Random Mailbag

These are random/interesting e-mails or Facebook posts I’ve received. The e-mails are italicized and left mostly unedited. My responses follow them.

12/12/09: Rebecca Grant, Debacled English, Fat Wife

From Matt M.:

Can you believe she is 41 years old? Her plastic surgeon did something right… I’m not denying she is gorgeous but wow she must be the hottest 40+ y.o. on the planet.

–> First of all, I’m completely in shock. If I had to guess Rebecca Grant’s age, I would have said 18. OK, maybe 29 or 30.

And second, you’re damn right she’s the hottest 40-plus on the planet. That said, I’m convinced she doesn’t have breasts anymore. She hasn’t shown us any cleavage in six weeks. I dare you to prove me wrong, Rebecca. I triple-dog dare you.

From Jeris G.:

Pittsburgh 21, Cleveland 0.

What a loser pick. Pitt couldn’t even beat Oakland at home, than they travel to Cleveland with crappy weather. Specials teams was obviously going to play a huge role. The Steelers before last week gave up some type of return TD in what, like 8 straight games. Study some football first.

Also your list of overrated/underrated teams is horrible…Carolina overrated? Who gives them credit these days?

–> Thanks for those great compliments. I really appreciate it and I’m glad you like the site.

Yeah, the under looked like it was a bit shaky when the Steelers got a FG at the end of the first half. Luckily there was no scoring in the third quarter, so my 2-unit wager on the under hit. I love playing the under in really windy games. Congrats on your winnings!

Sorry if you misinterpreted what the overrated-underrated section means. I think you missed the following two sentences:

Keep in mind that even if a team is listed here, that doesn’t mean that I think lowly of them; they are simply overrated in Vegas’ eyes. These are the squads that Vegas can boost the spread on.

It doesn’t matter what the team’s record is; an 0-12 team can be overrated in terms of Vegas setting a spread. If you want proof of this, the Panthers were -6 over the Bucs last week when the line should have been 3-4. The Bucs didn’t cover, but they were clearly the right side.

Once again, congrats on hitting the Under with me.

From Mat G.:

Hay Waller, how cum yu dint no thet Vaygus bot dem Stealers ?

–> Mat, I’d love to answer your e-mail, but Emmitt wasn’t available to translate what you wrote to me. Perhaps I’ll be able to respond next week.

From Wraith:

I do not know which days the NFL announces which referee squads are doing which games, but would it be a good idea to avoid games with Walt Coleman, Jerome Boger and John Parry, and could that be factored into your picks?

–> This is a good idea, but what if one of those three officials is betting on the same team I am?

A better strategy would be to hack into their sportsbook to see whom they’re betting on. I think we’d be able to hit 100 percent against the spread if we did that.

From Nate P.:

walt, you are a jerk. because of your crappy picking my wife got fat and my dog died.

GROW UP AND BE A MAN YOU SPIKEY HAIRED PUNK!

also i ran out of beer yesterday and forgot to buy more because i was wasting my dumba** time on your website. thought you might like to know that.

cheeseburger!

–> Nate, was that your wife who hacked into your inbox and added that last word to your e-mail?

I’m sorry about your dog, but I think we can fix the problem with your wife.

If I do well with my picks this week, you can win enough money to buy a Stairmaster for her so she loses that weight. If I do poorly, maybe she’ll gain enough weight that she’ll turn into a helium balloon and fly off into the sunset.

Just please don’t show this e-mail to your wife – I don’t want to be eaten in my sleep.

MISSING

Jerks of the Week