32. Buffalo Bills (0-4) - Previously: #32 - The parents of Ryan Fitzpatrick, C.J. Spiller and Lee Evans are very upset right now. They were mad that the Jets ran up the score, and the officials didn't call for the mercy rule. Spiller's dad, in particular, was furious. He was seen arguing with the Buffalo coach for 15 minutes about his son not playing enough. If Chan Gailey isn't careful, the Spiller family will move and have C.J. play for another team.
31. Carolina Panthers (0-4) - Previously: #31 - Steve Smith lashed out at Jimmy Clausen on Carolina's opening drive because the Panthers wasted two timeouts early on. Two quarters later, Smith suffered an ankle sprain. He'll be out for a couple of weeks.
Karma? Unlikely. I'm willing to bet that Clausen took his sensei's advice and swept the leg. Don't yell at your quarterback next time, Steve.
30. Arizona Cardinals (2-2) - Previously: #27 - If the cops make such a big deal about drunk driving, I feel they should crack down on drunk quarterbacking as well. You may argue that someone guilty of drunk quarterbacking (i.e. Derek Anderson) doesn't endanger lives, but I would disagree. There's no telling how many Cardinal fans committed suicide after watching a drunken Anderson ruin their 2010 season.
29. Detroit Lions (0-4) - Previously: #29 - I meant to post this last week, but forgot. This is an e-mail I received from Jordan R. prior to the Saints-49ers Monday night game:
Dude.. if you're watching ESPN, watch when Matt Millen turns his head slightly and you'll see a wonderfully sloppy bird's nest. Either the makeup girls hate him as much as the Lions fans, or he thinks he's being hip. Either way, it's entertaining, and I hope you get to see it and have a chuckle.
I could see it now... one of the makeup chicks was laughing uncontrollably, "Muhahaha, take that you scum for drafting all of those receivers!" Like the Ohio University mascot with Brutus Buckeye, this makeup chick probably had the downfall of Millen's hair all planned out for years with crazy diagrams all over her room.
28. Cleveland Browns (1-3) - Previously: #30 - I like this Browns team. They run the ball really well with Peyton Hillis, their offensive line is very good, and their front seven is solid. If only they had a quarterback.
Unfortunately, what happened in the Eagles-Redskins game really hurt them. QB Dog Killer suffered an injury, so Kevin Kolb will have the opportunity to start at San Francisco. If he lights up the 49ers' weak secondary, his value will increase, making it more difficult for Cleveland to trade for him. And if Kolb stinks it up, the Browns may decide not to acquire him. Given Mike Holmgren's foolish aversion for taking quarterbacks in the first round of the NFL Draft, Cleveland will once again settle for some overrated college football "winner" in the middle rounds.
27. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) - Previously: #28 - In honor of Jacksonville winning its Super Bowl over the Colts, here's an interview I conducted with Jack Del Rio:
ME: Hey Jack, thanks for joining me.
DEL RIO: "Wait a minute, there's no birthday party for me here!"
ME: I know. That's the only way I could lure you into doing an interview with me.
DEL RIO: "You dick!"
ME: This will only take five minutes, I swear.
DEL RIO: "You're totally ruining my sun-tanning and surfing time right now, bro."
ME: Sorry. Jack, can you explain what happened between the Eagles and Colts games? It looked like your team didn't try in the Philly game, but saved all of its energy for Indy. Why did this happen?
DEL RIO: "Dude, there were some totally tubular waves going on last week. There were some good ones this week too, but I hate the Colts because they're dicks."
ME: Why do you hate the Colts outside of the fact that they're in your division?
DEL RIO: "I was on the beach one time, and some Colts guys kicked some sand in my face when I was sun tanning. It was totally uncool, dude."
ME: So all you need for someone to motivate you is to kick sand in your face?
DEL RIO: "Yeah, bra. All I need otherwise are some tasty waves, a cool buds, and I'm fine."
ME: So, what sort of game plan do you have in store for the Bills? What do you need to do to stop C.J. Spiller, assuming he even gets the ball?
DEL RIO: "I know that dude."
ME: I would hope so. But what are you going to do to stop him?
DEL RIO: "That's way too far into the future, man. I'm goin' back down to the beach to catch some killer waves."
26. Seattle Seahawks (2-2) - Previously: #25 - A GameCenter poster commented the following at the beginning of the Seahawks-Rams game:
NO WAY RAMS LOSING THIS GAME
Well, there you go. There was no way Rams losing this game based on this guy's proclamation. The Seahawks should consider hiring this wise sage. A few "NO WAY SEAHAWKS LOSING THIS GAME" declarations, and Seattle will find itself in the playoffs.
25. Oakland Raiders (1-3) - Previously: #24 - I have some shameful news to report. I started Darrius Heyward-Bey in one of my fantasy leagues this past week. Yes, it's true.
Believe me, I had no choice. Andre Johnson was hurt and I had numerous receivers on byes. I'd go into more detail, but I feel like hanging myself for starting Heyward-Bey.
24. San Francisco 49ers (0-4) - Previously: #23 - Next time, trade for Donovan McNabb, idiots.
23. St. Louis Rams (2-2) - Previously: #26 - The Rams are probably the best team in the NFC West, but before we get too excited about them, keep in mind that they've played the 30th-, 25th-, 13th- and 26th-ranked teams according to these 2010 NFL Power Rankings.
At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "BROWNS ARE SO USE TO LOOSING IT IS PATHETIC"
Browns just know how to tight. They don't know how to loose. You're right, it is pathetic. (This is just one of a thousand daily posts on GameCenter that confuse "lose" and "loose." It's crazy how so many people don't know the difference.)
2. "LMAO THEY CANT RUN THE BALL R THROW..NORE CAN THEY STOP US.WOW"
LMAO YOU CANT USE VERBS R NOUNS..NORE CAN YOU USE ADJECTIVES.WOW
3. "palmer need to get his rythm back if he wants to be an elite quarter back"
Just like you need to get your brain back if you want to spell words correctly.
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (2-2). Previously: #11
12. Miami Dolphins (2-2). Previously: #13
13. Washington Redskins (2-2). Previously: #17
14. Philadelphia Eagles (2-2). Previously: #16
15. Minnesota Vikings (1-2). Previously: #18
16. New York Giants (2-2). Previously: #19
17. Denver Broncos (2-2). Previously: #21
18. Chicago Bears (3-1). Previously: #12
19. Tennessee Titans (2-2). Previously: #15
20. Cincinnati Bengals (2-2). Previously: #14
21. Kansas City Chiefs (3-0). Previously: #20
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1). Previously: #22