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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011




Jerks of the Week for Oct. 3, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jerks of the Mall

This isn't the first time I've written about Jerks of the Mall. There were the 12 Jerks of Christmas and others about a month later, including one kid whom I called the Poop-Poop Train.

I went to Neshaminy Mall 10 days ago to buy stuff for my sister's birthday. I was actually surprised by the lack of jerks I saw there. There were only three. I spotted one fat kid in the food court who was walking around and pretending like he was a zombie. There was also a pirate sitting on the bench outside of Barnes & Noble. Old pirates and fat zombies - and we still have four weeks until Halloween.

There was also a strange dude at Barnes & Noble. I was in the TV show aisle because my sister wanted DVDs of Cheers. I was looking for that particular show when this old guy, who was also browsing through the DVD section, started quickly muttering to himself, "magnet, magnet, magnet, magnet, magnet."

It was pretty weird. He was a man in his 60s who had the skinniest legs I've ever seen, and the high tube socks he was wearing weren't doing him any favors. He also smelled like a rotten hoagie. And I'm not sure what "magnet, magnet, magnet, magnet, magnet" was all about. Was he looking for a show named Magnet, or was he using a magnet to find a particular DVD? Or did he just escape from the mental hospital? Nothing would have surprised me at that point.

At any rate, I found Cheers, but since I'm like Eric Cartman and need to purchase gifts for myself on other people's birthdays, I kept scouring through the DVD aisle to see if there was anything I wanted to buy. I went through the shows beginning with D, and then E, and then F and G. I got to H, and something immediately caught my eye. A DVD of Hey Dude.

There's something you need to understand. Hey Dude was my favorite show when I was between 9 and 11 years old. Check out the opening credits to see how cool it was.

And yes, that's THE Christine Taylor, as in Ben Stiller's wife. She and Kelly Brown (who played Brad) were both super hot, so the show is worth checking out just for that. Also, the older woman Lucy, played by Debrah Kalman, was someone I ignored as a pre-teen because she was so much older. I watched the first two episodes the other night, and when I saw her, I thought, "Hmm... I didn't think she was hot when I was a kid, but I'd hit that."

Now that you see how cool Hey Dude was, you'll understand what I did next. Super excited that Hey Dude was finally out on DVD after all of these years, I shouted, "Holy s***, Hey Dude!!"

I rushed toward the Hey Dude DVD so I could grab it as quickly as possible. I wasn't taking any chances. But as I did this, I knocked Magnet Man out of the way; the force I applied on his skinny body made him stumble into the adjacent shelf.

Today, I was a Jerk of the Mall. But you know what? I'm willing to live with that because there's a Hey Dude disc in my DVD player.






JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Lifeguards

I went to my new gym after the mall. My friend lifeguard, whom I wrote about in the Jerks of the Week entry in the link, can't work weekdays now because of college, so there have been random lifeguards at the pool. This has been both good and bad.

It's been good because most of the lifeguards working at the pool now are chicks. It's bad, however, because I keep striking out with them.

On this particular Friday, some blond girl I'd never seen before was watching over the pool. Her face was meh, but she had nice legs, so I was naturally falling in love with her. I tried to have a dialogue with her, but that attempt failed:

Me: How cold is the pool today?

Lifeguard with Nice Legs: 79 degrees.

Me: Holy crap, that's cold.

*** Lifeguard with Nice Legs shrugged her shoulders. ***

Me: Why is it so cold?

*** Lifeguard with Nice Legs shrugged her shoulders. ***

Me: If I didn't need to work out, I think I'd just hop into the hot tub instead.

*** Lifeguard with Nice Legs shrugged her shoulders. ***

Me: Well, I'm going in. If I start freezing to death and can't move, please save me.

*** Lifeguard with Nice Legs shrugged her shoulders. ***

She didn't say anything! At least say something, Lifeguard with Nice Legs. Anything! A "yeah" would have sufficed. A "meh" would have been OK. Even a "get the hell away from me, fat a**hole creep" would have made me feel better than an indifferent shrug.

Whatever. I swam a mile and survived, and then went into the hot tub. I showed her!

The following week, an attractive friend of mine was lifeguarding. I won't say her name because I don't want to get her into trouble, but she's not exactly the biggest fan of her job. For example, I texted her prior to going to the gym:

Me: Hey, how cold is the pool today?

Friend Lifeguard: 79.

Me: Still? Are there ice cubes floating in the pool?

Friend Lifeguard: I wish! Then everyone would just leave and I'd be able to go home.

For those of you who think I'm a wuss, well, I am. Look, I'm an old, fat man. I like my swimming pools to be 88 degrees or warmer. Maybe 86 on a hot day. Anything below that is simply unacceptable.

Still, I needed to work out because I sit in front of the computer all day, so I manned up and went over to the gym. My friend was shocked to see me. After talking to her for a couple of minutes, I walked over to the pool. I immediately saw a Band-Aid floating in the water, which disgusted me because kids take swimming lessons there. Kids often carry diseases like the flu, Chicken Pox or AIDS, so I wasn't taking any chances. I went to my friend for help.

Me: Hey, there's a Band-Aid floating in the water.

Friend Lifeguard: So?

Me: So? So!? It's disgusting!

Friend Lifeguard: Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Me: Hmm... I don't know, take it out?

Friend Lifeguard: Ugh, Walt, I don't feel like it.

Me: Come on!

Friend Lifeguard: Look, the net is right there. Do it yourself.

See what I have to deal with? I grabbed the net and tried to scoop the Band-Aid out, but it didn't reach far enough. Smelly Swim Coach, who was there at the time, tried to get my attention.

Smelly Swim Coach: Make big!

Me: What?

Smelly Swim Coach: Make big Make big! Make big!

Me: Make big? How do I make the pole bigger?

Smelly Swim Coach: Push! Push! Push!

I tried pushing the pole, but nothing happened. After failing, Smelly Swim Coach took the net out of my hand and twisted something to make the pole longer. Yeah, thanks for confusing the words "twist" and "push."

Smelly Swim Coach plopped the net into the pool. However, he wasn't aiming for the Band-Aid. I looked over, and saw that he was trying to scoop a big, black bug into the net. He was successful in his attempt and shouted, "Whoopa!"

Stupid Smelly Swim Coach. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I'd rather have a big, black bug floating around in the pool than an AIDS Band-Aid.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Spanish Heritage Month

It's a slow week if an e-mailer doesn't accuse me of being racist. For example, I received the following message last week from a Cole M.:

You call Michael Vick QB Dog Killer. Why dont you call roethlisberger The Woman Raper? Youre racist?

My response:

Because Roethlisberger was never convicted? You know, because you're innocent until proven guilty in this country?

Just a small difference. And there's also the fact that police checked Roethlisberger's accuser for male DNA and found none, which is why they weren't able to charge him with anything. I love how people ignore that.

Whatever. I'm not here to rant about QB Dog Killer or Big Ben again. I do want to discuss this Spanish Heritage Month that ESPN and NBC has been shoving down our throats all September.

For those who don't watch football, ESPN and NBC have made countless efforts to remind us all about Spanish Heritage Month during the football broadcasts. This wouldn't be so terrible if they didn't spell out the team names in the box score in Spanish and even have Hank Williams (the guy who sings, "Are you ready for some football?") do a version of his song in Spanish.

I was fed up with this. In my NFL Power Rankings, I wrote the following:

Is anyone else sick of that stupid Spanish Heritage Month crap that the NFL, ESPN and NBC put us through? Hank Williams sang in Spanish, for crying out loud!

Well, don't be too happy that September is quickly coming to an end because the NFL, ESPN NBC will celebrate Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean, Bisexual Heritage Month in October. At ESPN and NBC, making every race, even half-Norwegian, half-Korean, bisexuals, feel good about themselves is extremely important.

Speaking of Spanish Heritage Month, I have to wonder if [Jets quarterback] Mark Sanchez ever gets annoyed by it. Like, it'd be nice if they had a Fat Football Web Site Owner Heritage Month at first, but it'd get old pretty quickly.

What does one do during Spanish Heritage Month anyway? I know nothing about Spanish heritage. I'm sure there's bull riding and quesadillas involved, or something. I guess I'm the wrong person to ask because I only two Spanish words: taco and bell.

Naturally, one a**hole took offense to this. His name is Perry P. and he goes to a prominent college in Tennessee. I won't give you his last name for privacy purposes, but I searched a history of his surname, and it originates from North Wales. Naturally, someone whose ancestry stems from North Wales should be offended by something negative said about Spanish Heritage Month.

Here's Perry P's e-mail:

I'm writing to express my intense dissatisfaction with your comments regarding Spanish Heritage Month that appeared in your power rankings this week.

It would appear to me that these comments are the effect of the ignorance that Spanish Heritage Month is designed to combat. I'm truly sorry if that is all you really know about Spanish culture, but I based your comments I feel as though you could gain a lot from this month. These comments weren't clever or funny, they were ignorant and borderline racist. I'm sorry to say that I've been a daily viewer of your site for about five years and that I can no longer continue to support your website in light of these comments.

I also don't see why celebrating other cultures is a problem. The more we can educate ourselves about the people we live with, the better we'll all be for it. This country was founded by immigrants and we have a duty and obligation to educate ourselves as to the different cultures that exist in this country we all call home. The goal of heritage months isn't to "make every race feel good about themselves", it's to enlighten people so that ignorant comments like yours don't continue to permeate conversation in this country.

The final part of his e-mail was hilarious. I need to give you a screenshot to prove that he actually wrote the following:



Wow! So there isn't some island in the Pacific Ocean where all bisexuals come from? Mind blown!

Seriously, what the hell? I have several points to make about this:

1. First of all, it's a joke. I know there's more stuff about Spanish Heritage than bull riding and quesadillas. Who could forget delicious tacos, burritos and Tostitos? And then there's weed. Mexicans make some outstanding weed.

2. Leave it to a young, white male to be offended by this. I have many Hispanic friends, and none of them really care because they know I'm kidding around. But no, a young, white male must save the world from racist a**holes like me because the minorities can't stick up for themselves. Isn't that a bit racist in itself? By that reasoning, if anyone is racist, it's Perry P.

3. Why does any race need a heritage month anyway? Perry P. says it's to "educate ourselves about the people we live with." Save for the Mexican guy I have stashed in my basement closet, I don't live with any Hispanic people. So why do I need to learn about that culture? Even if I did live with Mexicans and Spaniards, why would I need to know about their culture anyway? It's not like I'm going to convert to Mexicanism and celebrate Mexican Christmas.

4. On a related note, why don't other races have heritage months? There's Black History Month in February, but that's all I know of. What about Native American Heritage Month? How about Icelandic Heritage Month? And then there's the all-important Canadian Heritage Month. I'm sure Perry P. would love nothing more than to educate everyone about hockey, organ-I-zations, and weddings where the bride and groom dip their arms in butterscotch pudding. I wonder if that's "borderline" racist?

5. I wrote back to Perry P., blaming his liberal collegiate environment for planting these idealistic thoughts into his head. Of course, I joked around in the e-mail, writing the following as my final paragraph:

I hope you're not racist against Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexuals. Those people are always the subject of ridicule, and they definitely deserve a heritage month of their own so we can become educated about them.

And so it has been decided. October shall now forever been known as Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month.

I just hope there's not another fat Web site owner out there who'll make fun of half-Norwegian, half-Korean bisexuals in his power rankings.




More Jerks of the Week:
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Jerks of the Week - Oct, 20, 2014: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan
Jerks of the Week - Oct, 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
Jerks of the Week - Oct, 6, 2014: Birthday Shopping at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 29, 2014: Dinners to Go
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 22, 2014: Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 15, 2014: All Waiters Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 8, 2014: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 1, 2014: Little League World Series, Morning Radio Shows
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 18, 2014: Selfies and Spammers
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014
Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 7, 2014: Dumb Kids, an Old Pervert and a Lunatic
Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
Jerks of the Week - June 2, 2014: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies
Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
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Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
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Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Oct. 31


2015 NFL Mock Draft - Oct. 29


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents





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