2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 6
Week 5 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. Green Bay Packers (5-0) - Previously: #1 - E-mailer Robert N. sent me the following message a half hour before the Sunday night game:
   
   Would you consider the Falcons if you were getting it at +7 like I am? Thanks alot for the input.
   
   I quickly e-mailed him back to prevent him from losing money:
   
   No. Don't bet against Aaron Rodgers.
   
   I looked it up after the game, and Rodgers is 27-13 against the spread since 2009. How sick is that? Like I keep saying in my NFL Picks section, if you bet against Rodgers, you might as well set your money on fire.
   
   And speaking of the Sunday night contest, if you didn't see the Packer post-game press conference, it was pretty strange. There was all of this metal clanging while Mike McCarthy was speaking, and later on, the background board nearly fell on Aaron Rodgers.
   
   It was ridiculous. Arthur Blank definitely needs to allocate some of his mustache maintenance money to fix up the Georgia Dome press conference area.
   
   
2. New England Patriots (4-1) - Previously: #2 - Sticking with the betting theme, Tom Brady is 14-7 against the spread since 2010. If you bet Brady and Rodgers blindly since the start of last season, you would be 30-15 against the spread. Maybe I'm making this handicapping thing more complicated than it needs to be.
   
   At any rate, Facebook friend Steve L. posted the following on my wall:
   
   During the replay during the Patriots game:
   
   "Watch Tom Brady here, he's the quarterback" - Phil Simms
   
   Really? Tom Brady is a quarterback? I didnt know that.
   
   
3. New Orleans Saints (4-1) - Previously: #3 - A good win by Drew Brees in the final minute against a feisty Carolina squad. Not so good commentary by FOX's John Lynch during this game, who said of the Eagles when he saw Buffalo was beating them, "The dream team isn't so dreamy right now."
   
   Ugh, really? That's the best you could come up with, John? As I wrote in my Week 5 NFL Game Recaps page, "I'd write something involving clever wordplay with 'dream team' and 'nightmares,' but all of those puns have been exhausted already." John apparently disagrees.
   
   
4. Baltimore Ravens (3-1) - Previously: #4 - The Ravens had a bye, so let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them (the second and third from Facebook friend Jay B.):
   
   1. "I love how so many packers funs love to hop on the colt's page now that we re no longer the dominant team in the NFL"
   
   I'm with you. Packers funs are douches.
   
   2. "I think have Harbough as coach could be great for Alex. "
   
   This man can't spell or form a grammatically correct sentence, but he's a prophet.
   
   3. "Bull crap cal should of ben an interception."
   
   Ben Roethlisberger? And what does he have to do with someone named Cal? Is this some sort of conspiracy?
   
   
5. Detroit Lions (5-0) - Previously: #5 - A recap of the Lions-Bears game:
   
   1. Just three years ago, the Lions were 0-16. Now, they're 5-0 for the first time since 1956. It's amazing what can happen when you fire a certain mustachioed man who likes to stick kielbasas up USDA 100-percent men's behinds.
   
   Detroit deserves a ton of credit for this win even though Chicago is a mess. This was such a huge game for the Lions because they were hosting a Monday night game for the first time in 10 years. There was a ton of pressure on them; they were favored by nearly a touchdown, so they could have easily choked.
   
   2. This was such a sloppy game though. There were 26 penalties; 14 by the Bears, nine of which were false starts. The Ford Field crowd, which set an attendance record for the stadium, played a huge part in that. The Lions did make some mental mistakes, however. They're still a young team, so that's not surprising, but they'll have to clean that up soon with the Packers coming in on Thanksgiving.
   
   3. This Bears team is falling apart. The defense has surrendered 390-plus total yards in three consecutive games for the first time since 1989. The offensive line still can't block. The players are showing poor body language and looking like they're defeated. And Lovie Smith had the most inept sequence of events in the first quarter when his offense ran no play when it tried to use a hard count, called a time out, still went for it, didn't get the first down, challenged an obvious spot of the ball that didn't go in their favor, lost that challenge and used the last timeout of the first half.
   
   4. Jay Cutler really carried his team. His stat line (28-of-38, 249 yards, TD) is not an indication of how well he played. He constantly eluded tacklers in the backfield and made impressive throws under immense pressure. It's a shame his supporting cast (excluding Matt Forte) absolutely sucks.
   
   5. Per ESPN, Calvin Johnson became the first player in NFL history to score nine touchdowns in the first five games of the regular season. Megatron had five catches for 130 yards and a score. This made me happy, as I was up by 49 in my $100 traditional league and was going up against Megatron and Caleb Hanie. Yep, Caleb Hanie.
   
   6. Speaking of ESPN, I had the pre-game show on mute. Did Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski drink piss out of a bottle? And will Jaws catch mono because he took his sip after Gruden?
   
   7. There was a game stoppage in the second half because a "foreign object" was thrown onto the field. Forum member Pheltzbahr revealed what happened:
   
   Sorry, I'm at the game and just threw a giant dildo at Cutler.
   
   
6. Buffalo Bills (4-1) - Previously: #9 - I don't know whom to rank No. 6 after the top five teams. Why not the Bills, who have beaten the 4-1 Patriots, 3-2 Raiders and the Dream Team, who according to John Lynch, isn't very dreamy?
   
   Speaking of the Dream Team, Andy Reid's press conferences are the worst. He always says the same exact things. His most common phrases are "I need to do a better job" and "I need to put the players in a better position." After the Buffalo game, he was so flustered and discombobulated that he used both phrases twice in the same sentence:
   
   "I need to do a better job of putting the players in a better position, and if I put the players in better position, I'll do a better job."
   
   Thanks, Andy. Oh, and here's something amusing from GameCenter concerning Big Red:
   
   HEY LOOK... IM THE PHILLYS COACH....DUH ,DUH, WHA ,WHA,WHAT DUH JUST HAPPENED! AND WHERE IS MY PU ,PU PU,PUDDING!!!!!!!
   
   
7. San Diego Chargers (4-1) - Previously: #11 - The Chargers are 4-1, and they're only going to get stronger until the playoffs when they'll choke at home in the playoffs again.
   
   
8. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-2) - Previously: #12 - I picked the Titans to cover for three units on Sunday. I was confident in my pick until all of the TV analysts selected Tennessee to win straight up. That's when I started to worry. It got worse when a news outlet reported, "Ben Roethlisberger (foot) was spotted limping badly during pregame warmups Sunday."
   
   I quickly typed the following down for future use: "UGH HE'S GOING to throw for 5,000 yards today"
   
   Five thousand yards, five touchdowns, same difference. Roethlisberger always pulls this crap. I'm beginning to think he fakes his injuries so his opponents take him lightly.
   
   
9. Oakland Raiders (3-2) - Previously: #13 - The last time the Raiders were in my top 10 was Week 2, 2003.
   
   Some interesting things from Week 2, 2003:
   
   The NFL's leading passers:
   
   - Tommy Maddox, 596 yards. 4 TDs, 3 INTs.
   - Quincy Carter, 589 yards. 1 TD, 2 INTs.
   - Brad Johnson, 577 yards. 3 TDs, 2 INTs.
   - Jon Kitna, 567 yards. 2 TDs, 4 INTs.
   
   Jamal Lewis led the NFL in rushing with 364 yards, thanks to his then record-setting, 295-yard performance against the Browns. Stephen Davis was second with 253.
   
   Laveranues Coles paced the NFL in receiving with 286 yards.
   
   The Bills, starting 2-0 with wins over the Patriots and Jaguars, were No. 2 in my power rankings behind the defending Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
   
   
10. Houston Texans (3-2) - Previously: #7 - I've knocked the Texans down a bit because they lost Mario Williams for the season.
    
    But don't start slitting your wrists just yet, Houston fans - the Colts and Jaguars stink, while Tennessee looked like crap against Pittsburgh with no Kenny Britt. You can still win the AFC South.
    
    

32. Miami Dolphins (0-4) - Previously: #28 - The Dolphins are pathetic. Not only did David Garrard turn them down; Jake Delhomme refused to sign with them as well. Jake freaking Delhomme. This is like getting rejected by the fat chick with pimples and braces. That's why they're the new No. 32 team.

31. St. Louis Rams (0-4) - Previously: #31 - Speaking of the Dolphins' quarterback woes, it was recently reported that Garrard didn't sign with Miami because "he simply didn't feel like playing right now." Garrard has denied this, so I called him up to get the real story:

Me: Hey David, thanks for joining me. Let's clear something up. Reports said that you didn't want to play football right now. A day later, you said that you do indeed want to play. Which is it?

David Garrard: I definitely want to play football right now. No doubt about it.

Me: OK, so why didn't you sign with the Dolphins?

David Garrard: Oh... yeah... so they told me that I have to practice Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and then play on Sunday. Wednesday's not a problem, but Community and The Office are on Thursdays. Sunday is Desperate Housewives. Friday is my recovery day.

Me: Recovery? From what?

David Garrard: My wife makes me take out the trash Thursday night after The Office. I need a break after that, especially when there are three bags.

Me: Can't you just DVR your shows and pay someone to take out the trash for you? You did sign a big contract several years ago.

David Garrard: I suppose that is true.

Me: OK, so go sign with the Dolphins.

David Garrard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Why not?

David Garrard: Because... because Miami is hot and Desperate Housewives and tired from trash and Community and potato chips and home and practice is hard and games are hard and film study is boring.

Me: So, in other words, you don't want to play right now?

David Garrard: That's not true! I want to play!

Me: So, go sign with the Dolphins.

David Garrard: Buuuuuuut I dooooonnnnttt wwwwaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Me: I guess we're at an impasse.

30. Indianapolis Colts (0-5) - Previously: #30 - How did the Colts blow a 17-0 lead? What happened to Curtis Painter in the second half? And why does Donald Brown suck so much? Frustrated forum member Dannythebeast posted the following in our live in-games thread:

Why the **** is Jacob Lacey still starting, yet Tryon gets ****ing cut. Either the Colts are tanking, or Lacey has Bill Polian and Jim Caldwell porn.

Ewww... an old guy and a chubby, mute guy banging? Matt Millen may find that appealing, but ewww...

29. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4) - Previously: #29 - Blaine Gabbert's not ready to start. The Jaguars should sign a veteran so they can sit Gabbert until he's ready to play. The best quarterback available on the market is David Garrard. The Jags should sign that guy.

28. Arizona Cardinals (1-4) - Previously: #24 - If you get blown out by a Donovan McNabb-quarterbacked team, you deserve to move down in the power rankings. Remember when Arizona was -3 AT Seattle in Week 3? How ridiculous does that spread seem now?

Loved this GameCenter post in the Arizona-Minnesota thread, by the way:

Ive said it before and I'll say it again...KOLB S U C K S. He was NOT worth trading DRC, draft pick and $$$$. ANOTHER S T U P I D Cardinal from office move. Ken Whiz is a d u m b a s s ...Kurt Made him look like a genius.

27. Cleveland Browns (2-2) - Previously: #26 - The Browns are coming off a bye, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. "Andy Reed is a joke. First let Vick run the swak ball then dont give it to your best player McCoy and then they wonder why they loose 4 straight. lol Reed get a clue, give it to McCoy and the rest will follow."

Hey, hey, hey, Andy "Reed" is not cool and doesn't know what "swak ball" means, so cut him some slack.

2. "DIZ WAS A GREAT GAME IM HAPPY ALEX SMITH DIDNT THROW ANY INTERCEPTION. BRIAN WESTBROOK N VERON DAVIS KILL IT."

Using the word "DIZ" is a clear indication that you're a white male living in your parents' suburban basement. And Brian Westbrook? You on crack, son?

3. "benson is better look at his career stats and u will see benson has better stats then mjd!!Benson will show you on sunday dont trip!!WHO DEY!!!!!!"

Entering Sunday's game, Maurice Jones-Drew had 5,639 rushing yards and 55 touchdowns. Cedric Benson had 5,050 rushing yards and 26 touchdowns. Jones-Drew's stats are clearly better - unless you're on GameCenter and use cool terms like "diz," "swak" and "dont trip."

26. Seattle Seahawks (2-3) - Previously: #32 - Poop Salad and Clipboard Jesus just beat Top-Five NFL Quarterback. Unreal.

25. Denver Broncos (1-4) - Previously: #25 - Last week, I wrote:

The electronic sign didn't convince John Fox to start Tim Tebow.

Nice try, Bronco fans. Next time, try something more drastic. I don't know, maybe like buying (renting?) an elephant, getting it "excited," having it splooge all over Fox's car, dipping your finger into the substance and writing "TEBOW MUST START." That might get Fox's attention. <

I told you the elephant would work!

On a related note, I HATE this cliche: "If you listen to the fans, you end up sitting with them."

That's completely bogus. With 24-hour sports networks, and tens of thousands of sports Web sites and blogs, fans (excluding the ones on GameCenter) are more educated than ever. Denver fans knew Kyle Orton sucked, and they knew Tebow would do a better job... and yet John Fox and John Elway sabotaged their 2011 season by not trading Orton away for a mid-round pick and keeping Tebow benched. Maybe they should have listened to the fans sooner.

Despite numerous instances that prove otherwise, pompous ESPN analysts like Trent Dilfer keep spitting out that dumb, tired cliche. It has to stop.

24. Minnesota Vikings (1-4) - Previously: #23 - Good God, Donovan McNabb sucks. Not only is he completely done; he refuses to let the coaching staff help him when they suggested that he should fix his mechanics. This sparked a funny exchange between forum members Ragnarok and Leelee:

Ragnarok: Frazier is clearly only doing this because McNabb is a black quarterback, and this is all racist! It's cause he is black that they think he needs to work on his footwork. I can't believe this, I bet they'd never try to correct a white quarterback's technique. McNabb has done nothing wrong, he's just the victim of typical NFL racism. This is ridiculous.

Leelee: How will Tom Jackson break this to his kids?

Ragnarok: Yes, it is the true tragedy in today's NFL. Next thing you know, Toure will be writing an article about this. Then you know it's legit.

23. Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) - Previously: #27 - Beloved GameCenter poster Taton had this to say during the Colts-Chiefs game:



Poor Taton. He probably cried himself to sleep Sunday night.


2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. New York Giants (3-2). Previously: #6
12. Dallas Cowboys (2-2). Previously: #16
13. San Francisco 49ers (4-1). Previously: #19
14. New York Jets (2-3). Previously: #14
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2). Previously: #8
16. Tennessee Titans (3-2). Previously: #10
17. Philadelphia Eagles (1-4). Previously: #15
18. Washington Redskins (3-1). Previously: #20
19. Chicago Bears (2-3). Previously: #17
20. Atlanta Falcons (2-3). Previously: #18
21. Carolina Panthers (1-4). Previously: #21
22. Cincinnati Bengals (3-2). Previously: #22

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   aaron 05-05-2013 04:39 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.243 (total posts: 1) 130     3 your an idiot if you think the jags are not ANY better coming out of this draft. Upgraded o line, secondary, two explosive offensive weapons, and they got the qb that you PROJECTED TO THEM as a UDFA. They're definitely a better team now then they were before the draft Tsk Tsk 05-05-2013 08:35 am xxx.xxx.xxx.174 (total posts: 1) 6     3 Doubting Adrian Peterson isn't a smart thing...I don't know if the Vikings are going to be any better this year or not, they have a very tough schedule and an early bye week, so I won't argue that. All I know is saying Adrian Peterson CAN'T improve off last year is a dumb statement. He was already the opposing teams main focus and he still put together a great finish to his season, so you can't say "Well people will gear up to stop Adrian more now" because that was already the case and it didn't work much. He also claims he should've had at least 200 more yards that he didn't break the tackle like he should've. Scott Mitchell 05-05-2013 12:52 am xxx.xxx.xxx.119 (total posts: 4) 4     3 @Wyatt Burp: The Lions are in their rightful place, permanently mired in the cellar of the NFC North. Walt's called it right about Stafford being an IR casualty with that POS OL. The only thing I'm looking forward to is if they finishe the season with Kellen Moore, or do they call me out of retirement? And with the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select... And whomever it is, it won't fulfill a need! KKTOMMY 05-04-2013 11:45 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.72 (total posts: 1) 8     30 REALLY????YOU HAVE A NICE SITE AND SEEM TO KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT THE GAME BUT YOUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE SEAHAWKS CRUSHES ANY CREDIBILITY YOU MAY HAVE...THE SEABAGS ARE A JOKE...THEY WILL NOT WIN THEIR DIVISION AND ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE TALENT AND COACHNIG LEVEL OF SF OR ST LOUIS...THEY ARE THE 3RD PLACE TEAM IN THEIR OWN DIVISION....COME ON STOP DRINKING PETE CARROLL'S KOOL AID WALT... Ben 05-04-2013 02:05 am xxx.xxx.xxx4.20 (total posts: 1) 4     204 LOLOL at that saints being the sixth best team in the league??? They'll finish behind the falcons and panthers and probably behind the bucs. Payton's a good coach but Rob Ryan switching the d is gonna be an eff up. These rankings are garbage Doanethius 05-04-2013 02:03 am xxx.xxx.xxx7.15 (total posts: 1) 6     3 Heart problem? Hayden has never had a heart problem, he had a freak vascular injury that has virtually no risk of recurrence. You pretending to hold a medical degree now Walt? steelrain 05-03-2013 10:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.157 (total posts: 1) 6     3 horribly disappointing to see the review of the steelers drop in ranking, and then to see in the explaination--tweets from a miami dolphin, with questionable homosexual theory on what it is to be a gay person choice/birth...bad topic, on a player not even on the steelers roster for this year-with zero x and o explaination of the drop in rankings, on a team that lost 8 games, 6 of them by 3 points or less..with draft picks at certain positions..just as a sports page, would have enjoyed seeing more football talk, than the politclly correct tired talk of the gay issue in sports...some of us--don't care for any topic that doesn't directly affect what happens of the field...I mean--this is a sports forum first right? CHRKinRAL 05-03-2013 09:46 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.223 (total posts: 2) 3     3 Or, they look at it as they have given him every option available to be successful and they let him prove he is worthless. Get a 1 or 2 pick again next year and move on with a top pick in a better QB class next year. CHRKinRAL 05-03-2013 09:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.223 (total posts: 2) 5     3 @WyattBurp I would be willing to bet that Henne starts for the Jags this season. Not that he is much better, but he does keep his eyes open. And, a reach prediction, the kid from Arizona is the 2nd string by week 1. New regime is determined to remove the mistakes of the old. Blackmon is talented so he will get a pass for this BS, but he is going to lose out on his next contract for it. Dan 05-03-2013 09:23 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.229 (total posts: 1) 13     13 any reason why the vikes are 16th? a playoff team who hasn't taken any steps back, and had arguably the best draft... and you seriously have the dolphins and rams ahead of him... u messed these up pretty bad Jarvis Le'Veon Wheaton 05-03-2013 08:09 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.168 (total posts: 1) 16     3 Did you consider that maybe the Eagles brought in Chip Kelly because he interviewed well and there wasn't a lot of good head coaching candidates available? Another thing to consider, maybe Chip Kelly is smart enough to know how to run more than one offense. The fact that you think he's arrogant for refusing to explain what offense he'll run says a lot about you and your inflated sense of self worth. Why the hell would he give information that other teams could use against him when they play the Eagles? Because Walter of walterfootball will be salty if he doesn't? I'm also curious who you think Chip Kelly should have found to be his QB? Carson Palmer? Matt Flynn? Geno Smith? He's playing the hand the previous regime dealt him right now, he can't magic a QB into existence that will solve all the Eagles woes. Run-DMG 05-03-2013 07:24 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.11 (total posts: 7) 409     3 Really wish it was CharlieFootball because Walt is an ignorant, arrogant retard. Old Bill 05-03-2013 06:59 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.102 (total posts: 1) 50     3 Walt, you really need to get off Aqib Talib's dick. Ask any bucs fan, he wasn't that good. Did you see what Hicks did to him? I'm glad they disposed of him because when you need him most he's nowhere to be found, oh wait there is only proof of that in the playoffs and just about any game he plays in or is suspended from. Low impact position??? 05-03-2013 06:27 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.166 (total posts: 1) 27     4 As a ravens fan, if it wasnt for the impact Danelle Ellerbe gave the ravens defense by pressuring the QB with his superb timing and even sealing the ravens victory with that interception in the playoffs then ravens might not have won those games. Saying he's at a low impact position at MLB clearly shows you do not value players like Urlacher, Ray Lewis, Jonathan Vilma, Patrick Willis, etc. unislaya 05-03-2013 05:56 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.93 (total posts: 1) 7     347 Goodell is going to get #3PETE fired! Seattle will never be anything under Carroll - he will screw it up. Last year was as much luck for the SeaHacks as anything. SeaHacks won't be undefeated at home, and will stink AGAIN on the road. Pages: 1 23 4 5 ...108 109