What is this? This is my 11th-annual NBA Draft Blog. I'll be posting my thoughts about the first round of the NBA Draft here. That will include everything from the actual picks, to the ESPN personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. This page will be updated every five minutes or so, so I hope you join me for the 2017 NBA Draft!
6:49: The NBA Draft blog is underway! I'm at my parents' house for another year, and this will mark the 23rd of 24 years that I'll be watching the NBA Draft with my dad (he was on a business trip once.) He hasn't arrived yet, but I will be posting his thoughts as usual.
6:50: It sucks that we're forced into watching ESPN. Football has an alternative in the NFL Network, but that's not the case with the NBA.
6:51: David Kay just told me his 2017 NBA Mock Draft is finalized. His draft grades will be posted as usual. David told me he thinks it's going to be a "wild draft." Can't wait!
6:53: It's kind of crazy that ESPN's 6 p.m. SportsCenter has transformed into a talk show featuring two people whose opinions no one cares about (as reflected by the ratings.) And ESPN wonders why it's leaking oil.
6:55: "You look sharp tonight! Is anyone else better dressed than you!?" Who the f*** cares how someone's dressed? The better dressed someone is, the less impressed I am with them. It's like they're overcompensating for something, you know? I'm not saying people should dress like slobs, but paying tons of money for fancy suits and shoes just seems dumb to me.
6:56: And now, ESPN is showing baseball highlights with four minutes until the NBA Draft coverage starts. Brilliant.
6:57: Oh, and here are two opinion-makers' worthless opinions on a worthless sport. ESPN reaching new lows before our very eyes.
6:59: Now, let's bring in Stephen A. Smith to yell incoherently! Go, ESPN, go!
7:01: Is it just me, or does LaVar Ball dance like the Man From Another Place from Twin Peaks? The Lakers should re-think the pick if Lonzo Ball's dad is, indeed, MIKE's arm.
7:02: And the NBA Draft coverage is underway! Good riddance, SC6!
7:03: Where is my dad? He's going to miss the Sixers' pick!!!
7:04: Oh, speak of the devil, he just walked in, and he's pumped. He just handed me some cash with no explanation. I'll take it!
7:05: Boston's biggest need, per ESPN, is "wing creator." I'm not a huge fan of wings. Overrated food! I love boneless wings, but boned wings are too messy for my liking.
7:06: Jalen Rose just called the Warriors "Floyd Mayweather." I did not know the Warriors beat women; otherwise, I wouldn't have rooted for them over the Cavaliers.
7:07: And as you might guess, I don't care about this Mayweather-McDonald fight, or whatever that other guy's name is. Mayweather is a scumbag, and McDonald is someone I never heard of, unless he owns that one restaurant I go to sometimes that serves this food called a Big Mac. You should try it sometime.
7:08: And so it begins, my annual argument with my dad regarding food...
Dad: Want some meat?
Me: Nah, no thanks.
Dad: Why not?
Me: Mom said she's going to order dinner for us.
Me: I don't want to spoil dinner.
Dad: It's a snack! You don't spoil dinner with meat snacks!
7:09: My dad just saw Lonzo Ball. "I don't like his face."
7:11: "I'm telling you, he's going to be bad in the NBA. I can tell by his face." NBA teams need to stop looking at analytics and begin analyzing faces.
7:12: Speaking of MIKE's arm's son, some lady on ESPN just said the Lakers will be taking Lonzo Ball with the second-overall pick. That means I'll have two selections correct, and David will as well. We're taking Chad Ford down this year.
7:13: My dad isn't a fan of MIKE's arm, a.k.a. LaVar Ball. "Piece of s**t father."
7:14: ESPN's ticker just said Russell is still a starting guard for the Lakers. I know they fired countless people, but they shouldn't have let go of the guy who updated the ticker.
7:16: Jalen Rose: "There's no better place to start a business than L.A.!" Uhh... you mean one of the worst places when factoring in taxes?
7:18: My dad on Kristaps Porzingis: "I don't want him on the Sixers. He's a bad person. He's a Lithuanian. Lithuanians are bad people."
7:19: It continues...
Dad: I'll make you a sandwich.
Me: Nah, no thanks.
Dad: Why not?
Me: We're getting dinner soon.
Dad: But it's a snack!
Me: I don't want a snack.
Dad: Take a snack!!!
7:21: The only thing worse than expensive suits and shoes are expensive watches. I hate watches. They're super uncomfortable, and if you want to know what time it is, look at your damn cell phone.
7:22: The second Adam Silver appeared on screen: "Crook! F***ing crook!"
7:26: Three dudes with braces are super stoked about their Knicks jerseys. How much are Knicks jerseys going for now, anyway, like 50 cents? See, now that's appropriate attire. Those dude bros don't look like slobs, but they're wearing something almost worthless.
7:27: I wish all of you could see how horrible these local Pennsylvania Lottery commercials are.
Girl: Are you ready for a rush?
*** Five-second pause ***
Dude: I am ready for a rush.
*** Five-second pause ***
Girl: Get ready for a rush!
7:28: "Oh, Porzingis is from Latvia?" I'm not sure if that changes his opinion.
7:31: So the Knicks, who have a guy in Carmelo Anthony, who doesn't play hard all the time, should pick a guy in Dennis Smith Jr., who doesn't play hard all the time? Well, their general manager does take naps during workouts...
7:34: "That's trash, Lonzo Ball. He's going to be a trouble-maker. You'll see."
7:35: My dad is a much bigger fan of Markelle Fultz. "Very intelligent. He's going to be a great player!"
7:37: The NBA Draft is underway! The Sixers have five minutes to select. Let's hope they use their time wisely. Every pick matters.
7:38: My dad just texted me a picture of the 76ers. I never thought my parents would ever be sending me anything digitally, but here we are.
7:40: "This is a treat for their fans who have suffered watching the 76ers over the last few years." - Jalen Rose. Hey, Jalen, no one watched the 76ers. Philadelphians were just waiting until they were competent again.
7:41: I don't get this whole "Player X didn't go to the NCAA Tournament OMG!" talk. Fultz and Ben Simmons went to bad college teams. They would've been in the tournament had they went to Duke, North Carolina or Kansas like other front-runners.
With the No. 1 pick, the 76ers select Markelle Fultz, G
7:43: My dad on Fultz: "Look at the back of his pants, it looks like he has a gun back there! I love this kid!"
7:44: See, now that's a cool suit. I'm down with suits with memories. Expensive watches? No way.
With the No. 2 pick, the 76ers select Lonzo Ball, G
7:47: Just got a chicken parm sandwich, NOM NOM NOM!!!
7:48: I wonder how much LaVar Ball is going to cry tonight because his son wasn't the top pick. Well, at least he has his $495 shoes he won't ever sell.
7:49: Lonzo Ball is already Jason Kidd, apparently. I wonder if any ESPN analyst will criticize anyone tonight.
7:51: I'd love to hear this sort of response:
"How does it feel to be an LA Laker?"
"Meh. Just OK. The team sucks, and I'm going to have to pay lots of taxes. Things could be better."
7:53: The Timberwolves have apparently acquired Jimmy Butler, and ESPN hasn't even mentioned it yet. Ultimate fail.
7:54: Jimmy Butler and the 16th pick for Kris Dunn, Zach Lavine and the seventh pick. I'll have a grade on this later. We have Live NBA Draft Grades here.
With the No. 3 pick, the Celtics select Jayson Tatum, F
8:17: Holy s**t, I'm six for six! I've definitely never done this in the NFL. Could I... get every single pick correct!!??!?!?!?!??! (No.)
8:19: I just tooted my own horn on Twitter, so I'm probably not getting another pick correct.
With the No. 7 pick, the Magic select Lauri Markkanen, F, Arizona
8:25: Seven for seven! I don't even know what to say anymore.
8:26: The Knicks are on the clock, the team ESPN wants people to care about for some reason. They suck, and no one cares, ESPN.
8:27: I love how Phil Jackson has been exposed in New York. The man can win championships if he's coaching the two best players in the NBA at the same time. He has done nothing without Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal.
With the No. 8 pick, the Magic select Frank Ntilikina, G, France
8:30: Saying a prospect has a 59-percent bust potential is the closest ESPN will get to criticizing anyone.
8:31: I wonder if Phil Jackson slept through this pick. I have to believe he at least considered paying someone to do this draft for him so he could take a break.
8:32: Ugh, this Frank guy missed his team's championship game? Man, major stock down. I wouldn't have drafted him in the first round upon hearing that.
With the No. 9 pick, the Magic select Dennis Smith Jr., G, N.C. State
8:33: Nine of nine. What the f*** is going on here? I don't think this is real life anymore.
8:36: I can't really feel sorry tonight for any of these prospects because they're about to be multi-millionaires, but it would really suck to go to Sacramento. The Kings have no fans and no hope. They should be in Seattle.
8:37: By the way, what the hell is that driving law in Finland? Why would anyone live there?
8:38: Based on David's e-mailed draft grade, it looks like I will not be 10 for 10.
With the No. 10 pick, the Blazers select Zach Collins, F, Gonzaga
8:43: Well, I got a pick wrong. Womp-womp. At least it was via a trade, so I can use that as an excuse.
8:44: Based on the numerous expletives my dad said when ESPN mentioned Bill Lambieer, I'm thinking he's not a fan of the guy.
With the No. 11 pick, the Blazers select Malik Monk, G, Kentucky
8:47: Two wrong picks in a row. What if I don't get another pick right?
8:50: When asked about his thoughts going 11th, Malik Monk said, "Shorter than I thought." How could thoughts be shorter?
8:51: Jalen Rose just brought up Bill Simmons, who is missed on the broadcast as someone who complained about how everything was biased against the Celtics.
With the No. 12 pick, the Pistons select Luke Kennard, G, Duke
8:53: Damn it, I had Kennard to the Hornets and Monk to the Pistons.
8:56: Luke Kennard should always wear a cap. He looks 40 without it.
8:57: My dad's beginning to doze off. I haven't even gotten a comment about Kennard being the best white player available.
8:58: I think my dad's excitement going away when I got my first wrong pick is the reason he's so tired now. He was super stoked before, but it was a letdown. I feel the same way. Stupid Kings. I feel like quitting now as well.
With the No. 13 pick, the Nuggets select Donovan Mitchell, G, Louisville
9:02: I still can't believe the Bulls gave away Jimmy Butler just like that. Seems stupid. I remember 76er fans being optimistic about getting Jeff Hornacek, Tim Perry and Andrew Lang for Charles Barkley. The Sixers lost that deal, and it wasn't even close.
With the No. 14 pick, the Heat select Bam Adebayo, F, Kentucky
9:07: Nice to see John Calipari in the crowd, as I'm sure he's handing out $100 bills to high school seniors.
9:08: How are the Kentucky players like "brothers?" They've barely known each other because they've played together for one season.
9:09: While on the subject, can we get rid of this horrible one-and-done rule? Players should have to stay in school for three years. College basketball would improve so much, and NBA teams wouldn't have to waste so many picks.
With the No. 15 pick, the Heat select Justin Jackson, G, North Carolina
9:13: My dad awakened just in time to hear this pick. "Justin Jackson, Josh Jackson, Jackson Jackson, how many f***ing Jacksons are there!?"
9:15: Wow, the Bulls are a steaming pile of s**t now. At least that's what I think the Tom Penn guy on ESPN just said.
9:17: Jimmy Butler is in Paris? Oh man, that's horrible. My condolences to Butler, and shame on anyone who made him go there.
With the No. 16 pick, the Timberwolves select Justin Patton, C, Creighton
With the No. 17 pick, the Bucks select D.J. Wilson, F, Michigan
9:29: Sorry for the long gap. I had to restart my Google Chrome, which stopped loading Web pages for some reason.
9:30: Of course John Calipari is in favor of the ridiculous one-and-done rule. No one has taken advantage better of that sham that Calipari has.
With the No. 18 pick, the Pacers select T.J. Leaf, F, UCLA
9:34: My dad upon seeing Leaf picked: "How many white guys have been drafted? I lost track." I'm not sure why he was keeping track.
9:35: If you're following the picks on Twitter, you know how far behind ESPN is right now. Both the NBA and NFL need to tune the draft toward the broadcasts. Why not give teams more time so the networks can keep up?
With the No. 19 pick, the Pacers select John Collins, F, Wake Forest
9:39: Still no correct picks since No. 9. I don't have much more hope going forward. I used up all my luck.
9:40: This is what I'm talking about. The 20th pick was already announced on Twitter, yet ESPN cut to a commercial. This needs to change.
9:42: Oh man, I can't wait for the NBA Awards. So excited. Sweat is dripping down my brow in anticipation.
With the No. 20 pick, the Kings select Harry Giles, F, Duke
9:43: My dad: "You got Harry Giles to the Kings! Ten instead of 20, but it's still correct! Count it right!" You heard the man. That's 10 picks.
9:46: My dad's out cold. I don't think we're getting him back for at least a half an hour. He's snoring so loudly the dogs are beginning to howl.
With the No. 21 pick, the Thunder select Terrance Ferguson, G, USA
9:50: Terrance Ferguson is a traitor. He left the U.S. for Australia. Unreal. Actually, I'm just pissed that he was in the country that produced Lana Golja.
9:54: Why would there be a statue of Notorious B.I.G. in front of this arena?
With the No. 22 pick, the Nets select Jarrett Allen, C, Texas
9:56: The Nets should just announce that they're taking the worst player available and save all of us some time.
10:00: With how s***ty my computer has been, I should just hire Jarrett Allen to build a computer for me. I just bought this POS, too.
10:02: I can't eat quickly while working, so I just finished my chicken parm sandwich. Now, I'm exhausted. I'm super jealous of my dad, who is still snoring away and drawing scared looks from my parents' dogs.
With the No. 23 pick, the Raptors select OG Anunoby, F, Indiana
10:04: Thanks for announcing trades that happened hours ago, Adam Silver.
10:07: There it is. Anyone wondering why OG Anunoby slipped can just point to his short shorts, and his unwillingness to change his style. No one wants to see that, OG.
10:09: My dad startled himself out of his slumber. "DID I MISS THE SIXERS PICK!?"
10:11: My dad keeps talking about how great of a kid Markelle Fultz is. His man crush on him is out of this world. I'd bet he'd disown me as a son and adopt Fultz if he could!
With the No. 24 pick, the Nuggets select Tyler Lydon, F, Syracuse
10:13: "Another white guy, I have to write this down!" Yeah, my dad's awake now.
10:14: "San Antonio is probably going to take someone from Zimbabwe!"
With the No. 25 pick, the Magic select Andzejs Pasecniks, C, Latvia
10:20: I just had to say it...
Me: He's from Latvia. At least he's not from Lithuania!
Dad: F*** Lithuania! Latvia is good. Lithuania is full of a**holes!
I have no idea why, and I'm too scared to ask.
10:22: My dad trying to read "Isaiah Hartenstein:" "Isaiah... Fr... Frankenstein?"
10:24: My mom walked into the room and asked a question:
Mom: Do people from India play in the NBA?
Dad: Yes. They play basketball with their balls in their pants.
With the No. 26 pick, the Blazers select Caleb Swanigan, F, Purdue
10:29: The scumbag Comcast company set up my parents' cable box to power off if the channel isn't switched for a while. So, if you can't find your remote, you're screwed. Thanks, Comcast.
With the No. 27 pick, the Lakers select Kyle Kuzma, F, Utah
10:34: The 76ers acquired Anzejs Pasecniks. "WOOOOWWWWW!!!" Looks like Markelle Fultz is going to have an adopted brother, while I'm out in the cold.
10:36: And here's our required ESPN segment to make people care about the Lakers.
With the No. 28 pick, the Jazz select Tony Bradley, C, North Carolina
10:38: What's with these idiots pushing out their jerseys with their thumbs? They look like f***ing morons. It's almost as bad as morons who take pictures of themselves with their cell phones.
10:39: Teams should just hack into the Spurs' computers and take the best player they have available. Gregg Popovich is too busy whining and complaining about politics that he wouldn't even notice.
With the No. 29 pick, the Spurs select Derrick White, G, Colorado
10:47: And in typical Adam Silver fashion, he announces a trade that happened three hours ago.
10:48: My dad wants Josh Hart so bad. The Lakers can't pick him, right?
With the No. 30 pick, the Lakers select Josh Hart, G, Villanova
10:49: "F***! The Lakers did this to the 76ers on purpose!!!"
10:51: This is the end of the Live NBA Draft Blog. Thanks for reading my nonsensical thoughts! Keep checking the NBA Draft Grades for the second round, and come back this weekend for our team grades. Follow @Walterfootball for updates.