32. Carolina Panthers (2-14) - Previously: #32 - Forum member "..." said the following during the Atlanta-Carolina game:
Clausen with a -0.2 ypa. Possibly a bigger wasted second-round pick than Dwayne Jarrett.
My response: No. Best second-round pick ever. A more competent quarterback wouldn't have allowed you to win the Andrew Luck sweepstakes.
31. Arizona Cardinals (5-11) - Previously: #28 - The Adventure of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask - season finale!
Anderson: Hic... hey mannnnnn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.
John Skelton: The people of Eternia will see you kneel before me, JUST before you die!
Anderson: I knooww yeerrrr trrickzzz. Yerrr not Skeltorrr yerrrr jusss John Skellllon.
Skelton: Crap. You're right. I'm just some rookie. OK, I agree to take a sip out of your flask.
*** Ten minutes later. ***
Skelton: Hic... hey mannnnnn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.
Anderson: Whaaaa??? Thaazzz what I sayy mannn.
Skelton: Not ayymorrree! Yeerrr gonnn bee cut. I'm taknn overrrr the fffflask. Hic.
30. Seattle Seahawks (7-9) - Previously: #31 - The No. 30 team in my NFL Power Rankings has made the playoffs. Unbelievable.
I don't think a 7-9 team should ever be in the playoffs - especially when a pair of 10-win squads in the same conference (Giants, Buccaneers) blew out that specific team and will be forced to watch the postseason at home this January.
I just don't get why the Seahawks deserve an automatic bid in the playoffs. Because they're the best team in their geographic region in one of the two conferences? They're 100:1 to win the Super Bowl! Eric Mangini has a better chance of dating Erin Andrews than the Seahawks do of going the distance.
29. Buffalo Bills (4-12) - Previously: #24 - A rare intelligent e-mail from a Bills fan (Ron C.):
As a Bills football fan, I enjoy your site. You have to excuse most Bills fans, since I have come across many in my life time. There is a good portion of them that know nothing about football at all. So I apologize for their ignorance, once again, regarding the fact they think Fitzpatrick will be a franchise QB.
Poor Bills. They need Andrew Luck. What they need to do is Photoshop Luck making out with some 14-year-old boy. This will force the Panthers and Broncos to pass on him to avoid negative publicity, allowing Buffalo to scoop him up. Once this happens, the Bills can announce that one of their former interns did this to avoid criticism.
I really don't see any flaws in this plan.
28. Denver Broncos (4-12) - Previously: #29 - As mentioned, Brandon Lloyd should have been a starter in the Pro Bowl. Unfortunately, this move may have cost him that spot (thanks to VBSiena for this):
Poor Brandon - rejected by a cheerleader, like some lowly Pokemon-playing nerd in high school.
27. San Francisco 49ers (6-10) - Previously: #30 - I love the fact that seemingly all of the 49er linebackers are wearing clubs on their hands. I would love to wear a club on my hand. I'd run around bashing everyone in the head with it. It would be a great time just as long as the police don't arrest me or anything.
26. Cincinnati Bengals (4-12) - Previously: #27 - Jerome Simpson, Chad Simpson, what's the difference?
Here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (the third from Kevin M.):
1. "TO THINK BACK ON ALL THEM PEOPLE SAYING WAT TILL VICK PLAYS A REDSKIN D HAHAHAHAA"
TO THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO LOG ON TO GAMECENTER AFTER DRINKING 20 BEERS HAHAHAHA.
2. "WOW... No Pun intended, but I watch every Pats game and I always get on here to see what other fans are saying, I have to admit, the dolphins front office better do something quick to make the fans happy. I have never seen so much negativity from a fan toward their team, coaches, players and front office. I feel bad for dolphin fans."
Forum member Sanchez posted this and asked, "Where's the pun?" My answer: Puns don't exist on GameCenter.
3. "wow if fischer aint fired after that one i dont no. they played buy COLLINS in his hover round will probably be back next yr. ATLEAST YOung has legs. not in a HOVERROUND . COLLINS GO HOME YOU YANKEE"
Wow, Titans fans have pretty low standards. All they want is a quarterback who has legs.
25. St. Louis Rams (7-9) - Previously: #20 - St. Louis' receivers, Sam Bradford, Jerome Boger and Steve Spagnuolo all were to blame for that ugly loss in Seattle. I sat down with Spagnuolo yesterday for an interview:
ME: Hey Steve, thanks for joining me. I need to ask why didn't you challenge those obvious calls in the Seattle game.
SPAGNUOLO: "I wasn't sure... They definitely weren't obvious."
ME: Are you kidding me? Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth nearly had an aneurysm when they saw some of Boger's shady calls.
SPAGNUOLO: "Ehh... ehh... I dunno... I hate challenging things... Hard to prove anything nowadays."
ME: Anything? Like If I said the sky is purple, you wouldn't throw the red flag?
SPAGNUOLO: "Ehhh... ehhhhhhhhhh... No no no no no no, can't do it!"
ME: So, if I said you like taking it up the rear end, you wouldn't challenge that either?
SPAGNUOLO: "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh... Maybe that wouldn't be so bad?"
ME: Come on dude... wait, Jerome Boger, what are you doing here?
BOGER: "After further review, jeeezth chritthh... I had no idea you were into that, Stevie. You will go back to my hotel room, jeeezztth."
ME: Challenge now, Steve! Challenge! You can do it!
SPAGNUOLO: "Ehhhhh... ehh... ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!"
BOGER: "The ruling on the field ith confirmed. Steve Spagnuolo will be my lover tonight, jeezztth chrithhh."
24. Tennessee Titans (6-10) - Previously: #25 - I wish I could include the Dolphins in my Bottom 10, but they're much better defensively than both the Titans and Redskins. So, these final two capsules will be about Miami.
The first is an e-mail from Tom R:
Here's an interesting tidbit for you as I now know why the Dolphins lose at home all the time. Ever since they sold pieces of the team to the likes of Gloria Estefan, The Williams sisters and that fag Marc Anthony, they show them every five seconds on the Jumbotron telling the fans to get their "FINS UP" by putting their hand over their head like it is supposed to represent a dolphin fin, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how f***ing intimidating! FINS UP EVERYONE, FINS UP!!!
If it wasn't for the four hours we spent at the Cheetah before the game and the hot chicks we did jello shots with I would say it was a wasted trip! See below pic of hot chicks!
Hey, if there are hot chicks involved, I will definitely put my "Fins Up" all night long, if you know what I mean.
23. Washington Redskins (6-10) - Previously: #23 - More Dolphins-related content because Rex Grossman sucks.
I cannot believe that Ronnie Brown was due a $500,000 bonus for 750 rushing yards this season. Really? Half a million for a very pedestrian 750 rushing yards?
Why can't I get these sort of incentives from FOX Sports? I demand they pay me $500,000 if I can use 55 commas, by, t,h,e, e,,,,n,,d,,,,, ,,,o,,,f,,, ,t,h,is,,,,, se,n,t,e,,,n,c,,,e,,,,,,,,,,,,.
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10-6). Previously: #12
12. San Diego Chargers (9-7). Previously: #13
13. New York Giants (10-6). Previously: #15
14. Oakland Raiders (8-8). Previously: #18
15. Kansas City Chiefs (10-6). Previously: #11
16. Detroit Lions (6-10). Previously: #19
17. Dallas Cowboys (6-10). Previously: #14
18. Minnesota Vikings (6-10). Previously: #16
19. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-8). Previously: #17
20. Houston Texans (6-10). Previously: #26
21. Cleveland Browns (5-11). Previously: #21
22. Miami Dolphins (7-9). Previously: #22
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