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Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011




Jerks of the Week for June 13, 2011


JERK OF THE WEEK: Jamie's Party

My friend Jamie had her graduation party last Saturday. I was already looking forward to it, and then I learned that her house is basically right around the corner from mine. That meant that I could drink as much as I wanted to because I wouldn't have to worry about driving home. As a former collegiate alcoholic, this made me very excited.

Even better though, I came away with 10 jerks from Jamie's party. Here they are:


1. Jamie/Jaime:

Jamie's party started at 4. I didn't get there until 4:25. Why? Because I spent 20 minutes deciding whether to write "Jamie" or "Jaime" on her card.

Names that can be spelled differently really piss me off. Why can't it just be Jamie or Jaime? Or just Lindsay or Lindsey? Or just Cathrin or Cathryn or Cathrinn or Cathrynn or Cathrine or Cathryne or Cathrinne or Cathrynne or Catherin or Catheryn or Catherinn or Catherynn or Catherine or Catheryne or Catherinne or Catherynne or Kathrin or Kathryn or Kathrinn or Kathrynn or Kathrine or Kathryne or Kathrinne or Kathrynne or Katherin or Katheryn or Katherinn or Katherynn or Kattherine or Katheryne or Katherinne or Katherynne?

See, my name's cool. There are no spelling variations. There's no Waltre, or Waltair or Waltter. Or at least none that I know of. Come to think of it, there's probably some pretentious douche bag out there who spells his name Waltair. If so, f*** you, buddy.

Anyway, I tried Jamie's Facebook profile, but that didn't prove to be useful because she goes by a pseudonym. I couldn't find anything on her sister's profile either. I thought about flipping a coin, but what if I was wrong? Jamie would see her name spelled wrong, and she would be crushed on her graduation party of all days. She'd never forgive me, and I'd forever be banished from any future events at her house.

I had one last hope - I could look at the pictures we're tagged in together and hope that someone wrote her name in the comments. Luckily, I finally came across one picture where our mutual friend Man-Eaters (Injured Reserve's fiancee) commented "Oh Jamie..." or something of that nature.

Score! Man-Eaters and Jamie are best friends, so I was 100-percent confident that her name was spelled "Jamie." And sure enough, I confirmed it at the party. Go me.


2. Alcohol Tolerance:

When I was at Penn State, I went out four nights a week. Sure, I spent all my money on beer and liquor, but I had an unbelievably high alcohol tolerance. I could down 10 shots while pregaming and not even feel it.

Now, not so much. Man-Eaters poured me some pink lemonade vodka that she brought to the party (a half-cup's worth), and I mixed it with iced tea, per Injured Reserve's suggestion.

This concoction was very good, but because I had nothing to eat that day, it got me pretty drunk right away. It was like I was some 90-pound girl. Thank goodness there weren't any skeevy frat brothers at Jamie's party to take advantage of me.

The problem with being drunk early at a party, as you may very well know, is that you tend to say stupid stuff while everyone else is mostly sober and remembers it the next day. Well, Man-Eaters was showing us pictures of her 19-year-old sister, a former stripper. I was already on my second drink, so here's how I remember our exchange going down:

Me: Wowww sheeezz hottt.

Man-Eaters: That's kinda weird, she's nine years younger than you.

Me: Sooo what sheezzz hottt.

From what I remember, Man-Eaters' sister was kinda hot, I'm not going to lie.


3. Semi-Fat Chick:

I mentioned a girl named Semi-Fat Chick from Adrienne's party Jerk of the Week entry two weeks ago. She was one of the chicks I rooster blocked from my BFF Josh until he made out with Crazy Horse Girl at the end of the night.

Well, Adrienne wasn't sure who Semi-Fat Chick was. I saw Adrienne at Jamie's party for the first time since posting that Jerks of the Week entry, so we had a conversation about this Semi-Fat Chick.

Adrienne: Who is Semi-Fat Chick? I've been trying to figure that out.

Me: I don't know her name. She was semi-fat. Oh, you're in a picture with her on Facebook.

Adrienne flipped out her phone, logged into Facebook, and then asked me to find the picture I was talking about. I located it instantly.

Me: That's semi-fat chick.

Adrienne: She's not semi-fat!

Me: Yes she is!

Adrienne: No, she's skinny!

Me: Hey, Injured Reserve, is this girl semi-fat or not?

Adrienne gave the phone to Injured Reserve. He looked at the picture and came to a decision within seconds.

Injured Reserve: That girl is definitely semi-fat!

Me: Ha! Told you!

Adrienne: No way...

Adrienne took back her phone and quickly began mashing buttons on it. A minute later, our conversation resumed.

Adrienne: Is this girl semi-fat?

Adrienne gave me the phone. I looked at it, and saw a picture of a hot chick.

Me: No, she's hot.

Adrienne: That's Semi-Fat Chick!

Me: Nah-uh.

Adrienne: It is. She's wearing the same shirt as in the other picture!

Me: No! It's obviously an imposter. Injured Reserve, look at this. Is this the same girl as from the other picture?

Injured Reserve: Hmm... you know, I think it is.

Me: No! I refuse to believe it. Someone obviously hired a stunt double.

I don't know why I refused to believe that they were the same person. After all, the word "semi" means half, so wouldn't it be plausible to say that a girl who's half fat can be half fat half the time? My nickname is even more awesome and apropos that way.





4. Pig:

When I first arrived at Jamie's party, I heard some weird noise coming from her backyard. It sounded like some animal had its leg run over by a tractor, or something. I just assumed that someone was already drunk out of his or her mind, and decided that it would be a good idea to make dying animal noises.

I would later learn, however, that Jamie's family has a pet pig. Or at least that's what I was told. Everyone told me that she had a pig, but I never saw it. It's like that old saying - if someone has a pig, but no one is there to see it, do they really have a pig? What, you've never heard of that saying before?

At any rate, I learned something horrifying that day.

Injured Reserve: Jamie has the type of pig that you can't eat.

Me: What do you mean?

Injured Reserve: Her pig is poisonous.

Me: What?

Injured Reserve: It's not a regular pig. It's black, so it's poisonous.

Remember, I was kind of drunk early in the party, so I thought Injured Reserve was kidding, but someone later also told me that Jamie's pig is indeed poisonous.

I think this is blasphemy. How can pigs be poisonous? God created pigs so we could cook them into hot dogs, bacon and cheeseburgers. It's almost like God saying, "You can only eat so many hot dogs, bacon and cheeseburgers because they're not healthy for you." Yeah, good one, God. As my fat uncle once said, a cheeseburger a day keeps the doctor away. He had a heart attack a few days after he said this.


5. Beer Pong Bouncers:

Beer pong is one of my favorite pastimes, but there's one thing I absolutely hate about it - bouncing.

Shooting a ping pong ball into a plastic cup from across the table takes major skill. Bouncing the ping pong ball into a plastic cup from across the table is lame. And houses that have rules that balls successfully bounced eliminate two cups need to stop playing beer pong all together.

The first beer pong game of Jamie's party featured a battle between Jamie and her uncle against Jamie's sister and grandfather(??). Jamie and her sister shot the ball normally, but the uncle and grandfather bounced on every turn.

Look, they were novices. This was their first time ever playing beer pong, so they can be excused. You know who can't be excused? Anyone ages 18-35 who has played beer pong before.

I forgot to mention this about Adrienne's party. Adrienne didn't have ping pong balls, so she asked me to bring some over. I brought a six-pack of ping pong balls that I bought from Rite Aid. They didn't bounce for some reason, but I was fine with that. At one point during the night, however, this dude in his early 20s made a remark to me about my ping pong balls.

Dude: Those ping pong balls don't bounce!

Me: I know. Isn't that awesome?

Dude: Awesome? I like bouncing.

Me: Ugh. Bouncing is for women and children.

This guy looked at me like he was thinking, "What the hell is wrong with you?" But I stand by my statement.


6. Bad Influences:

The bad influences were us. As we were having fun playing beer pong, Jamie's young cousins (ranging from maybe 6 to 10 years old) observed our intense games.

After teaming up with Man-Eaters to defeat Injured Reserve and Trojan Kegs, we decided to play the 21 Game instead. After a while of playing that, I had to go to the bathroom. As I was walking into Jamie's house, I passed by the beer pong table and saw Jamie's little cousins playing beer pong.

These kids weren't drinking beer, but still - I've never been so proud to be a bad influence. When those kids grow up, go to college and dominate all the beer pong games, someone will ask them how they got so good at beer pong. They'll attribute it to the fact that they started playing at the age of 6 after observing some old fat slob play it one June afternoon in 2011. And that old fat slob is me.

I'm... so... proud... I think I have a tear in my eye.





7. Screen Door:

I had major issues getting into Jamie's house at one point. I was carrying a plate of food and a cup of beer. As I walked toward her front door, one of her dogs started following me.

Holding the cup between my arm and my chest, I was able to open the screen door to let the dog in. However, her screen door closed really quickly, and I didn't have any free hands to catch it, so it slammed right on my foot.

Two guys who were watching TV saw this happen.

Random Guy: Hey, are you OK?

Me (Drunk): Yeah! I'mzzz gooood hic!

My foot hurt at first, but the pain quickly went away - until the following morning. I got out of bed, and I nearly fell over because my foot was throbbing.

But hey - the good news is that I didn't spill my drink or my food going into Jamie's house. I'll consider that a win.


8. Insult:

At one point during the night, Injured Reserve and I ran out of beer, so we went to the keg. The keg was parked next to a table of older people. As Injured Reserve and I were filling beer into our cups, we suddenly heard some woman yell the following:

"That's my mom you're talking about, you lying sack of s**t!!!!"

It was so random because it came out of nowhere. We spent the rest of the night random shouting, "That's my mom you're talking about, you lying sack of s**t!!!!" Or at least I did because I thought it was hilarious.


9. Age:

I should point out that I was the oldest of our group at the party. I'm 28, while everyone else is pretty much between 20-22.

This usually isn't a big deal, but sometimes my references aren't understood. For instance, we observed Jamie's beer pong-playing cousins messing around with toy chain whips at one point during the party. I thought this was amusing, so I tried to make a joke in my semi-drunken state:

Me: Those kids are like Simon Belmont!

*** Everyone gives me a confused look. ***

Me: Simon Belmont. You know, from Castlevania.

*** Everyone gives me a confused look. ***

Me: You know, Simon Belmont, Trevor Belmont, they killed Dracula with whips?

*** Everyone gives me a confused look. ***

Me: Castlevania. You know, for Nintendo.

*** Everyone gives me a confused look. ***

Me: Uhh... Nintendo... Uhh... damn it.

As I was leaving, Trojan Kegs (Jamie's boyfriend) made a joke about my age.

Trojan Kegs: Are you going to Man-Eaters' party tomorrow?

Me: Nah, I can't, my dad's birthday party is tomorrow.

Trojan Kegs: How old is he?

Me: He's 58.

Trojan Kegs: What's that, like 10 years older than you?

No one gets my Castlevania references, and now Trojan Kegs says I'm 48 years old. My knees hurt, my back hurts, and I just applied for life insurance. I guess I am super old. Ugh. Should I just pick out my gravestone now, or should I wait until the winter when they're cheaper?


10. Writing:

The party ended at midnight. After buying two sandwiches at Wawa - turkey and cheese, roast beef and cheese NOM NOM NOM NOM - I came home around 12:20.

It was still early, so I didn't feel like going to bed. I didn't feel like walking all the way back to the bar (near Jamie's house) - I'm old and can't handle the walking, remember? - so in my semi-drunken state, I decided, "Hey, I should work on my book!"

I've mentioned this before, but I'm working on a Jerks of the Week book. I'm basically going to compile all my Jerks of the Week entries and combine them with similar type AIM away messages I used to write during my college years, when I made fun of people who lived on my floor, my professors and random jerks that I saw around Penn State's campus.

At any rate, I still need to edit my collegiate entries, so that's what I drunkenly worked on that night. By 2:30 a.m. I had written about 2,000 words. I went off to bed thrilled, proud of myself that I was able to accomplish so much while intoxicated.

"I ssshould write errthing drunnnkkkk hic!" I said to myself as I crawled into bed.

I awoke the following morning and opened up Microsoft Word to see what I wrote. None of it made any sense. It was terrible. There were incomplete sentences and everything, so I had to re-write all 2,000 words.

The lesson - when you're drunk, it's better just to keep drinking instead of trying to be productive.




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Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
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Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
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Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
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Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
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Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
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Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
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Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 22


2015 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 20


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 5


2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24


2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1


NFL Free Agents





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