Bismack Biyombo is from the Congo, which is deep in the heart of the Brazilian rain forest. Speaking of which, I can't think of any South American-born basketball players who have thrived in the NBA, save for Manu Ginobili.
If you don't believe me, just Google Image search "South America NBA players." A movie with Brendan Fraser comes up on the second page. Brendan freaking Fraser. Yes - the fat guy from the Mummy movies. If you're associated with him, you know your career is doomed.
Well, look at the bright side, Bismack. At least your name is not Jan.
Yet another player I've never heard of. This is why the one-and-done rule sucks. NBA players should be forced to stay in school for three years. If the NFL can get away with it, I don't know why the NBA can't.
Why does Charlotte have a team? Didn't we learn from the Hornets failed experiment that the fans in Charlotte only like watching little boys play basketball? Are there any Bobcats fans reading this? Is anyone reading this?
Some more actual NBA Draft analysis: Jan Vesely has bust written all over him. Just look at his first name. Jan. This person is clearly a woman dressed like a man whose sole purpose is to infiltrate the NBA. This type of plan will not work for Arya Stark, and it certainly won't work for Jan Vesely. Jan. Ugh. How does anyone else not realize what's really going on here?
Everywhere I go, NBA Draft analysts are all saying that the Golden State Warriors love Klay Thompson. How does everyone know this? Was their general manager found whacking off to a picture of Klay in the bathroom?
Who's the bigger creep? David Kahn for making fun of Dan Gilbert's 14-year-old son who has a nerve disorder, or Gilbert himself for trying to win over the media by whoring out his son to represent his team in the NBA Draft lottery?
I'm not really sure - but ESPN definitely gets my vote as the Biggest A**holes award for going along with this nonsense. Quick, who am I? "What's not to like!? Heehee! What's not to like!? Haha! What's not to like!? Heehee! What's not to like!? Haha! What's not to like!? Heehee! What's not to like!? Haha! What's not to like!? Heehee! What's not to like!? Haha! What's not to like!? Heehee! What's not to like!? Haha! What's not to like!? Heehee! What's not to like!? Haha!"
Since Toronto doesn't matter, I'd like to talk about this Enes Kanter fellow that I mocked to Utah.
I thought of something the other day. If you put a P before Enes Kanter's name, you get Penes Kanter. And then if you replace the E with an I, you get Pines Kanter. Ha! Oh, you thought I was going to say Penis Kanter? Come on, get your mind out of the gutter.
Washington Bullets: Jonas Valanciunas, PF/C, Lithuania, 6-10, 1992 Thursday Afternoon Updated 2011 NBA Mock Draft Pick: Jan "Arya Stark" Vesely, F, Czech Republic
I was excited to hear that the Washington Bullets changed their logo - until I actually saw it. It's the same damn thing, except now it looks like some frat dude puked all over it.
I'm sick and tired of the Washington Wizards. It's the Washington Bullets, God damn it. It would be the Washington Bullets if the douche bags running Washington weren't such righteous agenda-driven nut jobs. These people changed the cool Bullets name to the dorky Wizards, all because they think some drug addict's bastard is going to shoot some bullets because the Bullets are cool.
Well, guess what? The Bullets are not cool. They've sucked for years. So, the Bullets are not cool, hence bullets are not cool. Who wants to shoot bullets if it means associating yourself with the crappy Bullets?
And Wizards, by the way, are far more dangerous. If the Wizards ever become good, these same gangstas are going to run around and shout Avada Kedavra at innocent people. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be shot than have a killing curse launched at my face.
Here's some actual NBA Draft analysis: Kemba Walker is awesome. Anyone who thinks Walker will suck in the NBA will be proven wrong. He's a winner. Just like Tyler Hansbrough was a winner, and look what he did in the second half of this past season.
You should never doubt guys with the heart of a champion. I'd much rather have players like Hansbrough and Walker on my team than slightly more talented douche bags who are going to spend most of their days smoking weed and not improving their game.
I'm not sure who Tristan Thompson is, but the Pistons usually do stupid things, so they'll probably draft him. Remember the time they picked Darko Milicic over Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade and Steve Blake? Idiots.
I watch college basketball and the NBA for betting purposes. I don't know much about these NBA Draft prospects. I just wanted to get that out of the way.
If you're looking for an 2011 NBA Mock Draft with smart analysis, click the link. If, however, you're more into fat, racial and dumb jokes, keep on reading. That, and betting advice, is all I'm good for.
*** THURSDAY UPDATES: I'm changing the picks of my 2011 NBA Mock Draft, as noted in the bold above. The write-ups will be the same.
I'm going to take this opportunity to pretend that I'm Timberwolves general manager David Kahn:
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE I HATE 14-YEAR-OLD KIDS WITH NERVE DISORDERS RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE POINT GUARD POINT GUARD POINT GUARD MUST PICK POINT GUARD RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE I AM AN IDIOT BUT 14-YEAR-OLD KIDS WITH NERVE DISORDERS ARE DUMBER THAN ME MUHAHAHAHA RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!!
Is Enes Kanter white? I know he's from Turkey, but are Turkish people considered white or Middle Eastern? If Kanter can fool the Jazz into thinking he's white, he'll be the pick. If not, Utah might still pick Kanter because he's whiter than Brandon Knight, and management may think they may be able to fool their fan base:
"Enes Kanter is European - he's from Turkey! No, that's not in the Middle East, silly. That's near France. Why is he tan? He likes to surf, duh!"