32. Buffalo Bills (0-5) - Previously: #32 - A hilarious, confusing and uninformed e-mail from depressed/angry Bills fan Leo N:
I love how you down on the Bills franchise for "not using spiller." You obviously don't watch because he is in the game much more than 3rd down. He was in just as much as Jackson on passing plays, and yes he didn't get many touches, but do you down on Arizona for not featuring Beanie Wells and Oakland for not featuring Michael Bush? The answer is no.
You are a fair-weather piece of crap. Take for example your opinion on the Rams over the course of the last year. You beat them into the ground, but OH LOOK, they are winning now. Seems like a change of heart. I put up with it because I thought you had a valued opinion, but sir, I see now that you're nothing more than an average NFL fan with no sense of optimism or heart.
Only three letters can describe this e-mail: LOL.
Here was my response:
You apparently don't read my Web site because I've continuously bashed the Cardinals and Raiders for not using Chris Wells and Michael Bush. So next time, please read before you criticize.
I really don't understand your point about the Rams. First of all, it's not like the Bills are winning now and I'm still criticizing them. The Bills are not winning, so why would I praise them? And second, I'm not sure I really bashed St. Louis. In fact, this offseason, I wrote: "The Rams have a long way to go, but they have a plan and are moving in the right direction."
C.J. Spiller had six touches last game. Six freaking touches. It's really a crime that you're defending this Bills team. In a sense, you're part of the problem. Fans like you are the reason why there hasn't been a regime change in the most pathetic franchise in the NFL.
My point: If you're an angry Bills fan who blames me for your team's ineptness, point at your cheap owner and clueless front office instead.
31. Carolina Panthers (0-5) - Previously: #31 - Jimmy Clausen has been benched. This, of course, brought joy and happiness to a couple of trolls we have on the forum.
The Panthers are a disgrace and owner Jerry Richardson should be ashamed of himself. John Fox won't be back next year, so he doesn't care about the future. He shouldn't be allowed to make any decisions going forward, and if Richardson weren't such a cheap a-hole, he would have fired Fox during the bye week. Unfortunately for Carolina fans, Richardson doesn't care about the team at all, and is simply content to watch Fox pad a couple of wins onto his resume for his next coaching gig.
I really don't think it'll matter. This Panthers team is epically bad and has a legitimate shot to go 0-16. They have no pass protection. They have no running game with Jeff Otah out. They have no receivers. They have no defense. They were the first team since 1999 to start a rookie quarterback and two rookie receivers in the same game (Browns: Tim Couch, Kevin Johnson, Darren Chiaverini). Clausen has been pretty bad, but Matt Moore stinks as well. Regardless, there aren't too many signal-callers that could win with this crap team.
30. Cleveland Browns (1-5) - Previously: #30 - Like nearly everyone who has a strong opinion on the NFL Draft, I didn't think Colt McCoy would be anything more than a career backup in the NFL. He looked lost in the preseason and barely made the team. But I was amazed at how poised he was on Sunday at Pittsburgh. He stood in the pocket amid a fierce pass rush, and did more than just dump off passes to Peyton Hillis. It's only one game, but the McCoy era looks promising in Cleveland.
Browns fans just better hope that Jake Delhomme's kidnappers don't abduct McCoy's son, twin brother and third cousin.
29. San Francisco 49ers (1-5) - Previously: #27 - Watching the 49ers-Raiders game reminded me of my old high school football team. Most of the schools in the Philadelphia Public League were so completely inept on offense that the only thing they could do successfully was run the ball up the middle. If either team tried to throw a pass, the crowd would just groan while the ball was still in the air. Everyone just knew it would result in an incompletion or interception.
That essentially summed up the 49ers-Raiders game - except in high school, you couldn't bet on the underdog getting seven points and watch them blow the cover very late in the game.
28. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) - Previously: #23 - Here are my thoughts on the Titans-Jaguars game:
1. I'd like to wish Jack Del Rio all the bad luck in the world. In the coming months, I hope he's fired, endures a computer virus and gets eaten by Rosie O'Donnell.
Not only is Del Rio lazy; he is stupid as well. Down 23-3 with two minutes left, he continuously called timeouts on defense for some unknown reason. On fourth down, Chris Johnson ran in a 35-yard touchdown, which cost me my perfect record in Bo-Bo's league. I lost by one stinking point on a play that should have never happened. I hope Del Rio rots in Rosie's stomach for all of eternity.
2. For what should have been a big Monday night game in a battle for first place, the Jaguars put forth little effort. Their front seven was great in bottling up Johnson until the very end, but the offense, particularly David Garrard, was stagnant and sluggish. Garrard, a big wuss, was knocked out of the contest with a minor concussion. He sucked anyway (7-of-12, 49 yards, 1 INT). Trent Edwards took his place and looked good in the 2-minute drill. However, Edwards would later toss two interceptions in the second half.
3. In this first half of this contest, the Jaguars weren't just battling the Titans. The officials made some ridiculously shady calls, including an awful offensive pass interference on Tiquan Underwood that ruined a promising drive. Later on, I could have sworn that head official Mike Carey said, "Pass interfer... what? It was deflected? Holding on the defense."
OK, maybe I'm exaggerating, but the officiating was unbelievably one-sided. Not like the Jaguars would have won the game, but it's something I would have complained about more had this been a close contest.
4. The big news coming out of this game - and my old journalism professor is probably angry at me for burying the lead - is Vince Young's injury. Young left in the first quarter with a sprained knee. Kerry Collins played well in his absence (11-of-16, 110 yards, TD), but the Titans will need Young if they want to make a playoff run.
5. To cap this crappy game off, here's a fun tweet (@walterfootball) I made after the game:
Kerry Collins just blew a .12 during Michelle Tafoya's interview.
27. Arizona Cardinals (3-2) - Previously: #26 - The Cardinals didn't play on Sunday, but the Rams, Seahawks and 49ers all won. After a 3-0 day, I don't think there's any doubt the NFC West is the best division in football.
26. Seattle Seahawks (3-2) - Previously: #28 - I don't know what to think about these Seahawks. Their win at Chicago was very impressive, yet they were blown out at St. Louis a couple of weeks ago. Still, the solid play of Russell Okung, Mike Williams and Marshawn Lynch is reason for optimism.
At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "head my warning cardiac cats will be back. chad and t.o nrrd to catch the ball and not drop them that goes for whoever and palmer id doing well"
Your warning has been headed.
2. "hey whats up phxgirl what u think about max hall"
I guess this is how pick-up lines work on NFL.com GameCenter. Instead of "what's your sign?" it's "How's your quarterback?"
3. "and i dont think iv ever seen a texans pic with a cake as chimpmunk in it... football is a mans game get off the website kid"
Chipmunk cakes NOM NOM NOM NOM
25. St. Louis Rams (3-3) - Previously: #29 - Sam Bradford has the power to turn mediocre (Mark Clayton) and undrafted receivers (Danario Alexander) into studs. And Bradford's just a rookie. The Rams are going to be awesome next year.
A Facebook wall post from Ross F:
Did you hear Bill Cowher try to pronounce Danario Alexander's first name on the CBS post game show? Dan, Dani, Danitario...
Unfortunately, I missed it. I would have really enjoyed hearing a CBS analyst not named Shannon Sharpe butcher the English language.
24. Oakland Raiders (2-4) - Previously: #24 - Awesome tweet by EvilAlexSmith:
Best QBs in the Bay Area: 1) Andrew Luck 2) Alex Smith 3) Whoever is playing at San Jose State 4) Jason Campbell
23. Detroit Lions (1-5) - Previously: #25 - It's hard to believe that aside from the Eagles, the Lions have the highest-scoring offense in the NFC - and they've had their starting quarterback for only one half this season!
In honor of this stat, I've changed my mind about the lack of an interview in this edition of my power rankings. Of course, it helps that I found someone pathetic and depressed enough to talk to me.
Here's my exclusive interview with the one and only Wade Phillips!
ME: Hey Wade, thanks for joining me.
ME: Wade, your team is struggling. Tony is about to match his interception total from last year. What do you attribute that to?
PHILLIPS: "Uhh... Tony...?"
ME: Yeah, Tony Romo.
PHILLIPS: "Oh yeah..."
PHILLIPS: "Uhh... well what?"
ME: Why is Romo throwing so many interceptions?
PHILLIPS: "Uhh... I think he'll be OK."
ME: Well, what about all of your penalties? Why is your team so heavily penalized?
PHILLIPS: "That's just something we're gonna have to work on."
ME: What does that mean? Every week you're committing double-digit penalties. What did you say to Austin after he was whistled for excessive celebration at Minnesota?
PHILLIPS: "Uhh... Austin?"
ME: Yeah, Miles Austin.
ME: So what did you say?
PHILLIPS: "Uhh... about what?"
ME: You know, I suddenly realize why your team is so undisciplined.
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Tennessee Titans (4-2). Previously: #18
12. Atlanta Falcons (4-2). Previously: #7
13. Dallas Cowboys (1-4). Previously: #9
14. San Diego Chargers (2-4). Previously: #12
15. Washington Redskins (3-3). Previously: #13
16. Miami Dolphins (3-2). Previously: #17
17. Minnesota Vikings (2-3). Previously: #14
18. Kansas City Chiefs (3-2). Previously: #20
19. Chicago Bears (4-2). Previously: #16
20. Denver Broncos (2-4). Previously: #19
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2). Previously: #21
22. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3). Previously: #22