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Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011




Jerks of the Week for July 4, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Worst Movie Ever

The worst movie I've ever seen is Deconstructing Harry, starring Woody Allen. My friends Josh and Frank dragged me to it one weekend night during high school. "Woody Allen is a genius!" they exclaimed.

Yeah, right. Allen spent the entire two hours discussing how he imagines having sex with every woman he sees. This wouldn't be an issue if he were a young dude and actually banged these hot chicks, but Allen, an old geezer with wrinkly balls, used the entire two hours to complain about his problems. I have trouble falling asleep anywhere outside of my bed, but I actually passed out in the movie theater.

The point of all of this? Deconstructing Harry won't be the worst movie of all time for much longer. Two weeks ago, I received a movie script for a film that has been approved for a $300,000 budget. The person who sent this script out was looking for some feedback. After reading it - and stabbing my head with a pen multiple times because it was so bad - I had one word to say: unfixable.

This was the worst piece of crap I've ever read. That's not hyperbole. I feel like part of my soul died while reading the script. The dialogue was like it was written by a 5-year-old. All the characters were the same. There was no plot. There was hardly any conflict. And there were vague references throughout the entire movie.

I can't even tell you what the movie was about because it wasn't about anything. There are three main characters in this abomination: Sam, Marcus and Sarah. I'm going to show you the character arc of each to give you an idea of how bad this script is.

Sam:

Sam is supposed to be an average dude who lives in South Philly. He has four friends: the aforementioned Marcus and Sarah, and two others named Gavin and Floyd. Ironically, Gavin Floyd was a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies a few years ago.

Introduction: Sam and his girlfriend Rachel lovingly called each other "dork" for the first five minutes of the opening scene. However, they are broken up in the second scene, which takes place about 16 months later. They never mention why Sam and Rachel broke up; in fact, Rachel makes only one other appearance - at the end of the movie when the two see each other at a wedding. They dance and go up to a hotel room to bang - but they're not able to because it "doesn't feel right." Yeah, OK.

Conflict: Sam can't get over Rachel, and has trouble asking girls out on a date.

Resolution: Sam asks this girl Allison out on a date.

That's it! That's his whole story arc. In fact, Sam asking Allison out would have been the final scene in the movie if the author didn't decide to write a useless "four months later" epilogue where Sam, Marcus and Sarah are on a triple date at the movies.

Two hilarious things about this Allison chick:

First, to further demonstrate how bad the dialogue is...

Sam: You from Cincinnati?

Allison: Just got here.

Sam: Really a Reds fan (she had a Reds hat)? You grow up with lots of brothers or something?

Allison: Only child. My dad, who always wanted a boy, is named "Al." So I'm-

Both: "Al's son"

Umm... what!? Some drunken a**hole from Chicago wanted a son so bad that he named his daughter "Al's son?" What a douche bag.

Second, you see where Allison mentioned that she just moved to Philadelphia from Cincinnati? Guess what she does for work? She's a historical tour guide of the city.

If you're not getting the irony here - ALLISON JUST MOVED FROM CINCINNATI, YET SHE'S GIVING TOURS OF PHILADELPHIA! WHAT THE F*** IS THIS WRITER THINKING!?!?!?!?!

Sorry for spazzing out, but I don't understand how the hell this received a $3 budget; let alone a $300,000 budget.

Sarah:

Sarah is a social worker. There were a few scenes where she interacted with a pair of troubled teenagers. One of the teenagers eventually starting turning tricks and doing drugs, yet the writer never resolved that problem. Though Sarah was broken up over it, the author never mentioned that kid ever again.

Introduction: Sarah moves in with Chris, her boyfriend of three years.

Conflict: Sarah questions her decision to move in with Chris because Chris doesn't unpack his boxes.

Resolution: Chris unpacks his boxes.

That's the whole character arc. In fact, here's Sarah's "big" scene:

Sarah: What are we doing?

Chris: What do you mean?

Sarah: Is this just a setup for convenient sex? A way to save rent money? What is this?

Chris: Umm... we're living together. It's the next step.

Sarah: A next step toward what?

Chris: Toward our relationship...

Sarah: I thought we were supposed to be making a home.

Chris: Isn't it a home? It's a house. Doesn't that make it a home?

Sarah: This? This is not a home!

Chris: Are we going to eat -

Sarah: Why haven't you unpacked anything?!

Chris: I don't know. I haven't needed anything from my boxes.

In one scene, Sarah became the most unlikeable character in movie history. Congratulations, crappy script author.

Marcus:

Marcus is a gay guy who owns a bakery. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Despite being super gay, Marcus is a huge baseball fan and actually fills out scorecards at every game. And here I thought gay dudes were only into watching chick flicks, getting manicures and banging dudes up the a**. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Introduction: Marcus is chased on bike by a gay Mexican (not kidding) named Diego down the streets of South Philly. Diego finally catches up with Marcus, and asks him out on a date to a fancy-shmancy expensive restaurant.

Conflict: Marcus likes Diego, but can't get close to him. Since Marcus is a recovering alcoholic, he's afraid that he may start drinking again if things go wrong with Diego.

Resolution: Marcus "mans" up and commits to Diego.

It's sad, but Marcus is the most complicated character in this crappy movie. Unfortunately, I couldn't get into his romance with Diego because they're both dudes.

Oh, I changed my mind. I do have a recommendation to improve this script: Make Marcus and Diego hot chicks and have them engage in hot sex for 90 minutes. I'd definitely pay to see that.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Fixing Worst Movie Ever

I've actually done a lot of thinking about Worst Movie Ever. Is it really unfixable? Is it doomed to become the worst movie ever made?

I suppose minor adjustments can be made. For example, I would completely eliminate Sam, Allison, Rachel, Sarah, Chris and Gavin Floyd, and focus the movie entirely on Marcus and Diego. I would then change Marcus into a straight guy and transform Diego into Diana. Diana could be the owner of a rival bakery. Marcus and Diana could meet up on date set up on Match.com or something, but once they find out that they each own their rival bakery, they'd get into a fight and break up. Ultimately though, they'd fall in love or something mushy like that.

I just made Worst Movie Ever a billion times better, but a billion times zero is still zero. In other words, it's still a crappy chick flick that has been re-made countless times in the history of cinematography. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy has conflict to prevent him from marrying/banging girl. Boy overcomes conflict. Boy marries/bangs girl. The end. Yawn.

To make Worst Movie Ever into an epic film, full measures must be taken. Let's add an awesome element to each character's arc.


Sam:

The idea that Allison is a Philadelphia tour guide despite moving from Cincinnati recently is ridiculous. Hence, my idea for Sam's story arc is to make Allison a dinosaur.

Look, vampires, zombies and werewolves are played out. We haven't had a good dinosaur movie since Jurassic Park. It's time for dinosaurs to re-emerge, and I think Worst Movie Ever would benefit from a dinosaur element in the movie.

And it makes sense - in the real version of Worst Movie Ever, Sam is a p***y who is afraid to ask Allison out on a date. In my version, he's also afraid to date Allison, but not because he's a p***y. It's because Allison is a dinosaur.


Sarah:

Sarah's conflict is with Chris and his reluctance to unpack his boxes. The author never explained why Chris refused to unpack his stuff, so let's give him a reason.

I think it would be awesome if Chris were a serial killer. In fact, let's redo that whole scene I showed you earlier:

Sarah: What are we doing?

Chris: Come here and eat this poisonous dinner, I mean dinner I bought you, my pretty! Teeheeheehee!

Sarah: Is this just a setup for convenient sex? A way to save rent money? What is this?

Chris: It is so I can make this all look like an accident! I mean, it's the next step, my dear teeheehee.

Sarah: A next step oward what?

Chris: Toward you becoming my next victim!

Sarah: I thought we were supposed to be making a home.

Chris: It is a home - where I will mutilate your body teeheeheehee!!! I mean, yeah, it is a home.

Sarah: This? This is not a home!

Chris: Are you going to eat -

Sarah: Why haven't you unpacked anything?!

Chris: Because I do not want you to see the knives that I have used to slaughter dozens of Philadelphians, my pretty! Teeheeheehee!

Dinosaurs and serial killers? I'm not done.


Marcus:

As I said before, I would love to make Marcus and Diego into a hot lesbian couple that has non-stop sex for the entire movie, but I don't think the communist movie rating people would make Worst Movie Ever PG-13.

So, here's another idea. Let's keep Marcus and Diego as gay dudes. But here's the twist - instead of a normal gay Mexican (if there is such a thing), Diego should be an evil mastermind whose goal is to destroy Marcus' bakery.

Wouldn't that be cool? Who the hell would win between a female dinosaur Reds fan, a serial killer and a maniacal gay Mexican baker? I really have no idea, but that's definitely one movie I'd look forward to watching.




JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Comcast

I'm really bad with two things: tipping and doing menial stuff on time.

I might be the worst tipper in the world. Not the cheapest; just the worst. I either overtip or simply just forget to tip. For example, I was at a diner a few years ago. All I had was a cheeseburger and a soda, so my bill was like $8 or something. I gave the waitress a $20. She asked if I wanted change, and I said "nah."

She was shocked that I gave her a 150-percent tip. Did I do it because I was generous? Nope. Did I do it because she was hot? Definitely not - she was pretty large. I did it because I was, as Emmitt Smith would say, "Caught between a rock and another rock." If I asked for $5 back, that would still be a huge tip. If I asked for $10, it wouldn't be enough. If I asked for $7, I'd have two $1 bills in my pocket, and I didn't feel like carrying it around. I was so confused about what to do that I just gave up and gave her the whole $20.

As for the procrastination, I get important things done on time, but I struggle with things that can be accomplished whenever. For example, I didn't get my driver's license until I was 19 or 20 because I didn't feel like getting around to learning how to drive. That would explain why I don't know how to boil water.

Combine tipping and procrastinating, and you get this week's Comcast dilemma. I bought my new house back in June 2010, and I signed up with Comcast a month later. I received a free DVR box with my package. Unfortunately, as I would soon learn, none of the boxes had a DVR function.

Did I call Comcast right away to complain about this? Of course not. It wasn't necessary to call Comcast, so I didn't. Instead, I relied on my old VCR player to record shows.

I finally decided to call Comcast about this last week. My VCR player sucks - the tapes become fuzzy after three or so recordings - and I wanted to record the NFL Network's NFL Replay Real-Time, which is a must-watch for all football fans.

Anyway, I scheduled an appointment for Thursday between 1 and 3 p.m. to have a technician install a DVR box. I would have done this myself, but I didn't feel like learning how to do it. Notice a pattern here?

Prior to 1 p.m., I texted a friend who works for Comcast.

Me: Hey man, should I tip the Comcast guy for installing a new box?

Comcast Worker: Sure, that would be a nice gesture if he comes back again.

Me: How much? Ten? Twenty? Thirty?

Comcast Worker: LOL, I think $10 is fine.

Me: Crap, I just remembered I didn't tip the last guy because I forgot to.

Comcast Worker: Hmm... well that shouldn't be an issue.

Apparently it was because the Comcast guy never showed up. I called Comcast at 5 p.m. Unfortunately, the Comcast customer service rep on the line was some Indian woman I couldn't understand.

Me: Hi, I had an appointment scheduled today between 1 and 3, and the guy never came.

Indian Lady: Hubadabubadahubadabubadahubadabubada!!!!

Me: What?

Indian Lady: Hubadabubadahubadabubadahubadabubada!!!

Me: Huh?

Indian Lady: Flubbadabubadaflubadabubadadflubadabubada!!!

Me: I can't understand you!

Indian Lady: Yabadabubadayabadabubadayabadabubada!!!!

I was eventually transferred to another customer service rep. Thank God. This new rep gave me a $20 credit and re-scheduled my appointment for Sunday between 3 and 5. Later, I spoke to my aforementioned Comcast friend.

Me: What the hell, man? The guy never showed.

Comcast Worker: You should have tipped him.

Me: That's bulls***. It's their job to show up to these appointments. What the hell was he doing between 1 and 3? Watching a movie? Unpacking his nagging girlfriend's boxes? Dropping a deuce?

Comcast Worker: Probably!

It's such crap. No other profession gets away with this. Imagine if you had an important doctor's appointment scheduled for 2 p.m., and when you showed up, the receptionist said, "Sorry, the doctor isn't here today. Because you didn't tip him last time, he took the day off to watch a movie, unpack boxes and then poop. Please come back on Sunday - he might be here then!"

Come to think of it, maybe we should all start tipping our doctors $20 just in case.

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Gertie 03-07-2014 08:29 am xxx.xxx.xxx4.75 (total posts: 1)
0     0

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Pait 03-07-2014 07:59 am xxx.xxx.xxx.128 (total posts: 1)
0     0

Like coverage for personal injury, the QuotesChimp will provide for maximum benefits that the insurance company has to pay. Many states require a minimum amount of coverage, usually $10,000 or so. However, with the expense of vehicle repair today, the minimum usually isn't enough. Thus, you should probably add to the minimum coverage so that you are protected for at least $25,000.
Jailen 03-07-2014 07:11 am xxx.xxx.xxx.183 (total posts: 1)
0     0

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Summer 01-03-2014 07:59 am xxx.xxx.xxx2.12 (total posts: 2)
0     0

That insight solves the prmoelb. Thanks!
Patsy 01-03-2014 01:52 am xxx.xxx.xxx2.12 (total posts: 2)
0     0

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Zisunkputra 01-02-2014 04:16 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.75 (total posts: 1)
0     0

Juli -Having nearly brkoen my tail bone loose dogs when mixed with horses who aren't trail brkoen. I was riding at the end of a group ride (as a more experienced rider but on a non-tested horse) through Griffith Park in LA. The lead rider had let her dogs off leash and they were all over the place. The dogs came up from the hillside below and spooked several horses, I spun 360 degrees in both directions before getting thrown off..landed on my tail bone. The rider that came back for me thought I had brkoen my leg from the way I landed. I think the worse thing was having to get back in the saddle and endure the 3 hour ride that had just started I had to fight the pain and the poor horse, her nerves were shot from that point forward that injury put me out of the saddle for several months after that .
Part 2 08-18-2011 09:47 am xxx.xxx.xxx2.98 (total posts: 2)
13     17

Also if you take that much offense to it. They could always hire a immigrant to come take your job if it is too hard or waste of time for you. It is your job genius.
Message to Jeremy 08-18-2011 09:45 am xxx.xxx.xxx2.98 (total posts: 2)
13     17

You wait tables in college. Did you expect to be a millionaire dropping off food you do not make? I know if i ordered 8 dollars of food and i left you 2 that's 25% for taking a tray from one side of the restaurant to another. I consider that pretty easy considering you also get paid hourly on top of tips. Waiting tables is not exactly going to put you up there with Donald Trump anytime soon bud
randomguy 07-19-2011 01:11 am xxx.xxx.xxx.220 (total posts: 1)
14     18

Bad movies (and do I mean bad) include: Violent S***(I'm not making that title up), Birdemic, and Dracula: the Dirty Old Man
To Jeremy 07-18-2011 09:34 am xxx.xxx.xxx.132 (total posts: 1)
13     32

2$ on an 8$ check is being a cheapa**. you're wasting this womans time and taking up a table that someone else could be using that has a much higher bill. Percentages are great until you're spending under twenty. Then, you should tip reasonably despite the %. You shouldn't get a coke for $2.50, leave 75 cents and think you've done the right thing by leaving a good percentage. I waited tables in college and there's far too many people like Jeremy that make it miserable. If you wanna save a buck, there's always mcdonalds
Dude That Reluctantly works For Comcast (CSR) 07-13-2011 09:16 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.22 (total posts: 1)
15     18

Hey if you ever need Comcast stuff done right. You should give me a Page on FB. I believe I have your Area. I would have to check the ZipCode. I do have to say though, the most we can probably do is send Refresh signals to your Cable Boxes and Modems. About 60% of the time its enough other times not so much.
Tommy Wiseau 07-13-2011 02:53 pm xxx.xxx.xxx8.10 (total posts: 1)
12     17

The Room is the best movie ever! The drama, the comedy, the story of one man's struggle against an uncaring world.

Ah, who am I kidding, it's awful, funny though. Better than Alone in the Darka at least, they didn't even put a hot girl in the movie for cheap T&A, unless you want to call Tara Ried hot.
Jonah 07-11-2011 07:35 pm xxx.xxx.xxx2.55 (total posts: 1)
16     23

The worst movie of all time is either Vampires Suck, or Meet the Spartans. It's infuriating
ee 07-06-2011 02:00 pm xxx.xxx.xxx.162 (total posts: 1)
14     13

Guess the guy is trying to create another worthless quirky dramedy in the mold of "it's always sunny in philadelphia".

Gabe 07-06-2011 09:21 am xxx.xxx.xxx.225 (total posts: 1)
14     17

You have no grasp of the concept of irony.



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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




2014 NFL Mock Draft - April 23


2014 NBA Mock Draft - April 23


NFL Free Agents - April 22


2015 NFL Mock Draft - April 17


Fantasy Football Rankings - March 28


NFL Picks - Feb. 2





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