Seattle Seahawks (10-1) - Previously: #1 - I can't help but think about the sucker who bet $15,000 on the Vikings this past week - I mentioned this in my NFL Picks pages. What was this person thinking? "Derp dee derp, let me place 15 grand on a poisonous squad playing the top team in the NFL in a crazy environment." Derp dee derp, indeed. This guy should've just pulled a Robert Crawley and invested all of his money on Canadian railroads.
If the Seahawks don't lose at San Francisco, I don't see them dropping a game the rest of the way - including the playoffs.
Denver Broncos (9-1) - Previously: #2 - Thank the seven gods I don't have to go through another week with Kansas City fans telling me that there's no difference between the Broncos and Chiefs because they've had similar schedules. I feel like if I had to endure this for another month, I would've suffered a brain aneurysm.
Speaking of brain aneurysms, I feel like Deion Sanders had one when discussing Peyton Manning on Sunday night: "When he can sit back there and hit who's ever open." If he had said "whoever," it would've been bad enough. I get that determining the difference between "whoever" and "whomever" can be difficult for some (especially NFL TV analysts), but I've never heard of anyone having trouble figuring out whether to use "whomever" versus "who's ever."
Oh, and here's some more Deion. He said this of Nick Foles a few weeks ago: "Deion only prays that this young man continues to do what he do." Really? Does Deion really pray at night - in the third-person - that Foles can "do what he do?" If so, the prayer paid off big time. Way to go, Deion!
New Orleans Saints (8-2) - Previously: #4 - I honestly didn't know how to order the Saints, Panthers, 49ers and Patriots. I think they're all equal. The Saints are obviously the best of the group if they're at home, but they're also the worst if they're on the road. Considering that they have the best record, they'd get homefield advantage, so that settles the tie-breaker.
Carolina Panthers (7-3) - Previously: #6 - Go to my NFL Game Recaps page for analysis of the fixed Patriots-Panthers game.
San Francisco 49ers (6-4) - Previously: #3 - Considering how much action was on the Saints, I'm shocked the 49ers didn't cover (and win) Sunday's game. Then again, they screwed themselves out of a victory with the Frank Gore big drop and horrible kick-catcher interference penalty. The refs didn't help either. That roughing-the-passer penalty was an embarrassment. I guess hitting a quarterback at the top of his chest is now illegal. I love how an irate Ray Lewis offered to pay half of Ahmad Brooks' fine.
New England Patriots (7-3) - Previously: #5 - I already discussed the Patriots and Panthers, so let me use this space to note that you can check out whom I voted for the Pro Bowl here. It includes Cam Newton and Tom Brady.
Kansas City Chiefs (9-1) - Previously: #8 - Kansas City fans will probably think I'm trolling them by moving their team up one spot in the wake of its first loss. But as much as I love trolling, the Chiefs are bumped up to No. 7 simply because I'm so disgusted with the Colts that I had to move them down.
For old time's sake, let's see how many Chiefs' homer comments I can find:
If Chiefs lose, even by 3 points, drops Chiefs out of top 10 bragging "See I told you the Chiefs were overrated". If Chiefs win, he moves them up to no. 7 saying "Oh, the only reason the Chiefs won is because Peyton was clearly affected by his injury. The Chiefs would have lost if Peyton hadn't suffered that injury
I think these people - "what do you mean, these people!?" - actually think I hate the Chiefs. I just don't think they're great. They're a solid team, but they're not great because of Alex Smith.
Of course you are entitled to your own opinion about where do the Chiefs (or any team) rank. However, when you give a "logical explanation" you show that you have very little knowledge of the concept of logic. Your explanation is based on the pretense that Alex Smith is not a QB that can win the SB. Sadly this is also just an opinion, so your "logical explanation" is still just an opinion. It would work better to just say, "this is my opinion, and if you do not like it, go read someone else's". Bad use of logic pisses me off.
It's sad that people still think Alex Smith is any good. He's a below-average quarterback being coached up to play above-average football versus crappy teams. He doesn't have a chance in the playoffs. He had one third-down conversion against the Giants! That's not an opinion!
I agree with the fact that the Chiefs are not the flashy Team like New England or NO or Denver. Every week is a Test in the NFL and the chiefs have faced nine tests and won all nine. You say the chiefs cant win with just defense will lets look at the super bowl champs in the past. 2013 ravens defense got hot and was dynamite in the playoffs( along with flacco who was not good during the season. Giants defenses got hot in 2012 and 2008. Packers were 5th in Defense, and Saints led the league in turnovers. Steelers were in top five in defense both of the years they won. Bucs were the Number one Defense and the Brady and the patriots were number 1, 3, and 6 in fewest points allowed per game. The only exception is when Manning one his only title. Why do you thing brady hasn't one in 9 years. DEFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS
It's even sadder that people still think that "defense wins championships." You probably need at least an average defense to win a championship, but ever since the NFL implemented the no-contact rules in 2004, every single NFL champion has had an elite or second-tier quarterback. Alex Smith is sub par at best.
Another power ranking filled with mistakes. You are underestimating just how difficult is to go 9-0, in a parody driven league.
I think the next commenter said it best: "A 'parody' league? Is Mel Brooks the commissioner?"
Seattle or my 49ers lose? They were overlooking their opponent. Chiefs win? Doesn't count.
How butt hurt are these Kansas City fans? Way to barely beat Jeff Tuel, Jason Campbell, Case Keenum, Terrible Pryor and Ryan Fitzpatrick!
Seriously u gonna call these guys names now? What the hell man are you 10? Can Newton does not deserve this from people like you.
Coming soon - dealing with butt-hurt Panther fans!
Cameron Newton is a saint you dumb polak
See what I mean?
Green Bay Packers (5-5) - Previously: #9 - What I wrote last week still applies: "I'm holding the Packers here for when Aaron Rodgers returns from injury. The defense blows, but Rodgers is just that damn good that Green Bay will always be in top-10 consideration with him on the field. He'll be back in 3-5 weeks."
Well, it applies except for the "3-5 weeks" thing. Rodgers has a chance to play against the Vikings this Sunday. He may not be 100 percent, but giving him a start against a crappy opponent to ease him in could be a good move.
Indianapolis Colts (7-3) - Previously: #7 - I've dropped the Colts despite their win Thursday night because they were barely able to beat a terrible Tennessee squad. Their defense looked completely helpless against Ryan Fitzpatrick. They also had issues stopping Case Keenum several weeks ago, which fooled Houston fans into thinking that they had the next Tony Romo. Andrew Luck is awesome, but he barely has any weapons to work with, and the Colts aren't going anywhere with this crap defense.
Detroit Lions (6-4) - Previously: #10 - I'm not going to penalize the Lions because I picked the Steelers to beat them. They didn't need the Pittsburgh game at all. Besides, I don't really have any other team I can slot into the top 10.
I should note that I'm concerned about the Lions' stupidity. They had done a good job of playing clean football for most of the season heading into Sunday's contest, but they dropped tons of passes, went for that dumb fake field goal and even benched Reggie Bush because of a fumble. I think it would be crazy not to expect this team to self-destruct at some point in the playoffs - if they even get there.
NFL Power Rankings: Week 12 - Bottom 10
32. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-9) - Previously: #32 - I'd say the Jaguars should look forward to the 2014 NFL Draft, but what if their front office screws up? Granted, making a selection like Teddy Bridgewater shouldn't be too difficult, but Jacksonville doesn't have the best track record when it comes to making draft picks. Perhaps that's because its front office is comprised of two people:
31. Atlanta Falcons (2-8) - Previously: #27 - I tweeted @walterfootball that I'd move the Falcons down to this spot, and I've kept my promise. How do you get blown out by the Buccaneers? And how can Matt Ryan let this happen? I know his supporting cast sucks, but if he were a great quarterback, he'd still keep his team competitive.
30. Minnesota Vikings (2-8) - Previously: #30 - The Vikings need to stop screwing around. They have to insert Josh Freeman into the lineup immediately. Freeman is so terrible that he will guarantee six consecutive losses to close out the season. Chrisatian Ponder, meanwhile, can be competent enough at times - despite Sunday's performance - to lead the team to victory. Minnesota needs as many losses as possible to land one of the top quarterbacks this May.
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-8) - Previously: #31 - Speaking of teams ruining their draft position, Buccaneers, what are you doing? One more win, and you can definitely kiss Jadeveon Clowney goodbye.
This made me wonder why some NFL fan doesn't sneak into the team's facility and put laxative into the Gatorade just prior to kickoff. It would be the best thing ever because these meaningless wins are so detrimental to the future of these franchises, despite what Coach K thinks with his myopic opinion. You know which team didn't have any meaningless wins? The Colts. And now they have Andrew Luck.
28. Oakland Raiders (4-6) - Previously: #28 - The Raiders had some fluky scores early against the Texans, so I'm not buying into the victory. Matt McGloin did look much better than expected though. Afterward, my editor said, "I have come to the conclusion that Greg Olson should be declared a PED." How Olson keeps getting the most out of these marginal quarterbacks (Josh Freeman, Chad Henne, Terrelle Pryor, McGloin) is beyond me. Just imagine what he'd do with a Pro Bowl-caliber thrower.
27. Tennessee Titans (4-6) - Previously: #29 - I found it amusing that prior to the Thursday night game, Ryan Fitzpatrick had this to say to one of the NFL Network sideline reporters: "I'm excited about this game. People still haven't seen me play much."
Oh, we've seen you play, Ryan. We've seen enough of your noodle-arm throws. In fact, many Buffalo fans are visiting therapists right now because they can't stop having nightmares about them.
26. Washington Redskins (3-7) - Previously: #23 - What the hell was Robert Griffin thinking on that last pass? It was third-and-1! I understand trying a heave off your back foot if it's fourth down, but you don't do that on third-and-1. Ugh. I suppose you know what that means.
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Robert Griffin was practicing before kickoff. He had to get this one right. Everything depended on performing well. The Subway commercial was the most important thing going on his life right now, after all.
Robert Griffin: Subway, eat freshness! No, that's not right. Subway, drink fresh! No, damn it, why can't I memorize this line?
Derek Anderson: Heyyy mmaannnzz yewww goottss Suuubbwasyyss I caaannn eattt?
Robert Griffin: No, drunkard, I am practicing my Subway commercial. 7-11, eat fresh! Ugh, I suck at this!
Robert Griffin: Allllss I gottsss sayyy Suubbwaay eeaatt freessh annnd wee cannn goo bannangg babbyy.
Commercial Director: We got it! He finally said "Subway, eat fresh!" And that's a wrap, people!
25. Cleveland Browns (4-6) - Previously: #20 - Jason Campbell fooled us all. He fooled us all.
This sums up the state of the Browns' franchise:
24. Houston Texans (2-8) - Previously: #17 - The metrics say the Texans are better than this, but the coaching staff may have lost the locker room. How could Wade Phillips and Gary Kubiak justify benching Case Keenum for Matt Schaub? Keenum wasn't playing well versus Oakland, but he wasn't that bad. Besides, if they wanted to sideline Keenum, they should've just went with T.J. Yates. Playing Schaub in front of the angry fans was just a recipe for disaster. If they wanted to use him on the road, that would be fine, but Schaub received death threats and house visits from the lunatics in Houston. What'll happen now that he blew another game and angered the franchise's best player of all time?
23. St. Louis Rams (4-6) - Previously: #24 - I have nothing to say about the Rams, so this is a good time for more Andy Reid memes!
Last week, it was NOM NOM NOM time for Reid:
This week, here's what happens when there is too much NOM NOM NOM:
NFL Power Rankings: The Rest: 11. Cincinnati Bengals (7-4). Previously: #11
12. San Diego Chargers (4-6). Previously: #12
13. Chicago Bears (6-4). Previously: #13
14. Baltimore Ravens (4-6). Previously: #14
15. Arizona Cardinals (6-4). Previously: #15
16. Philadelphia Eagles (6-5). Previously: #19
17. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-6). Previously: #21
18. Dallas Cowboys (5-5). Previously: #18
19. New York Giants (4-6). Previously: #25
20. Buffalo Bills (4-7). Previously: #26
21. New York Jets (5-5). Previously: #16
22. Miami Dolphins (5-5). Previously: #22
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: