2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 16
Week 15 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. Green Bay Packers (13-1) - Previously: #1 - I wrote the following last week:
   
   "The Packers are going 19-0, and the blond chick in the State Farm Discount Double-Check commercial is really hot. That is all."
   
   Oops! Well, at least half of that statement still applies. The blond chick remains hot - even with NFL.com displaying that ad a billion times an hour on their game pages. RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! RODGERS!!! DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!!!!!! Ugh.
   
   
2. New England Patriots (11-3) - Previously: #3 - Still not buying the Patriots. Their defense blows now, especially with Andre Carter now likely out for the year. They got very lucky Sunday with three Denver fumbles in the first half.
   
   Anyway, here's something to prove that the Jets are a fraud (thanks to Arun M.):
   
   
   
   Hear that, Jets fans? You haven't won the Super Bowl since World War II, and the Patriots will win to you. How does that make you feel?
   
   
3. New Orleans Saints (11-3) - Previously: #4 - Why do I get the feeling that in a few years, several members of Minnesota's secondary will come forward and reveal that they were raped by Drew Brees in December 2011? Oh, and I'm sure Joe Paterno will be fired for not reporting it to the police.
   
   
4. Baltimore Ravens (10-4) - Previously: #5 - It should be no surprise that the Ravens were "blowed" out at San Diego. Look at what the Colts did to them the week before, according to GameCenter:
   
   
   
   That looks like a freaking roller coaster. I feel like just by looking at that, GameCenter wants to charge me $8 for a picture of me puking my brains out all over the guy seated next to me.
   
   
5. San Francisco 49ers (11-3) - Previously: #6 - A recap of the Steelers-49ers game:
   
   1. Ben Roethlisberger shouldn't have played in this game. He had no mobility and was limping around most of the time. He sailed some of his throws, and was responsible for four turnovers (three interceptions, one fumble). He could have easily thrown a fourth pick, but linebacker Larry Grant had the ball fall right out of his hands.
   
   He Roethlisberger threw for 330 yards, and his toughness is definitely commendable, but the Steelers should have been more responsible and let him rest for a week. They're very lucky he didn't suffer further injury.
   
   2. Alex Smith was better, but only by default. He went 18-of-31 for 187 yards and a touchdown. He made quick decisions, but I fear that the media will make the mistake of talking him up too much.
   
   Almost all of Smith's throws were of the dink-and-dunk variety. There just isn't enough big-play potential in this offense to make San Francisco much of a factor in the postseason. As I wrote in the forum, this 49er team reminds me of the 2001 Bears. They have a great defense and special teams, but are handicapped with a limited offense that is efficient in the regular season but will be the catalyst for the team's downfall in the playoffs.
   
   3. The 49ers were able to move the chains the entire evening. I don't know what happened to this Pittsburgh defense. I know James Harrison was out, but LaMarr Woodley was back from injury. The Steelers looked as old and slow as they did at the beginning of the year.
   
   4. Two separate blackouts made this game really interesting. A transformer blew out 10 minutes prior to kickoff, blanketing the entire stadium in darkness. The contest started after a 20-minute delay, but there was another blackout in the second quarter. A stupid fan took this opportunity to run onto the field, prompting Roethlisberger to joke, "Where's James Harrison when you need him?"
   
   The blackout was fun. I thought the players should have manned up and took the field in the darkness. Forum member Pheltzbahr had a better idea:
   
   I'd be raping cheerleaders if I was there.
   
   A GameCenter person had his own take:
   
   ward thought he was playing baltimore when he got his ligts knocked out
   
   5. Official Walt Coleman needs to be fired. He's completely inept and has no idea what is going on. There were so many instances where Coleman whistled a team for a penalty, only to have the announcers say something like, "That didn't look like a 'insert penalty type' to me."
   
   Coleman's most egregious errors came in replay situations. Both teams challenged obvious replay situations, only to have Coleman announce, "The ruling on the field is confirmed" all three times when it was completely evident that the calls should have been overturned on all three occasions.
   
   I took this opportunity to tweet (@walterfootball), "Why are the 49ers and Steelers challenging? It's not like Walt Coleman knows how to use the replay equipment."
   
   
6. Detroit Lions (9-5) - Previously: #10 - A big win for the Lions - even if the Raiders did screw themselves over with stupid mistakes.
   
   Anyway, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. "Im better than tyler palko if you ask me lol and taller to"
   
   Hey, if you make it into the NFL, you can join Vince Young in the Illiterate Quarterback Club.
   
   2. "i'm not a idot because the bengals can trade up and do what they want"
   
   No, you're an "idot" because you can't spell the word "idiot."
   
   3. "their no rams fans because they know their going to get killed again"
   
   "Their" is no hope for our country's education system either.
   
   
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-4) - Previously: #2 - The theme this week is exposing last year's final four teams as frauds. I already showed you why the Jets are a sham. Steeler fans, you may want to choose another team to root for:
   
   
   
   That's right - your six rings are a sham. Time to jump ship and root for the Browns.
   
   
8. Denver Broncos (8-6) - Previously: #7 - Denver's loss to New England made many people happy. John Kreese Elway for one. Johnny Lawrence Fox was another. And then there were all the dumb, former players on ESPN who have been wrong about Tim Tebow all along.
   
   I am fair though, so I sat down with Merril Hoge for an interview to let him state his thoughts on Tebow:
   
   Me: Hey Merril, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.
   
   Merril Hoge: My pleasure.
   
   Me: Tim Tebow finally lost. Was this what you expected?
   
   Merril Hoge: It's just what I've been saying all along, Walt. Tim Tebow cannot throw in the National Football League.
   
   Me: I thought he actually threw pretty well Sunday, but his pass protection was abysmal. Agree or disagree?
   
   Merril Hoge: Disagree. The Broncos threw it too many times. They needed to hand the ball off to the factor back! The factor back!
   
   Me: But they were trailing after those three fumbles, plus Willis McGahee got hurt. They couldn't exactly run the ball.
   
   Merril Hoge: You can always run the ball with the factor back. That's why he's the factor back! Factor back!
   
   Me: But you need to throw when you're way behind...
   
   Merril Hoge: Factor back! Factor back! Factor back!
   
   Me: Are we going to have a conversation here, or are you going to continue to yell incoherently?
   
   Merril Hoge: Factor back... Factor back! FACTOR BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
   Me: Ugh, OK, I'm going to end this conver... whoa, what the f*** is that!?
   
   *** Suddenly, a 50-foot, 10-ton monstrous demon breaks through the ground ***
   
   Monstrous Demon: RAWWWRRRR I AM FACTOR BACK!!!!!
   
   Me: What the hell? I thought a factor back was a position on the football field; not some monster!
   
   Merril Hoge: Factor Back! Factor Back!!! FACTOR BACK!!!
   
   Factor Back: RAWWWRRRR I'M FACTOR BACK!!!!! FACTOR BACK!!!! FACTOR BACK!!!!!! RAWWWRRRRRR!!!!!
   
   Me: Good God. Only Tim Tebow can save humanity now.
   
   
9. New York Giants (7-7) - Previously: #8 - I have some bad news for you Giant fans. You have no shot to win the division - because you're four games behind the 49ers with two weeks remaining. This is from NFL.com (thanks Landon E.):
   
   
   
   
10. Houston Texans (10-4) - Previously: #9 - I'm not going to count the Carolina loss against the Texans. It was meaningless for them because they clinched the division the week before. Plus, Wade Phillips was out.
    
    A note on the two teams at Nos. 11 and 12 in these rankings: I don't trust the Cowboys or the Falcons. The latter hasn't really beaten anyone this year and can't win outdoors. Dallas, meanwhile, could implode at any moment. If the Eagles still have something to play for Sunday afternoon, Tony Romo, Jason Garrett and company are going down in flames.
    
    

32. Indianapolis Colts (1-13) - Previously: #32 - Famous GameCenter user Taton is still banned. I would have loved to read what Taton would have written during Indianapolis' first victory of the season. Here are the posts Taton would have made on GameCenter if he were still a member:

When the Colts established a 3-0 lead:

- Adam Vinatei kick feld goal!!!!! Colt have led for first time in seaon!!!!!!!

When the Titans tied it up:

- tian kick field gol!!!!! colt must score moee point!!!!!!! Coach Casewell is fat pig!!!!!!!!!!

When the Colts took the lead again:

- orkovsky touchdwon!!!!!! he better than p.manning!!!!!!! coach cadwell still need to be fire or no hope for playoff next yar!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the Titans scored late to draw within seven:

- uh oh here we go again caoch cadwell going to blow game!!!!!!!!!!!! coach casewell going to have gay sex in lockar room with jim isray if colt looose game!!!!!!!!!!

When the Colts finally prevailed:

- colt win finally!!!!!!! now no more win needed!!!! gay cach cawell need suck for lack!!!!!!!!

31. St. Louis Rams (2-12) - Previously: #31 - Thank you, Kellen Clemens, for costing me $300. May you be kidnapped, taken to a seedy hotel room and penetrated anally via kielbasa by Matt Millen.

30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-10) - Previously: #30 - Charlie Campbell (@draftcampbell) was at the Buccaneers-Cowboys game Saturday night. Since I wrote up the game recap, I thought I'd have him discuss the future of this Tampa squad:

Tampa Bay is at a crossroads. After Dallas cruised to a 31-15 win Saturday night, the Buccaneers are poised to finish 4-12 on the season. The Bucs aren't going to go on the road and beat the Panthers on Christmas Eve or win against the Falcons a week later. Right now, it would be a surprise if head coach Raheem Morris was given another season. Although many believe ownership doesn't want to fire Morris, the collapse with eight straight losses and counting will probably force a coaching change.

Tampa Bay will have to pay Morris $2 million in 2012. There is a strong sentiment around the team that general manager Mark Dominik is trying to save his own job by separating himself from Morris in order to make the Morris the fall guy for the disaster of a season. Most around the team believe that Dominik is likely to survive. The possibility exists that the Bucs owners, the Glazers, could clean house and look to hire a new general manager and head coach. However, Dominik received a multi-year extension earlier this season.

While Morris may be the fall guy, the entire organization deserves their share of the blame. Dominik and the Bucs' front office said no to free agent veterans whom the coaching staff wanted the team to sign. Players like running back Darren Sproles, running back Cadillac Williams, tight end John Gilmore and linebacker Barrett Ruud are some of those veterans. A lot of the draft picks made from 2009 haven't panned out, and the young players that played well in 2010 have struggled across the board in 2011. Sources have said that the front office overestimated the talent of their draft picks. From top down, there is plenty of blame to go around in Tampa Bay.

The rumors around the team are that Dominik would want the team to hire another young, lesser-known coach so he could maintain a high level of influence on the personnel moves. A big-name coach like Jeff Fisher or Bill Cowher would be the shot-caller from a football standpoint, and could have their own general manager they would want to run the team.

A decade ago, the Glazers wanted the elite of the NFL on the field and running the team. They chased Bill Parcells to replace Tony Dungy, and made the massive trade to land Jon Gruden. After the Super Bowl team went to pasture, the Glazers signed up for a young staff, a young roster and low payroll. With attendance and fan interest at a serious low, the Glazers are at a critical breaking point. They are going to have to decide whether to turn back the clock and make some bold moves to acquire some big-name difference-makers like Fisher or Cowher, or opt for a young coordinator in hopes of landing the next Dungy or Gruden. It will be an interesting January in Tampa.

29. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-10) - Previously: #29 - I received a hilarious text from Matvei, who runs the Sharps Picks section, during the Atlanta-Jacksonville game:

Jacksonville looked so bad that I wanted to call the ASPCA. I can't believe what a p***y Gabbert is: he looks as petrified as he did two months ago against the Bengals.

28. Minnesota Vikings (2-12) - Previously: #27 - Thanks for playing, Vikings. You gave a good effort and stayed in the game for a while, but the Saints were just too much. You won't go home empty-handed though. Mike, tell them what they've won!

"You've won a brand-new left tackle! Matt Kalil, fresh from USC, is this year's model of a prototypical left tackle. Christian Ponder can enjoy his Sunday afternoons not getting destroyed by right ends coming in from the blind side. And best of all, Kalil will not cost you much - thanks to the new CBA, you'll get him at a very reasonable contract!"

27. Buffalo Bills (5-9) - Previously: #24 - Facebook friend Danny S. sent over this incredibly detailed Buffalo-Miami prediction from one of the ESPN message boards. Try to see if you can find the hilarious error.

ot
Miami: 3 7 3 10 3
Bills: 13 0 0 7 0

First Quarter: C.J Spiller 2 yard touchdown run (Dave Rayner kick is blocked), Bills 6-0, Dan Carpenter 31 yard field goal is good, Bills 6-3, Nick Barnett 9 yard interception return for a touchdown (Dave Rayner Kick is good), Bills 13-3
Second Quarter: Reggie Bush 16 yard touchdown catch from Matt Moore, (Dan Carpenter kick is good), Bills 13-10 half
Third Quarter : Dan Carpenter 34 yard field goal is good, 13-13
Fourth Quarter: Brandon Marshall 27 yard touchdown catch from Matt Moore, Dolphins 20-13, C.J Spiller 3 yard touchdown run (Dave Rayner Kick is good), 20-20
Overtime: Dan Carpenter 44 yard field goal is good, Dolphins 23-20 Final/OT

Stats:
Fitzpatrick: 112 passing yards, 2Int, Lost Fumble, 21 rush yards
Spiller: 98 rush yards, 2TD
Spiller: 24 receiving yards
Moore: 234 passing yards, 2TD, 1Int
Bush: 79 rush yards, 16 receiving yards, TD
Marshall: 108 receiving yards, TD

Turnovers:
M.Moore picked off by Nick Barnett for a touchdown
R.Fitzpatrick fumbled on a QB sneak up the middle pick up by S.Smith
R.Fitzpatrick picked off by Koa Misa -1 yard return
R. Fitzpatrick picked off by Cameron Wake 2 yard return
D.Shayner's kick Blocked by Will Allen 36 yard return

If you haven't found it, well, the Dolphins would be the first team in NFL history to go into overtime with a lead.

26. Cleveland Browns (5-9) - Previously: #28 - Last week, I showed you that Jon S. epitomized the state of the Browns best in this brief e-mail he sent to me following the Thursday night loss to Pittsburgh:

Thank God for McCoy and his interception. This could have been ugly. Five wins... that would be terrible. With only four wins we can get a real QB.

Jon S. sent over three more hilarious e-mails Sunday:

Oh my God, Washington and Miami both win! Come on browns... lose big to Arizona! And after Cleveland's defeat:

Cleveland PROVES Colt McCoy is not the answer and we still lose. Merry Xmas, Cleveland Browns!!!!

And during Baltimore's loss at San Diego:

Now the Ravens are losing. If this happens and Steelers win tomorrow night, both Baltimore (Browns get them next week) and Steelers for final game will both need to beat Browns. So the Steelers won't take the last game off at Cleveland. Oh boy, I am already getting ready to order a QB jersey!!!!

25. Chicago Bears (7-7) - Previously: #21 - Cannon Ball Caleb Hanie was great against the Packers in the NFC Championship. Now, he's the worst quarterback of all time. What happened?

The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!

Caleb Hanie: Oh boy, oh boy, I'm going to make so much money next offseason!

Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz iffff yewww wannnaerr maaakkke morrrrr monnnneyyy havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!

Caleb Hanie: Oh boy, oh boy, I would love to make even more money!

*** Ten minutes later... ***

Caleb Hanie: I'mmm gunnnn buuuyy soooo muuuccchh onnnn Amzzzzonn.commm noowwww cuzzzz I'mmm gunnn havvvv sooo miuuuchh monnney hic!!!

Poor Cal. Now he's in debt up to his ears.

24. Kansas City Chiefs (6-8) - Previously: #26 - It's time for my weekly bashing of NFL.com's bogus edge meter:



A slight edge? What a joke. The Chiefs are clearly better than the Packers. They should have the slight edge!

If NFL.com is smart enough to figure this one out, perhaps the following graphic is also true:



If the Chiefs can upset the Packers, perhaps Emmitt Smith can defeat William Shakespeare in a grammar competition.

23. Washington Redskins (5-9) - Previously: #25 - The Redskins are winning themselves out of the Robert Griffin and Matt Barkley sweepstakes. What the hell are they doing?

Here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. "Go eagles eagles fans try not get to tipsie"

Perhaps you should have taken your own advice prior to logging on to GameCenter.

2. "the fact jack. u steeler fanz r da only dilusional ones out there. like i said i dislike the seehawks"

Ah, the Seehawks - the birds that hail from the optometrist's office.

3. "hey stellerz316 whats up wit ur name and ur picture friend? r u supposed to be a monk profit or something with the verse 316 and the hood?"

A monk who makes money? Isn't that against their beliefs?


2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-6). Previously: #13
12. Atlanta Falcons (9-5). Previously: #12
13. San Diego Chargers (7-7). Previously: #16
14. New York Jets (8-6). Previously: #11
15. Cincinnati Bengals (8-6). Previously: #14
16. Oakland Raiders (7-7). Previously: #15
17. Seattle Seahawks (7-7). Previously: #18
18. Arizona Cardinals (7-7). Previously: #19
19. Philadelphia Eagles (6-8). Previously: #23
20. Miami Dolphins (5-9). Previously: #20
21. Tennessee Titans (7-7). Previously: #17
22. Carolina Panthers (5-9). Previously: #22

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   Dave 03-08-2013 03:39 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.155 (total posts: 1) 11     3 At ~$9000 in the hole for the last two seasons, might I suggest just alphabetizing the teams for your rankings? You might do better. Dan 03-08-2013 03:15 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.244 (total posts: 4) 29     3 Walt, what is with your love affair with the giants. It doesn't seem to matter how much they loose or how bad they look when they get destroyed, you always have them in the top half of your power rankings. Take off your G-men glasses. I know they have a recent super bowl ring but take away that hot streak where they barely made into the playoffs and this team is a bottom feeder. Wharthog 03-08-2013 02:35 pm xxx.xxx.xxx48.2 (total posts: 12) 3     34 Dro, The Cowboys will be at or below .500 until Jerry hires an actual football guy to make draft & free agent decisions. Jerry cares more about "getting the credit" than anything else. He's now Al Davis w/out the speed fetish. I love my team but Jerry sucks as a GM. Forget Romo - the Cowboys are at .500 since Jerry took over the team - and that includes the dynasty years so that shows how pathetic we've been since the early 90's. Spiderman 03-08-2013 02:06 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.177 (total posts: 1) 2     2 I love how Cowboys hold on long term history like a child to a teddybear but reglect short term history, like the span of Romo's carrer and how he's always choked in big spots and has never even seen the NFC championship game aside from the comfort of his couch. Yes I'm an Eagle's fan but that just means I know a choker when I see one. Dro 03-08-2013 01:51 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.32 (total posts: 2) 3     31 The Cowboys are 55-38 (.591) under Tony Romo, appear set to not lose any important pieces for next season, are looking at a draft that's deep at their need positions, and replaced a coordinator your site didn't like. So your justification for them being at 21 is...they were status quo? That they once again didn't meet expectations? Pretty weak. Football is a small sample size. The team had the NFL's hardest first-half schedule and lost a couple of games they should have won during that period, and by the time the schedule got easier, the team was shredded with injuries...and it still managed to go 8-8 with a playoff spot still possible going into the final week. Definitely not worthy of much praise, but that's not a season (or 2013 outlook) that merits falling in the bottom half. Don't worry though, I'm sure the team will be much worse than the Rams, as your rankings clearly indicate. Dorky Pants 03-08-2013 01:40 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.237 (total posts: 1) 35     2 Nobody gives a flying f*** that you have a girlfriend in New Orleans. Way to throw that little bit of trivia in there. Also, the Seahawks fan was obviously trolling. Successful troll is succesful. 76 Seahawk 03-08-2013 01:23 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.232 (total posts: 1) 4     3 Not sure how to take this site putting us at #1. You WILL give much more respect to R.Wilson and spelling his name right next year. Nelly 03-08-2013 01:22 pm xxx.xxx.xxx0.98 (total posts: 1) 19     8 Totally agree with this. Seattle should be the Super Bowl favorites next year assuming they add the right players. Swag Muffin 03-08-2013 01:05 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.192 (total posts: 1) 2     2 The Saints still have some work to do on defense, I think the Falcons will win the division again next season to be the first to ever do it in the division. All the Falcons really lost was dead weight. Even if Tony doesn't come back, their offense should be even better since Turner is gone. Walt has a girlfriend? 03-08-2013 01:03 pm xxx.xxx.xxx3.37 (total posts: 1) 49     4 How did you have ever find a girlfriend with Tebow's peni$ stuck in your mouth? Head Busta from Augusta 03-08-2013 12:47 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.202 (total posts: 1) 24     4 Obviously this site has some sort of negative basis/credibility issue with the Falcons. All last even thou they had the best record from start to finish this site never view them as a top tier team. Explain this to me? How can you rank the Giants higher than Falcons when they have lost just as many key FAs and have the Giants who did not make the playoffs and the Falcons destroyed in the head up game. This really speaks to the credibility of the writers for this sites!!!!!! And please don't give me this Super Bowl crap that has nothing to do with the upcoming season!!!!! dave 03-08-2013 12:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx5.46 (total posts: 1) 9     2 i agree with some of the comments below. you're so terribly unfunny walt, and if you stick to analysis and mix in a small joke here and there (like the dalton joke), that's fine. but when you do the 5 paragraphs about keilbasa or whatever, it's the least funny thing in the world. also, i think the reason your picks sucked in 2012 is because you spent so much time trying to be funny and not enough time on analysis. Real Talk 03-08-2013 12:14 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.100 (total posts: 1) 29     5 You're maddeningly unfunny. You're just trying too hard man and it shows. Just stick to the analysis Patrick 03-08-2013 12:10 pm xxx.xxx.xxx3.11 (total posts: 2) 12     2002 Eagles cleaned house, brought in the biggest free agent on the market in Chip Kelly, and have $34 million dollars in cap space which will be $45 million when they cut Nnamdi. They also have the 4th and 36th pick in the draft. Please keep them at 27th all off-season so they remain off the radar and let Chip build his franchise. In Chip We Trust. Fly Eagles Fly! Mario Migelini 03-08-2013 11:23 am xxx.xxx.xxx.230 (total posts: 1) 13     2 Tank u fir the menshun. I am managor at Best Buy and luv the seehawk! They go to supergame next yeer. Pages: 1 2 ...7 8 9 1011 12 13 ...108 109