2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 11
Week 10 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. Green Bay Packers (9-0) - Previously: #1 - As you all know, I like to post stupid comments from NFL.com's GameCenter. Well, ProFootballTalk.com has its fair share of idiots as well. Check out this comment, sent over by e-mailer Alex H:
   
   packers are all done, probably won't win another game this year. Absolutely gonna get beat this Monday. Woodson will probably get caught cheating a few more times and Jarred Allen will sakc Rogers about 4 times. packers a pathetic, they go back to their namesake and pack some meat ya maet packers.
   
   Are we sure this wasn't Matt Millen posting? Think about it: 1) Lacking logic. 2) Misevaluating talent. 3) Talking about packing meat. I'm shocked this person didn't call Jared Allen a "young stallion."
   
   
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3) - Previously: #3 - I wanted to rank the Steelers ahead of the Ravens last week, but it just seemed wrong because Baltimore swept Pittsburgh. After what happened in Seattle this past Sunday, I don't think the Ravens can make it three in a row if the teams meet in January - especially considering that the Steelers will have all of their linebackers back on the field.
   
   
3. New England Patriots (6-3) - Previously: #6 - Everyone on Sunday NFL Countdown picked the Jets to win. The same for NBC's Football Night in America, including Rodney Harrison, a former Patriot. How is it that the media keeps getting duped into thinking that New England is done? It happened back in 2004 when the Steelers crushed the Patriots. It happened after Spygate. It happened when Tom Brady tore his ACL. It happened last year after that weird loss to the Browns. And it just happened this past week.
   
   And guess who has profited off the inept media's overreaction every single time? Me! Muhahahahaha! Now, if only I could win my other picks...
   
   
4. San Francisco 49ers (8-1) - Previously: #4 - Speaking of my picks, perhaps I should hire this guy, since I didn't have the foresight to make San Francisco anything more than a zero-unit selection:
   
   
   
   I think my senior editor would actually murder me in my sleep if I hired this guy.
   
   
5. New Orleans Saints (7-3) - Previously: #7 - If you weren't watching the New Orleans-Atlanta game, you may have missed one of the most bizarre stats I've ever heard: The Saints are 0-of-11 on coin tosses this year.
   
   The odds of losing 11 coin tosses in a row: 1:2,048.
   
   According to my Magic 8-Ball, the odds of me landing a date with hot actress Alison Brie: 1:2,047.
   
   Yes! If it can work for the Saints, it can definitely happen to me!
   
   
6. Baltimore Ravens (6-3) - Previously: #2 - John Harbaugh on the Seattle game during the week:
   
   "This is the most important game of the season."
   
   Yeah, OK.
   
   At any rate, more on the Saints' overtime win: I can't believe how dumb of a decision Mike Smith made, and I find it even more astonishing how stupid NBC analyst Rodney Harrison is for defending it.
   
   It was one of the worst decisions in NFL history. Getting the first down didn't ensure victory. Not getting the first down meant an automatic loss. The Falcons had stopped Drew Brees in overtime earlier, so why couldn't they do that again? By doing this, Smith sent a clear message to his defense that he didn't trust them.
   
   And by the way, what was with Smith's comments after the game?
   
   "I... take... FULL... responsibility... the decision that we made did not work out today."
   
   The decision "we" made? I thought you were taking full responsibility? Changing your tune, tune-changer?
   
   
7. New York Giants (6-3) - Previously: #5 - The Giants didn't really need to beat the 49ers, so it was a tough spot for them because they had to play across the country against a team trying its hardest to prove itself.
   
   Anyway, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. "hey how are you doing after a tough lost yesterday"
   
   Not good. The series finale of LOST still pisses me off.
   
   2. "deamn whaT A HORRIBLE GAME, I WOULD HAVE FELT BETTER LOOSING IN THE FORTH BY 7 OR EVEN 14, deamn and greenbay next"
   
   Deamn, you suck at spelling.
   
   3. "what u tink about tebow?"
   
   Hey, look, JaMarcus Russell is on GameCenter!
   
   
8. Chicago Bears (6-3) - Previously: #10 - I liked it better when the Bears were crappy, since they are such easy targets to make fun of. David R., a Chicago fan, sent me a long rant about his team about a month ago. He had a long list of problems with the Bears, including:
   
   1. Mike Martz is horrible at evaluating talent. Greg Olsen is potentially a premier pass-catching tight end that he let walk out the door simply because he refuses to utilize the talent he is given. In addition, Devin Aromashadu was capable of being a dependable possession receiver, as he is doing right now for the Vikings. Again, let him walk out the door because he doesn’t like him. Yet he brings in ROY WILLIAMS of all players...
   
   2. Mike Martz is a complete idiot.
   
   3. Mike Martz is a COMPLETE idiot.
   
   4. Mike Martz refuses to utilize audibles in his system, despite the fact that the defense is often able to diagnose plays and the offense has no choice but to run them.
   
   5. Mike Martz is fat.
   
   Good thing Martz started hitting the gym!
   
   
9. Dallas Cowboys (5-4) - Previously: #16 - I expect the Cowboys to inevitably fall into Aurora Snowmo Choke Mode. But man, they looked great against the Bills.
   
   Let's use this space to recap the Packers-Vikings game:
   
   1. What defensive issues? The Packers limited the Vikings to seven points, which came off a Randall Cobb fumble in the third quarter. Adrian Peterson was limited to just 51 yards on 14 carries, while Christian Ponder, who saw some success against Green Bay in his first start, went 16-of-34 for 190 yards and an interception.
   
   Ponder could have been picked off a couple of other times. It wasn't on just him though; Ponder took three sacks behind an offensive line that couldn't block.
   
   2. Speaking of poor offensive line play, that was the only blemish in this 45-7 blowout victory for Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers was constantly under siege by Jared Allen and company. He took just two sacks, but he was constantly running for his life, especially in the first half.
   
   Rodgers, however, was just way too good. He went 23-of-30 for 250 yards and four touchdowns, marking the ninth consecutive time that he had a quarterback rating of 100-plus. This tied Peyton Manning's record.
   
   3. This game was such a blowout that Matt Flynn stepped in during the fourth quarter and led a touchdown drive of his own. He went 2-of-2 for 38 yards and a rushing score. I'm listing his stats because he had more fantasy points than Ryan Fitzpatrick, Josh Freeman and Jay Cutler. Nice job, losers.
   
   4. I really have nothing else to say about this contest. My condolences though to Megatron's Mistress, who needed the Under to hit to win a contest of hers, only to see Flynn run in for a touchdown with five minutes remaining. It's always upsetting to see a hot chick lose a bet.
   
   
10. Oakland Raiders (5-4) - Previously: #20 - I had the Texans at No. 9 prior to the Matt Schaub injury. Instead, I'd like to move the Raiders into the top 10 because Carson Palmer looks healthy again.
    
    Speaking of Houston, Awesome Kelly in Arizona sent my a terrible trade proposal she received in one of her fantasy leagues:
    
    
    
    I want to vomit just looking at that. Idiot fantasy owners like Ian H. are the reason why I haven't made a trade in any of my fantasy leagues in years. Seriously.
    
    
    
    

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-10) - Previously: #32 - Beloved GameCenter poster and Colts fan Taton was a bit more calm than he was last week:



At least he learned how to Curtis Painter's name. I spent hours last week trying to figure out who Cristis Prainter was.

31. Washington Redskins (3-6) - Previously: #29 - My friend Gary said it best: "Screw you Mike Shanahan."

The decision to start Ryan Torain over Roy Helu was inexplicable. It made no sense. At this point, it's reasonable to assume that Shanahan either A) belongs in a mental hospital or B) has the mindset, "If my team is going down, I'm taking fantasy owners with me! Muhahahaha!"

Here's a good question: Would it surprise anyone if Shanahan has about 50 dead fantasy owners buried in his backyard? Washington police force, if fantasy football owners are missing in your area, please search Shanahan's house. You can give me a reward later.

30. Cleveland Browns (3-6) - Previously: #27 - Facebook friend Rob R. with a rant about the crappy Browns:

Walter, I am having issues I am Browns fan, but this is just getting ridiculous. For years I have watched this team. It has now been 12 years since they came back, and its not looking any better! I used to get angry over such things, however, I found myself playing Mario Kart by the third quarter yesterday and feeling quite apathetic. The apathy is scaring me! Any advice? Just play more Mario Kart until it gets better?

Mario Kart won't help, Rob. The blue shell only knocks out first place. Thus, taking out the Steelers won't do you any good since the Ravens and Bengals are ahead of you as well.

29. Kansas City Chiefs (4-5) - Previously: #19 - Matt Cassel is out for the year, which is why the Chiefs are this low.

Anyway, I found the following comment on GameCenter:

I heard the rapper Tech N9ne going to be there rooting for his hometown CHIEFS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish I were at Arrowhead, so I could drink rapper Tech N9ne's tears, as Tim Tebow's two completions slew his precious Chiefs. I'm not even sure who the hell Tech N9ne is, but I'm sure his tears tasted great.

"Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! My-yummy! Mm-yummy, you guys!"

28. Arizona Cardinals (3-6) - Previously: #31 - Ken Whisenhunt out-coached Andy Reid on Sunday, but that's not too difficult. I got a kick out of what the FOX sideline reporter said at the beginning of the third quarter:

"I talked to Coach Reid at halftime, and his message to his players at halftime was, 'Keep playing hard!'"

How dare the FOX sideline reporter betray such secrets? For years, successful teams like the Steelers, Patriots and Colts have been winning because they've played hard. Now everyone knows! Keep your mouth shut next time, stupid sideline reporter!

27. St. Louis Rams (2-7) - Previously: #30 - A win over the Browns means nothing, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (the first two from Facebook friend Jay B):

1. "i am a packs fan and i love how the lions are playing on are lvl :D"

Stop smiling and open a book, idiot.

2. "YICKES THE FALCONS ARE LOSING CMON FALCONS ATLEAST TI WITH THEM"

Yes, Falcons. Ti with them. Not do, re, or even mi. Not fa, or so, or even la. Ti, damn it!

3. "do you know who you remind me of brett favre, you like touching little boys and pissin people off whats up with that"

Brett Favre went to Penn State!

26. Miami Dolphins (2-7) - Previously: #28 - Maybe it's a good thing that Matt Moore has played well the past three weeks. If Moore failed, the Dolphins would have to turn to this guy:



Actually, those are two different people, but they're pretty much the same. One is a has-been who has sucked in the pros. The other is a has-been who now makes sucky movies. I'll let you figure out which is which.

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6) - Previously: #25 - An e-mail I received from Andrew C. when I mentioned that the Jaguars lost Mike Sims-Walker for the year:

"Jacksonville's prized signing, Mike Sims-Walker, is out for the year, leaving Mike Thomas, Jason Hill, Cecil Shorts and a disinterested Marcedes Lewis to catch passes from a skittish rookie. "

what does a Rams WR have to do with this game??? Cmon, get your head out of your a**.

I love when I get hate mail when someone incorrectly assumes I got a fact wrong. But I can't blame Andrew; I mean, how dumb were the Jaguars in thinking that Sims-Walker was actually going to contribute for them?

24. Carolina Panthers (2-7) - Previously: #22 - In my NFL Game Recaps, I wrote, "It's almost like the Panthers did nothing but drink, smoke and party during their bye. They came out flat in this contest and continuously made stupid mistakes to shoot themselves in the foot."

As Facebook friend Jay B. pointed out: "You do realize who's currently listed as their backup quarterback, right?"

Can't believe I missed that...

The Adventures of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask!

Cam Newton: I am such an awesome quarterback, and I am rich from my NFL contract and 180,000 gold I received from Auburn, doo doo doo, doo doo.

Derek Anderson: Heyyyyzzz starttunn qurrrbackkk, havvve a sssipp offff thissssss hic!

Cam Newton: How much gold does it cost, for I only have 135,000 gold remaining from Auburn?

Derek Anderson: Furrrr yewwww? Izzzz freeee hic!

Cam Newton: Well, it is my bye week. I'll have a sip!

*** Ten minutes later... ***

Cam Newton: Heeyyzzz I cann'''tt seeee strruutt, hic! Hewww dooo weeee pppplayyyy nuxxuttt weeeeekkkk? Hic!

23. Philadelphia Eagles (3-6) - Previously: #14 - What the hell is the deal with DeSean Jackson? No one seems to know for sure, so I called Jackson up for an interview...

Me: Hey DeSean, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. So, what happened exactly?

Andy Reid: Hem, hem, uhh... I need to... uhh... put the players in a better position... umm... hem, hem...

Me: Andy Reid? What are you doing here?

Andy Reid: I... uhh... hem, hem.... uhh... need to put the players in a better position... hem, hem...

Me: I know that. You just said that. But why are you here? Where's DeSean Jackson?

Andy Reid: Hem, hem, uhh... we need to... umm... uhh... get on the same page... uhh...

Me: Dude, where the hell is DeSean Jackson!?

Andy Reid: Uhh... hem, hem... umm... uhh... he overslept... uhh... hem, hem...

Me: Ugh! Now I have to talk to you!?

Andy Reid: Uhh... hem, hem... I take full responsibility... hem, hem... uhh... umm... uhh...

Me: Someone please save me from this nightmare!

DeSean Jackson: I'm here, guys!

Me: Thank God.

Andy Reid: Hem, hem... umm... uhh... umm... you're going to... uhh... hem, hem... be suspended from this interview, DeSean... uhh... hem, hem...

DeSean Jackson: K bye!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andy Reid: Hem, hem, uhh... I need to... uhh... take full responsibility... umm... hem, hem... uhh... hem, hem...

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. New York Jets (5-4). Previously: #9
12. Detroit Lions (6-3). Previously: #8
13. Cincinnati Bengals (6-3). Previously: #13
14. Atlanta Falcons (5-4). Previously: #15
15. Houston Texans (7-3). Previously: #11
16. Buffalo Bills (5-4). Previously: #12
17. Denver Broncos (4-5). Previously: #23
18. San Diego Chargers (4-5). Previously: #17
19. Tennessee Titans (5-4). Previously: #24
20. Seattle Seahawks (3-6). Previously: #26
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-5). Previously: #18
22. Minnesota Vikings (2-7). Previously: #21

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   Tsk Tsk 05-05-2013 08:35 am xxx.xxx.xxx.174 (total posts: 1) 5     3 Doubting Adrian Peterson isn't a smart thing...I don't know if the Vikings are going to be any better this year or not, they have a very tough schedule and an early bye week, so I won't argue that. All I know is saying Adrian Peterson CAN'T improve off last year is a dumb statement. He was already the opposing teams main focus and he still put together a great finish to his season, so you can't say "Well people will gear up to stop Adrian more now" because that was already the case and it didn't work much. He also claims he should've had at least 200 more yards that he didn't break the tackle like he should've. Scott Mitchell 05-05-2013 12:52 am xxx.xxx.xxx.119 (total posts: 4) 3     3 @Wyatt Burp: The Lions are in their rightful place, permanently mired in the cellar of the NFC North. Walt's called it right about Stafford being an IR casualty with that POS OL. The only thing I'm looking forward to is if they finishe the season with Kellen Moore, or do they call me out of retirement? And with the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select... And whomever it is, it won't fulfill a need! KKTOMMY 05-04-2013 11:45 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.72 (total posts: 1) 8     30 REALLY????YOU HAVE A NICE SITE AND SEEM TO KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT THE GAME BUT YOUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE SEAHAWKS CRUSHES ANY CREDIBILITY YOU MAY HAVE...THE SEABAGS ARE A JOKE...THEY WILL NOT WIN THEIR DIVISION AND ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE TALENT AND COACHNIG LEVEL OF SF OR ST LOUIS...THEY ARE THE 3RD PLACE TEAM IN THEIR OWN DIVISION....COME ON STOP DRINKING PETE CARROLL'S KOOL AID WALT... Ben 05-04-2013 02:05 am xxx.xxx.xxx4.20 (total posts: 1) 3     204 LOLOL at that saints being the sixth best team in the league??? They'll finish behind the falcons and panthers and probably behind the bucs. Payton's a good coach but Rob Ryan switching the d is gonna be an eff up. These rankings are garbage Doanethius 05-04-2013 02:03 am xxx.xxx.xxx7.15 (total posts: 1) 6     3 Heart problem? Hayden has never had a heart problem, he had a freak vascular injury that has virtually no risk of recurrence. You pretending to hold a medical degree now Walt? steelrain 05-03-2013 10:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.157 (total posts: 1) 6     3 horribly disappointing to see the review of the steelers drop in ranking, and then to see in the explaination--tweets from a miami dolphin, with questionable homosexual theory on what it is to be a gay person choice/birth...bad topic, on a player not even on the steelers roster for this year-with zero x and o explaination of the drop in rankings, on a team that lost 8 games, 6 of them by 3 points or less..with draft picks at certain positions..just as a sports page, would have enjoyed seeing more football talk, than the politclly correct tired talk of the gay issue in sports...some of us--don't care for any topic that doesn't directly affect what happens of the field...I mean--this is a sports forum first right? CHRKinRAL 05-03-2013 09:46 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.223 (total posts: 2) 3     3 Or, they look at it as they have given him every option available to be successful and they let him prove he is worthless. Get a 1 or 2 pick again next year and move on with a top pick in a better QB class next year. CHRKinRAL 05-03-2013 09:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.223 (total posts: 2) 5     3 @WyattBurp I would be willing to bet that Henne starts for the Jags this season. Not that he is much better, but he does keep his eyes open. And, a reach prediction, the kid from Arizona is the 2nd string by week 1. New regime is determined to remove the mistakes of the old. Blackmon is talented so he will get a pass for this BS, but he is going to lose out on his next contract for it. Dan 05-03-2013 09:23 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.229 (total posts: 1) 13     13 any reason why the vikes are 16th? a playoff team who hasn't taken any steps back, and had arguably the best draft... and you seriously have the dolphins and rams ahead of him... u messed these up pretty bad Jarvis Le'Veon Wheaton 05-03-2013 08:09 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.168 (total posts: 1) 16     3 Did you consider that maybe the Eagles brought in Chip Kelly because he interviewed well and there wasn't a lot of good head coaching candidates available? Another thing to consider, maybe Chip Kelly is smart enough to know how to run more than one offense. The fact that you think he's arrogant for refusing to explain what offense he'll run says a lot about you and your inflated sense of self worth. Why the hell would he give information that other teams could use against him when they play the Eagles? Because Walter of walterfootball will be salty if he doesn't? I'm also curious who you think Chip Kelly should have found to be his QB? Carson Palmer? Matt Flynn? Geno Smith? He's playing the hand the previous regime dealt him right now, he can't magic a QB into existence that will solve all the Eagles woes. Run-DMG 05-03-2013 07:24 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.11 (total posts: 7) 409     3 Really wish it was CharlieFootball because Walt is an ignorant, arrogant retard. Old Bill 05-03-2013 06:59 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.102 (total posts: 1) 50     3 Walt, you really need to get off Aqib Talib's dick. Ask any bucs fan, he wasn't that good. Did you see what Hicks did to him? I'm glad they disposed of him because when you need him most he's nowhere to be found, oh wait there is only proof of that in the playoffs and just about any game he plays in or is suspended from. Low impact position??? 05-03-2013 06:27 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.166 (total posts: 1) 27     4 As a ravens fan, if it wasnt for the impact Danelle Ellerbe gave the ravens defense by pressuring the QB with his superb timing and even sealing the ravens victory with that interception in the playoffs then ravens might not have won those games. Saying he's at a low impact position at MLB clearly shows you do not value players like Urlacher, Ray Lewis, Jonathan Vilma, Patrick Willis, etc. unislaya 05-03-2013 05:56 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.93 (total posts: 1) 6     347 Goodell is going to get #3PETE fired! Seattle will never be anything under Carroll - he will screw it up. Last year was as much luck for the SeaHacks as anything. SeaHacks won't be undefeated at home, and will stink AGAIN on the road. WyattBurp 05-03-2013 04:49 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.80 (total posts: 5) 13     3 @Evil Weevil. Hey, Dude, chill out. Surf's up! Pages: 1 23 4 5 ...108 109