2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 17
Week 16 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. Green Bay Packers (14-1) - Previously: #1 - What a fool I am for betting against Aaron Rodgers.
   
   Speaking of, forum member Alastair posted this hilarious image of Rodgers ruining what would have been a really nice picture.
   
   
   
   
2. New England Patriots (12-3) - Previously: #2 - New England's defense is still really shaky - seriously, how do you commit a pass interference penalty on the quarterback? - but Tom Brady has looked really sharp in six of the previous eight quarters, meaning the Patriots are as dangerous as ever.
   
   Or are they? Forum member Run-DMG had this to say about the Golden Boy:
   
   
   
   I think Run-DMG may star in the upcoming Shrek 8 movie.
   
   
3. New Orleans Saints (12-3) - Previously: #3 - A recap of the Saints-Falcons game:
   
   1. I can't begin this recap without talking about Drew Brees. I watched him attempt to break Dan Marino's single-season passing yardage mark back in 2008 when his final attempt skipped short against the Panthers. In my analysis of that contest, I wrote, "Brees actually came pretty close. He needed 16 yards with one play to go. Unfortunately, his last pass was an ugly duck that looked like it came from a 12-year-old girl. But congrats to Brees, who became the second quarterback in NFL history to eclipse the 5,000-yard barrier."
   
   His final throw in this contest definitely wasn't weak. It was a touchdown to Darren Sproles. Brees now holds the all-time mark at 5,087 with one game to go. What an awesome accomplishment.
   
   2. Brees was just amazing in this game. He went 23-of-39 for 307 yards, four touchdowns and two interceptions that came on deflections. He was best on third downs, converting 8-of-8 attempts when this contest was still in doubt.
   
   The Falcons seldom put any pressure on Brees, but when they did, he did a fantastic job of maneuvering around and finding a way to hook up with his target downfield. No one thinks of Brees as a mobile quarterback, but he's so good at buying time in the pocket.
   
   3. On the other side, Matt Ryan actually threw for more yardage (34-52, 373 yards, TD). He was very good in between the 20s, but wilted down inside the red zone. The Falcons settled for way too many field goals, which is something you can't do against the Saints.
   
   This is no surprise though - Atlanta has struggled inside the red zone all year, which is surprising because Ryan has big targets to work with in Tony Gonzalez and Julio Jones.
   
   4. Speaking of Jones, he caught eight balls for 128 yards and a touchdown, but also had a fumble returned for a touchdown. Roddy White (11-127) had a big game, but couldn't find the end zone. In fact, he was called for offensive pass interference in the scoring area. The infraction was declined, but Atlanta had seven penalties, most of which were huge.
   
   5. Who would have thought that the Saints would run the ball better than the Falcons? Michael Turner (11-39) didn't have a gain longer than seven yards, while Darren Sproles (5-67), Pierre Thomas (9-53, TD) and Chris Ivory (8-35) all gashed Atlanta's front. The Saints have quietly been much better versus the rush since their Week 11 bye.
   
   6. Brees' touchdowns, by the way, went to Marques Colston (7-81), Robert Meachem (3-75), Jimmy Graham (4-42) and of course, Sproles (2-22). Lance Moore aggravated a hamstring injury in the second quarter and didn't return.
   
   7. My editor sent me the following IM when they showed the Saints' mascot: "OK, what was that giant mascot that looks like a nut sack with legs?"
   
   Hey, it's New Orleans. If they want a giant scrotum running around, it's fine with me.
   
   
4. Baltimore Ravens (11-4) - Previously: #4 - It's time for my weekly bashing of NFL.com's bogus edge meter:
   
   
   
   A slight edge? Is that why the Browns were able to cover on a backdoor touchdown? It's like NFL.com knows the future.
   
   If NFL.com is smart enough to figure this one out, perhaps the following graphic is also true (thanks to Facebook friend Jay B. for this):
   
   
   
   Not that there's anything wrong with wanting kielbasa stuffed into your backside on Christmas.
   
   
5. San Francisco 49ers (12-3) - Previously: #5 - I almost wanted to be waterboarded Sunday afternoon because listening to Charles Davis analyze the 49ers-Seahawks game was too excruciating.
   
   Here's one exchange Davis had with the play-by-play guy that occurred when the 49ers ran into or roughed the punter:
   
   Play-By-Play Guy: That's either going to be running into the kicker or roughing the kicker on the 49ers. Let's see what the call is.
   
   Charles Davis: I think this is going in favor of the Seahawks.
   
   UGH!!! HE JUST SAID THAT!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO REPEAT WHAT EVERYONE SAYS BUT PHRASE IT DIFFERENTLY SO IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE SAYING SOMETHING ELSE, CHARLES DAVIS!? ARGH!!!
   
   
6. Detroit Lions (10-5) - Previously: #6 - Congrats to the Lions fans, who had to suffer through all of those Matt Millen years. If you've stuck with this team, you deserve it.
   
   Anyway, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. "Cincinnatihas a good chance and play offs and who know made more good Cincinnati who dey"
   
   This just seems like a bunch of random words strung together in a desperate attempt to make a sentence.
   
   2. "I get what I here and I love Cincinnati and I think ced is out of his prime and Leonard is a great rb"
   
   Hear that? Make sure you pick up Brian Leonard in your fantasy leagues!
   
   3. "Cecil schwartz needs to have a good game since they got rid of Jason hill may the schwartz be with the jags "
   
   How did Cecil Shorts transform into Cecil Schwartz? Did he have a secret wedding with Jim Schwartz that no one knew about? If so, did Jim Schwartz try to beat anyone up at the wedding?
   
   
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-4) - Previously: #7 - I missed this Facebook comment when discussing last week's Monday night game. This is from Joe M., who posted this during the blackout:
   
   Power outage at 49ers game. I feel sorry for the San Francisco cheerleaders, what with the lights out and Ben Roethlisberger lurking in the vicinity.
   
   Yeah. Probably a good idea to stay away from the bathroom, ladies.
   
   
8. New York Giants (8-7) - Previously: #9 - Brandon Jacobs told Rex Ryan, "Now it's time for you to shut up, fat boy." He later told a sideline reporter, "Rex Ryan is a disrespectful bastard."
   
   I thought this was stupid for two reasons:
   
   1. Some networks like ESPN bleeped out the word "bastard." When did bastard become taboo? I think it's an awesome word that everyone needs to use more often.
   
   2. Jacobs used the word "bastard" incorrectly. Ryan's parents were married when he was born, so he's not a bastard. And if he really were a bastard, his name would be Rex Sooner, or Rex Tornado, or Rex Wind, or Rex Panhandle, or Rex Pan, or Rex Handle, because he was born in Oklahoma.
   
   As I wrote before, we need to incorporate the bastard name-giving that they have in the Game of Thrones series. There would be about a billion people named Bell here in Philly (for the Liberty Bell), but it would still be cool.
   
   
9. Philadelphia Eagles (7-8) - Previously: #19 - I'm listing the Eagles here because it seems like they've gotten their act together. I wouldn't want to face them in the postseason. Well, not unless I had a good defense that could easily confuse QB Dog Killer.
   
   Despite what ESPN says, however, the Eagles still have a shot at the playoffs. It's true! Check out this GameCenter post if you don't believe me:
   
   
   
   Apparently, having the Rocky steps, Philly cheesesteaks and a million people named Bell means automatic amnesty from playoff elimination.
   
   
10. Cincinnati Bengals (9-6) - Previously: #12 - I don't know whom to put No. 10. The Bengals were impressive Saturday, so maybe them. It would have been the Falcons if they were competitive at New Orleans.
    
    Speaking of the Falcons, here's one of the better jokes you'll find on GameCenter:
    
    
    
    Burn!!!! Ha! How does it feel to be ridiculed, Falcon fans!?
    
    

32. St. Louis Rams (2-13) - Previously: #31 - Charlie Campbell brought this to my attention: Check out the Rams online holiday greeting card.

How cheesy is that? The only thing that saves it is the hot cheerleader at the end. I feel like the Rams should have had her strip naked to help all 50 St. Louis fans forget about this terrible season.

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-11) - Previously: #30 - If you haven't seen it, I have the Buccaneers selecting running back Trent Richardson with the No. 6 pick in my 2012 NFL Mock Draft.

I'm apparently not the only one who realizes that the Bucs want to move on from Blount being their featured back. One guy isn't too pleased about this:



He's so angry he had to post his rant twice in capital letters. RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!

What's funny is that he cares more about the Buccaneers' future than the actual players. I can't believe that this team has just quit. It's embarrassing, and Raheem Morris needs to be fired immediately.

30. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-11) - Previously: #29 - Blaine Gabbert sucked less than usual, so I can't make fun of him. This is upsetting.

I'll let someone else do it. I had the following exchange with forum member CKane138 a few weeks ago. I've been trying to figure out who the hot blond chick with the high-pitched voice is in the Subway commercials, so I just had to ask:

Me: Who is the hot blond chick in the Subway commercials?

CKane138: You mean Blaine Gabbert?

29. Indianapolis Colts (2-13) - Previously: #32 - Famous GameCenter user Taton is still banned. I would have loved to read what Taton would have written during Indianapolis' second victory of the season. Here are the posts Taton would have made on GameCenter if he were still a member:

When the Texans scored a touchdown instantly:

- Dan Orkovsky fumble ball and Aran Foroster score touchdown!!!!!!!!!!!! Colt will lose and Sack for Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the Colts kicked a field goal to draw within 10-6:

- Adam Vintati kick feld gogla to make game close but dont worry colt will lose and coch cadwell will be fire!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the Colts drew within one in the fourth quarter:

- Colt come very close to winning no good!!!! if win colt will no suck for leck and jim isray will keep old p.manning!!!!!!

When the Texans were committing bogus pass interference penalties on the final drive:

- Jim Booger call pss intferen call on texas!!!! now colt going to win game!!!!!!!1 byebye lock!!!!!!!!!!

When the Colts finally prevailed:

- byebye 1 pick!!!!! gay cach caswell need to win game to save job and now we lose lick!!!!! now viking or ram have 1 pick byebye no hope for colt in next 10 yer!!!!!

28. Cleveland Browns (4-11) - Previously: #26 - I can't believe Todd McShay didn't mock a quarterback to the Browns in his recent 2012 NFL Mock Draft.

I guess the Sun Tan Man has been too busy spending time at the salon to read all of the e-mails I've been posting from Browns fan Jon S., who has been excited that his team keeps losing games and putting itself in better position to draft a quarterback. Here's a new one:

Indy is at the Jags. Boy, I am already licking my chops at Barkley or Griffin! The ring of five Jags wins just makes me smile.

As the song says, "Movin on up ....to the west side ..."

Go Browns! Lose two more and we can start the celebrations.

If you're wondering, Jon S. isn't too upset that Matt Barkley went back to school because he prefers Robert Griffin.

27. Minnesota Vikings (3-12) - Previously: #28 - If you haven't heard, Donovan McNabb promised to make a donation to Chris Kluwe's charity, but hasn't done it yet.

There was outrage over this last week, but I want to ask all of you to give Donovan a break. He's been really busy lately. With so many doughnut flavors available to eat in Dunkin Donuts, Donovan hasn't even had time to think.

26. Buffalo Bills (6-9) - Previously: #27 - What happened to Tim Tebow? He was winning games, and now he's throwing interceptions non-stop. Hmm... I wonder...

The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!

Tim Tebow: I love Jesus!

Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz iffff yewww wannanerrr lluuvvv jeeebbusss morrrr havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!

Tim Tebow: I usually do not drink alcoholic beverages, but I do want to love Jesus more!

*** Ten minutes later... ***

Tim Tebow: Woooooooo seeexxx ddrrruugggssss nnnn rrooockkk nnnn roooolllllll woooooooo hic!!!

Only Derek Anderson can ruin someone as holy as Tim Tebow.

25. Kansas City Chiefs (6-9) - Previously: #24 - Matt Cassel's injury has divided Chief fans. Some are pro-Kyle Orton; others want to see Ricky Stanzi. And everyone hates Tyler Palko. Here's a Stanzi supporter:



24. Washington Redskins (5-10) - Previously: #23 - I have nothing to say about the Redskins, so more on their NFC East foe. I want to delve into the Brandon Jacobs comments. What exactly set him off like that?

I sat down with Jacobs for an interview to find out the real story:

Me: Hey Brandon, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

Brandon Jacobs: Of course.

Me: Why were you so angry at Rex Ryan? What exactly did he say that ticked you off?

Brandon Jacobs: He just talks too much s***. That fat bastard needs to shut the f*** up next time.

Me: I'd like to disagree with you there. Rex Ryan technically isn't a bastard because his parents were married when he was born.

Brandon Jacobs: Whatever, man. He's a fat f***er who lost because he ran his mouth.

Me: Did he though? I mean, it's not like you needed the motivation to beat the Jets because it was basically a must-win. You would have tried regardless, I hope?

Brandon Jacobs: You best stop correcting me, or I'm gonna run all over you like I did to the Jets.

Me: But Ahmad Bradshaw did most of the work...

Brandon Jacobs: Listen to me, fat bastard. Shut up before I kick your a**.

Me: I'm not a bastard. My name is not Walter Bell. Dude, you have to learn what bastard means before you say it. It's a cool word that is misued and/or underutilized.

Brandon Jacobs: YOU WANT UNDERUTILIZED!? I'LL GIVE YOU UNDERUTILIZED! I'M GONNA F*** YOU UP, FATTIE!

Me: And then I'll file a lawsuit. And I'm not fat. My mom says I'm just big-boned.

Brandon Jacobs: Talk, talk, talk, all you do is talk, fat f***. We'll see who's talking when I kick your a** on the football field next Sunday.

Me: But I'm not even playing against you.

Brandon Jacobs: THAT'S IT! NOW I MEAN BUSINESS! I'M GOING TO RUN FOR 500 YARDS AGAINST YOU AND THEN WE'LL SEE IF YOU'RE STILL CORRECTING ME, FAT BASTARD!

Me: I'm not a b... you know what? I give up. I'm fat, and I'm a bastard. You win.

23. Chicago Bears (7-8) - Previously: #25 - You have to wonder why the Bears didn't use Josh "Tears of" McCown and Kahlil "for whom the" Bell "tolls" earlier. Sorry, I'm still excited that NFL Primetime was back, albeit just for one week.

Here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. "some of r dum dum fans think they know more bout football then the peepz who work for da nfl. like head coaches anaylists. they just ignorant."

Those analylists aren't so smart, but they look like Albert Einsten compared to dum dum GameCenter "peepz" like this guy.

2. "no jim has actually never used those xact words b4 hyphy. i know cause im a real fan an i acualy listen to the press conferences. unlike u im sure popi"

He may listen to the press conferences, but can he understand what's being said?

3. "...Really awesome arodgers is beast 2 me he runs the better than micheal turner he has clinched 2 games 4 us so he was A GREAT DRAFT PICK!!! THE RODGERSBOYS = TALENT!!!"

Yeah, I'm sure when the Packers were drafting Aaron Rodgers, they were thinking, "Oh God, I hope he turns out to be a better runner than 'Micheal' Turner!"


2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-7). Previously: #11
12. Denver Broncos (8-7). Previously: #8
13. Atlanta Falcons (9-6). Previously: #12
14. New York Jets (8-7). Previously: #14
15. San Diego Chargers (7-8). Previously: #13
16. Miami Dolphins (5-10). Previously: #20
17. Carolina Panthers (6-9). Previously: #22
18. Oakland Raiders (8-7). Previously: #16
19. Houston Texans (10-5). Previously: #10
20. Seattle Seahawks (7-8). Previously: #17
21. Arizona Cardinals (7-8). Previously: #18
22. Tennessee Titans (8-7). Previously: #21

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   Andrew 11-21-2011 11:43 am xxx.xxx.xxx2.75 (total posts: 4) 30     15 Maybe I need to learn how Andrew 11-21-2011 11:42 am xxx.xxx.xxx2.75 (total posts: 4) 52     19 Maybe I Andrew 11-20-2011 09:19 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.51 (total posts: 19) 61     54 The fact that Walt says that the Giants didnt really need to beat the 49ers says all you need to know about his football knowledge. Unless the 49ers implode, that game gives them a bye and 2nd place in the home field advantage race. Only a clueless fool would say that loss to the 49ers didnt really matter. Andrew 11-20-2011 09:18 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.51 (total posts: 19) 33     39 The fact that Walt says that the Giants didnt really need to beat the 49ers says all you need to know about his football knowledge. Unless the 49ers implode, that game gives them a bye and 2nd place in the home field advantage race. Only a clueless fool would say that loss to the 49ers didn Andrew 11-20-2011 09:03 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.51 (total posts: 19) 72     90 I have gone through about 100 links and this is the only website that has the 49ers ranked lower than 2. Perhaps Walt and his Senior Editor will find the time to post something real about the reasons for ranking the 49ers where they do. That would be a refreshing change. Explain why the 49ers are 2 games ahead of every team in the NFL except GB and are still ranked at 4. Andrew 11-20-2011 12:28 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.51 (total posts: 19) 42     21 Maybe Walt is the only Power Ranker who is not drinking the 49ers koolaid. Maybe Walt is the only one foolish enough (maybe its hate) not to notice the 49ers are playing good ball. Honestly, I do not care. It is the childish comments and lack of real analysis on the 49ers that show me he is a joke of a power ranker. Andrew 11-20-2011 12:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.51 (total posts: 19) 17     27 Maybe Walt is the only Power Ranker who isnt drinking the 49ers koolaid. Maybe Walt is the only one foolish enough (maybe it Andrew 11-20-2011 12:23 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.51 (total posts: 19) 40     31 Maybe Walt is the only Power Ranker who isn Intrigued by the 49ers 11-18-2011 04:07 am xxx.xxx.xxx.216 (total posts: 13) 32     19 This team is hard for me to place for obvious reasons. I think they got a great defense though, they play good special teams and don't turn the ball over. They remind me of the 2007 Bears, although Smith is better than Grossman by virtue of not being Rex Grossman. I could honestly see them winning a game in the playoffs and giving the Packers some trouble. dangle 11-17-2011 03:53 am xxx.xxx.xxx.147 (total posts: 1) 36     16 Texans will win the division. Without Scahub, it's hard to say they'll make a deep run.. With foster they don't have to throw much anyway darum 11-17-2011 02:25 am xxx.xxx.xxx.180 (total posts: 3) 28     19 only based on total yards allowed, which is a completely retarded stat to be the basis of ranking defenses. mschuhe3 11-16-2011 11:39 pm xxx.xxx.xxx1.72 (total posts: 3) 48     16 Dear Joey, Firstly, I'm sorry to hear your a dolphins fan. I feel your pain. Anywho, Walter may have the 49ers as 2nd in the NFC and 4th overall, but I believe it's only because he has to and that is purely a reflection of their record and not how they play football. I've been reading these power rankings all season and I've yet to see him put a positive comment about the niners. I firmly believe that even in the perfect universe where they finish 15-1 this website and other media outlets would say things like "Alex smith, weak schedule, gonna lose in playoffs, blah blah blah." Even if no one respects me for being a super fan and a whiner, we 49ers fans have earned it after 10 long terrible seasons at the bottom of the barrel. 49ers > the rest of the NFL Jenny 11-16-2011 05:45 pm xxx.xxx.xxx06.0 (total posts: 1) 26     16 Statistically they are #1 defence in the league..... .....without Mario! darum 11-16-2011 02:56 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.180 (total posts: 3) 25     26 You have to be pretty retarded to think the Texans have the best defense in the league, especially without Mario. Tyron 11-16-2011 09:12 am xxx.xxx.xxx0.50 (total posts: 1) 33     29 How can you take these power rankings seriously when the top seeded AFC team is not in the top 10?!?! Regardless of whether Schaub is injured or not, they have the leagues best defence, 2 RBs in the top 10 for rushing yards, arguably the leagues most complete WR coming back from injury and one of the best O-lines in the league. All Leinart has to do is control the remaining games and not try and win them himself, nothing else has changed. Am I missing something? Pages: 1 2 ...69 70 71 7273 74 75 ...108 109