2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 2
Week 1 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. New England Patriots (1-0) - Previously: #1 - A recap of the Patriots-Dolphins game:
   
   1. Tom Brady and Chad Henne combined to throw for a single-game NFL record of 906 net yards. I'd fully expect Brady to be involved in a record like this, but Henne? Well, Henne actually played pretty well considering how terrible his offensive line was (Richie Incognito seemingly had a billion holds); he was accurate for the most part and showed good command of the offense. He also proved himself as a capable scrambler (59 rushing yards). Henne is so inconsistent, and it's very possible he could regress next week (he was nearly picked off twice, including once in the end zone), but this was definitely a positive sign for Miami.
   
   2. As good as Henne was, Brady was that much more awesome. He went 32-of-48 for 517 yards, falling just shy of Norv Van Brocklin's single-game passing record of 554 yards. While Brady looked in postseason form, the important thing is that he was barely pressured all night. Rookie tackle Nate Solder handled Cameron Wake really well. He did allow some pressures, but was also able to pancake the Pro Bowl pass-rusher.
   
   3. The big news for the Patriots is that center Dan Koppen broke his ankle. It's possible he could return during the season, but Dan Connolly will start in the meantime.
   
   4. I'm a degenerate gambler coming off several bad beats on Sunday, so I nearly lost it twice during this game. The first instance occurred in the third quarter. Here's what I wrote in preparation for a spread loss:
   
   I'm really pissed off that the Patriots didn't cover the spread. They were up 14-7 inside the red zone at the end of the first half, with possession pending at the beginning of the third quarter. Brady fired the ball toward Chad Ochocinco, but the pass was broken up because of a pass interference penalty. New England probably would have scored on first-and-goal at the 4-yard line, and with a 21-7 advantage, the team could have put the game away with a scoring drive right after halftime.
   
   Instead, the penalty wasn't called, a field goal was missed, and then Brady threw a really weird interception on a receiver screen at midfield in the third quarter, which the Dolphins turned into a touchdown.
   
   The missed pass interference was just one of many botched calls in this game. In fact, I tweeted @walterfootball, "This is the worst officiating performance I've ever seen in any #NFL game. What an embarrassment."
   
   When someone asked what was so bad about it, I replied, "Just the 500 missed calls tonight. That's about it."
   
   There were phantom calls on special teams, incompletions that were ruled catches, bogus holds, and that pass interference. It was really bad.
   
   If you think that's bad, I almost had a nervous breakdown at the end, as chronicled by these posts I made on the forum during the fourth quarter:
   
   - Incomplete!
   - 999999999999999999999999999999999999999 yards!!!!!
   - The Dolphins better not get a bull**** backdoor push.
   - BobLoblaw: Pats go 3-and-out, punt it, have it returned for a TD and fail to cover. Walt sets of doomsday device, destroys mankind.
   - Already planning it.
   - Phew. Still need some first downs.
   - Don't false start!
   - Wow, what the ****. Brady just stood there for years on 3rd down, he could have ran for it. Now the Dolphins are going to score.
   - Dolphins already at midfield.
   - At the 43...
   - Bull**** all week. Ted Ginn in that SEA-SF game, the Rams constantly screwing up that Eagles game. Punt and kick returns nonstop. Ugh.
   - At the 34...
   - At the 17...
   - Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank. God.
   
   Let's just say that I'm glad the Pats covered.
   
   5. If you missed it, Ron Jawkorski said the word "s***" during the broadcast; he used it as an interjection (something like "s***, look at this great coverage.) I thought I was just hearing things, but Jaws later apologized for it.
   
   Stupid ESPN. If someone wants to drop the S-bomb, they should be able to. I was actually more offended by the apology than the word.
   
   
2. Green Bay Packers (1-0) - Previously: #4 - The Packers are still awesome; there's nothing really else to say.
   
   With that in mind, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. "i agree this gy is a collage Coach it might be best to look eleswhere"
   
   Yeah, he sucks. All he knows how to do is coach collages. Stupid photo art doesn't translate to football.
   
   2. "llets manning start next week and take him off after the first drive so thas mean his started the gam"
   
   What a cunning plan. Peyton Manning can't throw the ball at all, but the important thing is keeping the streak alive.
   
   3. "Y do people only usually talk about bears D the ofence is doing really good to these last games"
   
   People are talking about the offense; you just can't read.
   
   
3. Baltimore Ravens (1-0) - Previously: #13 - Forget slaying the dragon; the Ravens raped the little dragon babies when they went for two up 27-7.
   
   I know some pretentious, holier-than-thou NFL analysts will criticize John Harbaugh for doing that, but I loved it. Good sportsmanship is overrated; I prefer kicking your rival when they're down and spitting in their face. That's what they should teach in Little League and Pee Wee Football.
   
   
4. New Orleans Saints (0-1) - Previously: #3 - What happened to the awesome NFC South? Every single team is 0-1.
   
   If you're a Saints fan, you shouldn't be worried at all. The Falcons are overrated, as we saw this past weekend. Cam Newton looks great, but the rest of his team stinks. As for the Buccaneers, there's something off with Josh Freeman. Check out our 2012 NFL Draft Rumor Mill for more details.
   
   
5. Chicago Bears (1-0) - Previously: #12 - The Bears have great defense and special teams, and an outstanding play-maker in Matt Forte. They're a really solid team that could easily contend for the Super Bowl. But since everyone keeps underrating them - I made that mistake last year - I plan on betting on them quite often this season.
   
   
6. New York Jets (1-0) - Previously: #7 - Mark Sanchez, as usual, finds a way to win. Tony Romo, as usual, finds a way to lose. Some things never change.
   
   Speaking of New York, the NFL did a good job with its Sept. 11 commemoration. Baseball, on the other hand, blew it. The Mets wanted to wear First Responder caps during their meaningless game against the Cubs, yet baseball didn't allow it because it supposedly violated uniform rules. Congratulations, a**holes. Way to conform to your stupid policies. Sure, let's forget all the people who died on Sept. 11 trying to save other people; the main concern is that these uber-important rules were followed.
   
   
7. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) - Previously: #6 - I loved Chris Berman and Tom Jackson on NFL Primetime, but they were both so smug Sunday night when talking about the Eagles. Berman said something like, "The whole 'Dream Team' thing was only one guy, so you won't be hearing any of that on this show."
   
   Well, excuse me. Look, here's the thing about the Dream Team. It doesn't matter than Vince Young and Jason Babin were the only ones who said anything about it. Most of the Eagle players are obviously buying into the Dream Team hype; otherwise, they all wouldn't have congregated to one team this offseason. It's the same thing that happened with the Miami Heat. When LeBron James (Nnamdi Asomugha) announced that he was joining another superstar in Dwyane Wade (QB Dog Killer), numerous other players were willing to take less money to play for Miami/Philadelphia. Thus, it's a "Dream Team."
   
   So yeah, you'll be hearing more of that on this site.
   
   
8. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) - Previously: #2 - Does anyone find it ironic and hilarious that Rashard Mendenhall got hurt during a blowout loss on Sept. 11?
   
   I'm expecting a tweet soon...
   
   We'll never know what really happened. I just have a hard time believing the Ravens could take the Steelers down demolition style.
   
   
9. Atlanta Falcons (0-1) - Previously: #5 - Ah, if only the Falcons could trade away all of their draft picks in exchange for the ability to win outdoors against good teams. In three outdoor games against the Bears, Ben Roethlisberger-less Steelers and QB Dog Killer-less Eagles, Atlanta has lost by a combined score of 76-38.
   
   
10. Detroit Lions (1-0) - Previously: #11 - I was watching ESPN on Sunday morning, so I'd like to thank forum member GiantsFanMike for passing on this gem by the NFL Network's Marshall Faulk, who gave the following reason for picking the Buccaneers over the Lions:
    
    "Am gonna go with the Bucs, cuz they are at home and the Lions rush the front four."
    
    It's a good thing Faulk's picks are inaccurate; otherwise, every single 4-3 team would be in trouble.
    
    

32. Seattle Seahawks (0-1) - Previously: #32 - Did I mention how much I hate Ted f***ing Ginn? Looks like Seattle fans and I have something in common for once.

By the way, I found this in my old notes. I don't have who sent this to me, but they were referring to something weird the announcers said in one of the Saints-Seahawks games last year:

Did you catch what one of the commentators said about what real football is? I can't remember who said it, but here is the quote: "Real football is about two big flabby guys banging each other." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Five hundred bucks says that Matt Millen made that statement.

31. Cleveland Browns (0-1) - Previously: #19 - Colt McCoy should just play preseason games. He could dominate in August, like he usually does, and then fake a season-ending injury every Labor Day. Maybe he could say that he tripped over a grill one year or got into a fight with Brandon Marshall's wife the next, or something. At any rate, the Browns would eventually give him a contract with a nice signing bonus based on his potential, making Colt a rich man with a hot wife. His life would then be complete, since nothing matters except for money and hot chicks.

30. Indianapolis Colts (0-1) - Previously: #9 - This Colts team reminds me of the 1996-97 San Antonio Spurs. The Spurs were a perennial playoff team for years, but David Robinson, one of the greatest centers in NBA history, who like Peyton Manning, was on the down side of his career, was lost for most of that season. With the No. 1 pick in the 1997 NBA Draft, San Antonio selected Tim Duncan. With Robinson and Duncan, San Antonio won the championship a couple of years later.

Assuming the Colts will keep Manning, it's time to start wondering who his "Tim Duncan" will be. Perhaps Matt Kalil? Kalil is a blue-chip left tackle prospect, and his presence would grant Manning the blind-side protection he's been yearning for years. With Kalil on the team, Anthony Castonzo would move over to play right tackle. If Castonzo and guard Ben Ijalana progress, the Colts could have a really good offensive line by 2013.

29. Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) - Previously: #18 - If yesterday's 41-7 home loss to the Bills wasn't bad enough, the Chiefs just lost Eric Berry to a torn ACL. At least it's not the fourth week of the preseason; otherwise, Todd Haley might make Berry play despite that injury.

28. Tennessee Titans (0-1) - Previously: #21 - Chris Johnson had just nine carries against the Jaguars, which is just inexplicable. I called up head coach Mike Munchak for an interview to find out what happened:

ME: Hey Mike, thanks for joining me. I have to come right out and ask. What happened to Chris Johnson?

MUNCHAK: Umm... do you mean C.Johnson?

ME: Uhh, yeah. C. Johnson as in Chris Johnson.

MUNCHAK: Is he good? He hasn't practiced with us.

ME: Yeah... he's only one of the top running backs in the NFL.

MUNCHAK: Oh, OK. Hey, I have some questions for you.

ME: All right. I'm supposed to be asking the questions, but you can go ahead.

MUNCHAK: That K.Britt guy yesterday looked pretty good.

ME: Is that a question?

MUNCHAK: Umm... uhh... M.Hasselbeck - he's the one who threw the ball yesterday, right?

ME: Yeah...

MUNCHAK: Should I try him on defense next week?

ME: Mike, I'm beginning to think you're in the wrong profession.

27. Denver Broncos (0-1) - Previously: #22 - A recap of the Raiders-Broncos game:

I guess it's a good thing this game was on at 10:15 because only pure football fans could have stomached this mess. The Broncos and Raiders played a sloppy affair marred by careless turnovers, heavy rain and penalties (30). It seriously seemed like Denver was faced with a 3rd-and-15 on every single drive.

2. The defining play of this game occurred at the beginning of the fourth quarter. Denver was down 16-13, but had the ball deep in Oakland territory. I figured the worst-case scenario would have been a short field-goal attempt - that was until Orton inexplicably dropped the ball in the pocket despite the fact that he wasn't hit. The Raiders took advantage of this and scored a touchdown. It was a 14-point swing that cost the Broncos a potential victory.

Speaking of Orton, he went 24-of-46 for 304 yards, one touchdown and an interception. He was screwed over by some drops, but he also made some terrible throws, prompting the Broncos fans to chant, "TE-BOW, TE-BOW, TE-BOW!"

I can't blame them. Orton is mediocre at best, and while Tebow may not be very good at practice, he's a gamer who performed really well in three starts last year. The Broncos can't go with Orton much longer, and John Fox and John Elway would be incredibly stubborn not to hand the reins to Tebow.

3. Darren McFadden's a stud. He gained 150 yards on 22 carries. If he can stay healthy, he'll contend for the rushing title.

4. I actually thought that Trent Dilfer did an OK job for the most part as the color analyst until he started slurping Orton amid the Tebow chants. Forum member Blue5213 said it best:

I'm surprised Dilfer can talk this much with Orton's dick in his mouth.

Forum member Ragnarok also wasn't a fan:

I would rather have a woman announcing this game than Trent Dilfer. Worst quarterback to ever win a Super Bowl and thinks he is God's f***ing gift to the sport.

I do want to take issue with something Dilfer said though, when he called Raiders fullback Marcel Reese a "matchup nightmare." Look, I get Reese is versatile, but a nightmare? I don't think opposing defensive coordinators have nightmares trying to figure out how to stop him.

Speaking of which, the biased Raider announcers in the preseason said the same thing of Reese, so maybe it's in the water. Or maybe Al Davis is paying people off to talk highly of his players. I can only wonder how many unsacrificed virgins Dilfer received for that comment.

5. Speaking of Undead Al, I immediately thought of what he might say when Sebastian Janikowski drilled a 63-yard field goal just prior to halftime:

"And that's... why... you spend... a first-rounda... on a kicka... he's a great... playa..."

26. San Francisco 49ers (1-0) - Previously: #30 - A mostly accurate post by forum mod CKane: "Walter may murder Ted Ginn this week."

Murder? I'm not a monster. I prefer torture. Perhaps waterboarding or urineboarding, or even Big Bang Theory-ing. Tie a man to a chair, pop in Big Bang Theory DVDs, and make him watch a couple of episodes. He'll yield in no time.

25. Carolina Panthers (0-1) - Previously: #28 - Cam Newton had an incredible performance at Arizona, but the team still lost. The offensive line still can't block, while the defense seemingly blows coverages every other play. The season-ending injury to Jon Beason obviously doesn't help matters.

By the way, I'd like congratulate Steve Smith yet again for actually trying hard. Way to go, Steve. I know playing football for a seven-figure salary can be grueling sometimes, but I'm happy to see that you took time out of your busy schedule to put forth some effort into a game.

24. Cincinnati Bengals (1-0) - Previously: #31 - The Bengals could be 2-0 if they beat the Broncos next week. Mind blown.

I have nothing interesting to say about their win over the crappy Browns, so here was a funny post from Facebook friend Jeremy D:

Since you love inept TV announcers, I thought I should tell you that Jim Mora Jr. has referred to the Chargers as "San Francisco" about eight times, and said that they lost "Darrell Sproles" to the New England Patriots.

I didn't hear Mora say that, but I did catch him and his broadcast partner doing something weird in the booth. Mora was showing the play-by-play guy some sort of maneuver, and the two men eventually had their arms wrapped around each other, almost as if they were embracing each other prior to having some passionate man sex. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

23. Miami Dolphins (0-1) - Previously: #27 - I already discussed the Patriots-Dolphins game, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. "rex is giving sanchiz a foot massage"

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2. "man dont go in the sand diego radiers room they will ban u"

I wonder how many people are Sand Diego Raiders fans.

3. "Did anyone forget who won the suerbowl last year? cause im afraid alot have, the NEW ORLEAN SAINTS!"

I can't wait until the Sand Diego Raiders and New Orlean Saints play each other.


2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (1-0). Previously: #8
12. Dallas Cowboys (0-1). Previously: #10
13. Houston Texans (1-0). Previously: #15
14. Washington Redskins (1-0). Previously: #24
15. New York Giants (0-1). Previously: #16
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1). Previously: #14
17. Oakland Raiders (1-0). Previously: #26
18. Arizona Cardinals (1-0). Previously: #23
19. Buffalo Bills (1-0). Previously: #25
20. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0). Previously: #29
21. Minnesota Vikings (0-1). Previously: #20
22. St. Louis Rams (0-1). Previously: #17

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   Zeekmo 11-08-2011 11:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.117 (total posts: 5) 23     23 Cardinals still behind the Rams, huh? I guess that thing called "PLAYING THE GAME" doesn't mean anything anymore, does it? Might as well give the Eagles the Super Bowl then, since they've got the most talent on paper Knowledge God 11-08-2011 10:06 pm xxx.xxx.xxx9.30 (total posts: 4) 65     46 The 49ers are good, and they'll obviously make the playoffs, but they're not a legitimate Super Bowl threat. Alex Smith will still get raped by quality defenses, not to mention their only victories over +.500 teams this year were against the actually-not-that-good Lions and the not-as-good-as-their-record Bengals. SF has a great defense, a solid O-Line, Frank Gore, and most importantly, a coach with a new playbook. They were also unbelievable against the Bucs. But they're not the #2 team in the league, nor will they be for the foreseeable future. Knowledge God 11-08-2011 07:04 pm xxx.xxx.xxx9.30 (total posts: 4) 16     29 David likes when a well-endowed man sprays White Happy Juice all over his ugly face. @@ 11-08-2011 03:57 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.136 (total posts: 1) 139     32 Confused is all butt hurt down there because the 49ers are ranked 4th. Who have they played? There quaterback hasn't once proven himself and there only offensive threat is Frank Gore. But hey, We will see on Thanksgiving who truly deserves that #2 spot. David 11-08-2011 03:34 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.230 (total posts: 1) 139     25 Walt's jokes that are not funny anymore ... Matt Millen, Derek Anderson, Kevin Reiley, the fantasy draft thing (never was funny), and the spam email thing. Walt's jokes that are always funny: Emmitt Smith, making fun of inept announcers. Walter, I'm just saying, there are so many untapped NFL personalities to make fun of. How about Gruden, Ditka, Chris Carter ... the list goes on and on. I like the Chris Simms bit. Just try not to overdo it and use it every single day. Your Millen joke is seriously so old and overdone I can barely even stand this site anymore. Baylor's Blake Griffin? 11-08-2011 02:46 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.151 (total posts: 1) 58     19 Blake Griffin, the overrated Clippers forward/rookie of the year somehow? Or are we talking about Robert Griffin? The shockingly talented grad student that'll skip NFL for law school more than likely. Because there's no way he can do both. Nick 11-08-2011 02:16 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.198 (total posts: 1) 86     21 There are four people to blame for the Browns mess. 1. Mike Holmgren--Apparently instead of hiring the best candidate he had to hire the best candidate that had ties to him. You realize that we only interviewed three! people for this job? Perry Fewell was the token minority candidate and Mike Mularkey turned the Browns down after interviewing. Plus they fired Mangini who wasn't liked in Cleveland but you gotta admit that his teams were disciplined and prepared. I think he needed another year to turn this around. 2. Tom Heckert--For all of the above plus trading up for Hardesty. 3. Pat Shurmur--Really? How can the Browns hire every emotionless head coach with completely different front offices every time a change is made? He sucked as an OC for the Rams last year as Sam Bradford led the league in YPC. Now he doesn't even have an OC and is sucking at two jobs. We ran on 11 straight first downs on Sunday. How could anyone be that stupid when your starting running back is Chris Ogwhatever. Not looking for trick plays but we should be catering to the strengths of the players on the team instead of pounding the square peg into the round hole with our playbook that doesn't suit; the offensive line, the quarterback, the receivers, and the running backs. 4. Colt McCoy--He can't handle the blitz. Look what Alex Smith is doing at the blitz this year. If you burn a team when they blitz, guess what happens? They stop blitzing. If you keep getting knocked around making wayward passes when the defense blitz guess what happens? They blitz on every play. He doesn't check down to a pass when there is 10 people in the box! Now maybe that isn't his fault as maybe he isn't allowed. But don't you think maybe it's time to challenge some authority when you eat dirt on every play? Holmgren is a hell of a coach but he was a god awful GM/Front Office Personnel Evaluator in Seattle who had the role taken away from him. Why in God's name did they give him all this power? Nick Bradley 11-08-2011 01:37 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.226 (total posts: 1) 31     27 Niner hater! the 49ers were up 19-3 with 4 minutes to go and let the Skins get a garbage TD. 19-3 in a game with two good defenses is a blowout. Think before you write Against the Browns, we were up 17-3 with 6 minutes to go when Cribbs got a garbage TD. Again, think before you write. Wharthog 11-08-2011 01:30 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.22 (total posts: 3) 19     17 I tried understanding why the kielbasa comment was so funny and I finally realized it was because you never hear of anyone eating kielbasa any more. It's always used in conversation when someone is shoving it up someone's nether regions. This is not a good thing if your livelihood is impacted by kielbasa sales. Potter 11-08-2011 12:49 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.109 (total posts: 1) 20     17 That rant was that of a frustrated fan who doesn't understand Football on the business side. Everyone saw what Colt McCoy could do against first teamers when he had protection, it is painfully obvious that the Browns' offensive line has regressed every week since the preseason started. Another problem is that there is no offensive coordinator and Pat Shurmer is spreading himself too thin, he needs to hire someone and not burn himself out. whoops... 11-08-2011 11:02 am xxx.xxx.xxx6.15 (total posts: 2) 27     22 "If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the store to buy some rope so I can hang myself." I think Jerry Sandusky from your ala mater is saying the same thing right now. Dima 11-08-2011 09:21 am xxx.xxx.xxx88.5 (total posts: 2) 42     34 You know Walt, I'm tired of your insensitive drunk-bashing. Joe Namath won a Superbowl and he wasn't sober a day in his LIFE. BigPedro2078 11-08-2011 09:15 am xxx.xxx.xxx.253 (total posts: 2) 120     24 Still have the Eagles that high?? do you watch football??? Confused 11-08-2011 09:10 am xxx.xxx.xxx8.33 (total posts: 5) 50     33 So, the 49ers aren't higher because their last 2 wins weren't convincing enough, but the Ravens are #2 because their win over the Cardinals last week was so convincing...wait, no it wasn't. I guess losses to the Titans and Jags were better than 49ers wins by unconvincing margins vs Browns and Redskins. Maybe Baltimore should be higher because they have played a tougher strenght of schedule...oh wait, they haven't? Maybe their point differential over their opponents is better? No, not that either. So, pretty much this power rankings is like the ridiculous BCS where it doesn't matter how well you do, all that matters is your preseason rankings. Good thing the NFL has playoffs and doesn't rely on a ridiculous ranking system like this to decide who gets to play in the Super Bowl. Leo Fender 11-08-2011 06:45 am xxx.xxx.xxx.102 (total posts: 1) 61     65 Am I the only one who thought that LeSean McCoy was down by contact short of the goalline on his TD? Pages: 1 2 ...73 74 75 7677 78 79 ...109 110