2011 NFL Power Rankings: Week 3
Week 2 Top Fantasy Performers, Defenses

1. New England Patriots (2-0) - Previously: #1 - Tom Brady is on pace to throw for 7,520 yards and 56 touchdowns this year. I've discovered the secret to his success, and I'll reveal it in my Week 3 NFL Picks section.
   
   For now, an exchange between Jim Nantz and Phil Simms during the Patriots-Chargers telecast (thanks to Facebook friend Steve L. for this):
   
   Nantz: There's Rob Gronkowski, what do they call him?
   
   Simms: I don't know.
   
   (Silence)
   
   No wonder Chris Simms sucked.
   
   
2. Green Bay Packers (2-0) - Previously: #2 - The Packers surrendered the all-time rookie passing yardage mark to Cam Newton on Sunday. I think there are issues with this defense - especially with Nick Collins out for the year - but Aaron Rodgers doesn't seem to believe so. In the post-game press conference, he admitted that he was relieved to play Carolina this early, since it'll be scary once Cam Newton figures things out. He also said he was impressed with Newton about a billion times.
   
   Remember when every single NFL Draft analyst thought Newton really didn't deserve the No. 1 pick? I'd make fun of Mel Kiper, Mike Mayock and the Sun Tan Man, but I wrote this gem of Carolina's selection of Newton:
   
   [Newton] is not pro-ready at all either, which is a concern. Running a Looney Tunes offense at Auburn for one year did not prepare him for the NFL whatsoever.
   
   Whoops. Looks like everyone was wrong. More evidence that the NFL Draft is a complete crapshoot.
   
   
3. New Orleans Saints (1-1) - Previously: #4 - That stupid yard the Saints couldn't get last week could decide homefield advantage in the playoffs. If so, that's terrible news for New Orleans because I don't see them winning at Lambeau in January.
   
   At any rate, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. "YOU GUYS BETTER PREY AND HOPE WE DONT SEE YOU GUYS AGAIN IN THE PLAYOFFS"
   
   You better "prey" and hope that your English teacher doesn't give you a pop quiz this week.
   
   2. "the ravens are too ham told people that flacco was holdin back for week1 but chuck has not boy he is lettin them fly go Raven! "
   
   So "ham" means "good" in GameCenter slang. Can I presume that "green egg" means "bad?"
   
   3. "steelers stoel the todd heep thing when ben throws to the tight end"
   
   Forget Tony Gonzalez, Shannon Sharpe and Mark Bavaro. Throwing the ball originated when Kyle Boller and Joe Flacco threw to Todd "Heep" - and the damn Steelers stoel their idea!
   
   
4. New York Jets (2-0) - Previously: #6 - Poor Luke McCown. Thirty years from now, he'll still be having nightmares about his team's 32-3 loss against the Jets.
   
   I feel sorry for his wife too. She'll have to hear Luke mumble the following in his sleep for the next 50 or so years, "No... NO... No Darrelle Revis... don't intercept... don't intercept... my passes... my passes too weak... and inaccurate... REVIS!!! AHHH!!! REVIS!!! NOOOOO!!! SHUT UP JASON HILL!!! DON'T PROVOKE... DON'T PROVOKE REVIS!!!"
   
   
5. Baltimore Ravens (1-1) - Previously: #3 - I'm beginning to notice a pattern. Last year, the Ravens upset an AFC Championship participant in Week 1 and went on to suffer an upset on the road against the crappy Bengals the following game. This year, the Ravens essentially upset an AFC Championship participant in Week 1 and went on to suffer an upset on the road against the crappy Titans the following game.
   
   Note to Joe Flacco, Ray Lewis and the rest of the Ravens: Don't celebrate a Week 1 shocking victory by drinking heavily, having sex with hookers and snorting coke. Focus on your Week 2 game next time.
   
   
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) - Previously: #8 - Here's something interesting I discovered after Facebook friend Kyle A. told me that he bet the Titans because the Ravens were coming off a victory against the Steelers. Kyle believed that Baltimore had an abysmal record after defeating Pittsburgh.
   
   I looked it up, and it's not entirely true. The Ravens' spread record in this situation is 3-5, though they are 1-4 if they have to play on the road. The intriguing part is a similar trend that applies to all teams:
   
   All teams are 17-35 against the spread after beating the Steelers since 2001.
   
   Isn't that nuts? I'd make a joke about Ben Roethlisberger raping his opponents into submission, but that's silly. He wasn't around before 2004.
   
   
7. Chicago Bears (1-1) - Previously: #5 - I'm going to post my thoughts on the Bears' failed cover in my Week 2 analysis on the Week 3 NFL Picks page. Instead, a word on the stupid NFLShop.com commercial with Alyssa Milano.
   
   First of all, I've always hated these commercials. I despise the song, and the theme is stupid. I don't know many women who like football enough to wear football gear to begin with, and those who do are proud to simply own several jerseys. They're not going to wear that crap, even if Milano models it well.
   
   Second, where the hell did Milano go? This ad was at least somewhat bearable because we got to see her at the end. Now, they've replaced her with some short black woman with a lesbian haircut. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
   
   
8. Philadelphia Eagles (1-1) - Previously: #7 - QB Dog Killer has now made 14 starts with the Eagles. In his first seven starts, he had only one turnover. In the next seven starts, he's had 12 turnovers (seven interceptions, five fumbles).
   
   Overrated.
   
   
9. Atlanta Falcons (1-1) - Previously: #9 - Speaking of Philadelphia's quarterback, Facebook friend Dave P. brought up a great point:
   
   I'm baffled by the fact that Falcons fans are celebrating Mike Vick with signs like "we miss you." All he did in Atlanta was not earn his contract by not working hard, then he disgraced them with the dogfighting scandal. He also lied about dogfighting to the Falcons owner and Roger Goodell.
   
   I have a strong feeling that things will end poorly in Philadelphia as well.
   
   
10. Detroit Lions (2-0) - Previously: #10 - I'll move up the Lions soon. Beating the crappy Chiefs doesn't count.
    
    By the way, I really think Jamaal Charles' injury really epitomized how much Detroit has improved. The team is so tough that even the mascot is taking out the opponent's best player.
    
    

32. Seattle Seahawks (0-2) - Previously: #32 - The score may not show it, but the Seahawks were oh, so close to pulling the upset over the Steelers. They would have done so if Tarvaris Jackson didn't suck, and if the offensive line could actually block, and if Marshawn Lynch had running lanes, and if the defensive line could pressure the quarterback, and if the secondary could stop Mike Wallace. Seattle was THIS close.

31. Indianapolis Colts (0-2) - Previously: #30 - Beloved GameCenter poster Taton, an avid Colts fan, hasn't posted anything in three weeks. Here was the last thing he wrote on GameCenter:

coach Cadwell never learn from his mistake oh well Colts wont be good if Colts keep Cadwell

Perhaps Taton should coach the Colts instead of "Cadwell." Against the Browns, Indianapolis challenged a stupid 2-yard completion on 2nd-and-9. They won the review to put Cleveland in a 3rd-and-9 instead of a 3rd-and-7. Unfortunately, "Cadwell's" strategy failed, as Colt McCoy converted the first down on the next play anyway.

30. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) - Previously: #29 - Through two games, the Chiefs have 10 points and nine turnovers. Thank you @kranzicans for that stat.

By the way, for any Kansas City fan angry that Detroit ran up the score Sunday, please forgive Matthew Stafford and company. The Lions simply have never maintained a huge lead in the fourth quarter before, and they had no idea that it's frowned upon to keep throwing the ball.

29. Cleveland Browns (1-1) - Previously: #31 - I'm going to b**** and moan about the Browns covering the 2.5 at Indianapolis in my Week 3 NFL Picks, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. "I'M WORRIED ABOUT TOO MANY TACKLES MISS THE DEFENSE"

If ESPN hired Yoda, I'm pretty sure he would say something like this.

2. "2 bad teams going at it ... unfortinitly for NFC West I bet the only games that matters is the games vs Devision and eveything eles is so-so OVer-all"

I bet your parents wish your spelling was "so-so Over-all." That would be a huge improvement.

3. "be honest Packers and Panthers fans would i be better with Driver or Steve Smith at my line up"

You want honesty? You're a complete dumba** to go to NFL.com GameCenter for fantasy advice.

28. Minnesota Vikings (0-2) - Previously: #21 - I can't believe the Buccaneers came back and won. I gave up on my Tampa +2.5 zero-unit play.

It was really dreadful for the Bucs in the first half. They couldn't do anything. During the early games, forum member Hyperborean and I had a brief exchange:

Hyperborean: What's happening in Minnesota, other than the Bucs sucking?

Me: Bucs really sucking.

27. San Francisco 49ers (1-1) - Previously: #26 - E-mailer Harris M. alerted me that Rotoworld had the following blurb on Tony Romo following Dallas' victory over San Francisco:

Anyone questioning Romo's ability in late game situations needs to rethink their stance after tonight's comeback.

Ah, yes. Because a game against the crappy 49ers in which the Cowboys were favored should define someone's ability to perform in the clutch.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1) - Previously: #20 - Idiot Jags receiver Jason Hill talked trash this past week, calling the Jets and Darrelle Revis "overhyped." The kicker is that Hill didn't even play against New York on Sunday. Since he didn't get to back up his words on the field, I called him up for an interview:

ME: Hey Jason, thanks for joining me. You know I have to ask. Do you still feel like the Jets are overhyped?

HILL: Yes! The Jets are f***ing trash. Darrelle Revis is f***ing trash. New York is overhyped!

ME: Really? After that 32-3 drilling?

HILL: That's only because I didn't play. The Jets are f***ing trash.

ME: I just don't get how you can talk trash and not play. Have you no shame?

HILL: I don't need shame because Revis is overhyped and f***ing trash.

ME: Well, I have a surprise for you, Jason. I have Darrelle Revis here with me!

HILL: What!?!?!?!

REVIS: What's up, Jason?

HILL: Is that really you, Darrelle?

REVIS: Yes, it is. I hear you've been calling me and my team overhyped.

HILL: No! No... No! I swear, Darrelle! I haven't said anything of the sort! All lies!

REVIS: I just heard you say that I'm "f***ing trash!"

HILL: Please, Darrelle! Please, oh God! I didn't mean it! I was joking!

REVIS: It didn't sound like you were joking to me.

HILL: Darrelle, I beg you! I didn't mean to say it! I yield! Yield, I say! Yield! Please have mercy!

REVIS: Fine, fine. Whatever.

HILL: Oh, thank you, Darrelle! You are too kind! Too kind!

REVIS: Whatever, man. I'm going out to lunch. Thanks for having me on, Walt.

ME: No problem, Darrelle. See ya later. All right, Jason. Darrelle's gone, so we can end this interview.

HILL: Good! Because Darrelle Revis overhyped and f***ing trash!

ME: How'd I know you were going to say that?

25. Miami Dolphins (0-2) - Previously: #23 - One of the announcers on the CBS broadcast team had the following to say about the crowd at the Dolphins-Texans game:

It's so hot on the field that there are more fans on the sidelines than there are in the seats!

Guess all of this B-list celebs aren't selling tickets, eh? Somewhere out there, Celebrity Man just had a stroke reading that comment.

24. Cincinnati Bengals (1-1) - Previously: #24 - Andy Dalton was really impressive at Denver. Sure, he was playing a crappy Bronco defense missing Champ Bailey and Elvis Dumervil, but he looks like he could be really good in a year or two.

At any rate, here's a recap of the Giants-Rams game:

1. Despite losing 28-16, the Rams outgained the Giants by 61 yards. Sometimes yardage stats are misleading, but this one is not. St. Louis should have had the lead against New York, particularly in the first half. The problem was that the Rams kept making costly errors:

- Greg Salas muffed a punt in the first quarter, which led to a Hakeem Nicks touchdown.

- Sam Bradford threw a backward pass to Cadillac Williams, who dropped the ball. Cadillac didn't recognize that it was a lateral, opting to just stand around while New York linebacker Michael Boley scooped the ball up and ran 65 yards for a touchdown. As this happened, I posted the following in the forum:

What the ****, same ****ing bull**** as last week.

- The Rams had three possessions inside the Giants' 7-yard line in the first half, including a first-and-goal at the 1, yet they couldn't score a single touchdown. No one was able to get open.

- The second half of this contest featured countless drops by the St. Louis wideouts. Everyone had a hand in it, but Billy Bajema and Greg Salas were guilty of key drops in the fourth quarter that could have moved the chains on third down. Danario Amexander (3-122, TD) and Mike Sims-Walker (6-92) put together nice statistical games, but had issues getting open all night.

2. Bradford (22-46, 331 yards, TD) looked really comfortable in the up-tempo no-huddle offense in the first half. It was so effective that on one play, two New York defenders faked injuries to stop the action. I don't know why the Giants weren't penalized or a charged a timeout. This was one of many botched calls by the refs in what was a horribly officiated game.

The purpose of bringing up the no-huddle offense is that the Rams inexplicably went away from it. I have no idea why they did that. They had the Giants on their heels. It's like Josh McDaniels outsmarted himself.

3. The Giants were able to run the ball at will against the Rams, as Ahmad Bradshaw, Brandon Jacobs and D.J. Ware totaled 131 rushing yards on 34 carries. On the first drive, I posted the following on the forum, "Just run the ball, Giants." It was working so well there was no need to air it out. Coincidentally, Eli Manning tossed a pick on the next play. I replied to my own post:

Way to not listen to me, a**holes.

4. As for Manning, he was definitely better than last week, going 18-of-29 for 200 yards, two touchdowns and that pick. He still didn't look comfortable with his receivers though. This will be an issue against the Eagles and their elite cornerbacks, especially if Mario Manningham can't play coming off a concussion.

5. Facebook friend Steve T. posted the following on my wall:

For all you fantasy buffs out there: be sure to add Greg Salas in your points-per-dropped-receptions leagues!

23. Denver Broncos (1-1) - Previously: #27 - Of all the teams in these power rankings, I had the toughest time placing the Broncos. Their 24-22 victory over the Bengals was obviously unimpressive, but Champ Bailey, Elvis Dumervil and Brandon Lloyd were all out, and John Fox had to use Tim Tebow at receiver because he ran out of wideouts. At least that kept the fans from booing.


2011 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (1-1). Previously: #11
12. Dallas Cowboys (1-1). Previously: #12
13. Houston Texans (2-0). Previously: #13
14. Washington Redskins (2-0). Previously: #14
15. New York Giants (1-1). Previously: #15
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1). Previously: #16
17. Buffalo Bills (2-0). Previously: #19
18. Oakland Raiders (1-1). Previously: #17
19. Arizona Cardinals (1-1). Previously: #18
20. Tennessee Titans (1-1). Previously: #28
21. Carolina Panthers (0-2). Previously: #25
22. St. Louis Rams (0-2). Previously: #22

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   Dima 11-08-2011 09:21 am xxx.xxx.xxx88.5 (total posts: 2) 42     34 You know Walt, I'm tired of your insensitive drunk-bashing. Joe Namath won a Superbowl and he wasn't sober a day in his LIFE. BigPedro2078 11-08-2011 09:15 am xxx.xxx.xxx.253 (total posts: 2) 120     24 Still have the Eagles that high?? do you watch football??? Confused 11-08-2011 09:10 am xxx.xxx.xxx8.33 (total posts: 5) 50     33 So, the 49ers aren't higher because their last 2 wins weren't convincing enough, but the Ravens are #2 because their win over the Cardinals last week was so convincing...wait, no it wasn't. I guess losses to the Titans and Jags were better than 49ers wins by unconvincing margins vs Browns and Redskins. Maybe Baltimore should be higher because they have played a tougher strenght of schedule...oh wait, they haven't? Maybe their point differential over their opponents is better? No, not that either. So, pretty much this power rankings is like the ridiculous BCS where it doesn't matter how well you do, all that matters is your preseason rankings. Good thing the NFL has playoffs and doesn't rely on a ridiculous ranking system like this to decide who gets to play in the Super Bowl. Leo Fender 11-08-2011 06:45 am xxx.xxx.xxx.102 (total posts: 1) 61     65 Am I the only one who thought that LeSean McCoy was down by contact short of the goalline on his TD? Ryan B. 11-08-2011 05:56 am xxx.xxx.xxx9.46 (total posts: 1) 27     28 "Look, I don't want to disrespect the 49ers because of their record, but their previous two wins against the Browns and Redskins haven't been too convincing. They let both crappy squads hang around." Yet, you have them ranked #4? Steve 11-08-2011 05:08 am xxx.xxx.xxx8.88 (total posts: 1) 48     22 "If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the store to buy some rope so I can hang myself." I'd be worried about this but the way your picks have been this year we both know you can't afford it. Lance 11-05-2011 06:53 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.137 (total posts: 12) 29     27 Woah! Hold up there buddy! How the hell did the Eagles jump 9 spots to #6 after beating the Cowboys and owning a 3-4 record? andrew 11-03-2011 05:36 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.23 (total posts: 1) 35     32 you believe football is fixed?!? get a life . you completely destroyed your credibility. sounds like sour grapes that come with a bad gambling year. your biggest fan 11-02-2011 12:25 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.97 (total posts: 1) 29     27 Walt, I am curious to know what your $125 league payout looks like? As well as how many teams are in the league and whether or not you agree with your league's payouts. My friends and I have been arguing lately over our leagues payout (although it has already been established and will not be changed). The payments for our 10 team league are: regular season 1st place: 50 1st playoffs: 300 2nd playoffs: 150 I demand your instant feedback. -Son of the Fantasy God BOBO- hmmm... 11-02-2011 01:36 am xxx.xxx.xxx.201 (total posts: 1) 47     24 I just traded matthews and vjax for frank gore.. QB: Roth WR: Wallace, AJ Green, Lloyd, Victor Cruz RB: Foster, Gore, Blount TE: Fred Davis, Gronkowski Good trade? thumbs up yes, thumbs down no Mike Armstrong 11-01-2011 11:26 pm xxx.xxx.xxx9.39 (total posts: 1) 115     43 A team with a losing record is in the top 10 on your Power Rankings? Do I even need to say you're a complete joke at this point? Anyway if you want legit power rankings from REAL EXPERTS try nfl.com This guy clearly knows as much about football as Plaxico knows about gun safety. Ethan 11-01-2011 10:14 pm xxx.xxx.xxx6.81 (total posts: 1) 25     23 You have the Eagles at #5 and still say their overrated on your Picks page???? Rook 11-01-2011 09:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.230 (total posts: 9) 28     17 The Eagles in 6th? Riiiiight. Walt, I'm really surprised at you- you really are a homer under that veneer of analysis. Wrigleyfieldwest 11-01-2011 06:35 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.210 (total posts: 1) 30     21 This is a note to "Klunge" . Take a look at the Bears record - who they beat and who they lost to. Now look at their record this year and this time last year. Yes they were 4-3 and came off a bye and went on to win the division only to get knocked out by the Super bowl Champion Packers. They have pretty much the same team [ maybe even better ] than last year. The way the NFL has gone this year the only sure thing is the Packers. But what happens to them if Aaron Rodgers gets hurt ? I think it is either foolish/childish to write off any team with a winning record this early in the season. there is a lot of football to be played. After last year's Super Bowl [ won by a wild card team ], and the last 2 World Series - anything can happen . @bigryan 11-01-2011 05:22 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.126 (total posts: 9) 29     46 "Chargers will move up after they blow out the Chiefs. the sudden resurgence of KC is fools gold. wins over the Colts, Minn, and oak are nothing to talk about. The Raider Qbs threw the picks right at them. no choice but to catch and return them. Anyone would have won that game easily. SD will get healthy on them just like last year when they held the Chiefs to 50 yds of offense in SD." Your partly right, the Chiefs wins over Colts, Minn, Oak and SD are nothing to talk about. The Chargers are the worst team in the NFL. At least the Colts and Oakland lost their starting QBs, and Minn never had one. What's San Diego's excuse? Pages: 1 2 ...73 74 75 7677 78 79 ...108 109