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Week 15 Wrap-Up

Houston Texans 31, Denver Broncos 13:
It was shenanigans with Mike Shanahan, otherwise known as Shanahanigans! Gary Kubiak beating his former mentor was yet another of a plethora of examples where a coach beat his old team. Ken Whisenhunt mastered the Steelers earlier this year; Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo beat the Eagles twice; Rod Marinelli took down the Buccaneers; and so on...

Unfortunately, no one was there to see it. Why did it seem like half of the seats were empty at Reliant Stadium? Where were all of the fans? It's not like this game didn't mean anything; if Cleveland loses, Houston is only one game out of the wildcard.

Maybe it was the whole Battle Red Day thing. Call me crazy, but forcing fans to wear a certain color isn't the way to go. What if red clashed with someone's eyes or pants? What if someone didn't own anything red? This is wrong, damn it! This is just wrong.

Sage Rosenfels didn't have the prettiest stats in the world - he was 16-of-27 for 200 yards, one touchdown and one pick - but I love the way he operated the offense. He was extremely efficient, and the interception wasn't even his fault because pass interference should have been called. Rosenfels is now 3-0 as a starter. I believe the Texans need to keep going with him until he gives them reason not to.

Jay Cutler, on the other hand, continues to mystify. He had some great throws Thursday night, but also made a few dumb decisions, such as lobbing passes off his back foot. I guess sometimes I forget he has a little bit more than a year of starting experience.

Congratulations to Brandon Marshall, who became the first Bronco receiver to ever catch 10 passes in back-to-back contests. You would have thought John Elway to Rod Smith or Ed McCaffrey would have gotten it done. And how about that great Jake Plummer-to-Triandos Luke connection? I'm shocked that didn't break records.

San Francisco 49ers 20, Cincinnati Bengals 13:
Who is Shaun Hill, and what has he done with a quarterbacking corps that has pretty much sucked ever since Jeff Garcia left the Bay Area? For the second straight week, Hill was extremely efficient, going 21-of-28 for 197 yards and two total touchdowns.

I like Hill. He was accurate, made the right reads, and didn't do anything dumb, with the exception of the one pass into triple coverage in the first half. He'll never be a top-notch quarterback in the NFL. He's actually everything Chad Pennington was supposed to be if Pennington were healthy and intelligent, and didn't lash out at the media at every opportunity. So, yeah, I'm saying Hill doesn't have the strongest arm in the world. But you know what? If you make smart decisions and take care of the football, you're better than half the starting quarterbacks in the NFL.

But let's not dwell on a 4-10 team much longer. The biggest story of this game is trying to figure out what happened to the Bengals, who looked so promising coming into this season. Excluding their defensive woes, it's clear that Cincinnati's greatest problem is its lack of intelligence. Take this quote from Carson Palmer:

"We want to be a running team, but we have the personnel to be a passing team."

Yeah, good job. Go 7-9 every year. Awesome.

That says it all. Instead of doing the smart thing and completely discarding the run like Mike Holmgren did, the Bengals insist on foolishly pounding the ball with Rudi Johnson, and tossing short check-downs to their "lesser" targets. It seems like the Bengals forget they have great receivers. Actually, let me revise that. It seems like they forget their quarterback and receivers are the only great players on their team. That's exactly why they've gone 21 drives starting in their own territory without scoring a touchdown. If Cincinnati continues to concentrate on the run and eschew the long ball, it'll continue to finish with a losing record each season.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 37, Atlanta Falcons 3:
It's not often that a kickoff return marks a squads as a "team of destiny," but it's possible that the Buccaneers are worthy of that title. On Dec. 16, 2007, at approximately 1:30 p.m. Eastern, Tampa Bay scored its first touchdown on a kickoff in franchise history. That's nearly 31 years of no returns (sounds like a bad stock.) Michael Spurlock, who actually played quarterback at Ole Miss, changed history, running 90 yards in 10 seconds.

As if anything could get worse for the Falcons. Check this out:

  • Their quarterback kills Snoopy and Lassie.
  • They trade their other quality solid signal caller away.
  • Their first replacement likes caviar and pianos.
  • Their second replacement can't play anymore because he's busy eating cheeseburgers (and it takes him about five hours to devour each one).
  • Their third replacement had FOUR COMPLETIONS on Sunday.
  • Their fans support a dog-electrocutioner.
  • Their greedy coach alienates the team and then leaves for a collegiate job, where he will soon betray his recruits the minute he figures out how to get more money.
  • They were embarrassed thrice on national TV.
  • Their receivers and once-stellar tight end drop more balls than Dick Clark.
  • They allowed Tampa Bay to return its first kickoff for a touchdown in franchise history.
  • They lost the time-of-possession battle a few days after watching their coach give them the middle finger, 42:59-17:01.

    Other than that, the Falcons are having a pretty solid season.

    New Orleans Saints 31, Arizona Cardinals 24:
    On a day when Chris Redman had just four completions against the Buccaneers, Drew Brees had only four incompletions against Arizona, going 26-of-30 for 315 yards and two touchdowns.

    Thanks for bringing your defense to the Superdome, Cardinals. I can understand not being able to contain Brees and Marques Colston, but Arizona, whose stop unit was ranked eighth versus the run going into game, allowed Aaron Stecker and Pierre Thomas to run for 115 yards on 24 carries.

    What's most troubling is that the Cardinals couldn't get the ball back when the Saints retained possession with six minutes remaining in regulation. With this loss, their chances of making the playoffs are slimmer than Bobby Petrino keeping the Arkansas job for more than two years.

    By the way, can we stop it with the talk that the Saints are better off without Reggie Bush? They beat the Cardinals and the Falcons. Whoop dee doo.

    Miami Dolphins 22, Baltimore Ravens 16:
    Congratulations, Miami. You avoided becoming just the second team in NFL history to start 0-14, and you're not going winless. At least not this year. I just hope all the tears of joy don't blind the Dolphins, who need to completely rehaul their defense, find a quarterback, acquire some offensive weapons, and fire general manager Randy Mueller.

    But did Miami really win? To tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. Immediately following Matt Stover's missed field goal in overtime, CBS took the game off the air because of TV rules. I hate to harp on this every single week, but once again, these dumb rules are screwing the average blue-collar fan who just wants to relax and watch some football after a grueling, 40-hour work week.

    Until the very end, I didn't think the Dolphins would be able to come out on top. They allowed Kyle Boller to convert a 3rd-and-9 on the opening drive with a 36-yard toss to Yamon Figurs. On the next drive, Boller completed 13- and 29-yard passes on third down. One possession later, Boller scrambled 11 yards on 3rd-and-10. Spotting a trend? Don't worry; I won't be callous and declare Miami's first victory null and void because the team made Boller look semi-decent.

    Cleveland Browns 8, Buffalo Bills 0:
    I was disappointed to see CBS of Philadelphia cover the Pittsburgh-Jacksonville tilt. C'mon, both of those teams are going to be in the playoffs. The Bills and Browns, meanwhile, were battling in a play-in game. Besides, we never get to watch those two squads. I'd like to see these jerks who decide what games are televised to develop some sort of creativity and imagination.

    Speaking of creativity and imagination, I'd be remiss if I didn't share what forum-poster Bills_Red wrote during this game. Check out it:

    The Bills play calling:

  • Run Run Pass Punt
  • Run Run Pass Punt
  • To mix it up: Run Run Run Punt

    One thing I'll never understand for the rest of my life is why the Bills threw a pass for no yardage on 4th-and-5 with 21 seconds remaining in regulation, down 8-0 with the game on the line. Can anyone explain this? And this has absolutely nothing to do with the weather. I don't care if you're playing amid a tornado; you have absolutely nothing to lose by passing it six yards in a situation where you would lose if you didn't move the chains.

    Another thing that angered me is that Phil Dawson hit a 49-yard field goal in five feet of snow and 35-mph winds blowing around the stadium. Instead of winning 5-0, the Browns were triumphant, 8-0, covering the magic number in the process.

    And as for the 8-0 result, the last time any game ended 8-0 was Nov. 10, 1929, when the Chicago Cardinals defeated the Minneapolis Red Jackets. Vinny Testaverde was the winning quarterback.

    Green Bay Packers 33, St. Louis Rams 14:
    Two records set today. The most important being the passing-yardage mark, as Brett Favre eclipsed Dan Marino and his 61,361 yards. Favre now has 61,405. The other record, which no one is talking about for some reason, is stitches administered after a game to a quarterback. David Carr had the single-contest mark of 94. Bulger had 105 on Sunday afternoon.

    If I didn't know any better, I would have thought Bulger was carted off in a wheelchair after this game. I didn't spend time watching this contest - Pittsburgh-Jacksonville was televised on my CBS station - but it seemed like every time I flipped over to FOX, Bulger was either getting sacked or slammed to the ground after a pass.

    I don't get why Bulger's playing. What's the upside? If he does well, the Rams win and lose their opportunity to draft offensive tackle Jake Long. If St. Louis can't pass protect, there's a good chance he suffers an injury that will hinder his ability to play effectively in 2008.

    Jacksonville Jaguars 29, Pittsburgh Steelers 22:
    You really have to give the Jaguars a lot of credit for assembling a team capable of traveling north and dominating the opposition late in the season. Despite being from Florida, Jacksonville is a cold-weather team, as it runs the ball extremely well and stops opposing ground attacks.

    It's remarkable that the Jaguars compiled 224 rushing yards against Pittsburgh's front seven. Even more amazing is that Jacksonville put together a 20-play drive in the third quarter that lasted nearly 10 minutes. More importantly, Jacksonville won a big game for what seems like the first time under Jack Del Rio. Have they turned the corner and become a legitimate Super Bowl contender? The way they're playing right now, I can't really say they're not.

    As for the Steelers, it appears as though they're not mentally in the game sometimes. On Jacksonville's two touchdowns, Ernest Wilford and Reggie Williams were wide open in the end zone. The receivers, meanwhile, occasionally drop easy passes. Pittsburgh better wake up because it's tied for the division lead with Cleveland.

    New England Patriots 20, New York Jets 10:
    So much for Jason Krause's prediction that the Patriots would win this game 176-6. In fact, I wish I heard his selection prior to making mine. It's actually a shame the weather prevented Tom Brady from flinging the ball to Randy Moss and Wes Welker all afternoon; I would have enjoyed seeing a 176-6 thrashing, followed by the most awkward handshake in the history of mankind.

    And so much for the Patriots' inability to run the ball. Laurence Maroney gained 104 yards and a touchdown on 26 carries, leading New England to a 10-point victory, despite the fact that Tom Brady had no touchdowns.

    Carolina Panthers 13, Seattle Seahawks 10:
    I picked the Seahawks this week despite all of the action on Carolina because I was tired of watching their helmet move backward on NFL.com every time they had the ball. Little did I know the Seattle would successfully mimic the Panthers' offense.

    Here's something I don't understand. Mike Holmgren announced that he would eschew the run and pass the ball on nearly every down. A good plan because Shaun Alexander is more content to flop down onto the field instead of take a hit.

    Well, on their first drive, the Seahawks couldn't pick up a first down on 2nd-and-1 because they ran the ball twice; once with Alexander and once with Maurice Morris. Why would Holmgren suddenly change his philosophy?

    What's even more troubling is that Holmgren didn't learn from his mistake. On a crucial 3rd-and-1 on Carolina's 32 early in the third quarter, Holmgren called a run for Alexander. Here's the play, courtesy of NFL.com:

    3-1 CAR30 (12:37) S.Alexander right tackle to CAR 36 for -6 yards

    How do you lose six yards on 3rd-and-1? At that point, Alexander had six carries for minus-three yards. He really needs to be cut. And that's not a bad deal for Alexander; he's already rich, so he can just sit on the couch, count his cash and pursue his life-long dream of eating dozens of hot dogs every day.

    Tennessee Titans 26, Kansas City Chiefs 17:
    I'm shocked. I thought the Titans were going to continue to choke like dogs yet again. I wasn't surprised one bit when they were trailing 17-13 in the second half. They allowed Brodie Croyle to pick up first downs on 3rd-and-14 and 3rd-and-10 in the same quarter, for crying out loud.

    But I'm going to give credit to Vince Young because all of the haters will never admit it when he has a good game. Young, who opened the game with a touchdown, taking his team down the field by going 3-of-4 for 37 yards, finished the contest 16-of-26, 191 yards and two scores. He also elected to scramble for the first time in ages, rushing seven times for 32 yards. What happened? I thought he couldn't throw or scramble with opposing defenses locked onto him?

    Indianapolis Colts 21, Oakland Raiders 14:
    I can see it now. Millions of e-mails flooding my inbox after I place the Colts No. 2 in my Power Rankings tomorrow night reading, "But the Colts almost lost to the Raiders, blah blah blah!!!" Yeah, except this game meant nothing to Indianapolis. They couldn't catch the Patriots, and there was no chance of either Pittsburgh, Cleveland or San Diego passing them. I have no problem with the Colts loafing and perhaps not covering the number intentionally.

    Ladies and gentlemen, we have a JaMarcus Russell sighting! In an unexpected turn of events, Al Davis finally snapped out of his Alzheimer's-induced trance and realized he spent a No. 1 overall selection on a quarterback. Russell stepped in and completed two of five passes. He was then taken out of the game in favor of Josh McCown. Oops, there goes Davis' brain again! I said it five million times, and I'll say it again. Davis should start writing notes down, such as "Drafted QB first in 2007. Need to play him," "Don't hire walking corpses, and bed-and-breakfast owners as coaches," and "Purchase goat blood from blood bank just in case of snowstorm."

    In all seriousness, why isn't Russell playing? What's the point of having McCown under center? Who cares if he gives the Raiders the best chance of winning? They'll only lose their great draft position. By not playing Russell the past two months, Oakland has not gotten him ready for 2008, meaning the first year this team can expect any sort of success is 2009.

    San Diego Chargers 51, Detroit Lions 14:
    I'm not going to anoint the Chargers as a team that can suddenly give the Patriots problems in the playoffs. They clobbered the Lions at home. So what? The Eagles, Redskins, Vikings and Cardinals all have done the same thing. And besides, Detroit was done going into this game. It put everything into last week's battle against the Cowboys, and despite doing all the right things, it eventually lost its lead in the final minute. The Lions had no energy left.

    I found it funny that of all the receivers the Lions drafted and signed, the one who led the team in receptions at halftime was Brandon Middleton. Who!? I actually thought that was an error on NFL.com's part.

    Philadelphia Eagles 10, Dallas Cowboys 6:
    The Cowboys laughed at the Eagles. Wade Phillips even hinted during the week that he didn't believe his father, who said that Philadelphia was a quality opponent. People in the Dallas media barely even asked him about the game. This is exactly why I bumped the Eagles selection up to three units. Phillips' complete disregard for the Eagles, a team peppered with proud veterans who competed with New England, was a tell-tale sign the Cowboys would struggle. Way to prepare your team, loser.

    That said, no one could have predicted the barrage of injuries Dallas suffered Sunday afternoon. Tony Romo, Chris Canty, Andre Gurode, Jason Witten and Pat Watkins all left the game at one point.

    And speaking of injuries, the NFL needs to do something about Roy Williams. It seems like every time I watch the Cowboys, I see Williams whistled for a horse-collar tackle. Forget the 15 yards - the league needs to start ejecting players who commit this type of penalty as much as Williams does. Seriously, he's going to end someone's career one of these days. It has to stop.

    On the other side of the spectrum, Brian Westbrook made the most selfless plays I've ever seen in the fourth quarter, when instead of running into the end zone for an easy touchdown, he intentionally fell down at the one, just so Dallas wouldn't get the ball back. Selfless, yes... But you should have heard me yell: "You just screwed my fantasy team, Westbrook! You screwed me! I hate you! Die!" Overreaction, much?

    Washington Redskins 22, New York Giants 10:
    Todd Collins and Eli Manning combined to go 2-of-15 for 13 yards at the end of the first quarter. At that point, I was convinced the team to win would be the first to realize that they couldn't throw it downfield in the 25-mph winds. Seems like a simple concept, but apparently the Giants didn't get it.

    Actually, I found it ironic that Collins' first completion was a 36-yard bomb to Santana Moss. Manning never really got in the groove, finishing 18-of-52 for 184 yards and a touchdown. Manning and Collins had a combined 51 incompletions.

    The Giants receivers also had nine dropped passes. Plaxico Burress was largely ineffective; Jeremy Shockey suffered a season-ending injury; while Sinorice Moss thinks it's wise to run backward after catching a ball beyond the first-down marker. Meanwhile, Manning has the Wal-Mart stockboy look in his eyes; Coughlin seems like he's about to have a heart attack; and Tiki Barber is belittling everyone on the team with words no one understands. There's nothing like December in Giants Stadium.


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