Dallas Cowboys (12-5) - Previously: #2 - Wade Phillips winning a playoff game makes me sad. Who am I going to make fun of now?
Ah, hell. I'll still make fun. Awesome Kelly in Arizona sent me Tony Romo's Facebook page. It may not be appropriate anymore, but it's still hilarious.
San Diego Chargers (13-3) - Previously: #3 - The Chargers have to be thrilled that they're playing the Jets. The funny thing is that Rex Ryan is mutually glad to be taking on San Diego; after all, his team is favored no matter what, right?
Time for Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's new crappy GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
1. "I didn't know that Romo is Mexcian"
Mexcian - not to be confused with Mexican. Mexcians are an endangered people.
2. "were is vick ? Reid is such an idiot"
The irony here is amazing.
3. "Winning a divisin is not everything."
Especially when you can't spell "division."
Arizona Cardinals (11-6) - Previously: #7 - Arizona's defense pretty much did a great job on the Packers in the first half. Well, except for the following sequence of plays:
Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference. Michael Adams blown coverage. Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference. Michael Adams blown coverage. Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference. Michael Adams blown coverage. Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference. "Hey Kurt Warner, the roof is open, just how you like it." - Chris Myers. Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference. Michael Adams blown coverage. Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference. Michael Adams blown coverage. Michael Adams penalty. Michael Adams pass interference.
Here's a summary of Arizona's defense in the second half:
Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. "Hey Kurt Warner, the roof is open, just how you like it." - Chris Myers. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. "Hey Kurt Warner, the roof is open, just how you like it." - Chris Myers. Touchdown Packers. Blown coverage. Wide open receiver. Touchdown Packers.
And in overtime?
Michael Adams for the win!
Oh, and "Hey Kurt Warner, the roof is open, just how you like it." - Chris Myers.
Baltimore Ravens (10-7) - Previously: #6 - What I said last week:
This is my playoff sleeper pick. If the Ravens can get by the Patriots - a bit easier now with Wes Welker out - I'm confident that they can beat an ice-cold Colts squad and then give the Chargers a tough challenge in the AFC Championship.
By the way, did Jim Nantz and Phil Simms tell us that Joe Flacco has a shrine dedicated to Tom Brady at his parents' house? What does he do there, light candles every night and pray to his Brady statue? Perhaps I misheard what Nantz and Simms said.
Indianapolis Colts (14-2) - Previously: #4 - Maybe I should have listened to what I wrote last week:
The Colts will be ice-cold heading into the postseason, and Peyton Manning is 3-8 in the playoffs after resting at the end of the regular season (and two of those wins came against Jake Plummer). It's pretty easy to figure out what's going to happen. January NFL Pick of the Month? Stay tuned.
I should have just taken my own advice instead of wasting eight units away on the crappy, choking Bengals. Good job, Walt, you f***ing parrot!
Minnesota Vikings (12-4) - Previously: #5 - I guess it's a good thing the Packers and Vikings won't be playing this January. I'm pretty sure the entire town of Bristol would have spontaneously combusted if that would've happened.
Wait, what am I saying? That would have been a good thing. Boooo Packers, you suck for losing!!!
Green Bay Packers (11-6) - Previously: #1 - I ranked the Packers first last week, yet I had them losing to the Cardinals. The ravings of a mad man? Well, I was more concerned with the three cross-country flights Green Bay had in the span of seven days. Besides, Arizona is a damn good team.
Anyway, I conducted an interview with Marvin Lewis because he cost me eight units. Here it is:
ME: Hey Marvin, thanks for joining me.
LEWIS: "No problem, Walt."
ME: What happened, Marvin? I bet eight units on you guys. You let me down.
LEWIS: "I'm going to have to challenge what you just said, Walt."
ME: What do you mean?
LEWIS: "I'm not convinced you said what you just said. I'm challenging."
ME: What? Isn't it obvious that I just said what I just said? And how could you possibly prove a thing like that anyway?
LEWIS: "Hey, Carson! Pass me the audio tape of this conversation."
PALMER: "Here you go, boss!"
LEWIS: "Carson, I wanted you to hand the tape to me, not sail it 50 yards over my head!"
PALMER: "Sorry, I don't know what happened there. I felt some vomit in my throat."
ME: Guys, let's just get through this interview. Now, Marvin, I want to know why you had Carson throw the ball a billion times, yet gave Cedric Benson only 21 carries when he was running so well.
LEWIS: "I'm going to have to challenge that one too, Walt."
ME: Oh God, not again. You know you'll be out of challenges if you do this, right?
LEWIS: "Who cares? I know I'm right. I don't even need to look at the replay. I know you didn't say what you just said. I have a special sixth sense when it comes to this stuff."
ME: Next time, let me know beforehand so I don't waste eight units away.
New Orleans Saints (13-3) - Previously: #8 - The Saints just had a week off. Before that, they rested many starters. Before that, they lost to the Buccaneers and scored only 17 points. Before that, they lost to the Cowboys and were held to 17 points. Before that, they barely beat Chris Redman. Before that, they barely beat Jason Campbell and Jim Zorn.
Are we sure the Saints should be favored over the Cardinals?
Here are some funny posts from the WalterFootball.com Forums:
1. Blue5213: "Palmer just took that sack like a big black man told him to bend over in the prison showers."
What a coincidence - that's exactly how I felt during the entire Bengals-Jets game.
2. ArcadeParties: "Andy Reid ate the Eagles gameplan for 3rd and long before the game. He's getting his stomach pumped as we speak."
While the doctors are at it, can someone ask them if they can find the running portion of his playbook?
3. Colts Homer: "The only thing that can stop Vince Young is a 2nd grade level math problem."
That's just an unnecessary low blow. I mean, come on - Young had a six on his Wonderlic! He's at least on a 3rd-grade math level!
New England Patriots (10-7) - Previously: #9 - When the Patriots beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl five years ago, I was convinced that Tom Brady was the second coming of Joe Montana. He already had three Super Bowl rings and wasn't even 30 yet. He was obsessed with winning, and seemed like it was his life mission to prove everyone wrong for letting him slip to the sixth round of the 2000 NFL Draft.
I don't know who this guy is quarterbacking the Patriots, but it's not the Brady of the early part of the previous decade. I'm not saying Brady stinks or anything; he's still one of the best quarterbacks in the league. However, Brady just seems like he's lost his mental edge. Instead of focusing completely on championships, he's posing on magazine covers, dating supermodels and making cameos on Entourage.
Brady will be better next year. He'll be another season removed from that nasty knee injury. And maybe he'll win a fourth Super Bowl one of these years. But if I went back in time to 2004 and told my 22-year-old self what would become of Brady, I wouldn't have believed myself.
New York Jets (10-7) - Previously: #13 - How bizarre has this postseason been thus far?
1. A rookie quarterback completed 80 percent of his passes in his first ever playoff game on the road, and vastly outplayed the veteran he looked up to as a kid. By the way, Mark Sanchez had the second-best performance of all quarterbacks this weekend heading into the Green Bay-Arizona game.
2. Wade "Mr. Turkey Neck" Phillips actually won a playoff game.
3. Tom Brady committed four turnovers and led his team to just 14 points in a blowout loss. This was New England's first home playoff defeat since 1978.
4. A 51-45 shootout, the highest-scoring playoff game in NFL history, was decided by a defensive touchdown.
Philadelphia Eagles (11-6) - Previously: #10 - "Hem, hem... uhh... umm... uhh... injuries... uhh... umm... hem, hem... Brian... uhh... thigh... uhh... umm... Donovan will be back next year... hem, hem... umm... uhh... time's yours..."
Andy Reid was signed to a contract extension during the season and McNabb will be back next year! Aren't you thrilled, Eagles fans!?
Cincinnati Bengals (10-7) - Previously: #11 - Thanks for choking away my eight units, guys. Great job. If you haven't seen it, Eight Goats for Eight Units in my NFL Playoff Recaps.
And speaking of goats, remember two weeks ago when Chad Ochocinco vowed to change his name if Darrelle Revis shut him down? What happened to that? At that time, Ochocinco compared the battle between he and Revis to Floyd Mayweather versus Manny Pacquiao.
Nice try, Chad. The correct comparison would have been Little Mac versus Glass Joe.
Run Defenses: Yards per carry (YPC) allowed to running backs is the best way to determine a defense's strength against the run, as opposed to rushing yards per game.
Pass Defenses: Yards Per Attempt (YPA) is the best tool to measure a defense's effectiveness versus the pass:
so funny about Starbucks and so true. I especially like the part if kucking a snowflake when they are down. I will say this - One of the Starbucks shops in my town is open at 4:30 a.m., which is a Godsend for those infrequent really early work days.