32. Carolina Panthers (2-13) - Previously: #32 - The Panthers are officially on the clock. If Andrew Luck declares, the No. 1 overall pick is a no-brainer. While it's unfair to judge any rookie quarterback playing behind a crap offensive line with no receivers (Steve Smith sucks), Jimmy Clausen is slow in making his reads and continues to show horrible body language.
Maybe Clausen can improve upon these things and become a decent quarterback down the road, but that's going to take a long time. Carolina needs to start over.
As for Luck, he can't possibly be stupid enough to go back to school after watching what happened to fellow Pac-10 quarterback Jake Locker. I know there are rumors that Luck wants to continue his education, but that's a bunch of crap. The only thing he'll learn at Stanford next year is that skipping the NFL Draft when you're projected to go No. 1 overall will cost you countless millions of dollars.
31. Seattle Seahawks (6-9) - Previously: #28 - The No. 31 team is playing for a postseason spot in Week 17? What the hell is going on here!?
Two thoughts on this:
First, the three quarterbacks the Seahawks have beaten since Oct. 24: Jimmy Clausen, Max Hall and Derek Anderson. They've lost to everyone else. Now you know why they're No. 31.
And second, great call by forum member ckane138 on the Rams-Seahawks game being flexed to Sunday night:
This is the NFL equivalent to the 65 vs. 64 game of the NCAA Tournament.
30. San Francisco 49ers (5-9) - Previously: #27 - I've dropped the 49ers down to No. 30 because some person named Tomsula will be the interim head coach next week. Sounds like some roided-up pro wrestler. Coincidentally, Tomsula looks like one.
The final nail in Mike Dingleberry's coffin (thanks to Facebook friend Greg A. for that nickname) was his ridiculous decision to keep switching between Alex and Troy Smith. He should have just picked one and stuck with him, unless there was a secret agenda behind his decision-making. Facebook friend William F. wrote the following:
So Troy Smith is starting... Think the 49ers are thinking if we can't beat teams, confuse 'em!?
See, that strategy would work if both quarterbacks didn't epically suck at life.
29. Denver Broncos (4-11) - Previously: #31 - Tim Tebow continues to dominate. Too bad he won't get much credit because Houston's defense sucks, but this was his second NFL start and almost every NFL Draft analyst thought he'd completely blow in the NFL.
Speaking of Denver quarterbacks, forum member GiantsFanMike asked the following question:
So who would we rather have? Jimmy Clausen or Brady Quinn?
Easy answer. I'd much rather have Quinn, so I can trade him for Peyton Hillis.
28. Arizona Cardinals (5-10) - Previously: #29 - John Skeletor is awesome. He's got a rocket arm, solid accuracy at times and great poise as he showed in that final drive against the Cowboys.
Oh, and he looks like this (thanks Rofldogs):
With that in mind, the Adventure of Derek Anderson's Magic Flask continues!
Anderson: Hic... hey mannnnnn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.
John Skelton: The people of Eternia will see you kneel before me, JUST before you die!
27. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11) - Previously: #30 - Unless Carson Palmer bombs in the finale, the Bengals almost have to bring him back despite his high salary, right? He was amazing against the Chargers.
At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (these are from e-mailer Kraig R. who sent over some posts from some guy named Thomas24882):
1. "cuz he go hert"
You should never make excuses - especially if no one can understand them.
2. "its that dam D of the broncos that ant doin there jobs not cuz of tebow tebow got two TD ortan cant doit. ortan sucks tebow is better thay just to play him more"
Kyle Orton used to be good - until he changed his name to "Ortan." Now he sucks.
3. "raiders r some cheeters"
Perhaps you should consider "cheeting" on your next spelling test.
26. Houston Texans (5-10) - Previously: #26 - Let's add Matt Schaub and Gary Kubiak as late Jerks of the Week candidates. On Monday, Schaub said that he knew all week that Andre Johnson would be out.
Thanks for screwing over thousands of fantasy owners, douche bag. But good thing that your strategy of concealing Johnson's injury worked against the... wait, you lost to the Broncos. Never mind.
25. Tennessee Titans (6-9) - Previously: #21 - As mentioned in my Week 16 recaps, the Titans put forth absolutely no effort in Kansas City. So, once again, I'm not going to say anything about them.
Moving on, I called in Mike Singletary and Troy Smith for an interview to find out what the two were arguing about on the sidelines:
ME: Hey Mike and Troy, thanks for joining me. I'm just going to sit back and let you talk it over. Maybe you can settle whatever argument you had.
SINGLETARY: "I want winners! Not this loser!"
SMITH: "But I am a winner, coach! I won at Ohio State!"
SINGLETARY: "That's why I started you, fool! You tricked me into thinking you were a winner! You're a loser!"
SMITH: "But when Jim Tressel's friends gave me thousands of dollars under the table, they all told me how awesome I was!"
SINGLETARY: "You're not a winner! You're a loser! I'm going to pull my pants down and shove my a** in your face!"
SMITH: "No, coach, please!"
SINGLETARY: "Smell my butt hole! Smell it!"
SMITH: "No, coach! I have this shiny Big Ten championship ring! Take it so I don't have to look at your hairy butt!"
SINGLETARY: "Shove the ring up my butt hole and I will consider it, loser!"
TED GINN: "Hey Troy, look at my towel! Look at my towel, Troy! Look at my towel!"
SMITH: "Get your towel away from me!"
GINN: "I returned a kickoff for a touchdown, Troy. Then I grabbed this towel and wiped my face. Look at the towel, Troy! Look at the sweat on the towel, Troy! Look at it! Feel the towel on your face, Troy!"
ME: Get the hell out of here, Ginn. You've cost me thousands of dollars over the years, a**hole!
24. Buffalo Bills (4-11) - Previously: #18 - I wonder what Stevie Johnson thinks about God now after dropping three passes against the Patriots.
I have a suggestion for Stevie: Instead of supporting God, why not worship Satan? God clearly hates you. Satan will love you. He has the ability to improve your hands. He'll make sure you never drop another ball ever again.
If Stevie sides with Satan, by the way, I think we can expect Buffalo's first-round pick to be used on Saddam Hussein, who will undoubtedly engage in a gay relationship with the dark lord. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
23. Washington Redskins (6-9) - Previously: #25 - Rush Limbaugh was right all along. The media wants Donovan McNabb to succeed. The evidence was there on this week's Sunday NFL Countdown when all five members of the panel actually said stuff like, "How dare the Redskins treat Donovan McNabb this way?"
I really hope Cris Carter, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Ditka, etc. read the following paragraph. I'm going to hit the caps lock to emphasize it:
DONOVAN MCNABB SUCKS. HE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. HE WAS ONE OF THE WORST STARTING QUARTERBACKS ALL YEAR. HIS ACCURACY BLOWS. HE CHOKES IN THE CLUTCH. HE STINKS. HE'S HORRIBLE. HE'S GARBAGE. REX FREAKING GROSSMAN OUTPERFORMED HIM. NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES AND WHOM HE'LL THROW TO, MCNABB WILL BE NOTHING MORE THAN MEDIOCRE. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE HE BLOWS. HE WAS ALWAYS OVERRATED BY THE MEDIA, AND NOW THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE ANDY REID MASKING HIS WEAKNESSES, HE HAS BEEN EXPOSED. SO STOP SUCKING HIS C***, ESPN. MCNABB SUCKS!!!
Think that's clear enough?
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Kansas City Chiefs (10-5). Previously: #14
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6). Previously: #17
13. San Diego Chargers (8-7). Previously: #10
14. Dallas Cowboys (5-10). Previously: #12
15. New York Giants (9-6). Previously: #9
16. Minnesota Vikings (6-9). Previously: #22
17. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-7). Previously: #15
18. Oakland Raiders (7-8). Previously: #16
19. Detroit Lions (5-10). Previously: #23
20. St. Louis Rams (7-8). Previously: #24
21. Cleveland Browns (5-10). Previously: #19
22. Miami Dolphins (7-8). Previously: #20
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