32. Indianapolis Colts (1-13) - Previously: #32 - Famous GameCenter user Taton is still banned. I would have loved to read what Taton would have written during Indianapolis' first victory of the season. Here are the posts Taton would have made on GameCenter if he were still a member:
When the Colts established a 3-0 lead:
- Adam Vinatei kick feld goal!!!!! Colt have led for first time in seaon!!!!!!!
When the Titans tied it up:
- tian kick field gol!!!!! colt must score moee point!!!!!!! Coach Casewell is fat pig!!!!!!!!!!
When the Colts took the lead again:
- orkovsky touchdwon!!!!!! he better than p.manning!!!!!!! coach cadwell still need to be fire or no hope for playoff next yar!!!!!!!!!!!!
When the Titans scored late to draw within seven:
- uh oh here we go again caoch cadwell going to blow game!!!!!!!!!!!! coach casewell going to have gay sex in lockar room with jim isray if colt looose game!!!!!!!!!!
When the Colts finally prevailed:
- colt win finally!!!!!!! now no more win needed!!!! gay cach cawell need suck for lack!!!!!!!!
31. St. Louis Rams (2-12) - Previously: #31 - Thank you, Kellen Clemens, for costing me $300. May you be kidnapped, taken to a seedy hotel room and penetrated anally via kielbasa by Matt Millen.
30. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-10) - Previously: #30 - Charlie Campbell (@draftcampbell) was at the Buccaneers-Cowboys game Saturday night. Since I wrote up the game recap, I thought I'd have him discuss the future of this Tampa squad:
Tampa Bay is at a crossroads. After Dallas cruised to a 31-15 win Saturday night, the Buccaneers are poised to finish 4-12 on the season. The Bucs aren't going to go on the road and beat the Panthers on Christmas Eve or win against the Falcons a week later. Right now, it would be a surprise if head coach Raheem Morris was given another season. Although many believe ownership doesn't want to fire Morris, the collapse with eight straight losses and counting will probably force a coaching change.
Tampa Bay will have to pay Morris $2 million in 2012. There is a strong sentiment around the team that general manager Mark Dominik is trying to save his own job by separating himself from Morris in order to make the Morris the fall guy for the disaster of a season. Most around the team believe that Dominik is likely to survive. The possibility exists that the Bucs owners, the Glazers, could clean house and look to hire a new general manager and head coach. However, Dominik received a multi-year extension earlier this season.
While Morris may be the fall guy, the entire organization deserves their share of the blame. Dominik and the Bucs' front office said no to free agent veterans whom the coaching staff wanted the team to sign. Players like running back Darren Sproles, running back Cadillac Williams, tight end John Gilmore and linebacker Barrett Ruud are some of those veterans. A lot of the draft picks made from 2009 haven't panned out, and the young players that played well in 2010 have struggled across the board in 2011. Sources have said that the front office overestimated the talent of their draft picks. From top down, there is plenty of blame to go around in Tampa Bay.
The rumors around the team are that Dominik would want the team to hire another young, lesser-known coach so he could maintain a high level of influence on the personnel moves. A big-name coach like Jeff Fisher or Bill Cowher would be the shot-caller from a football standpoint, and could have their own general manager they would want to run the team.
A decade ago, the Glazers wanted the elite of the NFL on the field and running the team. They chased Bill Parcells to replace Tony Dungy, and made the massive trade to land Jon Gruden. After the Super Bowl team went to pasture, the Glazers signed up for a young staff, a young roster and low payroll. With attendance and fan interest at a serious low, the Glazers are at a critical breaking point. They are going to have to decide whether to turn back the clock and make some bold moves to acquire some big-name difference-makers like Fisher or Cowher, or opt for a young coordinator in hopes of landing the next Dungy or Gruden. It will be an interesting January in Tampa.
29. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-10) - Previously: #29 - I received a hilarious text from Matvei, who runs the Sharps Picks section, during the Atlanta-Jacksonville game:
Jacksonville looked so bad that I wanted to call the ASPCA. I can't believe what a p***y Gabbert is: he looks as petrified as he did two months ago against the Bengals.
28. Minnesota Vikings (2-12) - Previously: #27 - Thanks for playing, Vikings. You gave a good effort and stayed in the game for a while, but the Saints were just too much. You won't go home empty-handed though. Mike, tell them what they've won!
"You've won a brand-new left tackle! Matt Kalil, fresh from USC, is this year's model of a prototypical left tackle. Christian Ponder can enjoy his Sunday afternoons not getting destroyed by right ends coming in from the blind side. And best of all, Kalil will not cost you much - thanks to the new CBA, you'll get him at a very reasonable contract!"
27. Buffalo Bills (5-9) - Previously: #24 - Facebook friend Danny S. sent over this incredibly detailed Buffalo-Miami prediction from one of the ESPN message boards. Try to see if you can find the hilarious error.
Miami: 3 7 3 10 3
Bills: 13 0 0 7 0
First Quarter: C.J Spiller 2 yard touchdown run (Dave Rayner kick is blocked), Bills 6-0, Dan Carpenter 31 yard field goal is good, Bills 6-3, Nick Barnett 9 yard interception return for a touchdown (Dave Rayner Kick is good), Bills 13-3
Second Quarter: Reggie Bush 16 yard touchdown catch from Matt Moore, (Dan Carpenter kick is good), Bills 13-10 half
Third Quarter : Dan Carpenter 34 yard field goal is good, 13-13
Fourth Quarter: Brandon Marshall 27 yard touchdown catch from Matt Moore, Dolphins 20-13, C.J Spiller 3 yard touchdown run (Dave Rayner Kick is good), 20-20
Overtime: Dan Carpenter 44 yard field goal is good, Dolphins 23-20 Final/OT
Fitzpatrick: 112 passing yards, 2Int, Lost Fumble, 21 rush yards
Spiller: 98 rush yards, 2TD
Spiller: 24 receiving yards
Moore: 234 passing yards, 2TD, 1Int
Bush: 79 rush yards, 16 receiving yards, TD
Marshall: 108 receiving yards, TD
M.Moore picked off by Nick Barnett for a touchdown
R.Fitzpatrick fumbled on a QB sneak up the middle pick up by S.Smith
R.Fitzpatrick picked off by Koa Misa -1 yard return
R. Fitzpatrick picked off by Cameron Wake 2 yard return
D.Shayner's kick Blocked by Will Allen 36 yard return
If you haven't found it, well, the Dolphins would be the first team in NFL history to go into overtime with a lead.
26. Cleveland Browns (5-9) - Previously: #28 - Last week, I showed you that Jon S. epitomized the state of the Browns best in this brief e-mail he sent to me following the Thursday night loss to Pittsburgh:
Thank God for McCoy and his interception. This could have been ugly. Five wins... that would be terrible. With only four wins we can get a real QB.
Jon S. sent over three more hilarious e-mails Sunday:
Oh my God, Washington and Miami both win! Come on browns... lose big to Arizona! And after Cleveland's defeat:
Cleveland PROVES Colt McCoy is not the answer and we still lose. Merry Xmas, Cleveland Browns!!!!
And during Baltimore's loss at San Diego:
Now the Ravens are losing. If this happens and Steelers win tomorrow night, both Baltimore (Browns get them next week) and Steelers for final game will both need to beat Browns. So the Steelers won't take the last game off at Cleveland. Oh boy, I am already getting ready to order a QB jersey!!!!
25. Chicago Bears (7-7) - Previously: #21 - Cannon Ball Caleb Hanie was great against the Packers in the NFC Championship. Now, he's the worst quarterback of all time. What happened?
The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!
Caleb Hanie: Oh boy, oh boy, I'm going to make so much money next offseason!
Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz iffff yewww wannnaerr maaakkke morrrrr monnnneyyy havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!
Caleb Hanie: Oh boy, oh boy, I would love to make even more money!
*** Ten minutes later... ***
Caleb Hanie: I'mmm gunnnn buuuyy soooo muuuccchh onnnn Amzzzzonn.commm noowwww cuzzzz I'mmm gunnn havvvv sooo miuuuchh monnney hic!!!
Poor Cal. Now he's in debt up to his ears.
24. Kansas City Chiefs (6-8) - Previously: #26 - It's time for my weekly bashing of NFL.com's bogus edge meter:
A slight edge? What a joke. The Chiefs are clearly better than the Packers. They should have the slight edge!
If NFL.com is smart enough to figure this one out, perhaps the following graphic is also true:
If the Chiefs can upset the Packers, perhaps Emmitt Smith can defeat William Shakespeare in a grammar competition.
23. Washington Redskins (5-9) - Previously: #25 - The Redskins are winning themselves out of the Robert Griffin and Matt Barkley sweepstakes. What the hell are they doing?
Here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "Go eagles eagles fans try not get to tipsie"
Perhaps you should have taken your own advice prior to logging on to GameCenter.
2. "the fact jack. u steeler fanz r da only dilusional ones out there. like i said i dislike the seehawks"
Ah, the Seehawks - the birds that hail from the optometrist's office.
3. "hey stellerz316 whats up wit ur name and ur picture friend? r u supposed to be a monk profit or something with the verse 316 and the hood?"
A monk who makes money? Isn't that against their beliefs?
2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Dallas Cowboys (8-6). Previously: #13
12. Atlanta Falcons (9-5). Previously: #12
13. San Diego Chargers (7-7). Previously: #16
14. New York Jets (8-6). Previously: #11
15. Cincinnati Bengals (8-6). Previously: #14
16. Oakland Raiders (7-7). Previously: #15
17. Seattle Seahawks (7-7). Previously: #18
18. Arizona Cardinals (7-7). Previously: #19
19. Philadelphia Eagles (6-8). Previously: #23
20. Miami Dolphins (5-9). Previously: #20
21. Tennessee Titans (7-7). Previously: #17
22. Carolina Panthers (5-9). Previously: #22
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