Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011
Jerks of the Week for May 16, 2011
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Conspiracy Theorists
Writing online is great because of the instant feedback. Unlike publishing a book or working for a newspaper, I can instantly get praised or slammed for something just seconds after posting it.
That was the case in my Jerk of the Year rant about Rashard Mendenhall. About an hour after publishing it, I received an e-mail from a former military person, thanking me for calling out Mendenhall for being a complete ignorant moron. Throughout the week, I obtained several other e-mails and Facebook messages that sounded pretty similar.
And then there was the other end of the spectrum. Some people, mainly those in the comment section of that particular Jerks of the Week entry, berated me for criticizing Mendenhall because of his right to free speech. This was hypocritical, because in doing so, they were attacking me for my free speech. I guess that's what happens when people sniff glue for five hours and then proceed to use the Internet.
Meanwhile, there were a handful of crazy people who actually believed Mendenhall's claims that a plane couldn't have possibly destroyed the World Trade Center. Two guys, Adam and Lamar, flooded my Facebook wall with ridiculous conspiracy theories. Here were some of their posts:
I nearly lost my mind reading crap like this over the first two days of the week. I never get angry about anything, but I finally snapped on Wednesday:
I've had enough of this nonsense. Every few years, there's a new conspiracy theory that dopes like Lamar and Adam buy into. "America is done!" they chant. And they are always wrong. Fortunately, other idiots buy into these retarded conspiracy theories, which drives the market down a bit. That's when the smart people buy stocks and eventually make lots of money when the market rebounds. It always rebounds.
When the dollar is not in shambles at the end of the year, Adam, Lamar, and others of their ilk will crawl back into their holes and wait until the next moronic, unfounded conspiracy surfaces so they can blindly follow that like the "sheeple" they truly are.
Two quick notes about conspiracy theorists:
1. Conspiracy theorists exist only because these people realize that their existence in the universe is so small and insignificant, that they need to believe there is some omnipotent puppet master pulling all of the strings. It's essentially like some religion - except little boys don't get molested.
2. As you may have noticed, they like to use made-up words like "sheeple." This makes them feel important. They think of these dumb words while eating Cheetos and whacking off to beastiality porn in their parents' basement.
Having said that, I wish I didn't get so mad because Adam and Lamar actually did me a favor. Later that night when I was in the shower - calm down, ladies - I really did some thinking, and I've come up with an awesome conspiracy theory of my own.
Following in the footsteps of the Fall of the Republic creators, I've compiled an extensive documentary, using seemingly impressive, but bogus sources and flashy images.
Behold, my awesome documentary, Rise of the Alien Squirrels!
Narrator: Squirrels. Small rodents that roam our streets. They dig into our trash. They pick up acorns. They climb trees. They're insignificant pests.
Or are they...?
Narrator: Have you ever wondered why all squirrels look the same? You're not alone. Have you ever wondered why there are no fat squirrels? No small squirrels? No baby squirrels? You're not alone. Have you ever wondered where squirrels go at night or during the winter? You're not alone.
*** Close up of the narrator ***
Narrator: Have you ever wondered if squirrels are aliens who plan on taking over the world? If so, you're definitely not alone.
*** Eerie music ***
Confusing voices in the background: Squirrels. Aliens. Squirrels. Acorns. They look the same. No baby squirrels. No fat squirrels. No squirrels at night. Squirrels. Aliens. Squirrels. Acorns.
Narrator: Where did squirrels come from? What is their purpose here? What do they have in store for us?
Adam Dee, author of the book, "All Cheetahs Worship Satan": Why is no one asking these questions? Where do squirrels go during the winter? They don't appear to have wings, so they don't fly south. They don't live in nests. They don't live underground like groundhogs. Where do they go?
*** Eerie music ***
Narrator: The answer may not be below, as in a hole. It might just be above... as in the sky.
Lamar Savitch, author of the book, "Your Toaster Could Be Your Soulmate": It really puzzles me that no one realizes how similar squirrels and aliens look... The only question I have is, "Which planet did the squirrels come from?"
Lamar Savitch: They both have gray skin. They both have deep, black eyes. It's only a matter of time before people begin noticing this, and it's only a matter of time before they enslave us all.
Alex Jones, author of the book, "Don't Eat That Pepperoni Pizza - It Could Be Possessed": Squirrels don't have an alien ship in space. They have an armada of alien ships in space. There's no questioning that. Satellites detected something a few weeks ago. Was it a weather balloon? A helicopter? Or... a fleet of squirrel warships?
*** Eerie music ***
Narrator: But who is behind all this? Who is allowing the squirrels to roam our streets?
Narrator: Could the U.S. President be involved? What does he know?
Confusing voices in the background: Squirrels. Aliens. Squirrels. Acorns. Obama. Teleprompter.
Rashard Mendenhall: There are two schools of thought. One, Barack Obama has a deal with the Squirrel Emperor. The squirrels provide all the energy he'll need to fake more terrorist attacks, and he lets squirrels collect their acorns. The second is much scarier. It's that Obama is a squirrel himself. That would explain his fake birth certificate.
*** Eerie music ***
Narrator: But what is the purpose of collecting these acorns? What does the Squirrel Emperor plan to do with them?
Tom Cruise, author of the book, "Mermaids Will Take Over the World in the 27th Century": Scientists have proven that a single acorn can light up a city for eight years. Imagine what the Squirrel Emperor is doing with hundreds of acorns. He is planning to destroy this planet with his acorn energy.
*** Eerie music ***
Narrator: How long do we have until the squirrels destroy us all? Can our civilization survive? What can we do to stop the squirrels? Buy the full-length DVD copy of Rise of the Alien Squirrels, available for $19.95 on Amazon.com, to find out!
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Crosswalkers
I did stupid things when I was a kid. When I was really young, I smeared cream all over my bedroom wall because it seemed like a good idea at the time. When I was 8, my friend Josh and I fired "cherry bombs" - cherries that we unsuccessfully tried to light on fire with matches - at school buses. And when I was 12, I nearly attempted to diagonally cross a busy intersection on my bike because I didn't understand the concept of crosswalks.
Fortunately, I was with my friends at that moment, and they taught me that you have to cross a busy intersection one street at a time. No wonder I was never invited into the mentally gifted class.
Yes, I was retarded, but I was also a kid. And besides, I know plenty of adults who don't know how to use crosswalks. In fact, I saw three last Monday.
I was on my way to the mechanic to get my headlights fixed - more on that later - when this fat Mexican lady held up the entire intersection because she decided to cross the street when the parallel drivers had a left-turn arrow. The drivers weren't able to turn left because it took her about a minute to wobble over to the opposing sidewalk, so they were stuck in the intersection when the light turned green.
What seemed like hours later, I stopped at the next intersection. I spotted this hot Mexican chick standing on the corner. I'm lucky the light was red because I definitely would have crashed my car trying to check her out while driving.
The light turned green, but I couldn't drive because the hot Mexican chick decided to cross the street in front of me.
Look, I know they don't have any traffic lights or cars in Mexico, but when you sneak into this country illegally, you should at least ask someone how crosswalks work. People say that deer and people on cell phones cause the most vehicular accidents. I disagree. It's illegal immigrants who don't know how to cross the road.
Americans, meanwhile, know how to cross the street. We just do so violently.
On my way back from the mechanic, I stopped at a red light about two minutes away from my house (Bustleton and Byberry, if you live in the Philly area). A car in the lane to my right zoomed past me, blatantly running the red light. This prevented some woman from turning left even though she was halfway into the intersection. She tried to back up her vehicle, but there were already people behind her.
This poor female driver was blocking the crosswalk. Now, this wouldn't be an issue for any sane person. Unfortunately, this ridiculous-looking woman was crossing the street at that very moment. She was an old, fat lady with a white afro. She was wearing a royal blue baseball cap and a light blue t-shirt. She was also carrying two paper bags, presumably concealing bottles of liquor.
When the old hag approached the aforementioned car, she could have just gone around a little bit. Instead, she angrily slammed her fist on the hood of the car twice. She then yelled something at the female driver and continued her journey across the street.
There was no reason for her to be so angry. Unless, of course, she was drunkenly venting her frustration about the pharmacy being sold out of afro combs.
My light eventually turned green, and I drove home. Luckily, I didn't run over any Mexican chicks in the process.
JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: Russian Mechanics
As promised, I'm going to discuss my interesting trip to the mechanic.
I had a headlight problem. First of all, my left headlight wasn't working. More seriously, the glass protecting the headlight was cracked, so I needed that fixed. There's a mechanic right next to my mom's dental office, so she told me that she spoke to them. They asked me to come in around 3, and that's exactly what I did.
I pulled into the mechanic, and I immediately recognized that it was a shady Russian operation. How did I know this? Well, there were angry-looking people with slicked-back hair wearing track suits and smoking cigarettes. All shady Russians wear track suits, gel their hair back and smoke cigarettes. Fact.
Suddenly, this Russian version of Lurch approached my car.
Russian Lurch: Vhat you vant?
Me: Umm... I was supposed to get my headlight fixed.
Russian Lurch: Go cross zee street.
At least that's what I think he said. I looked behind me and noticed a building with a sign that said, "Credit Repair! Hair Salon! Computer repair!" All in one building, eh? Yeah, that's not a front for a Russian drug cartel, or anything.
Before Russian Lurch was able to kick me out, the owner of the place approached me.
Owner: Who send you?
Me: My mom spoke to you earlier. I have to get my headlight fixed.
Owner: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Your mazher say you come.
I handed Russian Lurch my car keys. He pulled my car into the shop and began tinkering with the headlight. After about five minutes, I started to get restless.
Me: How long do you think this will take?
Russian Lurch: Yes.
What? Since when did that become a yes-or-no question? I asked again.
Me: No, I mean how long do you think it'll take you to fix this?
Russian Lurch: Yes.
Ugh. I thought about asking a third time, but I noticed this shady bald guy in a blue track suit leering at me. Was I asking Russian Lurch questions I wasn't supposed to? I thought I'd lighten the mood by saying hello.
Me: Hey, how ya doing?
Bald Man: ...
Bald Man said nothing. He scowled back. I was about to s*** my pants out of fear, when the owner approached me again.
Owner: Vill be ready een 15 minutes.
I went over to my mom's lab to kill some time. Fifteen minutes later, I walked back to the mechanic.
Owner: Car fix. I need to call junkyard to see how much part is cost.
Me: OK. How much do I owe you?
Owner: I call you.
Now, I know what you're thinking - this guy is cool with me owing him money? I don't have to pay him at all right?
See, that just shows me that you know nothing about Russians. If I don't pay him within several days of that phone call, Russian Lurch will put a Russian horse's head in my bed. And chances are the horse's head will have a cigarette in its mouth.
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VTLions
05-22-2011
05:30 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx4.53
(total posts: 5)
 16
 15
Casey, I apologize for being rude...sorry. You're entitled to your opinion, but I don't want mine to be misrepresented. I love this country. I remember tearing up on 9/11 purely out of anger. I would just advise that a purely patriotic, unquestioning approach to viewing the US's actions abroad is to turn a blind eye to a lot of damage we've done...maybe nothing as blatant as the 9/11 attacks, but destructive nonetheless. We live in the greatest nation in the world, but that doesn't mean we haven't done/continue to do some people very wrong.
VTLions
05-22-2011
05:11 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx4.53
(total posts: 5)
15
15
Hey Casey, I didn't defend what Osama did--if you have someone read my comments to you, you'll hear that I called his actions "very evil" and said that his issues with our country do not justify what he did. What I DID do was point out the simplemindedness in treating these situations as completely black and white, with the "good guys" (us) versus the "bad guys" (them). While Osama's actions were horrifying, we as a nation can still try to take a lesson away from it--our actions abroad have an effect on the lives of other people, so much so that they even grow to hate us. We owe it to ourselves, to the innocent people who were murdered on 9/11, and to our international neighbors to learn from these situations--not just wave flags and board up our windows. 600 years ago, guys like you were screaming that the world is flat and burning "witches" at the stake. Read a book.
casey
05-22-2011
04:50 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx4.79
(total posts: 1)
15
11
great page its a shame that people like AdAm C and VTLions exist. defending osama and hitler. osama bin ladan not only orchestrated countless terrorist attacks against western countries but he also killed thousands of arabs. he was a mass murderer and an animal. and did ADAM C just try to defend hitler's killing of the jews? nobody pays attention to you in real life so you spew your crap on the internet
AdAm C
05-22-2011
02:22 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx.179
(total posts: 21)
10
11
mprofetta,
More like red apples and green apples. See example: VTLions, I totally agree. I mean all you have to do is look back at history to see examples. Look at how all those meddling Jews came into (Palestine) and started taking all their (land) and taking over the (trade routes). Can you blame the (Muslims) for fearing they're entire country was soon going be run by those outsiders? I mean no wonder they hated the Jews. If only they had just stayed in (Egypt) and minded their own business. Now (continuous acts of genoicide over 1000 years) was a bit extreme but what's an oppressed nation to do when backed into such a corner. We had no business (after WWII) as Americans bugding into their issues and trying to tell the (Muslims) what to do in their own country. We should have stayed home and saved our nation from a massive war debt. If only our (fathers) were as wise as you VTLions we would have been so much better off. -How you like those apples?
mprofetta
05-21-2011
07:23 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx.217
(total posts: 8)
10
17
@VTLions
Ahhh, finally...an intelligent, sober opinion. Thank you. (P.S. Thundercats reference...NICE.) @AdAm C Nice try, but that's apples 'n' oranges...and you KNOW IT.
golions2011
05-21-2011
04:40 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx.182
(total posts: 1)
10
17
walt I used to love coming to your site to see picks and jotw but ur racism has really let me see the douschebag that you are. I will not be recommending your site or using it ever again.
AdAm C
05-21-2011
02:18 am
xxx.xxx.xxx.170
(total posts: 1)
16
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VTLions,
I totally agree. I mean all you have to do is look back at history to see examples. Look at how all those meddling Jews came into Germany and started taking all their jobs and taking over the media. Can you blame the Nazi's for fearing they're entire country was soon going be run by those outsiders? I mean no wonder they hated the Jews. If only they had just stayed in Israel and minded their own business. Now killing 6 million of them was a bit extreme but what's an oppressed nation to do when backed into such a corner. We had no business as Americans bugding into their issues and trying to tell the Germans what to do in their own country. We should have stayed home and saved our nation from a massive war debt. If only our grandfathers were as wise as you VTLions we would have been so much better off.
VTLions
05-20-2011
09:33 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx4.53
(total posts: 5)
10
9
Love the site, Walt. I think you're a little heavy-handed on the Mendenhall front, though. Do I think Osama did some very evil things? Absoutely. Do I think he probably had some legitimate reasons to dislike our country? Absolutely. The second doesn't justify the first, but I do take issue with folks who try to paint this as "good vs evil", like a friggin Thundercats episode. Everyone hurts everyone, America included. AND, while I don't buy the 9/11 conspiracy garbage, anyone who doesn't hold a certain degree of healthy distrust for their government is a bit naive...remember, it's just a collection of people, and people are dumb.
Alex B
05-19-2011
12:58 am
xxx.xxx.xxx6.68
(total posts: 1)
14
15
So walt, how do you feel about the fact that your mom obviously has connections to the Russian Mob?
BigJon
05-18-2011
10:59 am
xxx.xxx.xxx.252
(total posts: 1)
10
9
Hey all you headstart grads: If you dont like it dont read it.
Funny stuff Walt, apparently Ca nad PA are quite similar, for all the wrong reasons
Adam
05-17-2011
04:35 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx.179
(total posts: 21)
10
11
Truth,
How many religions can you name that haven't used retaliation? "I come not to bring peace, but to bring a sword" (Gospel of Matthew 10:34) -Jesus
Truth
05-17-2011
03:53 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx.126
(total posts: 1)
13
11
You all are simply blind and ignorant if you dont at least try to find the "truth", instead of being spoon fed the "truth". What religion do you fall under that has retaliation as an option, let alone glorifying murder? Shame on all of you.
Warrior
05-17-2011
03:59 am
xxx.xxx.xxx9.36
(total posts: 1)
10
11
No, you didn't make the video but the fact that you are advertising this crap is just as pathetic as the butt-plugs who did make it.
ron jeremy
05-17-2011
02:14 am
xxx.xxx.xxx.194
(total posts: 1)
10
11
search september clues on youtube and you'll get a pretty cool argument on how 9/11 was faked. i didn't make the video so don't jump on me
DKM
05-16-2011
11:35 pm
xxx.xxx.xxx.200
(total posts: 1)
10
16
These Jerks of the Week are getting funnier and funnier. As a conservative Republican, I can really appreciate this sort of political humor, especially the stuff on Mendenhall.
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
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Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
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Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
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Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
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Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
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Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
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Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
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Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein
2013 NBA Mock Draft - May 22
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings - May 22
2014 NFL Mock Draft - May 21
Charlie's 2014 NFL Mock Draft - May 20
NFL Picks - Feb. 3
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