7:15: Just came to my parents’ house to watch the NBA Draft with my dad. His two favorite prospects: Terrence Ross and “the white guy from Illinois.” He doesn’t want Tyler Zeller though. “He’s Shawn Bradley.” As a lifelong Sixer fan, my dad has been scorned by that awful Bradley experience.
7:17: I think we may have another 2012 NBA Mock Draft update in minutes. We’ll also be posting Live 2012 NBA Draft Grades as the picks roll in.
7:18: Also, you can discuss the 2012 NBA Draft here.
7:24: Some of my dad’s predictions/statements:
1. “Sixers must trade Andre Iguodala to the Hornets for Terrence Ross.”
2. “Bradley Beal is nobody! He sucks!”
3. “Kevin Durant is the best player in the NBA. Better than that idiot LeBron James.”
4. “Elton Brand needs to go. Either amnesty or release or kidnapping.”
7:25: Who is Chris Broussard by the way? Has anyone asked this? He can’t speak English very well and he says the dumbest things. Oh wait, I forgot that this is ESPN, where grammar and informed opinions don’t matter.
7:26: I re-read my 2010 NBA Draft Blog. Here are my five favorite notes:
1. Jay Bilas is the man. He knows everything. Seriously, if he were to tell me, “Walt, you should ask Rosie O’Donnell out on a date. She’s super fat now, but she will be hot. She has tremendous upside,” I’d definitely take his advice.
2. Jay Bilas just said, “Al-Farouq Aminu runs the court when the spirit moves him.” What the hell does that mean? In what other profession can you get away with an excuse like that? In a normal office job, if your boss asks you to get those TPS reports to him, can you respond, “I’ll do that if the spirit moves me?”
3. Stuart Scott: “The Hornets hired Monty Williams as their head coach.” Hilarious reaction from my dad: “Piece of s***!”
4. My dad just said the “Sixers will be very dangerous.” Hear that, rest of the NBA? You’ve been warned.
5. I told my dad that someone on Twitter reported that Greivis Vasquez will be the pick. “Twitter? What’s Twitter? I don’t understand how they could know if David Stern didn’t say it yet.”
7:28: Did Andy Katz just say that Jared Sullinger has a “bulging dicks?” Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
7:31: Bulging dicks commentary aside, I wouldn’t take Jared Sullinger in the top 25. Bad backs don’t go way. I know this because my back sucks. I’d say I’m about 91 percent as athletic as regular NBA players, and I can barely move at this point if I don’t stretch a billion times per day.
7:32: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
7:33: My dad: “David Stern is so small… and so crooked.” He does handle the booing well though. Not like Roger Goodell, who kept repeating, “I hear you.”
7:34: My dad: “And New Orleans is now No. 1 because you did it, piece of s**t!”
7:35: Loved the booing of the Miami Heat. I’m done watching the NBA because of that.
7:36: What’s taking New Orleans so long? Is the front office really thinking about taking Thomas Robinson?
7:37: So Anthony Davis has risen eight inches? Lots of bulging dicks tonight.
With the 1st pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Hornets select Anthony Davis, F, Kentucky
7:39: My dad was speechless during that Anthony Davis highlight reel until he said, “Holy s**t, the Hornets will be good next year.”
7:40: Yay, the Hornets’ draft room is clapping. Good job, guys! Way to pay off David Stern!
7:41: Is anyone else disappointed that Anthony Davis’ mom didn’t have a unibrow? A doctor told me that unibrows are generally passed down through the mother.
7:42: My dad: “The Bobcats tried to lose to everyone, and David Stern screwed them over. Idiots.”
Agreed. The Bobcats simply didn’t pay Stern enough for Davis.
With the 2nd pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Bobcats select Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, F, Kentucky
7:44: Wow. Everyone’s NBA Mock Draft is debacled. I would have liked this pick if Michael Jordan didn’t make it. Kwame Brown, Adam Morrison… yeesh. Jordan should stick to baseball.
7:45: Argh, I wish these picks were 10 minutes apart. I feel rushed. Plus, the 10 minutes would allow me to download some porn.
7:47: My dad is a fan of Kidd-Gilchrist’s mom. He didn’t like Davis’ mom though. I guess the unibrow wouldn’t hurt her.
With the 3rd pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Bullets select Bradley Beal, G, Florida
7:53: My dad seems to think that the Cavaliers and Bobcats will be swapping players.
7:54: My dad also hates this Chris Broussard person: “Who is this idiot? Why is he talking?”
With the 4th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Cavaliers select Dion Waiters, G, Syracuse
7:56: So much for my dad’s trade theory. Wow. So much for Thomas Robinson’s awesome stats.
7:57: By the way, live draft grades are available for Davis, Kidd-Gilchrist and Beal in our Live 2012 NBA Draft Grades.
7:58: My dad on Dion Waiters: “Speaking EXACTLY like Philadelphia trash. ‘Nah mean? Nah mean? Nah mean?'”
With the 5th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Kings select Thomas Robinson, F, Kansas
8:02: My dad thinks the Blazers will pick Andre Drummond. “Portland always does something stupid. Sam Bowie. Greg Oden. This team is always trash.”
8:03: Ugh, do they really have to interview a scared little girl to draw some “awws” from the crowd. Interview some hot chicks instead!
With the 6th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Blazers select Damian Lillard, PG, Weber State
8:07: What the hell is Weber State? Seriously?
8:08: Upon learning that David Kay gave the Kings a C for Damian Lillard, my dad commented, “Of course. The Blazers always do something stupid!”
With the 7th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Blazers select Harrison Barnes, F, North Carolina
8:12: I don’t like Harrison Barnes at all. My dad agrees: “Too skinny. He’s going to be horrible like Kenny Payne.” My dad has never seen Barnes play at all, but he’s right on the money. He’s going to get pushed around.
8:14: My dad seems to be warming up to Henson. “He’s a nice speaker. Not like this Dion Waiters from trashy Philadelphia. ‘Nah mean, nah mean, nah mean.'”
With the 8th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Raptors select Terrence Ross, G, Washington
8:17: Oh no, one of my dad’s guys is gone. The reaction was predictable:
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
And then:
“Maybe the Sixers will trade for him. Can they trade Andre Iguodala and Elton Brand for him.”
8:21: Andre Drummond fell to the Pistons, but that’s not a good thing. He’s lazy, and according to his own coach, he won’t even be good for 3-4 years.
With the 9th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Pistons select Andre Drummond, C, Connecticut
8:25: If Drummond were telling the truth, here’s how this interview would have gone down:
Reporter: How did you quell the concerns about your motor?
Drummond: I fooled them all. I told them I’d work really hard, but all I’m going to do is smoke weed, drink alcohol and eat Cheetos all day. And the best part is, NBA contracts are guaranteed! Muhahahaha!
With the 10th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Hornets select Austin Rivers, G, Duke
8:29: My dad’s a fan: “Watch, he’s going to be rookie of the year. The Sixers should trade Andre Iguodala for him.”
If my dad had his way, Iguodala would have been dealt a dozen times tonight.
8:31: The Blazers are up again. My dad: “Watch, Portland will pick up someone stupid again.”
8:34: Monty Williams’ name caught my dad’s attention:
“Great coach Monty Williams? GREAT COACH MONTY WILLIAMS!? He’s a piece of s**t!”
With the 11th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Blazers select Meyers Leonard, C, Illinois
8:36: My dad’s heart is broken again. “Ohhhh God… I wanted him so bad.”
It’s a sad day in my parents’ house.
8:39: I just told my dad that David gave the Blazers a D- for Leonard. He’s befuddled. “His arms are so big.”
Big arms and bulging dicks? The NBA Draft has never been this kinky.
With the 12th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Rockets select Jeremy Lamb, G, Connecticut
8:44: I said it in my mock, and I’ll say it again. I don’t like how UConn just quit on Jeremy Lamb in the middle of the season. How is Lamb going to command respect in the NBA?
8:46: All of my dad’s guys are gone, and the Sixers are two picks away. He now wants to trade down. Maybe the Sixers can trade Andre Iguodala to make that happen.
8:47: “I hope the Sixers don’t pick up Sharon Wright, or Shawn Bradley, or Kenny Payne, or Larry Hughes.” The NBA Draft has caused my dad so much grief over the years, so I’m not sure why he’s still watching this.
8:48: Where are the trades!? Come on David Stern, announce some trades, douche.
With the 13th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Suns select Kendall Marshall, G, North Carolina
8:51: My dad has found a new love. Terrence Jones. If the Sixers don’t take him, I feel like there might be a remote thrown at the TV.
With the 14th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Bucks select John Henson, F, North Carolina
8:53: Five reps on the bench press for John Henson. Everyone knows that bench press directly correlates to NBA success, so Henson is going to suck.
8:55: The Sixers are on the clock. Here we go. Terrence Jones better be a Sixer.
8:57: My dad’s super pissed that ESPN cut to a commercial. “They’re always against the Sixers! They hate the Sixers! Always commercials when they draft!”
With the 15th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the 76ers select Moe Harkless, F, St. John’s
8:59: Uh oh…
“Who the f**k is that? WHO THE F**K IS THAT!? SIXERS ALWAYS DO SOMETHING STUPID! ALWAYS!”
9:01: My dogs are freaking out because my sister walked in. My dad, pissed about the pick and all the noise, just freaked out: “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! IDIOTS! SIXERS AND THE DOGS ARE ALL IDIOTS!”
9:02: My dad’s still ranting. “How many shooting forwards do they need? Why not Terrence Jones?”
With the 16th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Rockets select Royce White, F, Iowa State
9:05: My dad’s starting to warm up to Harkless. “Maybe he will be not bad. He has no tattoos. Who knows?”
9:06: Did Jay Bilas say that White can’t move laterally? Umm… isn’t that a problem?
9:09: It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Jared Sullinger drops into Round 2. Back problems are no joke. Trust me – when they flare up, I can’t even go downstairs to eat Cheetos and Oreos, so that should tell you how serious it is.
With the 17th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Mavericks select Tyler Zeller, C, North Carolina
9:12: My dad doesn’t like Tyler Zeller. “He’s slow, like Shawn Bradley. And he’s ugly. Look at his face.”
With the 18th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Rockets select Terrence Jones, F, Kentucky
9:20: Sorry, went to the bathroom and had to post David’s analysis of the Tyler Zeller trade. It seems like the Mavericks won it. Three picks for an ugly, slow white guy? Sign me up.
9:22: Ugh. Dwight Howard is a bum. He has no offensive game outside of five feet from the basket and he can’t be on the floor in the final few minutes.
With the 19th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Magic select Andrew Nicholson, F, St. Bonaventure
9:24: One of the few things I called correctly in my stupid mock! Nicholson is a slightly smaller version of Howard, so it makes sense. Nicholson won’t stab anyone in the back.
9:25: What the hell? Nicholson is Canadian? How does that make sense? His entire face doesn’t move up and down when he talks.
With the 20th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Magic select Evan Fournier, G, France
9:29: Way to take a player with no soul, Nuggets. Good job.
9:32: I love how the Celtics think they’re close because they almost beat the Heat. Well, they almost lost to the Sixers. Something was really strange about this past playoffs. It seems like the Thunder should have beaten Miami in five. I truly believe the Spurs would have been able to do that. Well, whatever. I’m done watching the NBA because I hate LeBron.
With the 21st pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Celtics select Jared Sullinger, F, Ohio State
9:36: So much for Jared Sullinger falling to the second round. Meh, I guess when you have two first-round picks, I guess you can afford to take the risk.
9:37: Damn it, I thought Andy Katz was going to report that Sullinger had a bulging dicks upon being selected.
With the 22nd pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Celtics select Fab Melo, C, Syracuse
9:39: Fab Melo, the heterosexually challenged version of Carmelo. Will he shoot 100 times per game and refuse to pass the ball most of the time? I guess we’ll find out.
9:42: My mom walked by and heard Fab Melo. “Did they just say Fag Melo?”
9:43: My dad is really warming up to Harkless now. “Fifteen points and eight rebounds per game! He was only a freshman! Wow!”
Best pick ever.
9:44: My dad is confused by the ladder. “What’s with this ladder? Why’s everyone carrying a ladder? Idiots.”
With the 23rd pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Hawks select John Jenkins, G, Vanderbilt
9:50: Who is this Mike Dunlap guy? You have to wonder whom the Bobcats would have been able to hire had they landed Anthony Davis. Jerry Sloan?
9:52: Why are we so behind, by the way? Twitter already knows who the 25th pick is. Why are we stuck at 24?
With the 24th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Mavericks select Jared Cunningham, G, Oregon State
9:55: I just realized that I got a pick correct in my stupid mock. “I forgot I mocked Fab Melo to Boston.”
My dad nearly choked on his watermelon. “CARMELO ANTHONY TO BOSTON!?”
With the 25th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Grizzlies select Tony Wroten, G, Washington
10:00: My dad has taken offense to Jeff Van Gundy saying the Sixers might trade for Rudy Gay: “Why the f*** do the Sixers need Rudy Gay? How many shooting forwards do the Sixers need!?”
10:04: Wow, the Pacers just made the worst pick ever. I don’t want to spoil anything, but we’re giving it an F-.
With the 26th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Pacers select Miles Plumlee, C, Duke
10:05: I’m shocked, but my dad’s not surprised: “Indiana always picks up white players. Of course they drafted him!”
10:06: Still though. Plumlee is a career backup center. As David wrote, no wonder Larry Bird resigned.
10:07: “WHAT THE F*** IS THIS LADDER, WHY IS EVERYONE CLIMBING THIS F***ING LADDER!?”
10:08: Ugh. Go away Heat. You suck.
10:09: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With the 27th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Heat selects Arnett Moultrie, F, Mississippi State
10:12: The Sixers just acquired Arnett Moultrie. My dad is thrilled:
“WATCH – HE’S THE NEXT DENNIS RODMAN! TELL YOUR GUY TO GIVE THE SIXERS AN A+!”
With the 28th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Thunder selects Perry Jones, F, Baylor
10:15: Wow, this is exactly like the Steelers obtaining David DeCastro. Perry Jones shouldn’t have fallen to No. 28, bad knees or not.
10:18: NBA sideline reporter fail. He just asked Perry Jones how he felt about going No. 25. Way to pay attention while on the job, bub.
10:20: “WHAT THE F*** IS WITH THIS LADDER!? EVERYONE’S ON THE LADDER!? WHY THE F*** DOES EVERYONE NEED A LADDER!? THOSE IDIOTS SHOULD SHOVE THOSE LADDERS IN THEIR A**!”
10:21: Why hasn’t ESPN mentioned the Moultrie trade yet? Answer: ESPN blows.
10:22: My dad just started cursing at the Obama commercial. I think that made him forget about the ladder.
With the 29th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Bulls select Marquis Teague, G, Kentucky
10:26: Uh oh, my dad’s not so thrilled anymore.
“Future first-round pick… future first-round pick?”
With the 30th pick in the 2012 NBA Draft, the Warriors select Festus Ezeli, C, Vanderbilt
10:28: YAYYAYAYAYAYA ADAM SILVER! I’m really loving this David Stern booing. He’s a douche.
10:29: Now that the first round is over, I’m going to sign off. The picks will be quicker in the second round, so I won’t be able to type much in between posting David’s Live 2012 NBA Draft Grades.
Some thoughts before I conclude this:
1. No one wanted LeBron to win. I’m thinking I’m not the only one who will be quitting the NBA.
2. The Pacers’ draft strategy is to take the worst player available as long as he’s white.
3. My dad hates ladders. I fear for the next ladder he sees.
4. Both my dad and I agree – trading a future No. 1 pick is a bad idea, even if you’re getting the next Dennis Rodman.
5. The Celtics like players with bulging dicks.
10:32: Thanks for reading my nonsensical thoughts in this 2012 NBA Draft Blog. We’ll keep posting the Live 2012 NBA Draft Grades until the draft ends, and we’ll have more 2012 NBA Draft analysis tomorrow.
|
|
Live 2011 NBA Draft Blog
Live 2010 NBA Draft Blog
Live 2009 NBA Draft Blog
Live 2008 NBA Draft Blog
2012 NBA Mock Draft – Walt’s
2012 NBA Mock Draft – David Kay’s
