32. Carolina Panthers (1-7) - Previously: #31 - There's this guy on the Internet. He has a Web site. In fact, he named the site after himself. He writes about football, and one of the things he wrote was an article for USA Today about why Jimmy Clausen should be the No. 1 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. What an idiot!!!!!
31. Buffalo Bills (0-8) - Previously: #32 - Congrats, Bills! You've made it out of last place in the Bottom 10. This is a proud moment for all of the fans.
I've been bashing Buffalo for not playing C.J. Spiller. Naturally, I've received numerous e-mails like this one from Mark K:
Your constant harping on the Bills for not playing CJ Spiller is not very thought provoking. The issue is not that they picked him and now and are ignoring him, it is simply that he can not pass block. The same was true of Lynch and he saw very little playing time his first year. The only reason I can imagine that you would not write something more incitefull if that your brain was eaten by a zombie nom nom nom nom
At least Mark jokingly wrote "nom nom nom nom" at the end of his e-mail, which brought a tear to my eye. But my response to him and all of the other e-mailers has been the same:
If you spend a No. 9 pick on a player, considering how much money that player demands, you have to use him. If he can't pass protect, that's Buffalo's fault for picking him too high.
30. Denver Broncos (2-6) - Previously: #30 - The Broncos were on a bye. Earlier, I posted a quote from Channing Crowder. I was able to secure an exclusive interview with Crowder shortly afterward:
ME: Hey Channing, thanks for joining me.
CROWDER: "If you spit in my face, I'm gonna f*** you up, ho!"
ME: Why would I spit in your face? I have nothing against you, Channing.
CROWDER: "My bad, I'm so mad right now. F*** it. I see you a journalist, a little Tony Kornheiser or Justin Beiber."
ME: Justin Bieber?
CROWDER: "Who was that? Is that the guy who write for ESPN? I don't know who the f*** Justin Bieber is. I'm not as swift as I usually am."
ME: That's an understatement.
CROWDER: "Did you just spit in my face? I know you spit in my f***ing face, ho."
ME: No, I told you, I have no reason to spit in your face.
CROWDER: "You a traitor. A little Tom Arnold."
ME: You mean Benedict Arnold?
CROWDER: "I ain't swift right now. Not swift at all. Who the f*** is Benedict Arnold?"
ME: He's... never mind.
CROWDER: "That's what I thought. All the hoes try to spit in my face like I ain't swift or somethin. I'm very swift, swifter than the swifterest man in the world. I'm Michael Bolton, ho."
ME: You mean Usain Bolt?
CROWDER: "Who the f*** is Usain Bolt? Why you always questioning me? You a little Walt Disney."
ME: Walt Disney? Umm... I have no idea what you're trying to refer to now.
CROWDER: "Your name Walt. Walt Disney's name Walt. Damn, you ain't swift, ho."
ME: Apparently not.
29. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) - Previously: #29 - The 49ers were also on a bye, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (the first from Wraith):
1. "i think the new england fans need to go away, your not proving anything to anyone with your "argument" cause quite honestly nobody cares about what you do in your "bahs" when your driving your "cahs" to grab a "bear""
Think I'll get some hate mail if I say this GameCenter poster actually makes a legitimate point?
2. "thats the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard, some one named Bob Sanders as a great D player....Maybe a great All ENJURY player"
No. What you wrote could be the DUMBEST thing you've ever heard.
3. "Funny LOL Jets were after throuht LOLOLOL"
Something tells me that this person will be in an insane asylum within the next five years.
28. Arizona Cardinals (3-5) - Previously: #28 - The adventure of Derek Anderson's magic flask continues! As you all know, Percy Harvin and Brad Childress nearly got into a fight during Friday's practice. The two men were still angry at each other until the conclusion of Sunday's game:
Childress: I hate you! You're a poopy head!
Harvin: No, I am a collard kector, but you are a pee-pee brain!
Anderson: Hic... hey guyssssss, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.
Childress & Harvin: OK...
*** Five minutes later ***
Childress: I lovvveee youuuu mannnnn.
Harvin: Youuurrrr myyy bessst frrrriend innn the worrrlldd.
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) - Previously: #27 - I'm still angry about the backdoor push. Maybe I should start giving analysis like Keyshawn Johnson. Here's a gem from Keyshawn on Monday Night Countdown:
This is a different Bengals team this year from last year.
26. Dallas Cowboys (1-7) - Previously: #23 - Why was everyone so shocked when Wade Phillips said "I don't know who we play next" in the Green Bay post-game press conference? Not only does Wade not know whom his next opponent is; I don't even think he knows what day tomorrow is. Here's a conversation that must occur pretty often:
Wade Phillips: What day is tomorrow, Friday?
Jason Garrett: No, tomorrow's Tuesday.
Wade Phillips (looking down, depressed): Oh, OK...
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4) - Previously: #26 - How irrelevant are the Jaguars? After the Colts beat the Texans last Monday night, Peyton Manning was asked about the divisional race...
"We have lots of good quarterbacks in this division, like Matt Schaub... uhh... Jerard..."
When your greatest rival doesn't even know how to pronounce your name, you know you absolutely suck.
24. Seattle Seahawks (4-4) - Previously: #19 - Breaking news: The Seattle Seahawks have filed a lawsuit against the New York Giants. The Seahawks are claiming that the Giants invited them over for some drinks, gave them tons of shots, forced them into a bathroom and did naughty things to them. The Giants could facing a six-game suspension; four with good behavior.
23. St. Louis Rams (4-4) - Previously: #24 - I was asked by several e-mailers why I didn't think the Rams would go after Randy Moss. I just didn't feel like management would want to pollute Sam Bradford's growth with a bad influence. I think St. Louis made the right move by not putting in a claim for him.
Speaking of Moss, Facebook friend Noah H. wrote this hilarious post on my wall:
"I need some advice, so maybe you can chime on this. OK, so I was with a 10 and she didn't appreciate me, so I dumped her and got with this girl who used to be a 9ish but I realized she's really only a 4 or 5 now. So I quickly talked my way out of that by saying how much I missed the 10. The 4 left me and a 8 scooped me up before I could even hit the market. What do I do?" ~~~Thanks R. Moss.
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Atlanta Falcons (6-2). Previously: #11
12. San Diego Chargers (4-5). Previously: #12
13. Houston Texans (4-4). Previously: #15
14. Miami Dolphins (4-4). Previously: #13
15. Oakland Raiders (5-4). Previously: #17
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-3). Previously: #16
17. Minnesota Vikings (3-5). Previously: #22
18. Kansas City Chiefs (5-3). Previously: #14
19. Cleveland Browns (3-5). Previously: #25
20. Detroit Lions (2-6). Previously: #20
21. Washington Redskins (4-4). Previously: #18
22. Chicago Bears (5-3). Previously: #21