32. Carolina Panthers (1-12) - Previously: #32 - Carolina has one of the most important games in franchise history coming up. On Sunday, the Panthers battle the Cardinals.
Why is this contest significant? Well, Carolina is favored. If they win and the Bengals continue to lose, Cincinnati will have the No. 1 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. If the Panthers lose, they'll have the top pick.
Whoever secures the No. 1 overall selection will get both Andrew Luck and Jim Harbaugh. Whoever drafts No. 2 will continue to suck for years.
Don't screw this up, Panthers.
31. Denver Broncos (3-10) - Previously: #28 - Kyle Orton's mojo is gone. In fact, he looked like a lost kid crying for his mommy against the Cardinals. Say what you want about Josh McDaniels, but he breast fed Orton like no one else.
30. Cincinnati Bengals (2-11) - Previously: #30 - It's a shame that Colt McCoy will probably be back for Cleveland this week because Jake Delhomme and Carson Palmer could have set the NFL record for pick-sixes in a single game.
Palmer blew that game all by himself. He's terrible. If I were Marvin Lewis, I'd put a blindfold on Palmer and tell him to use the force. I actually think he'd throw fewer interceptions if he played without the use of his eyesight.
29. Arizona Cardinals (4-9) - Previously: #31 - Seriously, Cardinals, stop popping confetti after short field goals. It's embarrassing.
The Adventure of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask continues!
Anderson: Hic... hey mannnnnn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.
John Skelton: What did you say, fool!?
Anderson: Heeyyy mannnn I'mmzzzz noottt a foooollll I'mmmaaaa vetrrraannnn playurrrrr. Take a ssssip.
Skelton: I will not take a sip, for I am John Skelton! My strong arm is too powerful for your flask RAAWWWRRRR!
28. Seattle Seahawks (6-7) - Previously: #23 - The Seahawks can only beat Derek Anderson and Jimmy Clawful. They stink.
But don't worry, Seattle fans. Facebook friend Robby A. knows how to fix things. He posted the following series of posts on my wall:
- nahh i think [the Colts] tag and trade peyton manning, trade up and get jake locker
- how bout payton for matt hassellback and the seahawks 1st rounder
*** Matt J's response: How about passing along some of that s*** you're smoking because it seems to be working really well. ***
- i dont smoke. what am i saying that is so dumb? think the trade would beinfit the colts.
*** My response: Colts trade Peyton Manning? How did this turn into an NFL.com GameCenter thread? ***
- becuase he is 33 and if the colts could aquire a vetern and jake locker for him it would be a good move. what im trying to say is manning is on the decline and the colts could rip off a steal of a trade.
That's right, Seahawk fans. Matt Hasselbeck and this year's first-round pick for Peyton Manning! W00t!
27. Detroit Lions (3-10) - Previously: #29 - The last time the city of Detroit hosted a Monday Night Football game prior to this week: Oct. 8, 2001.
Nine years, two months and five days later, Monday Night Football finally returned to Detroit. Unfortunately, the Lions weren't invited. Seriously, even the players were turned down at the ticket office.
26. Buffalo Bills (3-10) - Previously: #27 - I love Chris Berman and Tom Jackson, but I'm sick of them praising these crappy teams for trying hard and winning meaningless games.
Crappy teams that win games should be chastised. Just look at the Rams. They mailed it in for the most part last year, and now they're going to be a Super Bowl contender for the next 10-15 years because of Sam Bradford.
Meanwhile, the Bills' dumb victory over Cleveland screwed the fans out of getting Andrew Luck. Buffalo now gets to go 6-10 for the next five years, while the Panthers or Bengals can become one of the top teams in the NFL by 2012 or 2013.
25. Tennessee Titans (5-8) - Previously: #25 - The Titans pulled off one of the craziest backdoor covers I've ever seen. While losing that game sucked, I really enjoyed Cousin Sal's tweet afterward:
Hey Jeff Fisher-we know U made $ off that back door cover. Counting off 100's during the post game press conference is just rubbing it in.
Three other funny comments from the Colts-Titans game:
CKane138: I'm surprised the Titans aren't playing with more heart after the tragic death of Randy Moss.
Casey M: Matt Millen just referred to Randy Moss as "someone that would make a good head coach."
Brandon K: Who let Kerry Collins out of rehab and allowed him to hit the worst backdoor cover of the year???
24. Washington Redskins (5-8) - Previously: #24 - Does Mike Shanahan actually believe that Rex Grossman gives him a better chance of winning than Donovan McNabb? I'd be surprised by this, but Shanahan stuck with Jake Plummer for years in Denver. Maybe he just has no eye for talent.
At any rate, more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "our offense never look the gud with chilly but d need to do better"
I don't think any offense in NFL history look the gud.
2. "man we gone win regaurdless of what you all think"
And regaurdless of how you spell, apparently.
3. "why u ask that. are you black?? spelling YUNG??? for young!!!! race aint got no say so, it doesnt matter what race you are, its football not slavery dumbo."
And here I thought GameCenter was a racist-free community. I'm very disappointed.
23. San Francisco 49ers (5-8) - Previously: #26 - Are the Niners good again, or are the Seahawks just epically bad? I'm very confused.
Anyway, I'm sure you've all heard about Sal Alosi, the Jets strength coach, who tripped Nolan Carroll on the sidelines on Sunday. Or allegedly tripped. Even though he apologized, I'm not completely sure he tripped him. A guy was running full speed toward him. Maybe he just planted his knee just in case Carroll ran into him. That's what I would have done anyway.
To investigate this, I asked Alosi to sit down with me for an interview:
ME: Hey Sal, thanks for joining me.
ALOSI: "Pssst... psssssstttt... are we alone?"
ME: Umm... yeah.
ALOSI: "OK! Listen, if there's anyone you don't like, I can make them pay. Just give me some cash and I'll make it happen. All I'll have to do is issue an apology."
ME: What? And here I was defending you! You're saying you did this on purpose?
ALOSI: "Of course. Duh! A Jets fan paid me five bucks to do it!"
ME: Wow. I'm speechless.
ALOSI: "Yeah, so, we got a deal? Who don't you like? I'll make sure a rival football site's owner hurts himself. Just give me three bucks."
ME: Three bucks? Really?
ALOSI: "Fine, two bucks. OK, $1.25 will do it. I just want to buy a soda at the machine."
ME: I can't believe you're willing to hurt someone for the price of a soda.
ALOSI: "Oh yeah, no probz! Someone paid me a quarter to trip my momma. I was about to do it, but she made me apple tort. I love apple tort."
ME: Well, I hope your momma makes you tons of apple tort during your suspension.
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Chicago Bears (9-4). Previously: #10
12. Dallas Cowboys (4-9). Previously: #12
13. Indianapolis Colts (7-6). Previously: #13
14. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-5). Previously: #15
15. Kansas City Chiefs (8-5). Previously: #14
16. Minnesota Vikings (5-8). Previously: #16
17. St. Louis Rams (6-7). Previously: #17
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-5). Previously: #18
19. Cleveland Browns (5-8). Previously: #19
20. Miami Dolphins (7-6). Previously: #20
21. Oakland Raiders (6-7). Previously: #21
22. Houston Texans (5-8). Previously: #22