32.St. Louis Rams (0-4) - Previously: #32 - The craptastic Rams were on a bye, so let's use this space for my exclusive interview with Mike Martz!
Hey, Mike. Thanks for joining me.
"Thanks! It is like super awesome to be here!"
Ohhh...kay... So Mike, what happened to J.T. O'Sullivan against the Patriots? Three interceptions? A completion percentage of 48.3? A YPA of 4.5? Didn't you say J.T. was the best quarterback you've ever coached?
"OMG! It is like so unfair! The Patriots defense played way way too hard and made J.T. put up only 130 yards. That is like so gay!"
Gay? Hey, your words; not mine.
"I am super serial! If the Patriots weren't such meanies, J.T. could have thrown for like 600 yards!"
Yeah, but you lost... Don't you care if your team wins or not?
"No way, Jose! OMG J.T. is my super awesome quarterback No. 1!"
OK... this is weird. I'm out of here.
31.Detroit Lions (0-4) - Previously: #31 - Adam Schefter reported that Matt Millen offered Roy Williams to the Cowboys for DeMarcus Ware. The Cowboys responded by laughing at him and quickly slammed down the phone. Were they laughing because the trade was so preposterous, or because no one would have ever thought that Millen could recognize that Ware was worth at least as much as Williams?
30.Kansas City Chiefs (1-4) - Previously: #29 - Losing 34-0 sucks, but at least Tony Gonzalez broke Shannon Sharpe's record for career receiving yards for tight ends. No word yet if Gonzalez plans on being a slurring TV analyst whom no one can understand.
29.Cincinnati Bengals (0-5) - Previously: #30 - Chris Henry is back! Is trouble afoot? Surprisingly no. Henry stayed out of trouble during Cincinnati's game in Dallas. What happened? Time for oddities!
1:8 - There isn't anyone under 18 in Dallas.
1:6 - There is no alcohol in Dallas.
EVEN - You get the death penalty for giving alcohol to little kids in Dallas.
7,000:1 - Henry matured and finally realized that giving alcohol to 5-year-olds isn't so cool anymore.
28.Cleveland Browns (1-3) - Previously: #28 - Bye. Before we get to the Texans, I want to mention that I completely forgot about the Hurricane Ike implications in the Colts-Texans game when I made my pick. I only had three units on Houston. If I had remembered the Ike implications, I may have bet 40,000 units on the host. And because Sage Rosenchoker blew the game, I'd be living in an alleyway right now. Three cheers for ignorance!
27.Houston Texans (0-4) - Previously: #23 - I actually think the Texans have the talent to be higher than this, but they just don't know how to win. I can't believe they coughed up a 27-10 lead with less than five minutes left. Seriously, did Dennis Green disguise himself as Gary Kubiak?
By the way, does anyone want to start an "I Hate Sage Rosenfels Fan Club?" I'll be a charter member. Rosenchoker was single-handedly responsible for the biggest choke job this world has seen since Aurora Snow's latest porn video.
26.Oakland Raiders (1-3) - Previously: #25 - The Raiders have played hard the past three weeks, and I don't think they'll begin to slack off with the Lane Kiffin firing, but I have to wonder how prepared they'll be every week with some Tom Cable guy coaching their team. Cable coached the University of Idaho to a sterling 11-35 record as head coach. But hey, at least he doesn't run a Bed and Breakfast (Tom Walsh) and he's not a walking corpse (Art Shell)!
25.Seattle Seahawks (1-3) - Previously: #17 - I understand that the Seahawks suck on the road. I get that they have trouble in early East Coast games. And I'm aware Mike Holmgren is historically abysmal coming off byes. But 44-6? That's inexcusable. Seattle's home loss to San Francisco seals its Bottom 10 fate.
24.San Francisco 49ers (2-3) - Previously: #24 - Oh... and I almost forgot regarding the Raiders...
JaMarcus Russell is a great player!!!!!!!!!!! Get over it!!!!!!!!!!!
23.Atlanta Falcons (3-2) - Previously: #26 - The final spot in my Bottom 10 was up for grabs between the Falcons and Dolphins. It took me about 30 minutes to decide which team to keep down here. The Falcons have more wins, but check out whom they've beaten: Kansas City (1-4), Detroit (0-4) and at Green Bay (2-3). That's a combined record of 3-11. Miami's wins came against San Diego (2-3) and at New England (3-1). That's 5-4. Meanwhile, Atlanta was "debacled" in both of its losses, while the Dolphins came very close to beating the Jets. They could be 3-1.
2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Indianapolis Colts (2-2). Previously: #11
12. Green Bay Packers (2-3). Previously: #6
13. San Diego Chargers (2-3). Previously: #12
14. Minnesota Vikings (2-3). Previously: #13
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2). Previously: #14
16. Chicago Bears (3-2). Previously: #19
17. Baltimore Ravens (2-2). Previously: #15
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3). Previously: #18
19. New England Patriots (3-1). Previously: #20
20. New York Jets (2-2). Previously: #21
21. Arizona Cardinals (3-2). Previously: #22
22. Miami Dolphins (2-2). Previously: #27
32.St. Louis Rams (0-4) - Previously: #32 - The craptastic Rams were on a bye, so let's use this space for my exclusive interview with Mike Martz!
Hey, Mike. Thanks for joining me.
"Thanks! It is like super awesome to be here!"
Ohhh...kay... So Mike, what happened to J.T. O'Sullivan against the Patriots? Three interceptions? A completion percentage of 48.3? A YPA of 4.5? Didn't you say J.T. was the best quarterback you've ever coached?
"OMG! It is like so unfair! The Patriots defense played way way too hard and made J.T. put up only 130 yards. That is like so gay!"
Gay? Hey, your words; not mine.
"I am super serial! If the Patriots weren't such meanies, J.T. could have thrown for like 600 yards!"
Yeah, but you lost... Don't you care if your team wins or not?
"No way, Jose! OMG J.T. is my super awesome quarterback No. 1!"
OK... this is weird. I'm out of here.
31.Detroit Lions (0-4) - Previously: #31 - Adam Schefter reported that Matt Millen offered Roy Williams to the Cowboys for DeMarcus Ware. The Cowboys responded by laughing at him and quickly slammed down the phone. Were they laughing because the trade was so preposterous, or because no one would have ever thought that Millen could recognize that Ware was worth at least as much as Williams?
30.Kansas City Chiefs (1-4) - Previously: #29 - Losing 34-0 sucks, but at least Tony Gonzalez broke Shannon Sharpe's record for career receiving yards for tight ends. No word yet if Gonzalez plans on being a slurring TV analyst whom no one can understand.
29.Cincinnati Bengals (0-5) - Previously: #30 - Chris Henry is back! Is trouble afoot? Surprisingly no. Henry stayed out of trouble during Cincinnati's game in Dallas. What happened? Time for oddities!
1:8 - There isn't anyone under 18 in Dallas.
1:6 - There is no alcohol in Dallas.
EVEN - You get the death penalty for giving alcohol to little kids in Dallas.
7,000:1 - Henry matured and finally realized that giving alcohol to 5-year-olds isn't so cool anymore.
28.Cleveland Browns (1-3) - Previously: #28 - Bye. Before we get to the Texans, I want to mention that I completely forgot about the Hurricane Ike implications in the Colts-Texans game when I made my pick. I only had three units on Houston. If I had remembered the Ike implications, I may have bet 40,000 units on the host. And because Sage Rosenchoker blew the game, I'd be living in an alleyway right now. Three cheers for ignorance!
27.Houston Texans (0-4) - Previously: #23 - I actually think the Texans have the talent to be higher than this, but they just don't know how to win. I can't believe they coughed up a 27-10 lead with less than five minutes left. Seriously, did Dennis Green disguise himself as Gary Kubiak?
By the way, does anyone want to start an "I Hate Sage Rosenfels Fan Club?" I'll be a charter member. Rosenchoker was single-handedly responsible for the biggest choke job this world has seen since Aurora Snow's latest porn video.
26.Oakland Raiders (1-3) - Previously: #25 - The Raiders have played hard the past three weeks, and I don't think they'll begin to slack off with the Lane Kiffin firing, but I have to wonder how prepared they'll be every week with some Tom Cable guy coaching their team. Cable coached the University of Idaho to a sterling 11-35 record as head coach. But hey, at least he doesn't run a Bed and Breakfast (Tom Walsh) and he's not a walking corpse (Art Shell)!
25.Seattle Seahawks (1-3) - Previously: #17 - I understand that the Seahawks suck on the road. I get that they have trouble in early East Coast games. And I'm aware Mike Holmgren is historically abysmal coming off byes. But 44-6? That's inexcusable. Seattle's home loss to San Francisco seals its Bottom 10 fate.
24.San Francisco 49ers (2-3) - Previously: #24 - Oh... and I almost forgot regarding the Raiders...
JaMarcus Russell is a great player!!!!!!!!!!! Get over it!!!!!!!!!!!
23.Atlanta Falcons (3-2) - Previously: #26 - The final spot in my Bottom 10 was up for grabs between the Falcons and Dolphins. It took me about 30 minutes to decide which team to keep down here. The Falcons have more wins, but check out whom they've beaten: Kansas City (1-4), Detroit (0-4) and at Green Bay (2-3). That's a combined record of 3-11. Miami's wins came against San Diego (2-3) and at New England (3-1). That's 5-4. Meanwhile, Atlanta was "debacled" in both of its losses, while the Dolphins came very close to beating the Jets. They could be 3-1.
2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Indianapolis Colts (2-2). Previously: #11
12. Green Bay Packers (2-3). Previously: #6
13. San Diego Chargers (2-3). Previously: #12
14. Minnesota Vikings (2-3). Previously: #13
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2). Previously: #14
16. Chicago Bears (3-2). Previously: #19
17. Baltimore Ravens (2-2). Previously: #15
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3). Previously: #18
19. New England Patriots (3-1). Previously: #20
20. New York Jets (2-2). Previously: #21
21. Arizona Cardinals (3-2). Previously: #22
22. Miami Dolphins (2-2). Previously: #27
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