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Random Mailbag


These are random/interesting e-mails or Facebook posts I've received. The e-mails are italicized and left mostly unedited. My responses follow them.

3/24/10: Drunk Mail, Hate Mail, Lost Mail


  • Hannes K.:

    I'm from Austria ... no, really: sounds like a joke - but I'm really from Austria.

    And: I'm drunk. That means: I'm really drunk.

    Not like: "Uhhhh, I'm drunk!!!!111!!!11!"

    No, it's like: "I'm f***ing drunk."

    And: Hey, here in Austria 98% don't even know the difference: soccer vs. football?! wtf?! ;-)

    Have I already told you: I'm drunk.

    Ok. Mentioned that. But: Hey, it's St. Patrick's Day! So: I'm drunk.

    But even I had to laugh about Bucky, the Holy God of Football Draft predictions, Brooks:

    "8. Oakland Raiders
    Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska

    9. Buffalo Bills
    Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame"

    I think he's fake. Or just horrible stupid. It's your decision! J

    Greetings from Austria (no, really!)


    --> This is definitely one of the best e-mails I've ever received. Thanks for the laughs - Bucky Brooks seems like he's clueless when you're sober, so I can only imagine how stupid he seems to you being drunk.

    I'm intrigued by your drunken theory that Bucky Brooks is fake. What if Todd McShay's original skin fell off during one of his many tanning sessions, and that skin started calling itself Bucky Brooks? That would completely explain Bucky's crappy mock drafts.







  • From GoBlue11 (Forum):

    SIENA LOST!!!

    YOU DEBICLED MY BRACKET!

    I HAD THEM IN THE ELITE EIGHT!!!!!!!!! BEATING DUKE!

    MY MATH TEACHER AND I WERE COMPARING BRACKETS!!!


    --> ** I debacled this poor guy's bracket so much that I debacled his attempt to spell debacled; trying to spell debacled, which is spelled "debacled," he spelled "debicled," which is probably how Emmitt spells debacled, whether he's being debacled at the moment or not.

    Most uses of the word "debacled" in a single sentence ever? **



  • From Hunter S.:

    You wrote: (Note: If I get one more e-mail saying, "Your stupid, Parcels drafted Keshawn Johnson!" I'm going to debacle myself. Keyshawn was drafted in 1996. Parcells joined the Jets in 1997.)

    How does one debacle themselves?


    --> I think only Emmitt Smith knows the answer to that. I guess one can achieve pure debaclation by listening to Emmitt for a long time.





  • From Adam W.:

    I am with you on this whole locker room nudity thing.

    I don't know what it is about grown men in their late 30s and 40s that makes them feel good about walking around naked in front of a bunch of other dudes. All the guys in their 20's act normal and wear towels and put their boxers on before they whip their towels off and start flopping around. These older guys just stand there naked and talk to each other, no towel, no boxers, NOTHING.

    I shower in the stalls with a curtain and all the other weirdos use the community showers when no one is in the stalls. It's like a bizarro world in the locker room of my gym, and my gym is at work, in the basement - a very nice gym, very nice locker room - just way too much dongage in the locker room.

    One time I actually saw a guy sit down on the bench naked and start putting his socks on, meanwhile another guy comes up to the same bench, completely naked of course, and puts one foot up on the bench and starts flossing his a** with his towel and he couldn't have been more than two feet away from this guy. Oh, and they were talking about American Idol too. Bizzaro world Walt, bizzaro world.

    It's so much worse when this happens at work and you have to see these people outside of the bizzaro world "anything goes" locker room. And don't get me started on the guys who sprawl out naked in the sauna; needless to say I don't go in there anymore.


    --> Ugh, I'm sorry to hear that your sauna is like that. Our sauna is co-ed, so no one's naked. I'd say I'd like the chicks in the sauna to be naked, but 99.9 percent of the time the sauna is inhabited by old fat women who look like they want to eat me.

    If you think guys in their 30s and 40s are bad, my gym is full of old men in their 60s and 70s. Their skin hangs off of their bodies. It's pretty disgusting. I just gagged a little.



  • From J.P. P.:

    I am also a huge fan of Lost, and I have to say that your Man In Black is Aaron theory is completely original and absolutely awesome. At the same time, I'm curious to see how you respond to what I have to say.

    -- MIB smacked the hell out of Claire, which doesn't seem like a typical son-mother interaction. Why not have two of his followers restrain her instead?

    -- Claire's mother is taking care of Aaron in the main timeline. Granted, Claire was always supposed to raise him according to the fortune teller, but I doubt her mom would be a force of evil. Then again, based on your theory, MIB might have smacked Claire because she abandoned him...but this would have to mean that Christian, who led her away from Aaron, isn't just another form of MIB. This would make sense since Claire referred to them as separate people, as well as the fact that Jack saw Christian off the island after the rescue. Then again, that's one of the series' biggest questions: who, or what, is Christian?

    -- Regardless, we have no reason to believe anything that MIB says about his own backstory. After all, he doesn't think other people should be on the island in the first place, and it appears that he has to kill off all the candidates. But he can't be everywhere at once and he is apparently still bound by some rules (the kid who he seems to fear).

    --Kate and Claire's names, along with most of the other characters, do appear in the list of candidates (http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Candidates), but both were crossed out by the time we first see the cave. Interestingly enough, Richard Alpert isn't included in the list, and neither are Widmore or Eloise Hawking. To our knowledge, at least; the list given on that website is incomplete.

    Anyway, we're about to get Richard's backstory after all this time, so let's hope that provides some answers.


    --> Glad you like the theory, though it'll probably be debunked in about 4 hours haha.

    I thought about the smack - it wasn't a punch or anything. But Claire was crazy and wanted to kill Kate. It was the only thing MIB could have done at that moment. He immediately went over Claire and consoled her.

    I think MIB is Christian. Remember when Sun and Frank went back into Dharmaville? They heard the smoke monster rustling through the trees, and then Christian appeared in one of the houses. Like Locke, Christian came onto the island in a coffin. This allowed MIB to control Christian's body until it took over Locke's.

    I agree with you that MIB could be lying about this whole thing to draw Kate in closer.

    Can't wait for tonight's episode.





    Random Mailbag Archive:

    Random Mailbag Home
    JaMarcus Russell's Purple Drank - July 11
    Jerks of the Week Responses - May 4
    Drunk Mail, Hate Mail, Lost Mail - March 24
    Al Davis Hate Mails/E-mails - March 2
    Hackers and Dog Killers - Feb. 8
    Another Weekend of Hatemail - Jan. 25
    One Pick Wrong, Six New Hate Mails - Jan. 18
    Fresh Batch of Hate Mail - Jan. 17
    First Hate Mail of the Year - Jan. 10
    Hate Mail - Dec. 29
    Kansas, Matt Millen, Stolen Word - Dec. 19
    Rebecca Grant, Debacled English, Fat Wife - Dec. 12
    Hate Mail, Vick Mail, Delhomme Mail - Dec. 5
    Fat Coaches, Dumb Coaches, Fantasy Fails - Nov. 28
    Hate Mail - Nov. 24
    Vikings, Jerks Entry, Marriage Talk - Nov. 21



    Jerks of the Week



    NFL Picks - Oct. 24


    2015 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 22


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


    2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


    2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


    NFL Free Agents





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