Green Bay Packers (15-1) - Previously: #1 - I've been posting quotes from Taton in the Colts' capsule in these NFL Power Rankings all year. Taton has given us great gems like "quit imcomplete Colts!!!!!!" and "colt need fire cach caswell!!!! he spend to much tiem licking penas in back offece with jim isray and cristis prainter!!!!" OK, that last one is mine.
The Packer version of Taton is ADawkins. If you don't feel like clicking the link, here are some of his most recent posts:
It's like some sort of secret spy code. This is even stranger:
OK, ADawkins is definitely some sort of secret government spy. His greatest NFL memory is "yes?" He's good. Man, I hope ADawkins is working for America, and not Communist Russia.
New Orleans Saints (14-3) - Previously: #2 - Not everyone is a believer in the Saints...
All bettors should be "weary" of that Rams game. Seriously, how fixed does that loss feel now? The Rams couldn't even beat the Seahawks or Cardinals, yet they somehow destroyed the Saints? I feel like the government should check Sean Payton and Drew Brees' bank accounts to see if they made a huge deposit around Oct. 30.
New York Giants (10-7) - Previously: #8 - Remember when Eli Manning said he was an elite quarterback? Well, Migelini, the dumbest person of all time, disagrees. Here are his NFL quarterback rankings:
That's right - forget being in the same class as Tom Bradey and Ben Rof Lits Burgler; Manning isn't even ahead of Tarvis Jackson and Tim Teebow.
Baltimore Ravens (12-4) - Previously: #3 - Joe Flacco after his Week 1 win versus Pittsburgh:
"If I were asked if the Steelers are going to win the Super Bowl again, I'd say no."
Interesting. Anyway, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
1. "it it 3pm sunday yet. man i cant what"
What? Can't what? You can't what!?!?!?!?!
2. "ay to go ref terrible call way to jib Cincinnati"
Google defines jib as "A triangular staysail set forward of the forwardmost mast." Damn refs always jibbing the Bengals.
3. "LMAO THE TEXANS FANS ARE HATTING ON THE JAGS AND THE STEELERS FANS ARE HATTING ON THE RAVENS LOL..I LOVE THIS GAME"
Watch out for those hats, Ravens and Jags.
New England Patriots (13-3) - Previously: #4 - The secret to New England's success this year? Mike Ditka said it on Sunday NFL Countdown last week:
"A great offense is better than a bad defense."
And here I thought teams would rather have a bad defense than a great offense. Shows how much I know.
San Francisco 49ers (13-3) - Previously: #5 - The 49ers were supposed to face the winner of the Giants-Falcons game; not the Saints. Well, at least according to Charles Barkley anyway, who went 0-2 on his picks on NBC.
I sat down with Sir Charles to get his picks for Round 2:
Me: Hey Charles, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. You look great, by the way, no homo.
Charles Barkley: Why thank you. The secret to the weight loss is two things... first of all, you got to go on Weight Watcher's. Weight Watcher's is great. I lost 38 pounds on Weight Watcher's.
Me: Good to know for future reference. OK, let's get to the picks. Who will win the Saints-49ers game?
Charles Barkley: Let me tell you somethin', Ernie. I picked the Lions to beat the Saints on national TV. That was a turbl pick. I think the Saints will win this game for three reasons. First of all, the Saints have better players than the 49ers, so the Saints will win this game.
Me: OK, so what are your other two reasons?
Charles Barkley: What you talkin' bout, Ernie?
Me: My name's not Ernie. It's Walt. How about the Packers-Giants?
Charles Barkley: Ernie, I like Green Bay for two reasons because Green Bay has more talent than the Giants. I say this because of three things. First of all, Aaron Rodgers is better than Eli Manning. And first of all, Green Bay has more talent, Ernie.
Me: That's some great analysis, Chuck. Let's move to the AFC. Can you see the Ravens losing to the Texans?
Charles Barkley: Ernie, let me tell you somethin'. You can't say that any team in the NFL does not have a chance to beat another team in the NFL. I'll bet you dinner that Houston will beat the Ravens.
Tony Dungy: You can't bet! You can't bet! You can't bet!
Me: Tony Dungy, what are you doing here? It's OK, he's just betting dinner.
Tony Dungy: You can't bet! You can't bet! You can't bet!
Charles Barkley: You're bein' turbl, Ernie. I'm just tryin' to bet some dinner with Ernie.
Me: Yeah, Tony. Stop being a jerk. Speaking of, Rodney Harrison, who invited you?
Rodney Harrison: Charles Barkley will go 0-4 with my picks. He should just stick to basketball or listen to me. Because I know everything.
Me: I'm done here. I don't want to be involved with Rodney Harrison in any capacity.
Charles Barkley: Ernie, Rodney Harrison is turbl for five reasons. First of all, he wouldn't bet dinner with me, and then he insulted me on national TV. And Tony Dungy's turbl for eight reasons. First of all, Ernie, Tony Dungy wouldn't let me bet dinner with Rodney. And also, I lost my picks on national TV.
Me: Who are you talking to, Charles? This turbl interview is over.
Detroit Lions (10-7) - Previously: #6 - Just thinking ahead here... Matthew Stafford is 23, right? If he averages 4,600 passing yards per year (very possible with Calvin Johnson and all of the other weapons) over the next 12 seasons, he'll have about 60,200 yards by the time he's 35. That would put him 11,600 short of Brett Favre's record.
If Ser Stafford does approach Favre, I can only hope that he doesn't annoy us by waffling on retirement. I can already hear the back-and-forth text chimes between Stafford and Peter King. Ugh.
Denver Broncos (9-8) - Previously: #16 - Right after I picked the Broncos to upset the Steelers, an employer of this Web site e-mailed me. He told me that he really liked my pick because I was going with Tebow over "The Rapist."
That made me more confident in the selection, so perhaps I should have made it a 14-unit play.
Oh, and by the way, the only thing upsetting about Denver's victory is that we'll have to wait a week to hear what Cris Carter, Keyshawn Johnson and Merril Hoge have to say about Tebow. As Carter pointed out during Sunday NFL Countdown: "The Steelers are really lucky with these injuries that they're playin' Denver this week, hee hee hee honk honk!"
Pittsburgh Steelers (12-5) - Previously: #7 - I loved Tim Tebow's passion and emotion on the sidelines, but even he would disapprove of this NFL.com GameCenter graphic:
Come on, GameCenter. Just because Big Ben was accused of touching some girls inappropriately doesn't mean that we have to kill him and pretend he was never a life form.
Houston Texans (11-6) - Previously: #15 - I have something really insightful to say about the Texans. Here it goes... I think...
Sorry, Marvin Lewis just challenged.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this is something really important that you Texan fans must know. I believe that...
Sorry, Marvin Lewis just challenged again.
Houston is definitely going to...
Another Marvin Lewis challenge!
Hmm... what was I saying? I forget. Sorry. Well, at least the Texans won.
Atlanta Falcons (10-7) - Previously: #10 - Here's why Mike Smith's decision-making is stupid: Atlanta spent so many resources on Julio Jones. It used a really early draft pick on Matt Ryan. Why not have Ryan air it out to Jones (or Roddy White or Tony Gonzalez) on play-action in short-yardage? I've never understood why teams almost always run the ball in these situations. If you're going to be aggressive, be aggressive. Don't half-a** it.
Well, look on the bright side, Falcon fans. At least you don't have a quarterback who goes to prison for dogfighting.
Speaking of which, I received an e-mail from Joe B. a few weeks ago:
Walt, did you just hear that comment by Cris Collinsworth? He claims that during the Eagles' bye week, QB Dog Killer bought "played golf and bought a parrot." First of all, how is he allowed to own any pets? And secondly, there's your angle to reintroduce him to Emmitt on the Brink! Mouse fighting has to be illegal by 2016, so I guess parrot fighting is next in line. I also think the "QB Dog Killer" line is vastly overplayed. Give the guy a break! (massive sarcasm) He should now be called "QB Parrot Owner." Do you tink so?
I tink so. And yeah, I didn't think QB Dog Killer was allowed to have pets. Parrot fighting can't be too exciting though. What are they going to do, squawk insults to each other?
Cincinnati Bengals (9-8) - Previously: #12 - Cincinnati will win the Super Bowl via these three steps:
1. Trade Tony Daltin to the Seahawks for Tarvis Jacksin.
3. Win Super Bowl.
If you disagree to me, take it up with Migelini:
You can't argue with that.
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Run Defenses, Pass Defense, Pass Protection:
Something new this year - I'm keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it'll be broken down by week. Here are the download links: