2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 14 - Bottom 10
32. Indianapolis Colts (0-12) - Previously: #32 - I have some sad news to report. I believe that famous GameCenter user Taton has been banned. That's what usually happens when there's no recent activity, as you can see by clicking the link.
What could have caused Taton to be banned? Hmm...
After the Colts screwed up in the end zone, down 3-0:
- Dane orkovsky sucks incomlete! orkovsky put penas in Coach Caswell's mouth!!!!!
When the Patriots established a 31-3 lead:
- Brady brady brad y Stop throw tochdown!!! Brayd is homosexall like Coach Cadwell!!!!
When Dan Orlovsky drew the Colts within seven:
- Come on come on cmon on Colt score one more touchdwn at beat gay new england patriot!!!!
After the game:
- Cach Cadwell and Jim Isray and Cristis Prainter have butt sex in lockar room!!!!!!!!!!!
31. St. Louis Rams (2-10) - Previously: #31 - I'd like to see the Rams and Colts play each other. I think Indianapolis might be better.
Speaking of comparing teams, I once again have to complain about NFL.com's Game Edge meter:
If a 20-point favorite isn't anything more than a "slight edge," then I give up. Seriously, why even have a meter like this if everything is a "very slight edge" or a "slight edge?"
If Patriots over Colts is a slight edge, then the following graphic may apply:
Not that there's anything wrong with willingly having sex with Jerry Sandusky.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-9) - Previously: #30 - Did you know that the Jaguars still have a chance at the Super Bowl? It's true. After all, a GameCenter user had this to say about the Monday night game:
come on jags u need to step it up this is our game chargers stink philip rivers peeeeeeee uuuuuuu JAGS TO THE SUPER AND THEY WILL WIN
With so many idiots on GameCenter, Taton won't be missed too much.
29. Cleveland Browns (4-8) - Previously: #28 - The Browns suck, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (the first one from Facebook friend Jay B):
1. "BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! BEAR DOWN!!! BEAR DOWN!! BEAR DOWN!!!!! BAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HERE WE GOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DET IS LOSING AND WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAA BEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This man would die of a heart attack five minutes later.
2. "yup blowout the pats will win by at least 21 and will bench the starters in the forth"
And so on, and so fourth.
3. "Sean payton is the master of yodas..he always has something noones seen yet....I am sure he has the lions a thing or two....Watch out detroit the yoda is on you. Who Dat!"
A very stupid GameCenter poster he is, hmm!?
28. Minnesota Vikings (2-10) - Previously: #27 - My prediction that Sage Rosenfels would sign before Donovan McNabb came to fruition. Go me.
By the way, we're only a few weeks removed from McNabb telling the media that he should be starting. I'm shocked the feeling wasn't mutual. I mean, what team wouldn't want a fat, lazy, out-of-shape, unmotivated, whining, washed-up, inaccurate, me-first, delusional quarterback starting for them?
27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-8) - Previously: #22 - The Buccaneers were once 3-1. They're now 4-8. What happened? Some say it was the Gerald McCoy injury. Others figure that a lazy Raheem Morris has lost the locker room.
A GameCenter poster had a different theory:
fellow buc fan's we've been lost at sea for a month now arrrrrrr.
I like that last explanation the best. It came from a pirate, after all, and pirates know what the hell they are talking about.
26. Kansas City Chiefs (5-7) - Previously: #29 - Watching that Bears-Chiefs game was like sitting in a dentist's chair for three hours. On the bright side, in 50 years, you can tell your grandkids where you were for the Kyle Orton-Kansas City Chiefs era.
25. Washington Redskins (4-8) - Previously: #24 - Rex Grossman struggled against the Jets after playing well the two weeks leading into that game. What happened in those two games?
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Rex Grossman: I'mmm Ruxxx Grossmnann and I plllay qurbaack reeell geewwdd.
Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz iffff yewww wannnaerr playy qurrbback betturr havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!
*** Ten minutes later... ***
Rex Grossman: What is going on here? Nothing's spinning around. I can think clearly. I don't see five of the guy I'm throwing to. Hey, this quarterbacking thing got much easier!
Maybe Grossman should hire Anderson on retainer.
24. Philadelphia Eagles (4-8) - Previously: #19 - "We did OK, we just gotta take care of some turnovers and we're good." - Vince Young after the loss to Seattle.
Wow. Speaking of wow, here are some crazy facts, courtesy of BOOP Stats:
- It's been 18 games since the Eagles have given a carry to a running back on their first offensive play of the game.
- Prior to Thursday night, the last time an Eagle quarterback has thrown an interception on the first play of the game was December 2007: A.J. Feeley was guilty of this against - drum roll - the Seahawks.
- Vince Young's throws of 15-plus yards this year: 16 have been completed; eight have been intercepted.
23. San Diego Chargers (5-7) - Previously: #23 - A recap of the Chargers-Jaguars game:
1. I LOVE Jacksonville's young quarterback. He's tough. He's gritty. He's great in the locker room. He helps Maurice Jones-Drew in the running game. He wins games. He doesn't pass very well, but is getting better each week.
Oh, wait... my bad... I thought we were in a parallel universe where everything made sense and the Jaguars drafted Tim Tebow in April 2010. My bad.
Jacksonville's real quarterback sucks. Blaine Gabbert (19-of-33, 195 yards, 2 TDs, 1 INT) doesn't look like anything close to a franchise signal-caller. He's skittish in the pocket and doesn't take any chances downfield. Aside from a shovel pass to Maurice Jones Drew (20 carries, 97 rush yards, 6 catches, 91 rec. yards, TD) that turned into a big gain, Gabbert's longest throw went to tackle-eligible Guy Whimper for 17 yards. This offense is just so limited and bland.
2. As for the other quarterback, Philip Rivers looked much better Monday night than he had in recent weeks. He finished 22-of-28 for 294 yards and three touchdowns despite not getting much protection from a patchwork offensive line. Going against Jacksonville's injury-ravaged secondary helped, as did having Malcom Floyd (4-108, TD) back.
Something funny about the Bastard of the Trident was a video clip ESPN showed prior to the game. Linebacker Stephen Cooper stood next to Rivers on the sideline and complained, "I need two more touchdowns for my fantasy league!"
3. This game was bad, and the announcers matched that. At one point in the second half, Ron Jaworski called Norv Turner an "excellent football coach." As I wrote on Twitter (@walterfootball), "That's like calling Emmitt Smith a grammatical genius."
It's weird - people insist on having football people in the booth, but this is precisely the problem with that. Jaws is friends with Turner, so he's going to do everything in his power to make sure his buddy isn't fired. I'm aware that people hated him for some strange reason, but I miss Tony Kornheiser. He didn't know the Xs and Os, but at least he didn't say completely idiotic and biased things each week.
4. As mentioned, this game was trash. But hey, at least we didn't have to watch the Rams play the Seahawks, or anything. Oh wait...
2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Dallas Cowboys (7-5). Previously: #8
12. Detroit Lions (7-5). Previously: #11
13. New York Jets (7-5). Previously: #15
14. Atlanta Falcons (7-5). Previously: #12
15. Cincinnati Bengals (7-5). Previously: #14
16. Miami Dolphins (4-8). Previously: #17
17. Tennessee Titans (7-5). Previously: #18
18. Seattle Seahawks (5-7). Previously: #21
19. Arizona Cardinals (5-7). Previously: #26
20. Chicago Bears (7-5). Previously: #10
21. Carolina Panthers (4-8). Previously: #25
22. Buffalo Bills (5-7). Previously: #20