Seattle Seahawks (3-2) - Previously: #1 - Don't be deceived; I've moved the Seahawks down. Yes, they're still No. 1, but I assign a point value to every team and use that to construct my projected spreads, which can be seen on my NFL Picks page. The Seahawks were the top team with 32 points. They have 31 now, while the Broncos and Chargers remain tied at 30.
I'm not going to remove Seattle from the No. 1 slot because it clearly didn't take the Cowboys seriously this past Sunday. I am concerned about that though. The Seahawks have been undisciplined these past two weeks. Maybe it's because they thought their opponents were jokes, and that they could easily skate by them. Losing to Dallas could be the best thing that has happened to them. If the Seahawks continue to kill themselves with dumb penalties, I'll have to remove them from the first spot, but they're just too talented not to remain at the top.
Denver Broncos (4-1) - Previously: #2 - Was anyone else shocked that Aqib Talib scored on that pick-six? I was surprised a sniper didn't take him out before he reached the end zone.
There were so many strange calls in that game to negate big gains by the Broncos that it looked like the officials were trying their best to make sure the Jets covered. I wonder if they blew it by not throwing the flag on the interception... like, maybe the official tried grabbing for the flag, but couldn't get it out on time? I could see that - and if that's the case, some people in Vegas are probably beating him with baseball bats right now.
San Diego Chargers (5-1) - Previously: #3 - Not concerned at all about the Chargers' near-loss to the Raiders. I actually think it was impressive that they manage to pull out a victory despite Brandon Flowers getting knocked out of the game. The Raiders had lots of time off to game plan for San Diego, and that effectively was their Super Bowl. The Chargers coasted, yet still prevailed.
San Francisco 49ers (4-2) - Previously: #6 - Here's my NFL Game Recaps page where you can find analysis of the 49ers-Rams game.
Green Bay Packers (4-2) - Previously: #4 - Ugh. I don't have any words. My four-unit cover was blown when Aaron Rodgers threw that game-winning touchdown to Andrew Quarless. For those of you who think I yelled and screamed, I didn't. I just sat there in silence, with tears streaming down my face. That victory would've salvage a brutal, frustrating Sunday afternoon. Instead, the idiotic Dolphins couldn't keep Davante Adams inbounds on that fake spike, THOSE F***ING IDIOTS! WHAT THE F*** WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST F***ING COVER ON A DAY WHEN EVERY F***ING SQUARE PLAY CASHED IN! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Not silent anymore.
Indianapolis Colts (4-2) - Previously: #7 - The Colts had to withstand a ferocious Houston comeback, but their ability to jump on a huge lead like that was impressive. Their defense has improved the past couple of weeks, which obviously bodes well for their chances in the playoffs.
Jim Irsay was not allowed to tweet during that game, but I managed to capture some tweets of his before he deleted them:
@nflcommish this is bulls*** why are there games on thurs im going to miss big bang theory
@nflcommish @JimIrsay Because it makes us money >> i already have money i spend on hookers and crack i dont need more
@nflcommish @JimIrsay You did not just say that. >> say what? i deleted the tweet abt hookers and crack lololol
@nflcommish @JimIrsay Why don't you DVR the show anyway? >> wtf is dvr
@AndrewLuck12 andrew i know your playing a game rite now but whose your fave character on big bang
@AndrewLuck12 my favorie is howard because i love his belts!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@AndrewLuck12 andrew why didnt you answer me its been 20 mins common andrew
@nflcommish @JimIrsay Andrew is busy playing a game. >> he can still answer me god!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@AndrewLuck12 sorry i didnt mean to be rude can you plz answer thx
omg were going to loose this game!!!!!!!! the texas are coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@AndrewLuck12 if you throw one more imcomplete im benching you!!!!!!!!!!!!
@AndrewLuck12 jk we won thats cool can you answer my tweet now plz im waiting k thnx
@AndrewLuck12 still waiting i know ur talking on tv now but common andrew i pay you
@AndrewLuck12 ANDREWW ANSWER MY TWEET NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
Baltimore Ravens (4-2) - Previously: #8 - It's amazing how much better Steve Smith has made this offense after looking so decrepit last year. Can you imagine how that crying kid on YouTube is responding after seeing Smith be so effective in his new home? If he hasn't stabbed himself in the head or jumped off his roof by now, I'd be shocked.
New England Patriots (4-2) - Previously: #10 - The officials fixed the game the wrong way. All of those bogus offensive pass interference calls should've gone on New England. Seriously, Vegas had some serious problems this week and lost countless millions because of it. They need to get a firmer grasp on these incompetent officials.
Anyway, the Patriots had a nice win, but they still have issues with their offensive line because they had to keep rolling out Tom Brady. As e-mailer Joe B. pointed out, New England can fix its center problems by signing this promising free agent:
Dallas Cowboys (5-1) - Previously: #15 - The Cowboys have had two legitimate victories now over quality foes, but I expect them to regress. They should've lost to the Rams and nearly dropped a game to Houston. They beat the Saints and Seahawks, but both teams didn't appear to take those games seriously.
Anyway, I suspect most of the hate mail this week will be from Cowboy fans because I have their team "too low." They'll completely ignore the fact that their defense is still tied for second-to-last in yards per play (6.1). Only the Falcons are worse at 6.2.
Here's some of last week's hate mail:
You must be a nut job? When the Bills beat the Patriots you better move them up into the top 10. Hater!
I picked the Bills to beat the Patriots. Unless I begin smoking crack, there's no way Buffalo will be sniffing the top 10 this year.
You mean Walters problem is he has a football IQ equivalent to that of a prepubescent girl? Walter - Just flat out say you hate the Cowboys personally, that you're biased, and make your bones by ignoring results and irrefutable evidence and do your power rankings like its still pre-season week 3. You don't even try to form a coherent argument, not that one exists. You're just kinda... Not any good at your job.
I hate the Cowboys, but I also hate every other team in the NFL. I'm an equal-opportunity hater! Sure, sure, I'm not good at my job, but you're not good at posting on comment boards, so I suppose we are even.
I am sure anyone posting against Walt will get attacked this week. Not here mind you, because Walt needs a whole week to think up a good response.
I don't need a whole week to think of a response. Just six days. Do you know how tiring it is to come up with these snarky replies? It's tough work, man!
Time for Walter's Power Rankings preview!! I would suck Andrew Lucks c*ck if he let me
So true about Andrew the Giant.
Every time the Bills win Walt loses more hair....lol. As a football fan I want to see every city experience a winning team at some point, and I feel bad for the fans of teams like Jacksonville. You on the other hand are just a dick.
I picked the Bills last week, and I picked the Bills this week. Stop pretending like I'm out to get your team, and recognize that your team is not going to win anything with Kyle Orton.
Arizona Cardinals (4-1) - Previously: #9 - The Cardinals move down despite their loss, but only because the Cowboys leapt in front of them. Plus, I'm still concerned about all of the injuries they've incurred. Beating the Redskins was nice, but what happens when they have to take on legitimate foes like the Eagles and Cowboys in Weeks 8-9? I suppose we'll learn exactly how good Arizona is without Calais Campbell and the rest of its missing talents.
NFL Power Rankings: Week 7 - Bottom 10
32. Oakland Raiders (0-5) - Previously: #32 - Dennis Allen must have been fuming after seeing his team play so competitively with such a strong opponent. I had to get his thoughts, so I sat down with him for an interview. Here's the transcript:
Me: Hey Dennis, thanks for agreeing to the interview.
Allen: No problem, but I only have a couple of minutes to talk.
Me: OK, I was going to discuss how young you still look despite previously owning such a stressful job, but I'll just get right to it. Why did...
Allen: Hold on, Walt. ... ... OK, phew. Not my parents. I'm grounded, so I can't talk to anyone. If they find out I'm doing this interview, they'll kill me.
Me: Oh, OK. Wait, what?
Allen: I'm grounded for like a month. Stupid parents!
Me: How... why...?
Allen: Because my parents found out I was coaching the Raiders. I needed a permission slip to become the coach, and I knew they wouldn't sign it, so I forged their signature, and they just found out when they saw on the news that I was fired.
Me: So they didn't know you were coaching the Raiders all this time? What did they think you were doing, especially when you went to London?
Allen: I pretended to be sick and I set up a tape recording in my room of me snoring, so they thought I was in bed this whole time.
Me: Oh, wow.
Allen: Yeah, it was great, but I finally got caught. Did you have any questions for me?
Me: Oh, right. I was wondering why you didn't use Andre Holmes at all.
Allen: Ugh! I asked him if he wanted to come over for a sleepover so we could play PS3, but he said no and that he was too cool and only wanted to play PS4. What a loser! I hate... oh no, my parents are home! Gotta go, Walt!
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-6) - Previously: #31 - The Jaguars have been competitive in every game with Blake Bortles at quarterback. They've lost all of them, but that's fine. Worst-case scenario, they'll be picking in the top three and will have their choice of Leonard Williams or Randy Gregory. Best-case scenario, they'll secure the No. 1 pick and trade it for a king's ransom to a team desperate to land Marcus Mariota.
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-5) - Previously: #28 - There's only one thing I can do following a miserable performance like that...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Derek Anderson: It's been six weeks since I've last had a drop from my precious magic flask. Time to return to the scene of the crime, where I first lost it.
Lovie Smith: DUNNN YEWWW TELLL MEE WEEE GOOTT BLLOOWWNN OUUTT HIC! I DESSSIGGNNND PEPERRFUCT DEEFFENSE FOOR THE GGAMMEE. I CALLL IITT THE COOOVVER 48! HIC!
Derek Anderson: More like Cover No One. Lovie, do you know where my flask is? I need a drink.
Lovie Smith: I DUNNNOOO IGGOOTTAAA PPREEPPAREE FOORR THE RRAAVVENNSS HIC!
29. Tennessee Titans (2-4) - Previously: #30 - Ken Whisenhunt looked so happy when his team blocked Josh Scobee's potential game-winning kick. He should've been depressed. Not only did he barely beat the craptastic Jaguars; he lost precious draft positioning as a result. The Titans may not be able to land Leonard Williams or Randy Gregory as a result of a meaningless victory.
28. New York Jets (1-5) - Previously: #29 - I'm ashamed of myself that I forgot to write about the Jets' playbook story from this offseason. There was a report that Mike Pettine said that Bill Belichick may have a copy of New York's offensive playbook. My LVH Supercontest Matvei texted me the following once that news broke:
This Jets playbook story is great. How do you imagine the Jets playbook? I see a stapled stack of pizza menus, run plays photocopied from the 1925 Pottsville Maroons archive at the Hall of Fame, and a bunch of Polaroids of a shirtless Mark Sanchez bedazzled with lipstick hearts and rainbows. It probably comes in a trapper keeper too.
With that in mind, it's extra sad that Geno Smith can't seem to master that offense.
27. Washington Redskins (1-5) - Previously: #27 - Aside from Phil Simms' idiotic decision not to say "Redskins" during the Week 4 Thursday night telecast, we haven't had much conversation about that "controversy" this year. If it ever comes up again, forum member Don7031 made a neat suggestion for what their new name should be:
I suggest the Washington Conquerors. Daniel Synder can say, "You don't want us to be the Redskins, fine, we'll be the people who kicked their a**es." Insult them, remove a major source of exposure and make a mint from the new merchandise.
26. St. Louis Rams (1-4) - Previously: #25 - I posted a link to the Monday night game earlier. I should note that I read an interesting article about why the Rams' pass rush has been so poor this year. It's because Gregg Williams has been blitzing way more than they did last year. When teams blitz, quarterbacks get the ball out quickly because they're trained to, thus Williams' actual blitzes are negating the best part of his defense. Even with Chris Long out, the Rams have the personnel to put pressure on the quarterback with their front four alone. It's amazing that Williams doesn't understand that.
It's also amazing that Williams' goatee is so black. He needs to chill with that because he looks like those characters from the evil alternate universe in that one South Park episode. Come to think of it, maybe Williams is from an evil alternate universe, and he's been sent here to ruin the Rams.
25. Minnesota Vikings (2-4) - Previously: #19 - I referenced Phil Simms earlier and what he did in the Giants-Redskins game. Simms spent the following Thursday clamoring that Teddy Bridgewater shouldn't have fallen in the draft because of his Pro Day. Simms, as usual, was giving out bad information. Bridgewater did not fall because of the Pro Day. In fact, his Pro Day had a minimal impact on his draft status. Bridgewater was never perceived to be an elite quarterback, according to several teams we spoke to leading up to the NFL Draft. One team that already has a franchise quarterback in place actually viewed him as a fourth-round prospect. All of the teams said Bridgewater wasn't elite in any category, and that he was brittle and could miss extensive action as a consequence.
This is not an attack on Bridgewater of any sort because he seems like a good kid, and I'm rooting for him. I'm just telling you what teams told us, all while pointing out Simms' factually incorrect information.
24. Buffalo Bills (3-3) - Previously: #26 - What I wrote last week: "I have a feeling that Buffalo fans will be the next group of people to flood my comment board now that the Cincinnati backers have been silenced."
Sure enough, Buffalo backers pounced on the comment board below even though I picked the Bills both in Weeks 5 and 6. Buffalo ended up costing me four units, but the silver lining is that the team's annoying homers can shut up until the team's next bogus victory.
23. Houston Texans (3-2) - Previously: #24 - I have nothing noteworthy to say about the Texans, so it's time for the Andy Reid meme of the week!
Last week: The Chiefs were whistled for 12 men on the field on a crucial play. Big Andy didn't take it very seriously, apparently.
This week: Reid is on a bye, so he spent his week off having someone feed him the whole time:
NFL Power Rankings: The Rest: 11. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2-1). Previously: #5
12. Philadelphia Eagles (5-1). Previously: #13
13. Detroit Lions (4-2). Previously: #12
14. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3). Previously: #14
15. Carolina Panthers (3-2-1). Previously: #23
16. New Orleans Saints (2-3). Previously: #16
17. New York Giants (3-3). Previously: #11
18. Chicago Bears (3-3). Previously: #22
19. Atlanta Falcons (2-4). Previously: #17
20. Cleveland Browns (3-2). Previously: #21
21. Miami Dolphins (2-3). Previously: #20
22. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-3). Previously: #18
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: