32. St. Louis Rams (2-13) - Previously: #31 - Charlie Campbell brought this to my attention: Check out the Rams online holiday greeting card.
How cheesy is that? The only thing that saves it is the hot cheerleader at the end. I feel like the Rams should have had her strip naked to help all 50 St. Louis fans forget about this terrible season.
31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-11) - Previously: #30 - If you haven't seen it, I have the Buccaneers selecting running back Trent Richardson with the No. 6 pick in my 2012 NFL Mock Draft.
I'm apparently not the only one who realizes that the Bucs want to move on from Blount being their featured back. One guy isn't too pleased about this:
He's so angry he had to post his rant twice in capital letters. RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!
What's funny is that he cares more about the Buccaneers' future than the actual players. I can't believe that this team has just quit. It's embarrassing, and Raheem Morris needs to be fired immediately.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-11) - Previously: #29 - Blaine Gabbert sucked less than usual, so I can't make fun of him. This is upsetting.
I'll let someone else do it. I had the following exchange with forum member CKane138 a few weeks ago. I've been trying to figure out who the hot blond chick with the high-pitched voice is in the Subway commercials, so I just had to ask:
Me: Who is the hot blond chick in the Subway commercials?
CKane138: You mean Blaine Gabbert?
29. Indianapolis Colts (2-13) - Previously: #32 - Famous GameCenter user Taton is still banned. I would have loved to read what Taton would have written during Indianapolis' second victory of the season. Here are the posts Taton would have made on GameCenter if he were still a member:
When the Texans scored a touchdown instantly:
- Dan Orkovsky fumble ball and Aran Foroster score touchdown!!!!!!!!!!!! Colt will lose and Sack for Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the Colts kicked a field goal to draw within 10-6:
- Adam Vintati kick feld gogla to make game close but dont worry colt will lose and coch cadwell will be fire!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the Colts drew within one in the fourth quarter:
- Colt come very close to winning no good!!!! if win colt will no suck for leck and jim isray will keep old p.manning!!!!!!
When the Texans were committing bogus pass interference penalties on the final drive:
- Jim Booger call pss intferen call on texas!!!! now colt going to win game!!!!!!!1 byebye lock!!!!!!!!!!
When the Colts finally prevailed:
- byebye 1 pick!!!!! gay cach caswell need to win game to save job and now we lose lick!!!!! now viking or ram have 1 pick byebye no hope for colt in next 10 yer!!!!!
28. Cleveland Browns (4-11) - Previously: #26 - I can't believe Todd McShay didn't mock a quarterback to the Browns in his recent 2012 NFL Mock Draft.
I guess the Sun Tan Man has been too busy spending time at the salon to read all of the e-mails I've been posting from Browns fan Jon S., who has been excited that his team keeps losing games and putting itself in better position to draft a quarterback. Here's a new one:
Indy is at the Jags. Boy, I am already licking my chops at Barkley or Griffin! The ring of five Jags wins just makes me smile.
As the song says, "Movin on up ....to the west side ..."
Go Browns! Lose two more and we can start the celebrations.
If you're wondering, Jon S. isn't too upset that Matt Barkley went back to school because he prefers Robert Griffin.
27. Minnesota Vikings (3-12) - Previously: #28 - If you haven't heard, Donovan McNabb promised to make a donation to Chris Kluwe's charity, but hasn't done it yet.
There was outrage over this last week, but I want to ask all of you to give Donovan a break. He's been really busy lately. With so many doughnut flavors available to eat in Dunkin Donuts, Donovan hasn't even had time to think.
26. Buffalo Bills (6-9) - Previously: #27 - What happened to Tim Tebow? He was winning games, and now he's throwing interceptions non-stop. Hmm... I wonder...
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Tim Tebow: I love Jesus!
Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz iffff yewww wannanerrr lluuvvv jeeebbusss morrrr havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!
Tim Tebow: I usually do not drink alcoholic beverages, but I do want to love Jesus more!
*** Ten minutes later... ***
Tim Tebow: Woooooooo seeexxx ddrrruugggssss nnnn rrooockkk nnnn roooolllllll woooooooo hic!!!
Only Derek Anderson can ruin someone as holy as Tim Tebow.
25. Kansas City Chiefs (6-9) - Previously: #24 - Matt Cassel's injury has divided Chief fans. Some are pro-Kyle Orton; others want to see Ricky Stanzi. And everyone hates Tyler Palko. Here's a Stanzi supporter:
24. Washington Redskins (5-10) - Previously: #23 - I have nothing to say about the Redskins, so more on their NFC East foe. I want to delve into the Brandon Jacobs comments. What exactly set him off like that?
I sat down with Jacobs for an interview to find out the real story:
Me: Hey Brandon, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.
Brandon Jacobs: Of course.
Me: Why were you so angry at Rex Ryan? What exactly did he say that ticked you off?
Brandon Jacobs: He just talks too much s***. That fat bastard needs to shut the f*** up next time.
Me: I'd like to disagree with you there. Rex Ryan technically isn't a bastard because his parents were married when he was born.
Brandon Jacobs: Whatever, man. He's a fat f***er who lost because he ran his mouth.
Me: Did he though? I mean, it's not like you needed the motivation to beat the Jets because it was basically a must-win. You would have tried regardless, I hope?
Brandon Jacobs: You best stop correcting me, or I'm gonna run all over you like I did to the Jets.
Me: But Ahmad Bradshaw did most of the work...
Brandon Jacobs: Listen to me, fat bastard. Shut up before I kick your a**.
Me: I'm not a bastard. My name is not Walter Bell. Dude, you have to learn what bastard means before you say it. It's a cool word that is misued and/or underutilized.
Brandon Jacobs: YOU WANT UNDERUTILIZED!? I'LL GIVE YOU UNDERUTILIZED! I'M GONNA F*** YOU UP, FATTIE!
Me: And then I'll file a lawsuit. And I'm not fat. My mom says I'm just big-boned.
Brandon Jacobs: Talk, talk, talk, all you do is talk, fat f***. We'll see who's talking when I kick your a** on the football field next Sunday.
Me: But I'm not even playing against you.
Brandon Jacobs: THAT'S IT! NOW I MEAN BUSINESS! I'M GOING TO RUN FOR 500 YARDS AGAINST YOU AND THEN WE'LL SEE IF YOU'RE STILL CORRECTING ME, FAT BASTARD!
Me: I'm not a b... you know what? I give up. I'm fat, and I'm a bastard. You win.
23. Chicago Bears (7-8) - Previously: #25 - You have to wonder why the Bears didn't use Josh "Tears of" McCown and Kahlil "for whom the" Bell "tolls" earlier. Sorry, I'm still excited that NFL Primetime was back, albeit just for one week.
Here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "some of r dum dum fans think they know more bout football then the peepz who work for da nfl. like head coaches anaylists. they just ignorant."
Those analylists aren't so smart, but they look like Albert Einsten compared to dum dum GameCenter "peepz" like this guy.
2. "no jim has actually never used those xact words b4 hyphy. i know cause im a real fan an i acualy listen to the press conferences. unlike u im sure popi"
He may listen to the press conferences, but can he understand what's being said?
3. "...Really awesome arodgers is beast 2 me he runs the better than micheal turner he has clinched 2 games 4 us so he was A GREAT DRAFT PICK!!! THE RODGERSBOYS = TALENT!!!"
Yeah, I'm sure when the Packers were drafting Aaron Rodgers, they were thinking, "Oh God, I hope he turns out to be a better runner than 'Micheal' Turner!"
2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-7). Previously: #11
12. Denver Broncos (8-7). Previously: #8
13. Atlanta Falcons (9-6). Previously: #12
14. New York Jets (8-7). Previously: #14
15. San Diego Chargers (7-8). Previously: #13
16. Miami Dolphins (5-10). Previously: #20
17. Carolina Panthers (6-9). Previously: #22
18. Oakland Raiders (8-7). Previously: #16
19. Houston Texans (10-5). Previously: #10
20. Seattle Seahawks (7-8). Previously: #17
21. Arizona Cardinals (7-8). Previously: #18
22. Tennessee Titans (8-7). Previously: #21
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