What is this? I'll be posting my thoughts about the NBA Draft here. That will include everything from the actual picks, to the ESPN personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. Emmitt Smith and Charles Barkley may even show up! This page will be updated every five minutes or so, so I hope you join me for the 2008 NBA Draft!
7:31: And we're on. David Stern is at the podium. For a second, I forgot why Stern was getting booed. Then, I remembered that Stern fixed the finals, single-handedly ruined the NBA for me and caused world hunger.
7:33: I'm watching this with my dad. A Sixers fan, he brought a list of all the players taken 16th in NBA Draft history. Here are his successful players: Hido Turkoglu, Ron Artest, John Stockton... and that's it. He's trying to convince me that Brevin Knight, Tony Delk and Dana Barros were solid, but I'm not buying it. That's three players in the last 30 years. This is why the NBA Draft sucks. Ninty percent of these guys after the top five will bust.
7:36: The Bulls are running out of time! How awesome would it be if Stern fixed the draft so that Chicago couldn't get its card up on time?
7:37: Thirty seconds to go! Jeff Van Gundy is going to go on a rampage even though he's acting completely calm right now. I'm telling you.
7:38: With the 1st pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Chicago Bulls select PG Derrick Rose, Memphis.
7:40: What a surprise - Chicago's draft room is cheering its own pick. I'd love it if one time the draft room booed. Stuart Scott's glass eye would pop out of its socket if that happened.
7:41: My dad doesn't like the pick because "Kirk Heinrich is a great point guard." Oh man.
7:43: With the 2nd pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Miami Heat select PF Michael Beastley, Kansas State.
7:44: Glad to see Billy King, Isiah Thomas and Matt Millen didn't commandeer Miami's draft room. If the Heat didn't take Beastley, they would regret it for decades.
7:46: With my recent exchange with the mother of a football player, I feel like making fun of a mother of a future NBA star tonight. I've come to determine that Derrick Rose's mom is related to Emmitt Smith with this quote: "[Chicago] is the only place he know hows to play."
7:49: With the 3rd pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Minnesota Timberwolves select G O.J. Mayo, USC.
7:50: Octagon J. Anthony Mayo, eh? Glad to see the Timberwolves just got Stephon Marbury Version 2.0.
7:52: The NBA Draft should really extend the time in between each pick. I'm dying here. I can barely keep up. How can I be expected to spell Octagon J. Anderson Mayo's name correctly with only five minutes?
7:53: I gave the Sonics Brook Lopez because they need a center to match up with Greg Oden for the next decade. I want my mock to be 4-for-4. In the words of Chris Berman, "Come on, Seattle... Let's go!!!"
7:55: The Clippers were going to make a trade if O.J. Mayo was available at No. 4? Stupid Clippers! They should learn to start reading NBA Mock Drafts.
7:56: With the 4th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Seattle Sonics select PG Russell Westbrook, UCLA.
7:57: I like Westbrook, but what are the Sonics going to do when Oden bulldozes them for 30 and 20 every single meeting?
8:00: The Grizzlies should trade this pick to the Lakers for a case of beer. They essentially did the same thing when they traded Pau Gasol.
8:01: Speaking of which, I'd like to suggest that Pau Gasol should change his name to Paul Gasol. Do you think his name was actually Paul, but someone accidentally spilled white out on his birth certificate?
8:02: With the 5th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Memphis Grizzlies select PF Kevin Love, UCLA.
8:03: Kevin Love is awesome. He's Rick Mahorn with a jump shot - a really long, 94-foot jump shot.
8:05: I'd like to interrupt this Love fest (pun very much intended) to bring up the fact that Knick fans are 90 seconds away from booing their pick.
8:07: REPORT: Knicks trade the No. 6 pick to the Orlando Magic for Dominique Wilkins! Boooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!
8:08: With the 6th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select SF Danilo Gallinari.
8:09: Quick, boo the foreigner we've never heard of even though he could be the best player in this class after Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley!
8:10: Was there a gold star on the basketball Gallinari was shooting? How can we even determine if he's a good player in a league where basketballs have a gold star on them?
8:11: So, the Knicks go from trading for selfish guards to drafting players whose fathers are friends with the coach? This franchise is awesome.
8:13: Ugh, can't we just skip the Clippers' pick? Whomever they draft is just going to bust.
8:14: With the 7th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Los Angeles Clippers select SG Eric Gordon, Indiana.
8:15: And... we have Eric Gordon, who looks like Fat Albert. How can he possibly succeed in the NBA with his looks? Just consider how Adam Morrison bombed despite appearing to be a starving French painter. Figures the Clips would take this guy.
8:16: Apparently, Gordon weighs 222 pounds. I'd say 240. He'll be 280 by 2010, mark my words.
8:17: Hot chick reporter: "Hey Mr. Walsh? Why do you like this Danilo Kalimiari guy?" Old Man: "Uhhh... Dantonio played with his dad... Uhhh... I like Italian food... Uhhh... who am I again?"
8:18: With the 8th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Milwaukee Bucks select SF Joe Alexander, West Virginia.
8:20: Damn, if you swap Joe Alexander and Danilo Gallinari, I'd be 5-of-8 right now. Bah!!!!! At any rate, I really like Alexander, based solely on the fact that he passes a rule I have, which goes something like this: If you bet against a team, and a player on that team annoys you to hell because he can't be stopped, that player is awesome. Alexander was that guy.
8:21: Wow, Alexander is the most intense dude I've ever seen. No wonder he soared up draft boards. I'm sold on him already.
8:23: FYI - I'm going under the first ad. Please support our sponsors (I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but whatever).
8:24: How do you not take Brook Lopez? If you're Larry Brown! Brown loves athletic small forwards who bust in the NBA!
8:25: With the 9th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Charlotte Bobcats select PG D.J. Augustin, Texas.
8:26: Hahahahahaha!!!! Larry Brown strikes again!!!!
8:28: My dad just brought up a GREAT POINT: "The Bobcats don't need a point guard. So, this must be a trade. Tyrone Hill is available! Derrick Coleman is available!"
8:30: With the 10th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the New Jersey Nets select C Brook Lopez, Stanford.
8:31: Ugh, I hate the Nets! How are they so lucky? I'm going to throw my computer out of my window.
8:33: As a reminder, I hate the Nets because of the following story:
I knew this one Nets fan in college. I let him borrow my Street Fighter III for the original PlayStation. As time went on, I kept asking for it back, but he always put it off and made excuses. Eventually, he told my roommate that he lost it. So, I asked for $20 from him (that's how much I bought the game for), but he wouldn't pay me back because he couldn't afford it. Seriously, I'm pretty sure he would bug different people to swipe him in to the dining commons.
8:35: With the 11th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Indiana Pacers select SG Jerryd Bayless, Arizona.
8:37: Thanks to the Bobcats being dumb, all my picks are one behind. As a reminder, Larry Brown traded Theo Ratliff for Nazr Mohammad; dealt his key players away for bums; chose Larry Hughes instead of Paul Pierce; took Tim Thomas instead of Tracy McGrady; acquired Derrick Coleman multiple times despite the fact that Coleman didn't do anything but eat donuts in his NBA career... I can go on and on.
8:40: WaMu Theatre? Maybe WaMu should start worrying about saving their company instead of sponsoring theatres. Their stock has dropped from like $40 to $5. Great job, guys. I guess now would be a good time to apologize... WaMu sponsors this Web site. Whoops.
8:42: With the 12th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Sacramento Kings select F Jason Thompson, Rider.
8:43: The first guy I've never heard of goes at No. 12. My dad called Jason Thompson in the top 10, so I have to give him credit. I had Thompson in the 20s.
8:45: Fictional Emmitt Smith wants to chime in on Portland's pick:
"Hello, this is Emmitt Stith... Stith... Smith... Uhh... Portland will take the best players available with these pick. My best player availables are Mario Chalmers, whose nickname is Super Mario from the game where... uhh... the brothers jump on the crocodiles and rescue the princess with the triangle. Mario Chambers will combine with Greg Odom to take Atlanta into the Doggone Playoff for the first time in many season."
8:47: With the 13th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Portland Trailblazers select G Brandon Rush, Kansas.
8:49: Is anyone else annoyed by these Stephen The Smith interviews? He talks to these guys for like three seconds each. There's no point. I'd rather have Stephen The Smith on the set so he could go on irrational rants about everything.
8:51: With the 14th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Golden State Warriors select F Anthony Randolph, LSU.
8:53: The Warriors have drafted busts with all of their first-round picks recently, so it's safe to say Anthony Randolph will suck.
8:56: I love Dick Vitale. He should be on after every pick. I couldn't agree with his Danilo Khalimari rant.
8:57: With the 15th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Phoenix Suns select C Robin Lopez, Stanford.
8:58: This is a bit high for Robin Lopez. I see Robin as a serviceable backup center in this league... Do you take a bench player in the middle of the first round? Is this why I'm convinced the NBA Draft sucks?
9:00: My dad on the Lopez mom: "God damn, she's ugly!"
9:01: The Sixers are the clock. We're two minutes away from my dad throwing the remote at the TV.
9:02: My dad on the pick: "If Billy King were still the GM, he'd take some horrible small forward no one has ever heard of."
9:04: With the 16th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Philadelphia 76ers select PF Marreese Speights, Florida.
9:05: Silence. My dad hasn't said anything yet. Hey, I'm not complaining... the TV's not broken.
9:07: Silence regarding the new Eddie Murphy movie too. There's mass confusion going on here. My dad hasn't cheered the pick, and hasn't criticized it yet either. He's looking at the Philadelphia Daily News to try and figure out what happened. It's pretty eerie, I think I'd like to have my TV broken.
9:08: With the 17th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Indiana Pacers select C Roy Hibbert, Georgetown.
9:09: Yessss!!! I got this pick right! Go me!!!!!
9:10: Congrats Pacers, you just landed the slowest player to come into the NBA since Gheorghe Muresan.
9:12: Hilarious... Brook Lopez didn't know who the coach of the Nets was. The sad thing is, I didn't know either.
9:14: With the 18th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Washington Bullets select C JaVale McGee, Nevada.
9:15: Yeah, yeah, I don't care... The Bullets (not the Wizards) should be banned from next year's Doggone Playoff. They declared that they would intentionally injure LeBron James, and they took cheap shots at him all series. If I were David Stern, I'd ban them (while spending the money I earned from Game 2 in the finals).
9:17: Pacers trade Jerryd Bayless to the Blazers for Brandon Rush. Two guys named Fred included in the deal.
9:19: From a guy who bashes the Titans for ruining Vince Young's career, I hope the Cavs draft someone to help LeBron James.
9:21: With the 19th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Cleveland Cavaliers select F J.J. Hickson, N.C. State.
9:22: ...And LeBron is already packing his bags to go to New Jersey. I really feel bad for the city of Cleveland.
9:25: The Bobcats need a center. Mark my words, the Bobcats will take a crappy small forward.
9:26: My dad on Charlotte: "They will trade Emeka Okafor for Derrick Coleman and use this pick to draft Tyrone Hill."
9:27: With the 20th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Charlotte Bobcats select Alexis Ajinca, C, France.
9:28: Hahahahahaahaha! Larry Brown strikes again. This is Samuel Dalembert Version 2.0.
9:29: This is from my mock:
"Something else Larry Brown does besides draft crappy small forwards, whine and moan about wanting to coach little league basketball is draft big men with absolutely no offensive talent."
9:30: Whoops, the Pacers are also getting Josh McRoberts from the Blazers. Guess Indiana was backing out once they heard everyone say the deal was unfair.
9:33: With the 21st pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the New Jersey Nets select F Ryan Anderson, California.
9:34: I think Jay Bilas has said "[Insert team name] will love [insert player]" after every pick. Seriously, no one is a bust in his world. This is why we need Steven The Smith and Dick Vitale on the set. They're not afraid to criticize.
9:37: I have Chris Douglas-Roberts here. C'mon David Stern, help me out!
9:38: With the 22nd pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Orlando Magic select SG Courtney Lee, Western Kentucky.
9:40: OK, I can't complain about Lee going here because he's a good prospect. In hindsight, I should have paid Stern $100,000 to read "Chris Douglas-Roberts" off the index card instead of Lee's name.
9:43: With the 23rd pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Utah Jazz select C Kosta Koufos, Ohio State.
9:44: Jay Bilas likes Koufos, what a surprise.
9:45: Funny story. My dad fell asleep after Charlotte's pick. He just woke up and asked where Koufos went. I told him Utah and he responded, "Of course! He's white! What a stupid question!"
9:47: Seattle has Phoenix's first-round pick in 2010. That could be pretty high if you think about it... Steve Nash and Shaq are both old. With teams like Portland and Seattle coming on, the Sonics could be picking high in two years.
9:49: With the 24th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Seattle Sonics select F Serge Ibaka, Congo.
9:50: Good job, Sonics. You just landed a character from Star Wars.
9:51: Jeff Van Gundy is the man. "How do you improve experience?" Funniest moment of the night, save for Derrick Rose's mom's Emmitt-ness.
9:54: Credit Matt McGuire for noting this exchange:
Jeff Van Gundy: "You have to be tough to play for Jerry Sloan."
Jay Bilas: "Koufus is a finesse center."
Whoops, someone screwed up!
9:56: With the 25th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Houston Rockets select F Nicolas Batum, G, France.
9:57: Why is Nicolas Batum at the draft? And why is his name pronounced "Ba-TOOM?" I always pronounced it "BAY-tum." This is ridiculous, how can the Rockets take someone who can't even pronounce his own name correctly?
9:58: Oh, now we know... That Fran guy believes Ba-Toom has "super duper athletic ability."
10:00: So, teams aren't taking Darrell Arthur because his kidney is a huge risk? So these weird foreigners we'll never hear from again aren't risks? I don't get this.
10:02: With the 26th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the San Antonio Spurs select G George Hill, IUPUI.
10:03: I've never heard of this George Hill guy, so he'll probably average 20 points per game for the Spurs in five years. They know what they're doing. I won't criticize.
10:04: Ugh... Jay Bilas is killing me.
"Hey Jay, what do you think of Manute Bol?"
"I think he's a really good player!"
Can someone please give this guy an opinion?
10:08: With the 27th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Portland Trailblazers select F Darrell Arthur, Kansas.
10:09: Finally! I can't believe the Blazers are getting another top-notch prospect. This is ridiculous. They're winning a championship in the next five years.
10:10: How can you trade picks for money? This is why the NFL Draft pwns the NBA Draft. Matt McGuire asked, "Why don't the Knicks just buy the entire bottom half of the 1st round?" I replied, "Because then they'd have 10 more busts on their roster."
I could have also said: "Because Mike D'Antoni doesn't know anyone else's father in this class."
10:15: With the 28th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the San Antonio Spurs select F Donte Green, Syracuse.
10:19: I thought we'd get Fictional Emmitt in again before this blog ends. Emmitt wants to give a message to Darrell Arthur:
"Darius Arthurs, I know how you feelings right now. Everyone doubt me when I was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys a few weeks ago... or months to be more precise. Everyone say I'm too small or short, which is the same thing as small only different spellings with same amount of letters. I prove everyone wrong. Now, haters are saying you have a slow liver. You gotta prove that your liver is long and strong and can jump fast and highly. I will vote for you for Offensive Rookie of the Year, Derrick Arthur!"
10:22: With the 29th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Detroit Pistons select F D.J. White, Indiana.
10:23: My dad's commentary on this selection: "Fat guy! Look at how fat he is! He's the younger brother of Tractor Traylor!"
Must improve: conditioning. My dad should be an NBA scout.
10:25: This is the last pick for my Live NBA Draft Blog. I'm not going into the second round. The bottom half of the first round is irrelevant, so what does that make the second round?
10:26: I would like to say this about DeAndre Jordan though. I'm surprised he's not off the board yet, but I have to think back to what Bill Simmons wrote about him: "DeAndre Jordan won't last 10 minutes in this league." Hilarious, and probably true.
10:29: Jay Bilas is so right. The NBA Draft has turned into garbage with all of these freshmen and foreigners coming out. Each player should spend at least three years in college, which is basically the same rule the NFL has. Four seniors in the first round? That's just depressing.
10:31: Ugh, what's taking Boston so long? I want to eat dinner so I can get as fat as D.J. White.
10:32: With the 30th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the Boston Celtics select G J.R. Giddens, New Mexico.
10:33: Nice... Another guy I've never heard of, so I don't have to make any stupid comments about him. But Danny Ainge is the man, so I'm sure Giddens is going to come out of nowhere in the playoffs next year and beat the Lakers with David Stern's help.
10:35: Silence, Dicky-V! No player should ever be able to come out of high school. I want a great NCAA Tournament. The NBA's fixed, so I don't really care about that anymore.
10:36: I'm signing off. This draft is a mess, and so is this blog. Thanks for joining me and reading my incoherent rants!