Green Bay Packers (1-0) - Previously: #3 - I didn't know which team to rank first. There is no clear No. 1 right now, and I'm not even sure there's a clear No. 2, 3, 4 or 5, for that matter.
I suppose the Packers have the greatest upside. Aaron Rodgers is still the quarterback, after all. I'm just worried about Green Bay's run defense. It was awful at Chicago. Perhaps the team will get that fixed again, but until then... yuck.
Indianapolis Colts (0-1) - Previously: #1 - The Colts are not falling very far in my power rankings. Losing at another top-10 team on the road isn't a big deal. They'll get their act together soon enough.
In the meantime, here are some memorable tweets from Jim Irsay during the game:
CANT BELIEVE BUFFALO HAS A TEAM LOL DO THEY EVEN HAVE ANY FANS LOLOLOLOL
SRSLY BUFFALO CHICKEN IS GOOD BUFFALO THE CITY IS TRASH GOODELL YOUR A JOKE FOR LETTING A TEAM BE HERE
who the f is thyroid taylor does he have like a thyroid problem!?!?!??!?!?!?!
common @AndrewLuck12 score some points for me i have you on my fantasy team
ZERO POINTS AT THE END OF THE FIRST QUARTER WHAT THE HELL AM I PAYING ALL THIS FOR!??!
Hey @AndrewLuck12 better get you're sh** together or im gonna lose my fantasy match up and my house
BILLS HAVE THE LEAD WOW THEY SHOULDNOT EVEN BE AN REAL NFL TEAM WTFWTFWTFWTF
Yo @AndrewLuck12 you have given me 1 fantasy points so far you a**ole time to get me lots of points
omg omg omg omgo mg zero poits at halftime im sorry i had lotsg of ftoo drink
FINALLY @AndrewLuck12 SCORED ME A F8**ING TORUCHOWN IS TS A MIRAACLEE I LOVOE BUUFFALO CHICKKEN
Glad Irsay has his priorities in order.
Seattle Seahawks (0-1) - Previously: #2 - I wouldn't overreact too much to the Seahawks' defeat. After all, they lost at St. Louis last year and still reached the Super Bowl. However, they really need to do something about that offensive line, like either sign someone or travel back in time to void the Max Unger-Jimmy Graham trade.
Oh, and the play-calling... ugh...
Damn it, Seahawks, INSIDE SLANT PASS! INSIDE SLANT PASS! IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT!
Dallas Cowboys (1-0) - Previously: #6 - The Cowboys should have lost to the Giants, but remember, last year they lost outright to the Redskins and Eagles at home. They just don't play well in those situations. Besides, they are going to be so much better once Greg Hardy and Rolando McClain return to the lineup. There's just a lot of upside with this team.
So, with that in mind, don't worry, ladies...
...You can save the facepalms and expressions of horror until Dallas' next playoff choke job.
Denver Broncos (1-0) - Previously: #4 - Holy crap, Peyton Manning sucks now. He has gotten very bad super quickly. However, the Broncos are still this high because of their strong running game and elite defense. All Manning needs to do now is take care of the football. In other words, he has morphed into Alex Smith.
Speaking of Manning, I both laughed and cried when I saw this tweet:
Twitter is great in theory, but the issue is that only about 10 percent of the people on there are normal-functioning individuals. The other 90 percent are comprised of dopes. Half are losers who whine, complain and get offended by the dumbest things, while the other half are brain-dead idiots like this one. The funny thing is that the Twitter losers just got offended by my writing about the "brain-dead idiots" and will now go on to whine and complain about it. Ugh.
Buffalo Bills (1-0) - Previously: #10 - This Buffalo team is legit. I was skeptical prior to the preseason, but Tyrod Taylor shocked me. I even called him a stud on the podcast. OK, maybe not a "stud," but that was what I wrote to Matvei in a text during the Sunday games. Taylor was brilliant. He legitimately gives the Bills a chance to make a playoff run.
Arizona Cardinals (1-0) - Previously: #12 - How predictable was Andre Ellington's injury? Seriously, you could have been looking at "Will the Sun Rise Today -5000" or "Will Andre Ellington Get Hurt Today -5000," and the latter would've been a better wager. Fortunately for the Cardinals, it sounds like Ellington is OK, but the team really is a ticking time bomb.
Cincinnati Bengals (1-0) - Previously: #15 - Bengal fans would probably reach through their monitors and strangle me if I didn't rank their team in the top 10, so here we are.
No, seriously, I like this Cincinnati team more now, despite my stupid pick of Oakland in Week 1. With mostly everyone healthy, the Bengals can compile an impressive record heading into the playoffs, where they will once again choke like dogs.
New England Patriots (1-0) - Previously: #13 - The Patriots are back in my top 10, albeit reluctantly. Despite their victory over the Steelers, they were very underwhelming in the season opener. Their defense allowed big play after big play, while Tom Brady didn't really do anything impressive, tossing checkdown after checkdown against a defense that didn't know how to line up correctly.
Oh, and then there was the latest cheating incident...
That explains so much... why Belichick even had a Surface, and everything. I'm actually wondering if the government seized Belichick's Surface because they thought the app could be useful to combat terrorism. It's like a very specific EMP. Belichick's not messing around!
Miami Dolphins (1-0) - Previously: #8 - I initially slotted the Eagles here, but they didn't look all that good. Prior to the game, I wrote the following:
I mentioned on the WF Podcast, my dad has the Eagles pegged at 13-3 if Sam Bradford stays healthy, and 11-5 if Mark Sanchez has to play. "If only they kept Tebow!" he lamented. "They could go to the Super Bowl! But right now, I think they lose to Green Bay in the NFC Championship."
Here's my NFL Game Recaps page where you can find analysis of the Eagles-Falcons game.
NFL Power Rankings: Week 2 - Bottom 10
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) - Previously: #28 - Instead of focusing on the 2016 NFL Draft, the Buccaneers should look into hiring some scientists, including Dr. Emmett Brown, so they can build a flux capacitor. All they'll need is 1.21 gigawatts, and they'll be back in April, allowing them to draft Marcus Mariota instead of Jameis Winston. Unfortunately, they'll probably bungle the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance and erase themselves from existence. It was nice knowing ya, Tampa front office.
31. Oakland Raiders (0-1) - Previously: #25 - That's the last time I get fooled into betting the Raiders heavily at the beginning of the season. I should have known better. Their own freaking coach was exiled from Jacksonville because the former owner said that he didn't work hard enough... and now Jack Del Rio is in Oakland, where he's a short trip away from surfing to his heart's content. This is going to be a long season for Oakland.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) - Previously: #24 - What I said about the Raiders also applies to the Jaguars. Betting multiple units on them this early in the season was dumb. I'll never do it again, I swear. And if I break that promise, I vow to travel to Jacksonville's stadium and drown myself in their pool.
29. Cleveland Browns (0-1) - Previously: #27 - Josh McCown actually looked pretty good. I think the Browns would've won with him. Unfortunately, he got hurt, and then Johnny Manziel played. That means only one thing...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Back in the spring...
Johnny Manziel: I can't believe I sucked so much! I'm such a failure!
Johnny Manziel: WOW! DEREK ANDERSON WAS RIGHT! ALL I HAD TO DO WAS BELIEVE!
Mike Pettine: Johnny, I said you're in!
Johnny Manziel: Coming, coach! All I need to do is find my helmet and emergency flask!
28. Washington Redskins (0-1) - Previously: #32 - I'm surprised by how well the Redskins played in the opener. And by "well," I mean relatively well... because I didn't expect much from the Redskins beyond crapping the field. Like, literally crapping the field. I'm shocked Kirk Cousins didn't take off his pants and diarrhea everywhere. But no. Washington didn't defecate all over itself, which is an improvement... And it should be noted that if the Redskins were better, they totally would have beaten the Dolphins.
27. New York Jets (1-0) - Previously: #31 - I have to say, I'm surprised the Jets won. Granted, the Browns gave them so many gift touchdowns, and Johnny Manziel was terrible... OK, maybe I'm not that surprised. Still, I was dubious of their chances after seeing this report on Facebook:
Hmm... interesting. Nevertheless, Fitzpatrick was better than expected, but I guess I'm used to the Jets quarterbacks being either soulless or completely erratic.
26. Chicago Bears (0-1) - Previously: #30 - I've been posting Andy Reid memes over the past few years, but I want to take a break from that and go with memes from someone who actually sucks at life. So, here's the debut of Jay Cutler memes!
You know, I was thinking about it, and I believe Cutler can make a very successful second career out of himself if he just embraces how terrible and lethargic he is. He can make commercials like this, and everyone would love him. Well, maybe not people in Chicago, but he'd be an instant star elsewhere.
25. Tennessee Titans (1-0) - Previously: #26 - I don't want to move the Titans out of the Bottom 10 just yet - they beat the worst team in the league, after all - but things are looking very promising for them. And I'm not overreacting; I loved Marcus Mariota heading into the draft, and I even had him rated pretty highly in my Quarterback Power Rankings.
24. San Francisco 49ers (1-0) - Previously: #29 - The best part of the Vikings-49ers game was an Australian blogger keeping track of Jarryd Hayne and the 49ers. Here's an excerpt from his live blog:
Bridgewater starting to throw the hamburger, now. He gains several yards for his squadron with a pass to No44, Asiata. Then he's sacked. And now it's second and 16. Darryl Patterson takes a catch and is jumped upon by a huge man. There are flags. It's an illegal substitution. There will be no illegal substituting in this referee's National Football League, no sirree Bob Hoskins.
Meanwhile, here's my NFL Game Recaps page where you can find my analysis of the Vikings-49ers game.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) - Previously: #11 - I've discussed this team enough since last Thursday. They are terrible in some areas. Their defense is an abomination, and they were stupid for letting go of Dick LeBeau, who at least could get the players to line up correctly. Things will improve on the other side of the ball once Le'Veon Bell and Martavis Bryant return, but Pittsburgh may have the worst defense in the NFL.
NFL Power Rankings: The Rest: 11. Philadelphia Eagles (0-1). Previously: #7
12. Baltimore Ravens (0-1). Previously: #17
13. Minnesota Vikings (0-1). Previously: #9
14. San Diego Chargers (1-0). Previously: #14
15. Kansas City Chiefs (1-0). Previously: #18
16. Detroit Lions (0-1). Previously: #16
17. Carolina Panthers (1-0). Previously: #22
18. Atlanta Falcons (1-0). Previously: #17
19. St. Louis Rams (1-0). Previously: #23
20. New Orleans Saints (0-1). Previously: #21
21. New York Giants (0-1). Previously: #20
22. Houston Texans (0-1). Previously: #19
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: