 250. That would cost him $1500.00 if he was in a normal seat, so I think he would be very interested in the all-you-can-eat seat.

Over the course of a game, I’m thinking I could put down 20 or so. You’d have to sit next to Mark though. Come to think of it, there’s enough empty seats that he could have his own row.

–> Your plan seems like a solid one, and it could work in theory. However, it could easily backfire.

If you put that much meat in front of a large man like Mangino, he could go a bit overboard once all of the hot dogs are gone. And by a “bit overboard,” I mean eating everyone in a mile radius of him.

From Joe L.:

Just a note on Jamal Charles; the only reason he got every carry except for one last week is because Kolby Smith went down with an injury, and Dantrell Savage was inactive. Charles was the only running back available, I don’t think Todd Haley has taken your advice fully yet.

–> Yeah, I saw that. For Kansas City’s sake, let’s hope that Kolby Smith suffers minor injuries every week to force Todd Haley’s hand. It’s the only shot the Chiefs have.

From Vincent G.:

I know this isn’t football related at all, but if I had a Jerk of the Week, I would give it to Elmo on Sesame Street.

It seems like every time I see something Sesame Street related nowadays, it has the little red elitist plastered prominently all over it. Even their online avatar isn’t the Sesame Street logo, but rather a picture of Elmo smiling at me.

Why does Elmo have to hog all the attention? And why has he remained 3 1/2 years old for the last 20+ years? Has Sesame Street opened a hole in the fabric of space and time that enables Elmo to remain this age?

–> I’m pretty sure that’s what the people behind Dick Clark, Al Davis and Roger Clemens have done, so I don’t think your theory is that preposterous.

From a friend:

Why didnt u tell me to start donals driver??? im j/k. i just didnt do it bc of his weak performasncce from last week

–> You sure it was his weak “performasncce,” and not your weak spelling?

From Michael:

Yo Walt, lurker here. Love your site, I check it everyday because I have no life except drinking and smoking the herb from time to time.

–> WalterFootball.com – Harboring alcoholics and weed addicts since 1999!

MISSING

Jerks of the Week