7:26: Welcome to my first running NBA Draft blog. There's only three minutes until the draft begins, everyone starts kissing David Stern's behind and Billy King begins to overpay three or four lucky individuals.

7:29: I'm watching the draft with my dad. He just told me that my old dog was named after Charles Barkley. Wow, my entire childhood was built on a lie and ignorance. I don't know what to do right now.

7:32: David Stern's at the podium. In case you're wondering, I'm still suspended for a few days. Don't tell him I'm blogging this draft. I don't want to face his wrath. His toupee will eat me alive.

7:36: With the first pick, the Blazers select Greg Oden. It's official. Oden's first. Kevin Durant will be second. How boring. Oden was pretty funny on a PTI interview when he said he was hoping he'd be drafted in the first round.

7:39: What are the people in the Blazers' war room high-fiving about? "Yeah! We got Oden! We had the first pick in the draft but we weren't sure we'd end up with him! Our GM didn't screw up! Let's celebrate!"

7:41 It looks like Seattle is trading Ray Allen for the No. 5 pick. Is Boston really that stupid? Giving up the No. 5 selection for an aging veteran? It's almost as if Doc Rivers threatened to eat Danny Ainge's kids.

7:43: With the second pick, the Sonics select Kevin Durant. Zzzzzz......

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7:46: Wow, I almost forgot that the Hawks added the color blue to their jersey and logo. They're now eight colors away from a playoff berth.

7:48: With the third pick, the Hawks select Al Horford. So far, everything's according to script. No curveball yet from the Hawks, but don't worry, they have another pick in the first round. I'm hearing Atlanta might take Glen "Big Baby" Davis or Bryant "Big Country" Reeves at No. 11.

7:52: With the fourth pick, the Grizzlies select Mike Conley Jr. Most of the mocks on the internet are now 4-for-4.

7:53: Celtics are on the clock. Time for Danny Ainge to do something stupid. Now is as good opportunity for Doc Rivers to attack Ainge's family. C'mon, Doc, you know you want to. Ainge is distracted. No one's looking.

7:57: Doc, you fool! You let Ainge trade this pick and some veterans for the fifth pick!

7:58: With the fifth pick, the Sonics (via the Celtics) select Jeff Green.

8:00: Whoa, where did those ads come from? Who knows, but please click on them!

8:01: Hey, look who it is. It's Jeff Green, a guy who never wants to take a big shot. My dad asks, "If Jeff Green's not that good, why did the Sonics take him at No. 5?" Uhhh... when have the Sonics done anything smart? They're a dumb franchise, much like Atlanta, New Orleans, Boston and the Clippers.

8:03: With the sixth pick, the Bucks select Yi Jianlian. T-minus five months until Shaq, Rasheed Wallace, Tim Duncan and others snap him in half.

8:05: I would never take a foreigner with a top-15 pick. There have been good ones, but there have been way too many busts. Just see Darko Milic. Imagine if the Pistons had Carmelo Anthony or Dwayne Wade. What if the Bucks had Chris Paul or Deron Williams instead of Andrew Bogut? Milwaukee, another organization that has no clue.

8:07: Hey Yi, what do you like most about America? Uhhhh... uhhh.... uhhh...

8:11: With the seventh pick, the Timberwolves select Corey Brewer. The Timberwolves take the third-best player in the draft. I was hoping the Suxers would trade up for him. Unfortunately, Billy King doesn't have the guts to do anything like that.

8:14: My sister's also here. Upon seeing Joakim Noah, she said, "Ewww, what is he wearing? What's wrong with his hair? Ugh!" Hey, she works for Hollister, I can't argue.

8:18: The Bobcats are on the clock. If only Michael Jordan could bet on this...

8:19: With the eighth pick, the Bobcats select Brandan Wright. Jordan is something like 11-of-11 selecting busts as a GM or owner. Sorry, Wright. You're doomed.

8:22: Holy crap, the Knicks gave up all that for Eddy Curry? But their GM is Isiah Thomas! I thought he was good...?

8:25: With the ninth pick, the Bulls select Joakim Noah. "Ewww... the Bulls took the ugly guy." Well said, sis. The good news is Billy King won't be duped into taking a player with absolutely no offensive game.

8:32: With the 10th pick, the Kings select Spencer Hawes. My dad just shouted about 15 curse words in a row. Billy King's an idiot. Why didn't he trade up for Hawes? First, the Sixers refused to tank at the end of the season. Next, King stays idle at No. 12 when the top 10 players are clearly a cut above everyone else.

8:34: My dad just said the following, "Watch, King's going to pick Sean Williams at No. 12."

8:35: The Hawks in their iron-clad blue are up. Acie Law IV makes sense. Atlanta does nothing right. No way they take Law. They're way too dumb.

8:38: With the 11th pick, the Hawks select Acie Law IV. What the heck...? The Hawks made the right move, while the Bulls take a guy who'll average two points per game? What is going on here? I feel sorry for Law. He's going to a city that just doesn't care about its pro sports, save for Michael "The Dog Whisperer" Vick.

8:41: All the top players are gone. The Sixers will take their 438,201st small forward. I'm done being a fan. Seriously.

8:43: "Billy King has been working feverishly, trying to screw up the Sixers' future." - What Sal Pal really meant to say.


8:46: With the 12th pick, the Hawks select Thaddeus Young. Yep, that's 438,201 small forwards. Billy King has clearly stolen Atlanta's draft plan. I'm still done being a fan. Ugh.

8:48: I usually don't agree with Steven The Smith, but he was dead on when he said the Sixers' 17-9 record at the end of the year was fool's gold. No one took Philly seriously. No one. The only team that did was the Magic, and they clobbered the Sixers in the City of Brotherly Love. King's decision to not tank the season like Boston will set the franchise back five years. Maybe more. Instead of getting a legitimate center like Spencer Hawes, a strong power forward like Al Horford, or a huge talent like Corey Brewer, the Sixers drafted a guy who was supposed to be taken around the 20th pick.

8:53: With the 13th pick, the Hornets select Julian Wright. Knew the Hornets wouldn't take Nick Young. I thought the Hornets would pick someone less known. George Shinn must have went to the Wizard of Oz and received a heart.

8:54: My dad was just on the phone with his co-worker. This is what the conversation sounded like: "Billy King is a f***ing idiot! Can someone fire him? Billy King and Isiah Thomas, two f***ing idiots! How many small forwards can you have? Every team picked up a good player. The Sixers got garbage, as usual. No one has heard of this guy! He was supposed to go No. 19 or 20."

8:59: With the 14th pick, the Clippers select Al Thornton. Let's see... Clippers need a big man or a guard. Let's take a small forward! I guess this makes amends for the Tim Thomas mistake.

9:05: With the 15th pick, the Hawks select Rodney Stuckey. It was definitely Stuckey or Javaris Crittenton. How did the Pistons land a good player? Weren't they in the semifinals? Can David Stern please make a new rule, voiding all trades made by incompetent GMs? This includes people who work for Atlanta, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, New Orleans and Milwaukee.

9:10: With the 16th pick, the Bullets select Nick Young. Can't believe the Bullets didn't select a foreigner. Washington's undoubtedly a team on the rise; like Detroit, Chicago and Phoenix, it looks like they've mastered the art of taking advantage of the ineptitude of stupid teams. Young should have been taken four or five picks ago.

9:14: This draft is crazy! The Knicks getting Zach Randolph and Dan Dickeau for Channing Frye and Steve Francis? What are the Blazers thinking? Let's flash back to the beginning of this draft. Remember when I said the people in the war room were high-fiving because their GM didn't screw up? Oops!

9:16: With the 17th pick, the Nets select Sean Williams. Let's take a guy projected to go in the middle of the second round with the 17th pick! Hooray!

9:19: With the 18th pick, the Warriors select Marco Belinelli. He's from Bologna, Italy. That just made me really hungry. Not joking. I'm starving.

9:29: With the 19th pick, the Lakers select Javaris Crittenton. A guy to pass Kobe Bryant the ball. Understandable.

9:33: A point guard's fine, but why didn't the Lakers take a nanny for Kobe Bryant? The guy might be 28 or 29, or whatever. His real age is inconsequential. But the fact that he acts like a 5-year-old who didn't get Hungry Hungry Hippos for Christmas is really disturbing. Hey, Kobe, grow up, start acting like a man and stop contradicting yourself. It's getting really old.

9:35: With the 20th pick, the Heat select Jason Smith. I don't understand why Jay Bilas is calling Smith "talented." He's never did anything at Colorado State. He's not talented; he's just close to seven feet tall.

9:41: The Sixers have to take Morris Almond or Tiago Splitter, right? Right!?!?!!?

9:42: With the 21st pick, the Sixers select Daequan Cook. Or Daequan Cook! Solid pick!

9:44: Huh? Philly trades Daequan Cook for Jason Smith and cash considerations. Great, now we get Bilas' so-called "talented" player. I'm sick of Billy King!

9:46: By the way, what the heck are cash considerations? Does King need new designer glasses? Is that why he asked for cash? Or did the Sixers need some money to offset the league's second-lowest attendance?

9:48: With the 22nd pick, the Bobcats select Jared Dudley. Jordan going for 13-of-13 selecting busts! Actually, I loved Dudley in college. He doesn't have the athleticism to make any scouts salivate, but he should be able to become a solid player in the NBA. I completely agree with Dickey V.

9:52: With the 23rd pick, the Knicks select Wilson Chandler. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist. The Knicks fans actually cheered, which is something I can't really handle right now. Sixers just too stupid.

9:54: I have no idea why the spacing screwed up in my previous update. Hope that didn't give anyone a mental breakdown or anything.

9:56: Why did the Suns trade this pick for cash? Is Steve Nash not selling enough tickets? Why don't the Blazers buy everyone's selection?

9:58: With the 24th pick, the Blazers (through Phoenix) select Rudy Fernandez. Why do I have a feeling we'll never hear of this guy ever again? Forget the witness-protection program. People looking to hide should just enter the NBA Draft and declare as a foreigner.

10:06: With the 25th pick, the Jazz select Morris Almond. No weird foreigner for Utah, which is a welcome change for their fans, as I can imagine. As a Sixer fan, I wanted King to take Almond at No. 30. Looks like I'm not getting anything I wish for today.

10:11: Time for the Rockets to take someone who can choke along with Tracy McGrady every year.

10:12: With the 26th pick, the Bobcats select Aaron Brooks. Got that one right in my mock. That's a grand total of six correct picks! Go me! I actually love Brooks - he's going to be a dynamic point guard for the Rockets for years to come.

10:14: Why would the Bucks take Yi Jianlian even though they were told he might not set foot in Milwaukee? Are they really that stupid!?

10:19 With the 27th pick, the Pistons select Arron Afflalo. Hey, guess what? I wanted the Sixers to take him! Good job, Pistons. You got yourselves a good player. Afflalo's one of the most underrated guys in the draft.

10:24: The Spurs just bought some D-League team? Cheap jerks. They couldn't even afford a C-League squad. Zing!

10:25: With the 28th pick, the Spurs select Tiago Splitter. I think my dad wanted Tiago Splitter. Figures.

10:30: I can't believe Bilas just mentioned Glen "Big Baby" Davis. Three words: Robert Tractor Traylor.

10:31: With the 29th pick, the Suns select Alando Tucker. Makes sense. Tucker fits the system. He was a team leader at Wisconsin.

10:32: One more pick till we wrap this blog up. I'm not doing the second round. I'm way too frustrated, and I'm running out of non-creative things to say.

10:34: Dickey V is losing it, throwing papers around like Tim Floyd. I have a feeling I'm ending this blog at the right time.

10:35: If the Sixers want to take the best player available, they should draft Derrick Byars. I have a bad feeling King's going to select Big Baby.

10:37: A trade to announce! Oh, we already knew that. Turns out the Sixers are giving up the cash, instead of receiving it. Guess King doesn't need new glasses.

10:38: With the 30th pick, the Sixers select Petteri Koponen. Ummm... yeah... definitely a good time to end this blog. Someone please end my misery.

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