32. Miami Dolphins (0-5) - Previously: #32 - A recap of the Jets-Dolphins game:
1. The Dolphins outgained New York in the first half, 215-100. The Jets had only one drive prior to intermission in which they had a first down. Yet, the Jets led 14-6.
If you saw what happened, you know the Dolphins were royally screwed. Darrelle Revis flat-out mugged Brandon Marshall inside the 5-yard line. Marshall was knocked away, allowing Revis to pick-six Matt Moore's pass.
This drew the ire of Jon Gruden, who nearly had an aneurysm complaining about the non-call. It was pretty ridiculous.
Later, Marshall ran out of bounds on what should have been a score, and then dropped a touchdown in the end zone, forcing Miami to settle for a field goal. Mark Sanchez then finally found some rhythm and scored a touchdown, which completely deflated the Dolphins, who gave up in the second half.
2. This game was such crap that I don't feel like talking about it anymore. Let me just say that if the Dolphins had any sort of competent owner, Tony Sparano would be fired tomorrow. Unfortunately for Miami fans, Stephen Ross is one of the worst owners in the NFL because he only cares about chilling with B-list celebrities.
I had the Dolphins going 3-13 in my 2011 NFL Season Preview, but I'll be shocked if they win two games this year.
31. St. Louis Rams (0-5) - Previously: #31 - E-mailer James M., who referenced something I wrote in my fantasy rankings during the summer:
Well, it took 6+ weeks, but we finally know who St. Louis' Brandon Lloyd will be!
Funny how that worked out. Go here for my analysis of the Brandon Lloyd to the Rams trade.
30. Indianapolis Colts (0-6) - Previously: #30 - Some people say the Colts are 0-6 because Peyton Manning is injured. That's a bunch of bull crap. Clearly, this guy is entirely to blame for the team's 0-6 start:
29. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-5) - Previously: #29 - When I saw that the Jaguars were hosting the Ravens on Monday Night Football next week, I quickly jotted down the following for future use in these power rankings or the NFL Picks page:
MNF game vs. Ravens ffffff ploy to help Jax sell out stadium
I can't explain the random f's - I must have been super drunk - but the rest is legit. The only reason the Jaguars are hosting TWO Monday night games this year is because the NFL wants to help Jacksonville sell out as many games as possible to keep the team from moving. So, as stupid as ESPN is, don't blame them for this upcoming crappy contest.
28. Arizona Cardinals (1-4) - Previously: #28 - The Cardinals are coming off a bye, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (all from some bozo named 13azcardinals):
1. excuse my french cardinals, unless the lose this vidal game 2morro
French? The French are not illiterate like you.
2. "if cards win will they bee first in nfc west??????"
Keep dreaming, bud.
3. "we may have lost but were way better thannn them!!!!!!!!!!!!!go cards including kurtis eungene warner"
Going out on a limb here, but I don't think Kurt Warner's middle name is "Eungene."
27. Minnesota Vikings (1-5) - Previously: #24 - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
Sorry, I was sleepwalking. You know, like the Vikings did at Chicago on Sunday night.
Seriously, that was pathetic. Minnesota is not 29 points worse than the Bears. The team just didn't try hard for some unknown reason.
The next time the Vikings decide to mail it in, I hope Leslie Frazier e-mails me before I bet $300 on his team.
26. Cleveland Browns (2-3) - Previously: #27 - I totally agree with the Browns players who criticized Peyton Hillis for not playing with strep throat. Strep throat is a pansy injury. I don't care if Hillis lost 15 pounds or even 50 pounds; he should have suited up. I mean, what's next? Is someone going to declare himself out because he has the Ebola virus? Maybe I'm crazy, but the Ebola virus should not prohibit you from playing on Sundays.
25. Seattle Seahawks (2-3) - Previously: #26 - Pete Carroll hasn't really proven himself as a good NFL coach yet, but he's much better by Jim Mora Jr. by default. I mention Mora because he really annoyed me during the Saints-Buccaneers broadcast.
At one point during the game, Josh Freeman missed an open Kellen Winslow Jr. because he had pressure in his face. Winslow then started yelling at Freeman, prompting Mora to go off on a rant about how much he hated poor teammates like Winslow because it causes a divide in the locker room.
I actually really liked what Mora had to say - until five minutes later when he began apologizing profusely. It went something like this:
I'm sory. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love Kellen Winslow Jr. I didn't mean to say that about him. He's a great player. One of the best tight ends in the NFL. I'd just really like to apologize. I'm sorry.
Ugh. And here I was thinking that an announcer wouldn't be afraid to criticize a player or a coach. I guess that's just wishful thinking.
24. Denver Broncos (1-4) - Previously: #25 - Man, John Elway and John Fox sure love to screw Tim Tebow over. First, Elway publicly stated that Tebow is not a legitimate starting quarterback. Then, Fox started the crappy and overrated Kyle Orton over him. And now, Elway dealt Tebow's best weapon away for a mere fifth-round pick. It's like they don't want him to succeed.
For their next act, Elway and Fox plan to kidnap Tebow's parents and will return them only if Tebow tosses 20 interceptions over the next four games.
23. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) - Previously: #23 - The Chiefs had a bye, so I want to use this space to express my extreme dissatisfaction regarding the Mayne Event that airs during the final hour of Sunday NFL Countdown.
I'm so sick of the Mayne Event. I loved it a few years ago, but it just keeps getting worse and worse. Chris Berman's not even fake laughing at it anymore.
I promise that if I ever start mailing it in like Kenny Mayne, I'm going to quit this Web site.
2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Dallas Cowboys (2-3). Previously: #12
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-2). Previously: #15
13. Philadelphia Eagles (2-4). Previously: #17
14. Houston Texans (3-3). Previously: #10
15. New York Jets (3-3). Previously: #14
16. Chicago Bears (3-3). Previously: #19
17. Atlanta Falcons (3-3). Previously: #20
18. Cincinnati Bengals (4-2). Previously: #22
19. Oakland Raiders (4-2). Previously: #9
20. Tennessee Titans (3-2). Previously: #16
21. Carolina Panthers (1-5). Previously: #21
22. Washington Redskins (3-2). Previously: #18
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