Phoenix Suns: Luka Doncic, SF, Slovenia, 6-8, 1999.
I must note that this is not this Web site's real mock draft. Click here for the real 2018 NBA Mock Draft with some great analysis and breakdowns from David Kay. This is a fake 2018 NBA Mock Draft, or rather, a very fake 2018 NBA Mock Draft to take a page from President Trump's book. This is my attempt on a lighter version of an NBA mock with some horrible attempts at humor included.
Every NBA Mock Draft has DeAndre Ayton at the top, and I think he'd be the pick for most teams. However, the Suns hired a foreign guy who knows science genius Luka, so I believe Luka will be the pick. Time-travel machine included.
Sacramento Kings: DeAndre Ayton, C, Arizona, 7-1, Fr.
It's a shame that the Kings will be getting the best player in the draft, since no one really cares about the Kings. DeAndre Ayton will go to Sacramento and completely disappear, which is kind of depressing.
Atlanta Hawks: Marvin Bagley III, PF, Duke, 6-11, Fr.
People care about the Atlanta Falcons even less. And I know I typed "Atlanta Falcons" instead of "Atlanta Hawks." That's how little I care about the Atlanta Hawks. I even thought their logo was a Pac-man symbol all these years before I was sitting at the Westgate casino in Vegas last year and had a close look at their logo on one of their fancy TVs and realized that the power pellet I thought Pac-man was eating was actually the hawk's eye. Holy f**ing s**t, my mind was blown. And then I proceeded to not care some more.
Memphis Grizzlies: Jaren Jackson, PF/C, Michigan State, 6-11, Fr.
Jaren Jackson is the youngest player in this draft, which might mean something to some people, but not me, as I do not like to discriminate based on age. Jaren Jackson is 18.6, according to ESPN. I'm not sure what the "0.6" means, or when people started giving out their ages in decimal points, but I will now go around telling everyone that I'm 35.7 years old. Holy s**t, when did I get to 35?
Dallas Mavericks: Mikal Bridges, SF, Villanova, 6-7, Jr.
Wesley Matthews is 32 and is coming off a stress fracture, so that must mean that he'll suck next year. I know I said I don't discriminate based on age, but 32 is too damn old, so get him the hell out of here already.
Orlando Magic: Collin Sexton, PG, Alabama, 6-3, Fr.
I looked at some mock drafts going into this, and many had Trae Young listed over Collin Sexton, which didn't make any sense to me because Sexton is better. David Kay has the same thing in his real mock draft. Sexton seems like a legitimate pro, while Young feels like a very cheap knock-off of Allen Iverson. Young is effectively the fake Rolex of the 2018 NBA Draft.
Chicago Bulls: Mohamed Bamba, C, Texas, 7-0, Fr.
Mohamed Bamba is probably going to be terrible, so he sounds like he'd fit in very well with the rest of the Bulls' roster. Seriously, why did this guy declare for the 2018 NBA Draft when he has no offensive game at all? Go back to school!
Cleveland Cavaliers (from Brooklyn): Wendell Carter Jr., PF, Duke, 6-10, Fr.
The Cavaliers could take LeBron James' replacement, or they could pick the guy who will start in the frontcourt next to LeBron James' replacement. Either Wendell Carter Jr. or Michael Porter Jr. makes sense for the Cavaliers, who are going to suck for a very long time.
New York Knicks: Michael Porter Jr., SF, Missouri, 6-10, Fr.
Speaking of teams sucking for a long time, the Knicks need to do something about owner James Dolan. They will never be relevant with him. The problem is that you can't fire the owner, but you can kidnap the owner. Yes, I'd like to propose that Knicks fans kidnap Dolan. Don't hurt him, or anything. Just make sure that he can't make any impact on the team in the next five years.
Philadelphia 76ers (from Lakers): Trae Young, PG, Oklahoma, 6-2, Fr.
I mentioned that Trae Young is like the fake Rolex watch version of Allen Iverson, so it would make sense for the 76ers to draft him. I don't have any faith in the 76ers to do the smart thing ever since they fired Sam Hinkie, who was one of the best general managers in NBA history.
Charlotte Hornets: Kevin Knox, SF, Kentucky, 6-9, Fr.
The Hornets are contractually obligated to pick the best white player available, but there aren't any good white players available, so perhaps they'll be able to trick their fans into thinking Kevin Knox is white.
Los Angeles Clippers: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, PG, Kentucky, 6-5, Fr.
I just noticed that all but one of the American players thus far in my mock draft have been freshmen. How depressing is that? I think college players should be forced to stay in school for three years. That's how the NFL does it, and the NFL is infinitely superior to the NBA, so maybe they're on to something. Besides, the NCAA Tournament would be so much better if everyone was actually familiar with the players.
Los Angeles Clippers: Miles Bridges, SF, Michigan State, 6-7, Soph.
I have no idea if Miles Bridges is related to Mikal Bridges, but according to ESPN, Mikal is 21.6 years old and Miles is 20.1 years old, which means Mikal is 1.5 years older than Miles, and that means that Mikal's mother would've gotten pregnant with Miles when Mikal was 0.6 years old. If she's both of their mothers, that is. I find all of this interesting.
Denver Nuggets: Robert Williams, PF, Texas A&M, 6-9, Soph.
Finally, a couple of non-freshmen! At this rate, sophomores almost have to be considered upperclassmen, which is a sad state of affairs.
Washington Bullets: Khyri Thomas, G, Creighton, 6-3, Jr.
The Bullets - yes, the Bullets; not the Wizards - need another guard behind John Wall, as well as someone to help make sure the team doesn't quit when the going gets tough. I don't know if Khyri Thomas can do that, but what else are the Bullets going to do?
Go to 2018 NBA Mock Draft: Picks 16-30 Sorry for cutting this into two halves; I've received complaints about load times and putting the mock draft on two pages saves bandwidth.