32. Buffalo Bills (0-7) - Previously: #32 - Poor Bills. I'll let e-mailer Joe B. handle this one:
I know how much you love to poke fun at my hometown Bills, and deservedly so. I thought you'd enjoy some of these comments I heard today:
1. On the Bills radio pregame, Vic Carucci of NFL.com was discussing how impressed he has been with the play of Ryan Fitzpatrick. He even went so far as to say that perhaps the Bills should forego taking a QB in the first round of the draft this year, stating that rookie QBs just don't make immediate impacts on teams and take them to the playoffs in this day and age. Apparently he's never heard of Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco or Mark Sanchez.
Bills play-by-play man John Murphy then opined that Fitzpatrick should make the Pro Bowl this year. Great idea. I'm sure lots of QBs from winless teams who constantly try to run on 3rd-and-18 when their primary read can't come open within 2 seconds go on to make the Pro Bowl.
2. During the Bills-Chiefs broadcast on CBS, unbearably bad announcer Gus Johnson (who seems like he's pretending to get overly excited during every play) constantly praised Fitzpatrick, at one point referring to him as a "gunslinger". On one play after a check down for about a 3-yard gain, Johnson screamed at the top of his lungs "WHAT A GREAT THROW!"
3. More Gus Johnson; you will LOVE this one. On the final play of regulation, after an absolutely brutal interception by Fitzpatrick, Kansas City lined up for a desperation Hail Mary play to try to win the game without needing overtime. From their own 40 I joked with my friends that if the Chiefs wanted this throw to go past the 20 yard line they should bring in Brodie Croyle to replace Matt Cassel. However, Gus Johnson set us straight by reminding viewers that "MATT CASSEL IS KNOWN FOR HIS GREAT SKILL AT THROWING THE DEEP BALL!"
31. Carolina Panthers (1-6) - Previously: #31 - It's really a shame that John Fox is sacrificing Carolina's future in a futile effort to pad a couple of more wins on his resume. I used to like Fox, but based on what he's doing now, he should never get another head-coaching position on any level. Not even Pee Wee Football.
By the way, I have to wonder if Fox is such a douche that he pulls this kind of crap at home with his family. I can see it now...
Fox: Hey, teenage daughter, I'm taking out all of the money I've saved up for your college tuition.
Fox's Daughter: Why, daddy!?
Fox: I'm going to use it all on Mandarin lessons. Hey, you never know if some football team in China will hire me to be their head coach!
Mandarin, Matt Moore... I'm not sure which one's worse.
30. Denver Broncos (2-6) - Previously: #27 - If you've been reading this site for a while, you know that I've received countless hate mail from Broncos fans because I've continuously bashed Josh McDaniels and all of the idiotic moves he's made.
Well, that's finally coming to an end. In fact, here's an e-mail from Tim:
Walt, In response to all of the pro-Bronco emails I've sent to you over the past three or so years... I stand corrected.
29. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) - Previously: #30 - I found it interesting that most of the 84,000 British people at Wembley Stadium were cheering for San Francisco and booing Denver.
Were they all die-hard 49er fans? Did they want to root for San Francisco because they saw red uniforms, which reminded them of the Redcoats? No. The people in England are just football-savvy and fully aware of how much of a douche Josh McDaniels is.
28. Arizona Cardinals (3-4) - Previously: #28 - Derek Anderson's plan to re-take the starting quarterback gig has worked! Here's how it went down:
Anderson: Hic... hey mannn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.
Hall: No thank you, sir! I am a Mormon so I don't drink alcohol!
Anderson: This issss not hic alcohol, mannnn! Thisss is a sssecret drink that willll make you play beettterrr, hic!!!
Hall: Okie dokie! You're the veteran, so I trust you!
Poor Max. The lesson as always, never trust a drunken quarterback.
27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) - Previously: #26 - Blah, blah, blah, Carson Palmer sucks, blah, blah, blah.
Someone else who sucks now is Randy Moss, who hasn't done crap this year. After the New England game, Moss told the media that he wasn't planning on answering any more questions unless they came from himself. Fortunately, I was able to secure an exclusive interview with Moss on Sunday night:
ME: Hey Randy, thanks for joining me.
MOSS: "I'm not answering any of your questions, homey."
ME: But you said you would! I traded a third-round pick for the right to interview you!
MOSS: "I'll be answerin' my own questions, round hmyall. Randy, what's your favorite color? Yellow. Bam. Next question."
ME: Umm... what?
MOSS: "Randy, what's your favorite meal? Hamburger. Bam. Next question."
ME: Come on R...
MOSS: "Randy, what's your favorite laptop brand? HP. Bam. Next question."
MOSS: "Randy, what's your favorite tampon brand? Playtex. Bam. Next question."
ME: Tampon brand? How do you know about t...
MOSS: "Randy, where can one easily meet young boys? Midwich Elementary School because they don't have security. That's what Brad Childress told me. Bam. Next question."
MOSS: "Randy, why are you such a douche? Well, umm... that goes back to my childhood. I never really had any friends except for this fat kid. No girls ever liked me either. So, I just sort of started hating the world, which put a huge chip on my shoulder. I want everyone to pay. I want everyone to know how wrong they were to doubt me. I want to kill everyone!!!"
ME: Holy crap!
MOSS: "Bam. Next question."
ME: Umm... I'm thinking this interview should end.
MOSS: "It'll end when I say it'll end! Roarrrrrrr!!!"
ME: I think I just peed my pants.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4) - Previously: #29 - I received two pieces of hate mail from Jaguar fans over the weekend. One was long and sounded like this:
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE HOW DARE U SAY GARRARD IS FAT AND THE JAGUARS DON'T TRY HARD RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE
The other one was much shorter:
Come on. Give credit where credit is due. Garrard has 15 TD's which is tide for 2nd in the league!
(Insert GameCenter joke here.)
25. Cleveland Browns (2-5) - Previously: #25 - The Browns were on a bye, so more on the 49ers-Broncos game in England:
The NFL really must not want the British to like football. Of all the games they could have exported, they sent the 49ers and Broncos? Neither team was projected to be good this year; people just had San Francisco making the playoffs because of the craptastic NFC West. And everyone should have seen this Denver debaclation coming after that 2-8 finish last year.
Roger Goodell really must hate England. Why? I'm not sure. My guess is that he either hates Mr. Bean, or still holds a grudge about the British starting the War of 1812.
24. St. Louis Rams (4-4) - Previously: #24 - Sam Bradford looks great for a rookie, but let's not forget that he's only played one team above No. 16 in these current NFL Power Rankings (Chargers).
At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:
1. "why is steelers in here now?"
Philosophers have been debating this question for decades.
2. "man i hop we do good"
Hop to do good, skip to do bad. Sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.
3. "BUT WE GOT A TACKEL AND A COUPLE OF LB.. AND BRIAN MOSE TO THE MIDDLE LETS SEE HOW IT WORKS"
I've been on Google for 20 minutes, and I still can't figure out who Brian Mose is.
23. Dallas Cowboys (1-6) - Previously: #20 - The Cowboys take the Lions' spot in my Bottom 10. Ah, if only Matthew Stafford didn't get hurt in Week 1, my 9-7 prediction for Detroit might still have a chance.
To emphasize how far the Lions have come since the Matt Millen era, here's an exchange from last week's Monday Night Football pre-game show on ESPN (thanks to Jeff J. for this):
Stuart Scott: what is it that makes DeMarcus Ware so special, Matt?
Matt Millen: In a word, Stu, "great instincts."
2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Atlanta Falcons (5-2). Previously: #11
12. San Diego Chargers (3-5). Previously: #13
13. Miami Dolphins (4-3). Previously: #14
14. Kansas City Chiefs (5-2). Previously: #17
15. Houston Texans (4-3). Previously: #10
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-2). Previously: #19
17. Oakland Raiders (4-4). Previously: #21
18. Washington Redskins (4-4). Previously: #15
19. Seattle Seahawks (4-3). Previously: #18
20. Detroit Lions (2-5). Previously: #23
21. Chicago Bears (4-3). Previously: #22
22. Minnesota Vikings (2-5). Previously: #16