2010 NFL Power Rankings: Week 17
Week 16 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New England Patriots (13-2) - Previously: #1 - I must have been super drunk and/or high off cat urine a week ago because I heard Keyshawn Johnson say the following on Monday Night Countdown prior to the Vikings-Bears game: "I'm a skeptic of Tom Brady... Michael Vick deserves the right to be MVP."
   
   Really, Keyshawn? Brady hasn't done enough to earn your respect as an NFL quarterback?
   
   Luckily, Keyshawn later provided a list of things Brady needs to do to earn his respect:
   
   1. Win five more Super Bowls
   2. Win three more MVPs
   3. Bang 50 more supermodels
   4. Stand up to his wife so he can cut his hair
   5. Drown dogs while taking bets on how long they'd last
   6. Go to prison for two years
   7. Become a minority (Keyshawn said he'll only settle for black or Hispanic)
   
   
2. Green Bay Packers (9-6) - Previously: #8 - The Eagles seem to own the Falcons, so the two teams that have the best chance of defeating QB Dog Killer are the Saints and Packers. Sean Payton always beats Andy Reid, and with Aaron Rodgers fully recovered, Green Bay has the offense to outscore Philadelphia in a shootout.
   
   By the way, I think Packer fans will appreciate this exchange between two forum members in our Week 16 Live In-Game Thread:
   
   BobLoblaw: Oh, and I hope that Philly game gets postponed and has to be aired Monday night against the much better Saints/Falcons game. It would serve NBC and the league right for trying to promote a psychopath.
   
   Colts Homer: Brett Favre?
   
   
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-4) - Previously: #4 - I'm stating the obvious, but the Steelers have no chance if Troy Polamalu's not back for the playoffs.
   
   Speaking of the stud safety, Jeremy L. sent over the following e-mail:
   
   I swear to God, during the fourth quarter of this contest, I heard Joe Theismann refer to Troy Polamalu as "Terry Polamalu."
   
   You know, Theismann is incredible. Not only did he break the news that Jason Campbell would be head coach of the Cowboys next year; he was also first to report that Troy Polamalu legally changed his name to Terry Polamalu. Theismann, Adam Schefter has got nothing on you.
   
   
4. Baltimore Ravens (11-4) - Previously: #5 - Ray Lewis lived up to his word. He shut down the blind cat (Peyton Hillis), which cost me two fantasy championships (Andre Johnson's absence hurt too). FML.
   
   Anyway, let's go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter - a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com's GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. "tampa bay wont win dude baltimor outmatches u guys in all aspect betterdefence lol ed reed has 4 int since hes been back the past 4 games and bal offience is explosive with boldin mason tj and rayrice itll be a good game itll be bal 27-20 but josh freedom wont have a 4th quarter comback this game"
   
   If I ever need to take a week off, I may hire this guy to write up my picks.
   
   2. "look at him in the mountains watchin football you lonley up there no friends lil tv no heat lol man the city is where it is i think ill go to the bar an wacth the game tonight"
   
   Yeah, people in the mountains have no TV, Internet, heat or friends. What a horrible life.
   
   3. "i;ll admit this was just 1 game , theres four more games left , but c' mon u guys just suxed 2 day not even a touchdown! lol"
   
   Suxed, the past tense of sux.
   
   
5. New Orleans Saints (11-4) - Previously: #6 - I'll cover the Saints-Falcons game in the next capsule, so a quick note on the playoff scenarios:
   
   In my Week 16 NFL Recaps, I mentioned that Tampa Bay would have control of its own destiny if New Orleans lost to Atlanta on Monday night. That's not true actually, so I have to apologize for that mistake. While at work, Awesome Kelly sent over a detailed e-mail correcting me Monday afternoon:
   
   Tampa Bay clinches a playoff spot:
   
   1) TB win + NO loss to ATL + NYG loss or tie
   2) TB win + NO loss to ATL + GB loss or tie
   3) TB win + NYG loss or tie + GB loss or tie
   
   I thanked Kelly for pointing this out. She replied:
   
   "If you can't tell, I’m working very hard today. I find playoff scenarios interesting."
   
   
6. Philadelphia Eagles (10-5) - Previously: #2 - WEDNESDAY UPDATE: The Eagles look terrible. Their offensive line blows, their defense has too many injuries and QB Dog Killer is banged up.
   
   I'll repeat what I tweeted (@walterfootball), "Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell, who's in charge of declaring state of emergencies, said the Eagles game should have been played."
   
   The final verdict: Most of the city received about 8-10 inches of snow. So, they canceled a freaking football game because of 8-10 inches of snow? Chicago and New England have suffered through much worse, and they didn't have to postpone anything. Why did this game have to be moved two days?
   
   As Rendell said, if Vince Lombardi were still alive, he'd be mocking the city of Philadelphia right now.
   
   
7. Atlanta Falcons (12-3) - Previously: #3 - As promised, here are my thoughts on the Saints-Falcons game:
   
   1. This was a really devastating loss for Atlanta. Even if the Falcons beat the Panthers and clinch homefield advantage, their supposed aura of invincibility in the Georgia Dome is gone. The Saints exposed the Falcons, and no team is going to be intimidated to go into Atlanta.
   
   2. The Falcons' defense played great until late in the fourth quarter. They blitzed non-stop and put tons of pressure on Drew Brees (35-49, 302 yards, TD, 2 INTs). However, they just couldn't bring down the defending Super Bowl MVP. Brees shook off so many Falcons that I tweeted, "Drew Brees has morphed into Ben Roethlisberger, the none-raping version."
   
   I meant to write "non-raping version," but I screwed up. My chance to post a legendary top tweet was ruined, and I now hang my head in shame.
   
   3. Two problems with Atlanta's offense: First, they can't do anything about this now, but the front office needs to find more weapons for Matt Ryan (15-29, 148 yards, TD). All Ryan has is Roddy White (3-43, TD). Tony Gonzalez (2-12) has lost it, and Michael Jenkins is one of the worst No. 2 wideouts in the NFL.
   
   Second, can the Falcons please stop running the ball on first down? Throwing the ball on first down is easier than any other down, yet Atlanta seemingly gave the ball to Michael Turner (17-48) on almost every first down.
   
   4. The Falcons had two crucial fumbles in this game. One gave the Saints a short field and a subsequent touchdown. The other was a fumble at the New Orleans 1-yard line. The Saints, however, had two key turnovers of their own (Brees' picks), so everything evened out.
   
   5. Let's talk about Matt Millen and Steve Young. Millen said the following after the game:
   
   It's that time of year you need to make great plays and your great players are the ones who are going to make great plays.
   
   It's like mad libs, but Millen keeps picking the same words.
   
   Immediately afterward, Steve said the following three quotes during the highlight reel:
   
   - Twenty-five teams don't have quarterbacks like Drew Brees.
   - Only three quarterbacks in the world can make plays like that.
   - Twenty-nine teams would run in that situation.
   
   As e-mailer Austin L. wrote, It's like a bad game of 99 beers on the wall.
   
   
8. Indianapolis Colts (9-6) - Previously: #13 - I forgot to mention this, but a few weeks ago, Bob Lamey, a Colts radio person, said that NFL defenses had "figured [Peyton] Manning out," and that Manning should be benched in favor of Curtis Painter. Lamey said that Indianapolis should draft Manning's replacement in 2011.
   
   How's that prediction working out for ya, Bob? Now, I've said some stupid things on the site, but nothing tops this.
   
   Recently, Lamey offered his opinion on how to improve the United States of America. Here was his checklist:
   
   1. "The Constitution doesn't work. Let's implement whatever the USSR used before they split apart."
   
   2. "The drinking age should be 4. I'm tired of walking to the liquor store. I want my 4-year-old kid to get my booze for me."
   
   3. "Not only should marijuana be legalized; it should be enforced. Everyone should have to smoke at least five joints every day."
   
   4. "No more airport security. If some shady, turban-wearing man with something concealed in his vest wants to get on a plane, let him get on the plane."
   
   5. "All women must fully clothed at all times in public."
   
   Of Lamey's suggestions, No. 5 is the worst, and it's not even close.
   
   
9. Chicago Bears (11-4) - Previously: #11 - Impressive win, but I still don't trust Jay Cutler and Mike Martz.
   
   Speaking of which, I must have been imagining things, but did ESPN really run a report on Sunday NFL Countdown about Martz becoming a head coach in 2011? Martz has done a great job with Cutler, but hiring him as a head coach would be like giving Matt Millen another shot at being a general manager. Any team that gives Martz a head-coaching job should be exiled from the NFL.
   
   
10. New York Jets (10-5) - Previously: #7 - So, Mark Sanchez is playing well, but the defense sucks? What's going on here?
    
    I guess I should be too surprised that things are bizarre in New York, given the weird Rex Ryan foot-fetish story.
    
    With that in mind, I'd like to thank forum member Red-Headed Step-Child for providing this hilarious image:
    
    
    
    

32. Carolina Panthers (2-13) - Previously: #32 - The Panthers are officially on the clock. If Andrew Luck declares, the No. 1 overall pick is a no-brainer. While it's unfair to judge any rookie quarterback playing behind a crap offensive line with no receivers (Steve Smith sucks), Jimmy Clausen is slow in making his reads and continues to show horrible body language.

Maybe Clausen can improve upon these things and become a decent quarterback down the road, but that's going to take a long time. Carolina needs to start over.

As for Luck, he can't possibly be stupid enough to go back to school after watching what happened to fellow Pac-10 quarterback Jake Locker. I know there are rumors that Luck wants to continue his education, but that's a bunch of crap. The only thing he'll learn at Stanford next year is that skipping the NFL Draft when you're projected to go No. 1 overall will cost you countless millions of dollars.

31. Seattle Seahawks (6-9) - Previously: #28 - The No. 31 team is playing for a postseason spot in Week 17? What the hell is going on here!?

Two thoughts on this:

First, the three quarterbacks the Seahawks have beaten since Oct. 24: Jimmy Clausen, Max Hall and Derek Anderson. They've lost to everyone else. Now you know why they're No. 31.

And second, great call by forum member ckane138 on the Rams-Seahawks game being flexed to Sunday night:

This is the NFL equivalent to the 65 vs. 64 game of the NCAA Tournament.

30. San Francisco 49ers (5-9) - Previously: #27 - I've dropped the 49ers down to No. 30 because some person named Tomsula will be the interim head coach next week. Sounds like some roided-up pro wrestler. Coincidentally, Tomsula looks like one.

The final nail in Mike Dingleberry's coffin (thanks to Facebook friend Greg A. for that nickname) was his ridiculous decision to keep switching between Alex and Troy Smith. He should have just picked one and stuck with him, unless there was a secret agenda behind his decision-making. Facebook friend William F. wrote the following:

So Troy Smith is starting... Think the 49ers are thinking if we can't beat teams, confuse 'em!?

See, that strategy would work if both quarterbacks didn't epically suck at life.

29. Denver Broncos (4-11) - Previously: #31 - Tim Tebow continues to dominate. Too bad he won't get much credit because Houston's defense sucks, but this was his second NFL start and almost every NFL Draft analyst thought he'd completely blow in the NFL.

Speaking of Denver quarterbacks, forum member GiantsFanMike asked the following question:

So who would we rather have? Jimmy Clausen or Brady Quinn?

Easy answer. I'd much rather have Quinn, so I can trade him for Peyton Hillis.

28. Arizona Cardinals (5-10) - Previously: #29 - John Skeletor is awesome. He's got a rocket arm, solid accuracy at times and great poise as he showed in that final drive against the Cowboys.

Oh, and he looks like this (thanks Rofldogs):



With that in mind, the Adventure of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask continues!

Anderson: Hic... hey mannnnnn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.

John Skelton: The people of Eternia will see you kneel before me, JUST before you die!

Anderson: Wahhhh!!!!

27. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11) - Previously: #30 - Unless Carson Palmer bombs in the finale, the Bengals almost have to bring him back despite his high salary, right? He was amazing against the Chargers.

At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (these are from e-mailer Kraig R. who sent over some posts from some guy named Thomas24882):

1. "cuz he go hert"

You should never make excuses - especially if no one can understand them.

2. "its that dam D of the broncos that ant doin there jobs not cuz of tebow tebow got two TD ortan cant doit. ortan sucks tebow is better thay just to play him more"

Kyle Orton used to be good - until he changed his name to "Ortan." Now he sucks.

3. "raiders r some cheeters"

Perhaps you should consider "cheeting" on your next spelling test.

26. Houston Texans (5-10) - Previously: #26 - Let's add Matt Schaub and Gary Kubiak as late Jerks of the Week candidates. On Monday, Schaub said that he knew all week that Andre Johnson would be out.

Thanks for screwing over thousands of fantasy owners, douche bag. But good thing that your strategy of concealing Johnson's injury worked against the... wait, you lost to the Broncos. Never mind.

25. Tennessee Titans (6-9) - Previously: #21 - As mentioned in my Week 16 recaps, the Titans put forth absolutely no effort in Kansas City. So, once again, I'm not going to say anything about them.

Moving on, I called in Mike Singletary and Troy Smith for an interview to find out what the two were arguing about on the sidelines:

ME: Hey Mike and Troy, thanks for joining me. I'm just going to sit back and let you talk it over. Maybe you can settle whatever argument you had.

SINGLETARY: "I want winners! Not this loser!"

SMITH: "But I am a winner, coach! I won at Ohio State!"

SINGLETARY: "That's why I started you, fool! You tricked me into thinking you were a winner! You're a loser!"

SMITH: "But when Jim Tressel's friends gave me thousands of dollars under the table, they all told me how awesome I was!"

SINGLETARY: "You're not a winner! You're a loser! I'm going to pull my pants down and shove my a** in your face!"

SMITH: "No, coach, please!"

SINGLETARY: "Smell my butt hole! Smell it!"

SMITH: "No, coach! I have this shiny Big Ten championship ring! Take it so I don't have to look at your hairy butt!"

SINGLETARY: "Shove the ring up my butt hole and I will consider it, loser!"

TED GINN: "Hey Troy, look at my towel! Look at my towel, Troy! Look at my towel!"

SMITH: "Get your towel away from me!"

GINN: "I returned a kickoff for a touchdown, Troy. Then I grabbed this towel and wiped my face. Look at the towel, Troy! Look at the sweat on the towel, Troy! Look at it! Feel the towel on your face, Troy!"

ME: Get the hell out of here, Ginn. You've cost me thousands of dollars over the years, a**hole!

24. Buffalo Bills (4-11) - Previously: #18 - I wonder what Stevie Johnson thinks about God now after dropping three passes against the Patriots.

I have a suggestion for Stevie: Instead of supporting God, why not worship Satan? God clearly hates you. Satan will love you. He has the ability to improve your hands. He'll make sure you never drop another ball ever again.

If Stevie sides with Satan, by the way, I think we can expect Buffalo's first-round pick to be used on Saddam Hussein, who will undoubtedly engage in a gay relationship with the dark lord. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

23. Washington Redskins (6-9) - Previously: #25 - Rush Limbaugh was right all along. The media wants Donovan McNabb to succeed. The evidence was there on this week's Sunday NFL Countdown when all five members of the panel actually said stuff like, "How dare the Redskins treat Donovan McNabb this way?"

I really hope Cris Carter, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Ditka, etc. read the following paragraph. I'm going to hit the caps lock to emphasize it:

DONOVAN MCNABB SUCKS. HE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. HE WAS ONE OF THE WORST STARTING QUARTERBACKS ALL YEAR. HIS ACCURACY BLOWS. HE CHOKES IN THE CLUTCH. HE STINKS. HE'S HORRIBLE. HE'S GARBAGE. REX FREAKING GROSSMAN OUTPERFORMED HIM. NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES AND WHOM HE'LL THROW TO, MCNABB WILL BE NOTHING MORE THAN MEDIOCRE. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE HE BLOWS. HE WAS ALWAYS OVERRATED BY THE MEDIA, AND NOW THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE ANDY REID MASKING HIS WEAKNESSES, HE HAS BEEN EXPOSED. SO STOP SUCKING HIS C***, ESPN. MCNABB SUCKS!!!

Think that's clear enough?


2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Kansas City Chiefs (10-5). Previously: #14
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6). Previously: #17
13. San Diego Chargers (8-7). Previously: #10
14. Dallas Cowboys (5-10). Previously: #12
15. New York Giants (9-6). Previously: #9
16. Minnesota Vikings (6-9). Previously: #22
17. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-7). Previously: #15
18. Oakland Raiders (7-8). Previously: #16
19. Detroit Lions (5-10). Previously: #23
20. St. Louis Rams (7-8). Previously: #24
21. Cleveland Browns (5-10). Previously: #19
22. Miami Dolphins (7-8). Previously: #20

Leave a comment Name Comment Verification: click on image to refresh it   WhistlingMtn 11-09-2011 01:46 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.196 (total posts: 1) 15     18 B, I just enjoy how for Baltimore, losing to the Jaguars and then needing to come back from a massive deficit to defeat the Cardinals is better than solidly outperforming the Browns and Redskins and never being close to losing. Creative logic. B 11-09-2011 01:20 pm xxx.xxx.xxx7.82 (total posts: 1) 16     15 The reason the Niners are not number 2 is because they were not good last year.. That is the reasoning for Walt ranking them number 4 and for anyone else who thinks they arent good. While the niners were 5-1 they had beaten the teams with the most wins in the league. They cant help it if they get scheduled to play against the browns and redskins. Rook 11-09-2011 02:57 am xxx.xxx.xxx.230 (total posts: 9) 26     28 Born and bred Philadelphian you are indeed, Walt. How many losses will it take before you start ranking the perpetually underperforming Eagles lower? Every time that the Eagles manage a win, you join with every media prognosticator in rocketing the Eagles up the charts above their record, proclaiming that they've finally gotten it together. Then they lose again and they drop a spot or two- perhaps. For God's sake, man- I'm a Bucs fan. I know what it is to love a team that constantly trips over itself and destroys your hopes. I know what it is to blind yourself to their faults. Think for a moment how much talent that Eagles squad of yours has, and reflect for a moment on how hideously incompetent my own squad has often appeared this year. Then reflect on the fact that despite all of that talent, the Eagles are 3-5, while the Bucs, the youngest team in the NFL who have played awful football for a great portion of the year, are 4-4. The Eagles- despite the talent on their roster, despite their potential, despite your love for them, despite the rationale that surely soon they must deliver- are overrated. They aren't going to turn it around. The first step is acceptance. Andy Dalton 11-09-2011 12:24 am xxx.xxx.xxx.170 (total posts: 1) 147     21 How are the Bills above the Bengals? Cmon Walt, even the tards at ESPN know to put the Bengals in the top 10. biggshow 11-09-2011 12:23 am xxx.xxx.xxx.195 (total posts: 1) 18     16 Drop Mike Williams TB for Jacoby Ford? Zeekmo 11-08-2011 11:44 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.117 (total posts: 5) 22     22 Cardinals still behind the Rams, huh? I guess that thing called "PLAYING THE GAME" doesn't mean anything anymore, does it? Might as well give the Eagles the Super Bowl then, since they've got the most talent on paper Knowledge God 11-08-2011 10:06 pm xxx.xxx.xxx9.30 (total posts: 4) 64     45 The 49ers are good, and they'll obviously make the playoffs, but they're not a legitimate Super Bowl threat. Alex Smith will still get raped by quality defenses, not to mention their only victories over +.500 teams this year were against the actually-not-that-good Lions and the not-as-good-as-their-record Bengals. SF has a great defense, a solid O-Line, Frank Gore, and most importantly, a coach with a new playbook. They were also unbelievable against the Bucs. But they're not the #2 team in the league, nor will they be for the foreseeable future. Knowledge God 11-08-2011 07:04 pm xxx.xxx.xxx9.30 (total posts: 4) 15     28 David likes when a well-endowed man sprays White Happy Juice all over his ugly face. @@ 11-08-2011 03:57 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.136 (total posts: 1) 139     32 Confused is all butt hurt down there because the 49ers are ranked 4th. Who have they played? There quaterback hasn't once proven himself and there only offensive threat is Frank Gore. But hey, We will see on Thanksgiving who truly deserves that #2 spot. David 11-08-2011 03:34 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.230 (total posts: 1) 139     25 Walt's jokes that are not funny anymore ... Matt Millen, Derek Anderson, Kevin Reiley, the fantasy draft thing (never was funny), and the spam email thing. Walt's jokes that are always funny: Emmitt Smith, making fun of inept announcers. Walter, I'm just saying, there are so many untapped NFL personalities to make fun of. How about Gruden, Ditka, Chris Carter ... the list goes on and on. I like the Chris Simms bit. Just try not to overdo it and use it every single day. Your Millen joke is seriously so old and overdone I can barely even stand this site anymore. Baylor's Blake Griffin? 11-08-2011 02:46 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.151 (total posts: 1) 58     19 Blake Griffin, the overrated Clippers forward/rookie of the year somehow? Or are we talking about Robert Griffin? The shockingly talented grad student that'll skip NFL for law school more than likely. Because there's no way he can do both. Nick 11-08-2011 02:16 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.198 (total posts: 1) 86     21 There are four people to blame for the Browns mess. 1. Mike Holmgren--Apparently instead of hiring the best candidate he had to hire the best candidate that had ties to him. You realize that we only interviewed three! people for this job? Perry Fewell was the token minority candidate and Mike Mularkey turned the Browns down after interviewing. Plus they fired Mangini who wasn't liked in Cleveland but you gotta admit that his teams were disciplined and prepared. I think he needed another year to turn this around. 2. Tom Heckert--For all of the above plus trading up for Hardesty. 3. Pat Shurmur--Really? How can the Browns hire every emotionless head coach with completely different front offices every time a change is made? He sucked as an OC for the Rams last year as Sam Bradford led the league in YPC. Now he doesn't even have an OC and is sucking at two jobs. We ran on 11 straight first downs on Sunday. How could anyone be that stupid when your starting running back is Chris Ogwhatever. Not looking for trick plays but we should be catering to the strengths of the players on the team instead of pounding the square peg into the round hole with our playbook that doesn't suit; the offensive line, the quarterback, the receivers, and the running backs. 4. Colt McCoy--He can't handle the blitz. Look what Alex Smith is doing at the blitz this year. If you burn a team when they blitz, guess what happens? They stop blitzing. If you keep getting knocked around making wayward passes when the defense blitz guess what happens? They blitz on every play. He doesn't check down to a pass when there is 10 people in the box! Now maybe that isn't his fault as maybe he isn't allowed. But don't you think maybe it's time to challenge some authority when you eat dirt on every play? Holmgren is a hell of a coach but he was a god awful GM/Front Office Personnel Evaluator in Seattle who had the role taken away from him. Why in God's name did they give him all this power? Nick Bradley 11-08-2011 01:37 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.226 (total posts: 1) 31     27 Niner hater! the 49ers were up 19-3 with 4 minutes to go and let the Skins get a garbage TD. 19-3 in a game with two good defenses is a blowout. Think before you write Against the Browns, we were up 17-3 with 6 minutes to go when Cribbs got a garbage TD. Again, think before you write. Wharthog 11-08-2011 01:30 pm xxx.xxx.xxx4.22 (total posts: 3) 19     17 I tried understanding why the kielbasa comment was so funny and I finally realized it was because you never hear of anyone eating kielbasa any more. It's always used in conversation when someone is shoving it up someone's nether regions. This is not a good thing if your livelihood is impacted by kielbasa sales. Potter 11-08-2011 12:49 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.109 (total posts: 1) 20     17 That rant was that of a frustrated fan who doesn't understand Football on the business side. Everyone saw what Colt McCoy could do against first teamers when he had protection, it is painfully obvious that the Browns' offensive line has regressed every week since the preseason started. Another problem is that there is no offensive coordinator and Pat Shurmer is spreading himself too thin, he needs to hire someone and not burn himself out. Pages: 1 2 ...72 73 74 7576 77 78 ...108 109