Chicago Bulls sign PG Derrick Rose to 5-year, $94.8 million extension
This is easily the best signing of the offseason. Rose is obviously the face of the franchise in Chicago, the hometown kid, reigning league MVP, and at only 23 years old, he will only get better and better. I also like the fact that under the new CBA, MVPs in their rookie contract are allowed to sign a larger than the max deal. That actually makes a ton of sense. See, something good did come out of the NBA lockout.
New Jersey Nets re-sign PF Kris Humphries to one-year, $8 million contract
The Nets were on the verge of entering the regular season with Shelden Williams as their starting power forward, and either rookie Jordan Williams or Dennis Horner as the main reserve. Ish. Humphries is coming off a breakout season with the Nets in which he averaged a double-double and is definitely an upgrade from Shelden Williams who will return to his more suited role of coming off the bench. He was seeking a multi-year deal, but instead will get another year to prove that last season wasn't a fluke and that he is deserving of a long-term contract. (See what I did there... I made through an entire analysis of Humphries' signing without mentioning the disaster that was his brief marriage to Kim Kardashian.)
Houston Rockets sign C Samuel Dalembert to 2-year, $13.7 million contract
Dalembert patiently waited his turn as the center dominoes fell with bigger names like Tyson Chandler, Marc Gasol and Nene finding their landing spots first. Hasheem Thabeet was the only true big man on a Rockets' roster with five power forwards, so Dalembert brings some needed size, experience, defense and shot-blocking abilities which the Rockets were obviously coveting based on their interest in trying to acquire Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum in the Chris Paul trade proposal.
Los Angeles Clippers sign PF Reggie Evans to one-year worth league minimum
Considering the Clips were entering the regular season with Brian Cook and Trey Thompkins as their main backups for Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan, they sorely needed to add depth up front. He will add physicality, toughness and rebounding inside, as he averaged 11.5 boards in 30 games for the Raptors last season. This is a great deal for the Clippers and a steal at the league minimum.
If the Bills QB is Mike Glennon, I'm driving right down to the Niagara River and jump off the Peace Bridge. And if Bills GM Doug Whaley does not keep Tyrod Taylor, I will drive Whaley down there and push him off the Peace Bridge. That's what us mafia people do if you do something stupid.