2012 NFL Power Rankings: Week 9
Week 8 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. New York Giants (6-2) - Previously: #1 - I expected New York to lose to Dallas, so I'm not moving them out of No. 1 despite being inches away from suffered a third defeat. The Giants are still the best team in the NFL, in my opinion.
   
   All Giant fans will undoubtedly love this image from Sunday's victory over the pathetic Cowboys:
   
   
   
   
2. Atlanta Falcons (7-0) - Previously: #5 - The Falcons move up with a very impressive showing at Philadelphia. It appears as though the team just needed the bye to recalibrate.
   
   Oh, and acquiring yet another Philadelphia cornerback helped, of course. If you haven't heard, the Falcons traded for Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. What? You're not seeing that story on Twitter or Google News? But it's true. Dick Stockton said so Sunday! I remember the exact quote: "Matt Ryan... swing pass to Rodgers. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie tackled by Nate Allen!"
   
   Great job by Mike Smith utilizing DRC on offense. I can't believe Andy Reid didn't try that.
   
   
3. Houston Texans (6-1) - Previously: #3 - The Texans are coming off a bye, so I can talk about the Falcons-Eagles game some more. As you may know, this is the first time that Andy Reid has lost after a bye. This was a momentous occasion, so I had to call Reid up for an interview about this:
   
   Me: Hey Andy, thanks for agreeing to do this interview.
   
   Andy Reid: Umm... uhh... no problem, Walt, hem, hem...
   
   Me: I'm sorry about your first post-bye loss. You must be terribly upset. I was surprised, quite frankly. I heard you gave a pre-game speech to your team, which is something you normally don't do. Can you tell us how that went?
   
   Andy Reid: Oh... hem, hem... sure... uhh... injuries... uhh... Jason Kelce... still out... hem, hem...
   
   Me: Wait, no, I was asking for you to tell me what your pre-game speech was.
   
   Andy Reid: Jason Peters... still out... uhh...
   
   Me: No, Andy, I want to hear your pre-game speech!
   
   Andy Reid: Danny Watkins... doubtful... umm... that's all the injuries... hem, hem... uhh... time's yours...
   
   Me: Wait, was this your pre-game speech? You just read off the injury report just like you do at the start of every single post-game press conference you've been a part of in your 14-year career?
   
   Andy Reid: No, there were other things, man. Uhh... umm... I take full responsibility... uhh... I need to put the players in a better situation... hem, hem...
   
   Me: But that's exactly what you say after the game every time!
   
   Andy Reid: That's something I need to work on... hem, hem... umm... I need to do a better job of coaching... uhh... now let's go out there and play a game, hem, hem...
   
   Me: That was the most depressing pre-game speech I ever heard. No wonder the Falcons came out with a 16-play, 80-yard touchdown on your pathetic defense.
   
   
4. Chicago Bears (6-1) - Previously: #4 - If you missed it on my NFL Picks page, some lunatic Bears' fan ranted about how I didn't slot his team No. 1:
   
   YOU EFF-AGS AT WALTER SOCCER (YOU DONT DESERVE THE FOOTBALL NAME), YOU F-CKIN EURO TRASH, W-I-L-L BOW DOWN TO THE ALMIGHTY BEARS WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE. YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE CHICAGO. BUT YOU WILL FEAR AND RESPECT THE BEARS, YOU GREEN BAY BABY DICK GOBBLING F@GGOTS. BEARDOWN ON ALL YOU H0MOS POINT DIFFERENTIAL DONT LIE B1TCH. BEARS ARE #1, PURE DOMINANCE. ONE LUCKY LOSS ON THE ROAD TO A DESPERATE SLACKERS TEAM WHO HAD TO RESORT TO A FAKE FG TD AND REF HELP...means SH1T SUPER BEARS SUPER BOWL B1TCH, DEAL WITH IT
   
   I have no idea where he gets "Euro trash" from because I was born in America, but he probably eats the "peanut butter" that he scoops out of his buttocks, so I won't take too much offense. I do wonder though if he still feels the same way after his team nearly lost to the pathetic Panthers.
   
   
5. Green Bay Packers (5-3) - Previously: #2 - I'm dropping the Packers because of all their injuries. By the way, they shouldn't trade for Steven Jackson or DeAngelo Williams. Yes, they need running back help, but they have bigger fish to fry in terms of their defense. They made Blaine Gabbert look like a semi-decent quarterback. Yes, this guy:
   
   
   
   
6. San Francisco 49ers (6-2) - Previously: #6 - Here's a recap of 49ers 24, Cardinals 3:
   
   - This night was incredibly annoying; not just because I lost two units on the pathetic Cardinals, but because I had to drive to my parents' house to watch this game. Hurricane Sandy knocked out my power, and as you may have seen on Twitter (@walterfootball, I went PECO.com to check my status. Here's what I saw:
   
   
   
   So, either 2011 years in the past or 7989 years in the future. Great.
   
   Oh, and to make matters even worse, I needed Larry Fitzgerald to get over the goal line at the very end to win one of my fantasy leagues. FML.
   
   - The Cardinals are pathetic. They struggled to do anything. The offensive line couldn't block for either LaRod Stephens-Howling or John Skelton. When Skelton had time, he failed to find open receivers because the 49ers rushed four most of the time. The defense couldn't tackle the San Francisco running backs or cover the wideouts. It was so bad that even the decrepit Randy Moss scored a touchdown, as he easily evaded several Arizona poor tacklers.
   
   - The 49ers, meanwhile, absolutely dominated. The final score could've been an even wider margin had guard Alex Boone not committed a face mask on a good-looking opening drive. The only blemish for San Francisco was the four sacks the offensive line allowed. Alex Smith, who was 18-of-19 for 232 yards and three touchdowns, said afterward that he should have thrown more incompletions to avoid those sacks.
   
   - Two of Smith's scores went to Michael Crabtree (5-72) who had a big game because Patrick Peterson couldn't tackle. Peterson slipped on one of the touchdowns. The other, as mentioned, went to Moss.
   
   - John Skelton was awful. He finished 32-of-52 for 290 yards and an interception. The stats are inflated by garbage-time yardage. He didn't have much of a chance behind an awful offensive line that simply just didn't block the 49ers on several occasions. It was ridiculous how they let the San Francisco defenders just run by.
   
   - Fitzgerald, who missed out on the aforementioned touchdown, caught five balls for 53 yards. He appeared to suffer a concussion at the end of the first quarter, but came back on the field on the next drive.
   
   
7. New England Patriots (5-3) - Previously: #7 - Hey, can you believe that the British people were rooting for the Patriots, huh huh huh???
   
   I have to say that I loved Rob Gronkowski's touchdown dance. That'll easily win the celebration award on this site in February - and he sealed it by saying he was imitating the "nutcracker guys who defend the house."
   
   
8. Denver Broncos (4-3) - Previously: #8 - Denver has a chance to finish 11-5, maybe even 12-4 with its ridiculously soft schedule. We won't know how good the Broncos are in that stretch, but it'll give time for Peyton Manning to heal while they secure enough victories to get a first-round bye.
   
   
9. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-3) - Previously: #9 - Ben Roethlisberger was unstoppable against the Redskins. I guess he listened to the advice of Cris Carter, who incoherently shouted the following a few weeks ago when the Steelers were struggling: "Big Ben need to get better, Key! Big Ben need to get better, Boom! Big Ben need to get better, Tommy!" Nice job, Cris.
   
   The Steelers, as a whole, will get better when they get all of their players back.
   
   
10. Seattle Seahawks (4-4) - Previously: #10 - This might be the last time I rank the Seahawks in the top 10. A home loss to the Vikings would plummet them to the 16-20 range. So, with that being said, I have to include an amusing picture sent over by Travis J:
    
    
    
    

32. Kansas City Chiefs (1-6) - Previously: #31 - History is about to be made. Brady Quinn is the first quarterback to be featured twice in the same season of Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!

Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz yeewwww quaarrrbbaaacckkk wiiittthh hawwwtt sisstturr hic! Yewww prommusssed meeee datteee wiitthh hoottt sisssturrr buutt wheere iss sheee? Yewww wannn fiiighgt?

Brady Quinn: Ow! I just suffered a head injury! I can't be here, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Derek Anderson: Wuuutt?

Brady Quinn: Ouch! I just had yet another head injury. Please tell Romoe Crennel so I don't have to play anymore! Pllleeeeaaasseeee!!!

Derek Anderson: I dunnn carreeee abbbouuttt yooourrr heeaadd!!! Wheereeess hoott sisstuurrr!!?!?!?

Brady Quinn: This is causing me too much stress! Oh man, there's another head injury! I guess I can't answer your question!

Derek Anderson: Heyyy waaiitt weerrunnt yeewww my teemammmatee innn Cleveellann??

Brady Quinn: I've endured so many head injuries over the years that I just don't know! Oh boy, there goes another one!

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-6) - Previously: #32 - Chapter 9 of Mike Mularkey's upcoming book, 101 Ways to Lose a Football Game After Establishing a Big Lead:

Fourth downs are a key part of a football game. Choosing the correct play is extremely important. Some coaches emphasize pounding the rock with a powerful running back. Others think that a play-action strike is best.

All of these options are incorrect and are made my amateur play-callers. The best option on fourth-and-short situations is to have your quarterback roll out, drop eight yards back and fire a pass out of bounds.

There no possible repercussions. If you run the ball, you risk a fumble. If you pass the ball, there could be an interception. Using my strategy ensures that there won't be a give-away 100 percent of the time.

30. Cleveland Browns (2-6) - Previously: #30 - Facebook friend Steve V. posted the following on my wall prior to the season: "Holmgren went on local radio this week and stated that the Browns will never pick below #4 for years to come."

Perhaps he meant that HE would never pick below No. 4.

29. Carolina Panthers (1-6) - Previously: #28 - I love how the Panthers are fielding offers for DeAngelo Williams. I can only imagine their new general manager, sitting and waiting by his phone...

*** Saturday Morning ***

New GM: Oh boy, I can't wait for all these trade offers to come in for DeAngelo Williams!

*** Sunday Morning ***

New GM: Why has no one called yet? Must be Hurricane Sandy. Who wouldn't want a running back averaging 3.4 yards per carry and making more than $5 million per year!?

*** Monday Morning ***

New GM: DeAngelo Williams just rushed for 33 yards on 11 carries. All of the teams will want him now! I can't wait for the phone to ring!

*** Tuesday Morning ***

New GM: Why isn't the phone ringing!??!?! Doesn't anyone realize how great DeAngelo Williams is!?!?!?

*** Wednesday Morning ***

New GM: Phone... no rings... why isn't... the phone ringing... I'm... I... Uhh...

*** Thursday Morning ***

New GM: It's all clear to me. No one is calling about DeAngelo Williams because Ron Rivera and Cam Newton are preventing it. I must... I must eliminate them. Yes... I'll dispose of them quickly and quietly, and then everyone will want to trade for DeAngelo Williams...

28. Oakland Raiders (3-4) - Previously: #29 - How sad is it that the Raiders are just one game out in BOTH the divisional race and wild card positioning? It's unbelievably amazing how terrible the AFC is.

27. Buffalo Bills (3-4) - Previously: #26 - I received this e-mail from Mark K:

Your Bills mock draft is wrong.

The Bills draft should be as follows:

Round 1
QB Tyler Bray

Round 2
QB E.J. Manuel

Round 3
QB Mike Glennon

Round 4
QB Landry "Lance" Jones

Round 5
QB Derek Carr

Round 6
QB Dayne Crist it is a reach

Round 7
They already have Tavaris Jackson

With Fitzpatrick, Thigpen and Brad Smith it will be 10 quarterbacks on the roster. One of them has to be good enough to start.

26. Tennessee Titans (3-5) - Previously: #25 - Vince Young recently tried out for the Cardinals, so it's time for the Adventures of Stupid Vince and Senile Bud! In this week's episode...

Bud Adams: I can't believe we lost in overtime to the Colts. Man servant, come hither!

Vince Young: Derrr, I dunno who Heather is she girl ha?

Bud Adams: Who's Heather? Man servant, is this your new girlfriend?

Vince Young: Derrr, I have girlfriend? I dunno even know dis.

Bud Adams: Man servant, sometimes you really confuse me. Why did I call you in here in the first place?

Vince Young: I tink you say you losted to Colted ha.

Bud Adams: We played the Colts and lost? Damn that Peyton Manning and all of his commercials. If he ever happens to hit free agency, I'm going to make sure I get him - no matter what it takes. If I have to give him part of the franchise or cheat the salary cap, I'll do it.

Vince Young: Derrr, I already tink that Peytons is free agents and sign with Broncies.

Bud Adams: Broncos? Impossible. John Elway is their quarterback. Get your head in the game, man servant.

Vince Young: OK but I dunno how to put head in game ha do I walk on field and put head on grass?

Bud Adams: Head on your a**? What are you, some sort of freak, man servant? Get out of here and let me be for the rest of the day.

25. Indianapolis Colts (4-3) - Previously: #27 - What I said about the Raiders applies here. The Colts are actually tied for one of the wild card spots despite losing to both the Jaguars and the Jets. This is going to make for some great betting opportunities in the first round of the AFC playoffs.

24. New York Jets (3-5) - Previously: #22 - Tebow time? No, it was Tebow time in the preseason. The Jets were stupid for not making the move back then and they're even dumber for their homoclitic decision not to bench Mark Sanchez now. Does Rex Ryan really believe that Sanchez gives him the best chance of winning? If so, why even bring in Tebow if you're not going to give him a chance? As my friend and forum member Body Burner once said, "Fat Rex Ryan was so much better than Skinny Rex Ryan."

23. Cincinnati Bengals (3-4) - Previously: #23 - I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Matthew Berry for his great fantasy football advice Sunday morning. In consecutive weeks, he gave us Felix Jones and Philip Rivers as fantasy sleepers. Yeah, I mean, casual fans have never heard of those two guys and would never think about starting them until they saw you list them as sleepers.


2012 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Baltimore Ravens (5-2). Previously: #13
12. Miami Dolphins (4-3). Previously: #16
13. Washington Redskins (3-5). Previously: #11
14. Detroit Lions (3-4). Previously: #15
15. Dallas Cowboys (3-4). Previously: #19
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-4). Previously: #24
17. Minnesota Vikings (5-3). Previously: #12
18. Philadelphia Eagles (3-4). Previously: #17
19. New Orleans Saints (2-5). Previously: #20
20. St. Louis Rams (3-5). Previously: #21
21. San Diego Chargers (3-4). Previously: #18
22. Arizona Cardinals (4-4). Previously: #14

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   Tsk Tsk 05-05-2013 08:35 am xxx.xxx.xxx.174 (total posts: 1) 5     3 Doubting Adrian Peterson isn't a smart thing...I don't know if the Vikings are going to be any better this year or not, they have a very tough schedule and an early bye week, so I won't argue that. All I know is saying Adrian Peterson CAN'T improve off last year is a dumb statement. He was already the opposing teams main focus and he still put together a great finish to his season, so you can't say "Well people will gear up to stop Adrian more now" because that was already the case and it didn't work much. He also claims he should've had at least 200 more yards that he didn't break the tackle like he should've. Scott Mitchell 05-05-2013 12:52 am xxx.xxx.xxx.119 (total posts: 4) 3     3 @Wyatt Burp: The Lions are in their rightful place, permanently mired in the cellar of the NFC North. Walt's called it right about Stafford being an IR casualty with that POS OL. The only thing I'm looking forward to is if they finishe the season with Kellen Moore, or do they call me out of retirement? And with the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select... And whomever it is, it won't fulfill a need! KKTOMMY 05-04-2013 11:45 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.72 (total posts: 1) 8     30 REALLY????YOU HAVE A NICE SITE AND SEEM TO KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT THE GAME BUT YOUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE SEAHAWKS CRUSHES ANY CREDIBILITY YOU MAY HAVE...THE SEABAGS ARE A JOKE...THEY WILL NOT WIN THEIR DIVISION AND ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE TALENT AND COACHNIG LEVEL OF SF OR ST LOUIS...THEY ARE THE 3RD PLACE TEAM IN THEIR OWN DIVISION....COME ON STOP DRINKING PETE CARROLL'S KOOL AID WALT... Ben 05-04-2013 02:05 am xxx.xxx.xxx4.20 (total posts: 1) 3     204 LOLOL at that saints being the sixth best team in the league??? They'll finish behind the falcons and panthers and probably behind the bucs. Payton's a good coach but Rob Ryan switching the d is gonna be an eff up. These rankings are garbage Doanethius 05-04-2013 02:03 am xxx.xxx.xxx7.15 (total posts: 1) 6     3 Heart problem? Hayden has never had a heart problem, he had a freak vascular injury that has virtually no risk of recurrence. You pretending to hold a medical degree now Walt? steelrain 05-03-2013 10:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.157 (total posts: 1) 6     3 horribly disappointing to see the review of the steelers drop in ranking, and then to see in the explaination--tweets from a miami dolphin, with questionable homosexual theory on what it is to be a gay person choice/birth...bad topic, on a player not even on the steelers roster for this year-with zero x and o explaination of the drop in rankings, on a team that lost 8 games, 6 of them by 3 points or less..with draft picks at certain positions..just as a sports page, would have enjoyed seeing more football talk, than the politclly correct tired talk of the gay issue in sports...some of us--don't care for any topic that doesn't directly affect what happens of the field...I mean--this is a sports forum first right? CHRKinRAL 05-03-2013 09:46 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.223 (total posts: 2) 3     3 Or, they look at it as they have given him every option available to be successful and they let him prove he is worthless. Get a 1 or 2 pick again next year and move on with a top pick in a better QB class next year. CHRKinRAL 05-03-2013 09:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.223 (total posts: 2) 5     3 @WyattBurp I would be willing to bet that Henne starts for the Jags this season. Not that he is much better, but he does keep his eyes open. And, a reach prediction, the kid from Arizona is the 2nd string by week 1. New regime is determined to remove the mistakes of the old. Blackmon is talented so he will get a pass for this BS, but he is going to lose out on his next contract for it. Dan 05-03-2013 09:23 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.229 (total posts: 1) 13     13 any reason why the vikes are 16th? a playoff team who hasn't taken any steps back, and had arguably the best draft... and you seriously have the dolphins and rams ahead of him... u messed these up pretty bad Jarvis Le'Veon Wheaton 05-03-2013 08:09 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.168 (total posts: 1) 16     3 Did you consider that maybe the Eagles brought in Chip Kelly because he interviewed well and there wasn't a lot of good head coaching candidates available? Another thing to consider, maybe Chip Kelly is smart enough to know how to run more than one offense. The fact that you think he's arrogant for refusing to explain what offense he'll run says a lot about you and your inflated sense of self worth. Why the hell would he give information that other teams could use against him when they play the Eagles? Because Walter of walterfootball will be salty if he doesn't? I'm also curious who you think Chip Kelly should have found to be his QB? Carson Palmer? Matt Flynn? Geno Smith? He's playing the hand the previous regime dealt him right now, he can't magic a QB into existence that will solve all the Eagles woes. Run-DMG 05-03-2013 07:24 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.11 (total posts: 7) 409     3 Really wish it was CharlieFootball because Walt is an ignorant, arrogant retard. Old Bill 05-03-2013 06:59 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.102 (total posts: 1) 50     3 Walt, you really need to get off Aqib Talib's dick. Ask any bucs fan, he wasn't that good. Did you see what Hicks did to him? I'm glad they disposed of him because when you need him most he's nowhere to be found, oh wait there is only proof of that in the playoffs and just about any game he plays in or is suspended from. Low impact position??? 05-03-2013 06:27 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.166 (total posts: 1) 27     4 As a ravens fan, if it wasnt for the impact Danelle Ellerbe gave the ravens defense by pressuring the QB with his superb timing and even sealing the ravens victory with that interception in the playoffs then ravens might not have won those games. Saying he's at a low impact position at MLB clearly shows you do not value players like Urlacher, Ray Lewis, Jonathan Vilma, Patrick Willis, etc. unislaya 05-03-2013 05:56 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.93 (total posts: 1) 6     347 Goodell is going to get #3PETE fired! Seattle will never be anything under Carroll - he will screw it up. Last year was as much luck for the SeaHacks as anything. SeaHacks won't be undefeated at home, and will stink AGAIN on the road. WyattBurp 05-03-2013 04:49 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.80 (total posts: 5) 13     3 @Evil Weevil. Hey, Dude, chill out. Surf's up! Pages: 1 23 4 5 ...108 109