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Week 16 Wrap-Up

Steelers 41, Rams 24:
This game was cool because my college roommate Dennis stopped by to watch it. Other than that, there's not much to write about. The Steelers' defense didn't look too impressive. Sure, they picked off two Marc Bulger passes and won the time-of-possession battle, 36:16-23:44. However, they managed to sack Bulger once and missed tons of easy tackles. I know Troy Polamalu is still hampered by an injury, but it appeared as though the entire defense was limping around.

The biggest news regarding this contest was Willie Parker's injury. I don't want to say the Steelers have no shot in the playoffs because they have postseason experience and a Lombardi Trophy on their mantle, but their chances have gotten significantly slimmer without Parker. I liked what I saw out of Carey Davis, and Najeh Davenport was sturdy as always, but Parker's break-away speed gave Pittsburgh's offense a dimension it will undoubtedly miss.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for showing up, Rams fans. It's really great that you support your team when it's down. In case you're Jessica Simpson, and think the Rams are the "chicken of the planes," and the Steelers are supposed to be "bad guys who like steal things," I was being sarcastic. More than half of the crowd at the Edward Jones Dome was comprised of Pittsburgh supporters. If I were a citizen of St. Louis, I'd be extremely disappointed in my city. Seriously, jumping off a bridge wouldn't sound too bad.

Dallas Cowboys 20, Carolina Panthers 13:
I would honestly be scared to death if I were a Cowboys fan. Tony Romo's thumb; Terrell Owens' ankle; Terence Newman's sudden inability to cover people; Jason Witten's inexplicable drops; Roy Williams' lack of coverage skills; Jessica Simpson's curse; Wade Phillips' triple chin... There are so many things that can go wrong with Dallas, a team with absolutely no playoff experience. The Seahawks and Buccaneers are both fully capable of giving them major problems in the second round of the playoffs.

Was it just me, or did the Cowboys not look like they wanted to beat the Panthers by 11, if you catch my drift? Why did they run the ball thrice when they had first-and-10 at Carolina's 11? They settled for the field goal and consequently won by one score. It seemed like Tony Romo and company were too busy looking at nude photos of Jessica Simpson on the sidelines.

Then again, maybe there was no desperation because the Panthers weren't a legitimate threat. Matt Moore played OK, but had no protection. Tony Romo had all day to throw. And John Fox foolishly stuck with DeShaun Foster instead of DeAngelo Williams. I really don't get why Fox doesn't give Williams 80 percent of the carries. He's much more explosive than the pedestrian Foster.

Cincinnati Bengals 19, Cleveland Browns 14:
Before I get to how much the Browns sucked on Sunday, let me mention that if you don't think the Bengals are taking a linebacker in the first two rounds of the draft, you're mentally insane. Dhani Jones missed an easy tackle on Josh Cribbs in the first quarter that a high-schooler could have made. It was flat-out embarrassing. Why is Dhani Jones on Cincinnati's roster? He's a bow-tie salesman for crying out loud!

Now for the Browns. I don't understand how they couldn't stop the Bengals' ground game. Sure, Cincinnati foolishly thinks that it is a running team, but it just baffles me as to how Cleveland couldn't contain a Bengals rushing attack that averages just 96 yards per contest.

And how did the Browns lose this game anyway? The Bengals just lost to the 49ers. Cleveland, meanwhile, needed a victory more than Cincinnati, yet it couldn't produce. This happened on multiple occasions the final week of the season last year, as every team that had to win couldn't get it done.

In honor of this, I'd like to introduce the Aurora Snow Theory. If Team A needs to win to get into the playoffs, and Team B isn't involved in any sort of postseason implications, Team B will either win or keep the score close because Team A will choke. Let's just hope Team A is at least 18 years old, making this whole ordeal legal.

Chicago Bears 35, Green Bay Packers 7:
I only need to use three letters to describe this game: WTF. My dad obviously bet the road favorite because he called me around 3:15 and every other word out of his mouth was an expletive. I didn't know what to say. I picked Chicago to keep this contest close, but I didn't anticipate Bears 35, Packers 7.

Didn't Chicago look completely inept on offense against the Vikings on Monday night? Aren't the Packers 11-2-1 against the spread? Wasn't Green Bay playing for homefield advantage? Note to self: Teams obviously don't care about having homefield throughout the playoffs because neither the Cowboys nor Packers beat the number this weekend.

Or maybe the Bears just have Brett Favre's number. Sounds odd, but they've given the Packers two of their three losses this year. Thankfully for Cheesehead fans, Chicago won't be in the postseason. I still find it hard to believe that Favre was 2-of-8 for nine yards and an interception a few minutes into the third quarter. I know the wind was blowing hard, but still.

Indianapolis Colts 38, Houston Texans 15:
So much for the Colts slacking off, playing lackadaisically and giving the Texans a chance. I didn't think Indianapolis would try hard because it didn't need to win this game. In fact, I was confident Peyton Manning wouldn't even play into the second half.

Oops. My bad. However, in my defense, Houston may have provided Manning with a spark. Down 10-7 to the Colts in the second quarter, defensive lineman Travis Johnson, a.k.a. Texans Draft Bust No. 592, sacked Manning, but was also whistled for a dirty unnecessary roughness penalty. Manning then went berserk, going 6-of-6 for 68 yards and a touchdown to Dallas Clark on the drive. Manning finished 28-of-35, 311 yards and three scores.

By the way, the Texans deserve a lot of credit. All of those defensive players they drafted made so much of a difference. The Colts scored only 38 points in three quarters. Great job, Houston!

Detroit Lions 25, Kansas City Chiefs 20:
I said I didn't want to talk about this game on my weekly picks page, opting to rant about my dry skin instead. Well, I don't feel like discussing it now either.

I will mention one thing. Herm Edwards has no idea how to manage a game. A bit obvious, as he is guilty of something stupid on a weekly basis. On Sunday, Edwards eschewed going for it on 4th-and-4 on Detroit's 39 in the first quarter. I don't get it, Herm. You had nothing to lose. Why not pump up your team? Instead, you punted the ball into the end zone, resulting in your deflated defense giving up a touchdown on the ensuing seven-play, 80-yard drive.

Oh... and Kansas City's next offensive possession concluded with a blocked punt, which resulted in a safety. Edwards is a liar. He doesn't play to the win the games. He plays to screw up as much as possible, putting tons of pressure on his team to make inexplicable comebacks.

Jacksonville Jaguars 49, Oakland Raiders 11:
Think Fred Taylor was pissed about getting snubbed by the Pro Bowl for the 83rd time in his career? On Jacksonville's first offensive play of the game, Taylor scored on a 62-yard touchdown. Taylor finished with 111 yards on only seven carries, as his team completely slaughtered the Raiders.

The fact that no Jaguar, including Taylor, was voted into the Pro Bowl is embarrassing. I don't think the fans should be allowed to vote anymore. It's not like they even watch the game, so the average Joe probably won't even notice that their right to elect overrated players into a game as meaningless as the Orange Bowl or Rose Bowl (or the Orange and Rose Exhibition Matches) has been rescinded.

Actually, I'd like to see the NFL eliminate the Pro Bowl. Just have knowledgeable people vote on Pro Bowl rosters, and give those players a free trip to Hawaii. It's not like half of the guys who get elected go to the game anyway.

Anyway, one guy who won't be going to the Pro Bowl this year is JaMarcus Russell, who was 2-of-8 for 27 yards and two interceptions. So that's why the Raiders haven't been playing him... And here I was thinking Al Davis either forgot that he used his first-overall selection on a quarterback, or was too busy finding goat blood that he needs to keep himself somewhat alive, though some would argue that he's really not. Or maybe Davis just thinks the signal caller he drafted last April is Josh McCown. That's definitely a possibility.

Two crazy numbers: Jacksonville had 21 points on its first 15 plays. Oakland, meanwhile, had four unsportsmanlike penalties, including one ejection (Warren Sapp.) I don't blame Sapp - he was just angry Davis raided his fridge in search of his coveted goat blood.

New York Giants 38, Buffalo Bills 21:
As soon as I heard Kevin Everett was going to visit Orchard Park to give the Bills an emotional spark, I decreased the amount of units I had on the Giants from three to one. I felt like the smartest man of all time when Buffalo established a 14-0 lead in the first quarter. However, my panicking was unwarranted, as the Bills inexplicably fell apart and couldn't secure a victory for their fallen teammate, despite four turnovers from the opposing quarterback. Pretty pathetic.

Things began to unravel as soon as Trent Edwards forgot how to throw the ball. After starting the game 7-of-9 for 132 yards and two touchdowns, Edwards was 2-of-17, 29 yards and three interceptions. My thinking is that J.P. Losman, jealous of Edwards' success, beat up the rookie quarterback, stuffed him in a closet, stole his jersey, put it on and stepped under center. My idea doesn't hold water, however, because Losman's girly voice would have given him up instantly.

Speaking of crappy quarterbacks, Eli Manning had five fumbles and two interceptions. Five fumbles and two interceptions!!! Manning also took a sack at the end of the first half with no timeouts and 10 seconds remaining on the clock, taking away a shot at a 46-yard field goal.

Manning is terrible - and extremely lucky that both his teammates and the opposition bailed him out. The Giants scored two defensive touchdowns, while the Bills did their part when Donte Whitner was called for roughing the kicker, allowing Brandon Jacobs to scamper for a 43-yard touchdown on the next play.

Philadelphia Eagles 38, New Orleans Saints 23:
I feel dumb. I've been harping all year that trading or simply getting rid of Donovan McNabb was the right move for the Eagles. McNabb played extremely well at New Orleans, finishing 24-of-35, 263 yards and three touchdowns. He also showed mobility like he did against Dallas, which is the first time Philadelphians have seen him scramble since he was a victim of a despicable black-on-black crime involving Terrell Owens.

Nothing that had to do with a black-on-black crimes was Martin Gramatica's 55-yard field goal at the end of the first half, which tied a personal career high. Don't worry Saints fans - Gramatica did not follow that up with a celebratory leap in the air, resulting in a broken neck. All he did was pump his fist, which landed on another player's helmet, leading to a shattered hand. No big deal. And by the way, if you're Tony Romo's girlfriend, I'm just kidding. No need to send Martin flowers or CDs containing bad music.

Didn't the Saints need to win this game? How did they lose to a team eliminated from playoff contention last week? Read my Aurora Snow Theory in the Browns-Bengals capsule. New Orleans is yet another team that choked when it should have swallowed.

Arizona Cardinals 30, Atlanta Falcons 27:
Give credit to a team that didn't quit despite getting snubbed by a lying, greedy and untrustworthy slimeball of a coach who quit on them. The Falcons performed well at Arizona, despite not having anything to play for.

That said, Atlanta desperately needs help with its secondary and linebackers. Anquan Boldin accumulated 13 catches, 162 yards and two touchdowns because they had Brent Grimes on him. Too bad Jason David was unavailable.

One last thing regarding this game. I received an e-mail from a reader who asked, "Do you honestly think the Cardinals can't beat the Falcons by more than 10?" My response was simple: Arizona hasn't covered a double-digit spread since... Since, I don't know. My records date back to 1993, so the last time it accomplished that feat could be in the 80s or 70s.

San Francisco 49ers 21, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 19:
In my weekly picks page, I talked about my trip to Arizona when I was a kid. I got sick and threw up in the Grand Canyon, and couldn't sleep because my hotel room smelled. If I had trouble on the West Coast, imagine the Buccaneers, who are now 4-26 when playing near the Pacific Ocean.

To be fair, Tampa Bay rested its starters in the second half. With that in mind, I'm glad the 49ers won. Bryant Young, the last relic from San Francisco's Super Bowl teams, has announced he will retire after this season. It was nice to see the 49ers win Young's last home game.

It's also good to know Young is leaving his defense in good hands. Patrick Willis had 20 tackles, two sacks and a forced fumble.

Seattle Seahawks 27, Baltimore Ravens 6:
Hi, we're the Ravens! We let the Dolphins win their first game of the year and followed that up by not showing up against the Seahawks! Our defense is a fraud that couldn't even contain the hot dog-eating Shaun Alexander! We're an old, over-the-hill team that played hard one game this entire season!

Matching the ineptness of his defense, Troy Smith was 1-of-5 for three yards the first 20 minutes of the game. Still, I stand by my opinion that he had to start over Kyle Boller. It was Brian Billick's duty to find out whether or not he had something in Smith prior to the 2008 NFL Draft.

Speaking of Billick, he's really unbelievable. OK... let's flash back to last January, when he copied Herm Edwards' offensive gameplan of running middle, running outside and throwing short on third down against the Colts. It didn't work for the Chiefs, and it didn't work for the Ravens. Well, this Sunday, Billick, like Edwards, eschewed going for it on 4th-and-short in opposing territory with nothing to lose. Down 21-0 in the third quarter, Billick elected to punt with two yards to go. Billick's like a drunk college student who shows up to his final hung over and copies off another drunk who knows nothing. At this point, I'm convinced Billick and Edwards were drinking buddies back in their day.

Tennessee Titans 10, New York Jets 6:
I found it odd that Jeff Fisher wanted Kellen Clemens at quarterback rather than Chad Pennington. I guess Fisher doesn't read this site; otherwise he would have known that Clemens is a billion times better than Pennington, whose specialty is yelling at innocent members at the media and throwing the ball like a 6-year-old girl prancing through a flower garden.

The Jets scored only six points, but were able to control the clock with Pennington's short tosses. I guess Fisher was scared of Pennington because he knew his defense sucked. The Jets somehow racked up more yards (296) than the Titans (273).

Oh, and by the way, this is Case No. 3 of the Aurora Snow Theory. With the Browns losing, Tennessee needed a victory more than the Jets. They won, but only by four, failing to cover the number. And no, Vince Young (12-23, 166 yards, 1 INT), I don't want to know what it tastes like. That's just disgusting.

New England Patriots 28, Miami Dolphins 7:
It really took a valiant effort by the Patriots not to win by more than three touchdowns. From unnecessary bombs on short-yardage situations, to tipped balls that were intercepted, to a Patriots defense that got lazy in the second half, there were plenty of reasons why New England couldn't score a single point in the final 32 minutes of the game.

I'm considering dropping the Patriots out of the top spot in my Power Rankings once again, by the way. They're playing sloppy football. They couldn't stop A.J. Feeley and Kyle Boller. They couldn't score against the Jets and Dolphins. Their one solid performance the past five weeks was against the Steelers, who had a terrible gameplan. New England has gotten sloppy and unfocused, which doesn't bode well, in my opinion, going into the postseason.

Speaking of sloppy, when the Dolphins went down 28-0, I jotted down, "Thought Dolphins were going to play hard for Parcells. If I were the Tuna, I'd cut every single veteran on the team." Luckily, Miami played hard after trailing by 28, so there won't be any players released this week.

One person who really needs to go is Randy Mueller. Parcells needs to throw him out of Dolphins Stadium. How do you trade a player of Wes Welker's caliber to your archrival? Mueller is actually my hero because he somehow keeps his job despite doing nothing right. Imagine an office worker who shows up drunk on Mondays and Wednesdays, high on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and five hours late on Fridays. It would take an inordinate amount of skill on his part to keep his job, right? Well, that's what Mueller has accomplished thus far. He deserves a statue.

Washington Redskins 32, Minnesota Vikings 21:
In case you missed this game, a sequence of events essentially decided the winner. Up 25-14, but seeing the Vikings score two consecutive touchdowns, Todd Collins threw a 23-yard strike to Santana Moss along the sideline. Fearing Minnesota would challenge the play, the Redskins hurried up to the line of scrimmage but fumbled the quarterback-to-center exchange. However, while Brad Childress was deciding whether to throw the red flag, a Viking defender was running off the field. Joe Gibbs then challenged that Minnesota had 12 men on defense. Gibbs won, allowing his team to continue the drive and eventually score a touchdown, putting the contest out of reach.

Collins continued to play great. Despite not having much game experience, Collins was 22-of-29, 254 yards and two touchdowns in a must-win battle. Andrea Kramer reported that Jason Campbell could be ready for the playoffs, but if I'm Gibbs, I'm riding the hot hand. Collins gives Washington the best chance of getting to the Super Bowl.

As for the other quarterback... Ugh. To be fair, Tarvaris Jackson played well at the end of the game, but that was when Washington switched to prevent. Childress called Jackson a "work in progress." Yeah, no kidding. The Tarvaris Jackson Experiment is like an artist trying to recreate the Sistine Chapel with five toothpicks.


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2012: Live 2012 NFL Draft Blog - April 26
2012 NFL Week 1 Recap - Sept. 10
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2011: Live 2011 NFL Draft Blog - April 28
2011 NFL Week 1 Recap - Sept. 12
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2011 NFL Week 3 Recap - Sept. 26
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2011 NFL Week 13 Recap - Dec. 5
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2011 NFL Week 16 Recap - Dec. 26
2011 NFL Week 17 Recap - Jan. 2
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2011 NFL Week 20 Recap - Jan. 23
Super Bowl XLVI Live Blog - Feb. 6


2010: Live 2010 NFL Draft Blog - April 22
2010 Hall of Fame Game Live Blog - Aug. 8
2010 NFL Kickoff Live Blog - Sept. 9
2010 NFL Week 1 Review - Sept. 13
2010 NFL Week 2 Review - Sept. 20
2010 NFL Week 3 Review - Sept. 27
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2010 NFL Week 6 Review - Oct. 18
2010 NFL Week 7 Review - Oct. 25
2010 NFL Week 8 Review - Nov. 1
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2010 NFL Week 10 Review - Nov. 15
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2010 NFL Week 13 Review - Dec. 6
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2010 NFL Week 16 Review - Dec. 27
2010 NFL Week 17 Review - Jan. 3
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Super Bowl XLV Live Blog - Feb. 6


2009: Live 2009 NFL Draft Blog - April 25
2009 Hall of Fame Game Live Blog - Aug. 10
2009 NFL Kickoff Live Blog - Sept. 10
2009 NFL Week 1 Review - Sept. 14
2009 NFL Week 2 Review - Sept. 21
2009 NFL Week 3 Review - Sept. 28
2009 NFL Week 4 Review - Oct. 5
2009 NFL Week 5 Review - Oct. 12
2009 NFL Week 6 Review - Oct. 19
2009 NFL Week 7 Review - Oct. 26
2009 NFL Week 8 Review - Nov. 2
2009 NFL Week 9 Review - Nov. 9
2009 NFL Week 10 Review - Nov. 16
2009 NFL Week 11 Review - Nov. 23
2009 NFL Week 12 Review - Nov. 30
2009 NFL Week 13 Review - Dec. 6
2009 NFL Week 14 Review - Dec. 13
2009 NFL Week 15 Review - Dec. 20
2009 NFL Week 16 Review - Dec. 27
2009 NFL Week 17 Review - Jan. 4
2009 NFL Week 18 Review - Jan. 11
2009 NFL Week 19 Review - Jan. 18
2009 NFL Week 20 Review - Jan. 25
Super Bowl XLIV Live Blog - Feb. 7


2008: Live 2008 NFL Draft Blog - April 26
2008 NFL Kickoff Blog - Sept. 4
NFL Week 1 Review - Sept. 8
NFL Week 2 Review - Sept. 15
NFL Week 3 Review - Sept. 22
NFL Week 4 Review - Sept. 29
NFL Week 5 Review - Oct. 6
NFL Week 6 Review - Oct. 13
NFL Week 7 Review - Oct. 20
NFL Week 8 Review - Oct. 27
NFL Week 9 Review - Nov. 3
NFL Week 10 Review - Nov. 10
NFL Week 11 Review - Nov. 17
NFL Week 12 Review - Nov. 24
NFL Week 13 Review - Dec. 1
NFL Week 14 Review - Dec. 8
NFL Week 15 Review - Dec. 15
NFL Week 16 Review - Dec. 22
NFL Week 17 Review - Dec. 29
NFL Wild Card Playoffs Review - Jan. 4
NFL Divisional Playoffs Review - Jan. 11
NFL Championship Sunday Review - Jan. 19
Super Bowl XLIII Live Blog


2007: NFL Draft: Day 1 Review Blog - April 28
Quarterback Rankings - June 25
NFL Kickoff Blog - Sept. 6
Chief Carl Has Lost a Step - Sept. 9
The NFL Cheated the Patriots - Sept. 16
NFL Week 3 Wrap-Up - Sept. 23
NFL Week 4 Wrap-Up - Sept. 30
NFL Week 5 Wrap-Up - Oct. 7
NFL Week 6 Wrap-Up - Oct. 14
NFL Week 7 Wrap-Up - Oct. 21
NFL Week 8 Wrap-Up - Oct. 28
NFL Week 9 Wrap-Up - Nov. 4
NFL Week 10 Wrap-Up - Nov. 11
NFL Week 11 Wrap-Up - Nov. 18
NFL Week 12 Wrap-Up - Nov. 25
NFL Week 13 Wrap-Up - Dec. 2
NFL Week 14 Wrap-Up - Dec. 9
NFL Week 15 Wrap-Up - Dec. 16
NFL Week 16 Wrap-Up - Dec. 23
NFL Week 17 Wrap-Up - Dec. 30
NFL Week 18 Wrap-Up - Jan. 6
NFL Week 19 Wrap-Up - Jan. 13
2008 Championship Sunday Diary - Jan. 20
Super Bowl XLII Live Blog - Feb. 3


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