32. Buffalo Bills (0-6) - Previously: #32 - The Bills continue to ignore C.J. Spiller on offense; he had only seven carries against the Ravens. Spiller's only contribution to the Baltimore game was on a kickoff return in which he fumbled to set up the Ravens with a late first-half touchdown.
I've always been confused as to why Buffalo selected Spiller at No. 9 overall in April. However, the answer now is very evident. The Bills knew Spiller sucked, so they took him to ensure that they'd land the No. 1 overall pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. Mission nearly accomplished!
31. Carolina Panthers (1-5) - Previously: #31 - It's amazing how awesome Carolina's offense looked with Matt Moore under center. Anyone who wrote an article for USA Today that Jimmy Clausen should be the No. 1 overall pick in the 2010 NFL Draft is a moron.
30. San Francisco 49ers (1-6) - Previously: #29 - The following 49ers report on Rotoworld following Sunday's loss at Carolina really infuriated me:
Team sources tell Comcast SportsNet Bay Area that 49ers owners Jed and John York privately "grumbled" about their team's coaching during Sunday's 23-20 loss to the Panthers.
Yeah, because it's all Mike Singletary's fault. If you cheap idiots would have just traded for Donovan McNabb, Singletary wouldn't have to work with two completely inept quarterbacks. Perhaps you morons should privately "grumble" about how much you suck.
29. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-4) - Previously: #28 - Despite Sunday's loss at Kansas City, I still have faith that Todd Bouman will lead the Jaguars to the Promised Land. And by Promised Land, I mean Los Angeles.
28. Arizona Cardinals (3-3) - Previously: #27 - Arizona's upset victory over New Orleans looks a lot less impressive now, huh?
Once again, to emphasize how bad things are for the Cardinals, here's a quote from Brian Billick toward the end of the Arizona-Seattle game:
"In two games, I haven't seen anything from Max Hall that tells me he's ready to play in this league. Derek Anderson gives the Cardinals a better chance to win right now."
Sorry, Cards fans. Billick is a great quarterback expert, so he clearly knows what he's talking about.
27. Denver Broncos (2-5) - Previously: #20 - When the Chargers lost to the Raiders in a close game, the fan reaction was epic. If you don't know what I'm talking about, fans were crying about how they lost to Oakland and how much they hate the Raiders. (Thanks to John Y. and Oscar M. for sending over these videos.)
If all these fans did was cry after losing a close game, what did the Bronco fans do after that embarrassing 59-14 blowout? Drown themselves? Pour acid all over their faces? Sacrifice themselves as food to Rosie O'Donnell? All of the above?
26. Cincinnati Bengals (2-5) - Previously: #22 - Carson Palmer sucks despite his extraordinary ability to pad his fantasy stats in junk time of blowouts.
The Bengals, by the way, were one of two teams that entered the Bottom 10 as Oakland exited. The Raiders are now No. 21. They'd be a bit higher if they actually scored in the fourth quarter. I don't know what Tom Cable was thinking. At 3-4, he needs to run up the score as much as possible to improve his BCS ranking.
25. Cleveland Browns (2-5) - Previously: #30 - How crazy of a coincidence is it that a man named Bowens pick-sixed Drew Brees twice when Brees' new baby boy is named Bowen?
Perhaps it's not a coincidence. I think it's very possible that Bowen came back from the future and approached Brees before the game. So overwhelmed by seeing his grown-up son, Brees told Bowen to dress in a Cleveland jersey, so the two would be able to enjoy a nice game of catch.
I think this is a very sound theory. There is the matter of grown-up Bowen being a very large black man, but I'm willing to look past that.
24. St. Louis Rams (3-4) - Previously: #25 - The Rams will win these road games next year. They're obviously not ready yet, but they look like they're going to be a Super Bowl contender by 2012.
At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "put jackson on the past f u him hes a lame"
If you say Jackson is a lame, he must be a lame.
2. "cowboys weare coming to get you"
Yes. The misspelled words and dangling modifiers are right around the corner, Cowboys.
3. "u like teams base on who the players are. Players are goin to come and go. As much as I loved Emmmith Smith, when he went to Arizona, that didnt make me become a Arizona fan."
Really? Because you talk exactly like him.
23. Detroit Lions (1-5) - Previously: #25 - I still can't believe the Raiders aren't in my Bottom 10. This must be the first time in three years or so that this has happened.
So, with that in mind, here's my exclusive interview with Tom Cable!
ME: Hey Tom, thanks for joining me.
ME: Tom, I have to ask you, where did this 59-point outburst come from? You guys were eight-point underdogs, yet you hung 59 on the Broncos. How did this happen?
CABLE: "I mAkE PrEtEnD ThAt bRoNcOs aRe wOmEn tHaT I hAtE AnD i MaKe gAmE pLaN tO BeAt ThEm uP!"
ME: Really? Do you mind delving into your game plan?
CABLE: "I nO uNdErStAnD WhAt DelViNg WoRd MeAn!!!"
ME: Are you serious?
CABLE: "WhY pEoPlE UsE BiG WOrD i HaVe nO iDeA!!! BiG wOrD mAkE mE vErY vErY aNgRy!!!"
ME: Oh, sorry. Can you explain what you did in your game plan to beat Denver?
CABLE: "I fInD wOmEn AnD pUnCh HeR vErY haRd!!! ThEn i ShOw TeAm aNd TeLl To DO tHe sAme To BrOnCo aNd ThEy Do A gOoD jOb!!!"
ME: Whoa, whoa, whoa, did you just admit that you just hit a woman?
CABLE: "WoMeN dId NoT mAkE mE dInNeR sO i GeT vErY aNgRy!!!"
ME: So? That doesn't give you the right to hit a woman, Tom.
CABLE: "I nO UnDeRsTaNd!!!"
ME: Well, first of all, it's just wrong. And second, you could get convicted on assault charges.
CABLE: "I nO uNdErStAnD WhAt CoNvIcTeD WoRd MeAn!!! sToP uSiNg BiG wOrD oR i WiLl pUncH yOu LiKe I pUnCh WoMeN!!!"
ME: OK, maybe we should just conclu... end this interview then.
CABLE: "Ok I gO hOmE aNd sEe If DinNEr On TaBlE iF nOt I gEt VeRy AnGrY!!!"
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Atlanta Falcons (5-2). Previously: #12
12. New Orleans Saints (4-3). Previously: #5
13. San Diego Chargers (2-5). Previously: #14
14. Miami Dolphins (3-3). Previously: #16
15. Washington Redskins (4-3). Previously: #15
16. Minnesota Vikings (2-4). Previously: #17
17. Kansas City Chiefs (4-2). Previously: #18
18. Seattle Seahawks (4-2). Previously: #26
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-2). Previously: #21
20. Dallas Cowboys (1-5). Previously: #13
21. Oakland Raiders (3-4). Previously: #24
22. Chicago Bears (4-3). Previously: #19